i don’t want to have to deal with getting to know people, i don’t want the irrational insecurities of knowing whether they think i’m annoying or uninteresting, i just want to be friends. the ones who make it easy always find their way around in time, remind me remind me 

i’ve done this so many times, and this city is already familiar, but i still feel overwhelmed. healthy, capable, rational, but overwhelmed

today N texted me and we hadnt spoken since July, the ones that matter may disappear but they are always still there, they’ll be out here next month. i’m excited to feel home in east coast faces

today I texted the person who was my best friend for two years, who is currently in the same city as me, and told them it was for the better if we didn’t hang out. i know this means i am in a better place.

today I text someone else and they didnt reply and it felt good knowing that didnt matter either. the only ones that have ever mattered are the ones that you know are still there, that want to still be there. 

i need to find a place to watch the trains and i need to brush my teeth