Mostly, I’m sorry I treated you like wanting things to be nice was small. Because I know that’s what it’s like in there. It’s this thing in your head telling you that you’re weak. That you’re small. But don’t believe it. Okay? Thats, that’s just the story it tells you. Tell yourself a different story. Cause you’re not small. Okay? You’re the biggest thing in my world.
I don’t want to be light and casual with you. I don’t want to pretend that what I feel about you is some stupid, frothy thing that doesn’t matter because it is like the axis that my world turns on. And yeah, we could talk ourselves out of it because this is scary, and hard, and maybe the world is about to end but… If it is then I want us to have something good to hold on to.
To hell with “light and casual”. I don’t want to be light and casual with you. I don’t want to pretend like what I feel about you is some stupid, frothy thing that doesn’t matter, because it is like the axis that my world turns on. And yeah, we can talk ourselves out of it because this is scary, and hard and, and maybe the world is about to end. But. If it is, then I want us to have something good to hold on to. I love you. Why shouldn’t that be something good?
Okay I’m gonna talk for a bit about how much this line broke my heart. Every time we get a glimpse of Carmilla’s backstory, it gets clearer how lonely she’s been for the past three centuries. We learned in the first act that her father was never proud of her in the way Sherman is proud of Laura; he hardly paid attention to her until she was old enough to be married off to some noble guy (a.k.a. Vordenburg’s ancestor). And then here we see Mattie quoting young Carmilla. She goes to this ball hoping to find a friend for once in her life and gets murdered at the tender age of eighteen.
As a vampire, she finally gets someone to pay attention to her, but it’s the Dean, who uses her and takes away everything she loves. Ell is taken from her. Her freedom is taken from her. She gets locked in a coffin for decades.
Then Laura comes along, and everything starts to happen all over again. She’s supposed to take Laura to her mother, but she doesn’t. Why? Because Laura believes that everyone—even Carmilla, who has done horrible things for three-hundred years—deserves better. Laura sees something good in her, which is more than anyone’s ever seen in her for her entire life. But for the better part of it, Carmilla assumes Laura is using her to make her feel better, just like everybody else has.
And that’s why Laura saying “I love you” is so important—it’s probably the first time someone has ever said it to her and meant it. So if anyone needs me, I’ll be over in the corner crying about this.