Candela:Can I share something with you from earlier today?
Spark:What is it, Can?
Spark:Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
Candela:Because I have to, uh, go out of town for one weekend.
Candela:And so I was, like, I won't give specific dates, but I was like, "Do you have a preference if I go this weekend or the next weekend?"
Candela:Your response. [Both laugh] At 9:30 in the morning... "Mother fuckin' Jesse Eisenberg Jesus chRIST FUCK DUDE MOTHER Fuckin' Facebook movie bulLSHIT JESUS CAN YOU FUCKIN' BELIEVE THIS SHIT".
Candela:No punctuation. Random capitalization. So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
Candela:Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you. "GOD DAMN CREATED FACEBOOK AND FUCKING LAWYERS AND SHIT RIGHT FUCKIN' WINKLEVOSS TWINS GOD DAMN ROWING THE BOAT FUCK YO SHIT I CAN'T EVEN FUCKIN BELIEVE THIS SHIT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT FUCK I JUST WATCHED THIS SHIT FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN".
[Spark is dying with laughter]
Candela:I say, "Spark, You're scaring me."
Candela:An hour passes. You respond, "MOTHER FUCKIN SPIDER-MAN YOU PUT IN THE TIME FUCK PUT IN THE TIME MOTHER FUCKIN BUILT SHIT WITH HIS BARE HANDS FUCKIN BEST FRIEND SHIT JESSE EISENBERG I'm very tired".
Candela:I'm just like, "No problem, man. I'll... I'll do most of the training at the tag-team gym battle today."
Candela:IMMEDIATE RESPONSE. I'M TALKING, LIKE FIVE SECONDS LATER. "NO MAN I'LL JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE ALL DAY SHIT MAN YOU HAVE TO BE SO INTERESTED IN THE SHIT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FUCKING FACEBOOK MOVIE FUCK DUDE I JUST WATCHED IT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN HE FUCKED OVER SPIDER-MAN CRAZY WINKLEVOSS TWINS ROWING TRENT RESIN OAR DID THE SOUNDTRACK FUCK THIS GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK I DON'T LIKE DIE I CAN'T THINK OF WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK ALL I CAN THINK IS THE GUY WHO OLAYED THE GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK".
[Spark is physically wheezing from laughing]
Candela:And then in all capital letters. Two hours later.
“In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round…”
Happy birthday to Samuel Taylor
Coleridge, who was born on this day in 1772! In 1798, Coleridge and his friend
William Wordsworth published Lyrical Ballads, the volume of poetry that
started the Romantic Movement in England. His poem “Kubla Khan; or, A Vision in
a Dream: A Fragment” (excerpted above) is one of the most famous examples of
Romanticism in English poetry. According to Coleridge, he composed it upon
awakening from an opium-influenced dream after reading about Xanadu, the summer
palace of Kublai Khan. He had to leave the poem unfinished because he was
interrupted by a “person
from Porlock” and forgot the rest of the lines.