“…Hagrid was one of the bravest people Harry knew.”
and :) yet :) you :) decided :) to :) name :) your :) second :) child :) after :) a :) man :) who :) raised :) you :) to :) die :) and :) a :) man :) who :) treated :) you :) and :) all :) your :) friends :) like :) shit :) and :) wanted :) to :) fuck :) your :) mom :))))))
Summary: Dan and Phil leave the next Danisnotonfire video up to the fans and they vote for the lip balm challenge.
Characters / Pairing: Dan Howell, Phil Lester
Word Count: 2,139
Warnings: M/M, some serious swearing (I mean, come on guys… It’s Dan we’re talking about here), some bants (meaning banter - lmao it just looks some weird ship name for pants), we got a little bit o’ making out (dayyuuuum but I guess you can kind of assume from the summary??), FLUFFFFFFFF, humour (well idk it depends on if you think it’s funny - personally i think i’m fukin hilarious but idk that’s probs just me), friendstolovers yo
AU where Dan and Phil aren’t married.
Or the one where Dan gets distracted by kissing Phil and forgets to guess the flavour. #friendstolovers
There’s a long pause before Dan finally breaks the silence.
“This is actually happening.”
The camera is on a tripod and rolling, the lights are focused on their faces, and there’s a bag beside each of their feet.
This is actually happening.
They’re sitting on Dan’s bed next to each other and Dan can’t help but feel extremely nervous.
“Hello internet! So last week, we had just returned from New York and couldn’t think of any video ideas. Instead of making an incredibly generic overdone video, we turned to you guys!” Dan explains enthusiastically.
Phil is just nodding along and glancing at Dan every now and then, adding another layer of extra pressure.
“We asked you all to come up with an idea for my next Danisnotonfire video, and the percentage was overwhelmingly outweighed by one specific idea. You’ll never guess what it was…” He trails off, giving the camera an extremely annoyed expression. “A generic, overdone video.”
Phil chuckles from next to him, causing the corner of Dan’s mouth to twitch but he stills it mentally and keeps talking. “We asked you guys for an idea to avoid a generic video, and you guys voted for a generic video.”
“You might want to tell them what we’re doing, Dan.” Phil reminds him patiently, a hint of laughter still in his voice.
Dan shoots Phil a look and retorts, “Calm your titballs there, Lester! I’m getting to it.”
Phil shakes his head and Dan ignores this.
“Today - because an overwhelming 76% of you asked for it - Phil and I will be doing…”
His flatmate drums on the post of Dan’s bed.
“The lip balm challenge!” Dan announces as Phil ends his reckless drumroll.
“I think I’ve seen this before,” Phil comments, looking curiously over at Dan. “Isn’t this for couples?”
“It is indeed,” Dan agrees with a sigh. “Basically, how this will work is person A will put on a blindfold, then person B puts on a chosen flavour of lip balm and locks lips with person A. Person A will have to guess which flavour it is that person B has on.”
“Dan and I went to the dollar store because Dan’s cheap and-”
“I am not cheap!”
“-We bought five different flavours of lip balm.” Phil explains, ignoring Dan’s interjection.
Dan huffs and goes to pull the lip balms out of one of the bags at their feet. “But - of course - we couldn’t go to a bath & body store without Phil buying a thousand bath bombs and facial moisturizers.”
Phil crosses his arms indignantly. “That’s not true! Besides, you like them too.”
Dan smirks as he holds up the lip balms and prepares to name the flavors for the camera. “Touché.”
He holds the lip balms up higher so they are definitely in the shot. “These are the five flavours we chose.”
He hands two to Phil and takes three for himself. “Here I have Rosemary Eucalyptus, Tangerine Lime, and Cocoa.”
Phil checks his lip balms too. “I have Grapefruit Clove and Cinnamon Mint.”
“So - with that in mind - I guess we will begin. Are you ready Phil?”
“Then let’s get started.” Dan turns and grabs the familiar red blindfold from the bag at his feet and looks at Phil. “Who wants to go first?”
“I want to go last,” Phil says quickly. “I want to know what each one tastes like on my lips before I go.”
Dan sighs and his heart starts to pick up pace. “I guess I’ll go first then.”
He hands the blindfold to Phil and turns so that Phil can tie it around his head.
As soon as it covers his eyes, Dan gets a lurch of panic that sparks through his body.
No matter what, there’s no going back now.
He can no longer see anything coming so he has no time to prepare.Taking a deep breath, Dan sticks his palm out with the lip balms he has in Phil’s general direction until he feels their weight relieved from his hand.
Folding his hands in his lap (because what the fuck else is he supposed to do with them), Dan feels his other senses kick into hypersensitive mode.
He’s aware of Phil’s presence, of the racing of his heart beat, of the the blood pumping through his body, he can taste the saliva in his mouth, he can smell the lack of fresh air caused by not opening a window in a while.
Everything is beginning to overwhelm Dan from all of the information his senses are sending his brain.
“Do I just show which one I chose to the camera?” Phil asks suddenly, startling Dan by his spontaneity.
“Er, yeah sure. I’ll edit in a count of how many points we have after we finish filming.” He adds.
Phil goes quiet again and Dan just assumes that he’s showing the camera his choice of lip balm and putting it on.
“Alrighty Daniel, pucker up!” Phil exclaims cheerily.
Dan’s heart trips over itself at the childish words.
He can literally feel the space between them getting smaller and smaller.
His last fleeting thought is, ’fuckity fuckity fuck’.
Then a pair of soft, warm lips wrap around his top one and his brain goes white.
He is too shocked to react, but Phil’s lips move at a perfectly paced tempo, slowly coaxing Dan’s body into reacting.
Dan’s lips twitch against Phil’s and suddenly they’re moving in sync, harmonizing in the beautiful symphony Phil has started.
And fuck this is so good.
Somehow, his hand finds its way to his best friend’s cheek and Dan stabilizes the kiss, relishing the taste and feel of Phil’s lips on his own.
They’re so soft and delicate and Dan’s almost afraid Phil’s bottom lip will just slip right out from between his own, but it doesn’t.
The next thing he knows, Phil’s pulling away and Dan makes what has to be the most mortifying noise of disappointment he’s ever made in his life.
His cheeks flush crimson and there’s just no point in hiding it now.
“What’s your guess?”
“What flavour do you think it was?” Phil repeats.
Dan was supposed to be guessing what flavor of lip balm Phil was wearing.
But he was too caught up in actually kissing Phil than guessing what flavour the bloody ChapStick was.
“I didn’t really get that great of a taste.” Dan admits awkwardly. “Could I get another go?”
Phil laughs and Dan’s ears perk at the sound.
He opens his mouth to speak again when he’s cut off by Phil’s lips connecting with his own.
And he’s sucked right back into Phil’s addictive lip-lock.
Focus Dan! You want to win this thing, don’t you?
Forcing himself to stop twirling in the high that is Phil’s kiss, Dan tries to focus on tactics to get a better taste of the lip balm.
Lick it off.
His stomach flutters at the thought, but it does make logical sense.
Here goes nothing.
Dan slowly lets his tongue venture out and glide innocently along Phil’s lower lip.
And the whine that Phil makes is so fucking hot.
Swallowing a groan, Dan gently sucks Phil’s bottom lip into his mouth, licking it with long, precise strokes.
He definitely recognizes that flavour.
A small moan - so small Dan almost can’t hear it - is released from Phil as Dan sucks skillfully on his lower lip and Dan literally has to pull himself away so he doesn’t jump Phil then and there.
Their lips disconnect with a soft popping sound and Dan resists the powerful urge to lean back in.
That can wait for another time.
Instead he clears his throat and says, “That was definitely eucalyptus. Whatever that eucalyptus flavour was, it was that one.”
“Rosemary Eucalyptus?” Phil muses.
“Yeah sure, whatever.” Dan waves it off.
He holds his breath as Phil is silent for a moment.
“I… I think you’re right…?”
“I’m right. I know eucalyptus when I taste it.” Dan says confidently.
“Should I move onto the next one?”
“Alright. How many am I doing again?”
“Right. Well, I’ll tell you when I’m done, okay?”
“Fine by me.”
And Dan’s forced to wait again.
He can’t help but wonder why he’s always refrained from kissing Phil.
He knew deep down he was scared. Not because of sexuality or fans or anything like that, but scared of losing Phil.
Before Phil is anything, he is Dan’s best friend and Dan would cry himself to sleep every night if Phil left him.
It’s sad, but it’s the truth.
“Phil, I- mmfph.” Dan begins to express these thoughts to him when he’s - again - cut off by Phil’s lips and he nearly passes out.
How does this get better every single time they do it?
He goes for the tongue quicker this time, opening his lips against Phil’s and gently tugging his lower lip into his mouth, the slow suction releasing a strong flavour of cinnamon.
Dan immediately pulls away and gags, coughing as he turns to face away from Phil.
“Are you alright, Dan?” Phil asks worriedly.
Dan doesn’t respond, instead attempting to swallow away the overwhelming flavour.
Once he can speak again, he chokes out the word, “Cinnamon.”
Phil gives him the point.
Eventually - by the time they’re switching - Dan’s blindfold is untied and he flinches at the bright lighting, giving his eyes a moment to adjust.
Phil offers him the blindfold and Dan smiles and takes his, tying it gently around Phil’s head and securing the knot.
“Fifty shades,” he says in a false husky tone as he finishes.
Phil barks out a laugh and Dan chuckles as well, mentally going through his lip balm options.
Which will Phil not guess?
He settles with Cocoa and holds it up to the camera to show the viewers. He is then uncapping the lid and putting it onto his lips until they’re slick and flavourful.
Dan turns to look at Phil and warn him of his advance, but his eyes soften when he sees the sight presented to him.
Phil is sitting in front of him with his knees pulled up underneath him in a cross-cross position and a cute smile spread across his lips.
For this reason, Dan has no trouble crawling forward on hands and knees and connecting their lips softly.
Phil squeaks in surprise and Dan chuckles breathily through his nose.
After a few seconds, Phil gets more adventurous and rolls Dan’s bottom lip between his teeth to get the flavour off of it.
He literally moans.
And his cheeks flush with embarrassment, but Phil doesn’t seem bothered by this at all, instead continuing the action with more confidence, leaving Dan in a wrecked state when he pulls away to answer.
“That’s chocolate,” Phil announces, wiping his lips on the back of his hand.
Dan pouts. “You weren’t supposed to get that.”
“I thought it was cinnamon at first, actually. Then I realized it was richer and I knew it was chocolate.”
Dan nods, tasting some off of his lips. “Alright Phil, I’m about to choose the next one so I need you to be quiet, which I know is quite challenging for you.”
Phil sticks his tongue out at Dan and the brunet laughs.
Holding up the Grapefruit Clove flavour, he makes sure that it’s focused and visible.
He applies it to his lips and crawls forward to press them to Phil’s.
Phil - clearly not expecting this - turns his head and they bump noses.
“Fuck!” Dan exclaims, clutching it as he retreats.
Phil cringes and grabs at his own too. “Ouch! You could’ve warned me, Dan.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to turn your head, you acorn!” Dan retorts, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Phil sighs and Dan softens a bit.
“… I’m sorry,” he says quietly.
A small smile finds it’s way onto Phil’s lips and Dan’s heart stutters.
“It’s alright, Dan. I should’ve waited for your cue to move anyway.” Phil consoles, reaching out for Dan’s shoulder blindly.
Dan snickers and moves so that it does.
“I’m going to go for it now, if you’re cool with that?”
And Dan leans forward, colliding heaven and Earth once again as their lips meet.
He melts into the kiss and they slowly begin to morph into more lip-sucking (purely for the tasting aspect of course…) and lip-rolling.
Dan even gives into the urge to lean back in and peck Phil’s lips a last time before pulling away.
They play this game again after the video is finished, as well.
They claim it’s to taste all of the flavours, but they both know very well that this is a load of massive horseshit.
Fuck cherry lip balm, Dan’s new favourite flavour is Phil.
This is discourse af but I’m not putting it under a read-more because it needs to be brought to attention.
WTF. Who tf do you antis think you fucking are? What is wrong with you? Are you that inhumane, that cruel, that sadistic and fucked up in the head that’d you’d actually do something this wrong?
All the sh3ithers want to do is have a month dedicated to a ship they love, just like you guys are trying for pride month and you have to shit on them! Really?
What is wrong with you? Why can’t you just leave them alone? They’re not hurting you. They’re not invading your tags. They haven’t even started anything. All they want is one nice thing for themselves and yet you can’t even let them have this?
How sick can you be? This is horrible. They’re not bothering you. They’re not doing this to spite you. How can any of you antis say that you don’t bully or harass people but yet you’d do something this horrendous?
You’re making fake submissions for their month and reposting their calendar and making jabs at the prompts. You’re refusing to let them celebrate something that brings joy to their lives and you feel nothing but pride and happiness?
Are you even human? You can’t be because no human can be this cruel. Anyone who is doing this brings shame to the whole human race. You things don’t even have the right to call yourselves human anymore because you can’t be. Not acting like this. This isn’t right. I understand you hate sha/adin but there has to be a line. There has to be.
Are you mad because she1th made it on the fandometrics? Are you angry because you liked b3x but turns out she was never one of you things so you had to disown her and make a big shitstorm over a few comments?
Are you taking your anger and fustrations out? Is that why you’re doing this? Are you so petty and jealous that you’d literally try and destroy something that is meant to bring joy to others?
This event isn’t for you. You guys block all the sha/adins right? So that means anything remotely sha/adin wouldn’t appear on your dash. That’s what you always preach, isn’t it?
How many of you have said that you stay in your lane and even though you despise it, you don’t go looking for a fight? How many? I even had an anti say to me that they don’t harass anyone. What’d they do after that? Made a post mocking sh3ith month.
Why can’t you just block it and move on? Why do you have to destroy it? Why do you have to ruin it? Why do you have to be jerks about it?
I know you hate it. You’ve all made that abundantly clear but why is this necessary for you to do? How’d you feel if you saw everyone doing this for k1ance month?
What am I saying? You wouldn’t feel anything because you wouldn’t care. You don’t view the rest of us as anything but shit. Anyone who doesn’t label themselves as an anti means nothing to you. We are disposable. We are replaceable. When you see us, you don’t see people. You don’t even see anything standing in front of you. To you, we may as well not exist.
How can you antis be that way? Be that heartless and unfeeling? There are people behind those usernames. We are not defined by a ship. You don’t even know us but yet you have the gall to dictate what we are because of something fictional? Because of something that means absolutely nothing to nobody. Because of a cartoon.
Sh3ithers never did anything to hurt you. They never went after you. They never harassed you. After everything, you have done. After everything you have put them through, only a few of them have ever sunk to your level. Only a few have chosen to fight back.
What your doing isn’t right. It isn’t normal. Why choose to be this way? Because of fictional characters? What are you really fighting for? When you look back at this one day, 10 yrs from now, are you really going to feel proud about what’ve you’ve done? Are you really going to be proud, remembering all the damage you were responsible for?
Sure you have your own friends who agree with everything you say and attack with you, but you antis are not the majority. There are more sha/adins and neutrals then there will ever be of you. The majority, which is us, hates you. We despise you. Maybe not as much as you despise us but we still see your existence in this fandom as a problem.
Even the creators and va’s of voltron, the people who make the show what it is, hate you. You disowned most of the cast because they didn’t agree with your views. You made them fearful of interacting with the fanbase because they know one slip-up will land them in hot water.
The only ones who are left are Steven and Jeremy but how long will it be until one of them says something that doesn’t fit your views? After all the hints he’s given for klance, you’re going to disown him to? Just like that? Turn your back on someone you liked because of something so simple?
What then? You’ll have nothing left but each other but since all you can do is focus on the negative, how long until you start poisoning each other?
Some former antis have managed to leave your side and they all tell the same stories. They could never be themselves and be free because you policed their every move. You forced people into your views. You took away their freedom for your own reasons.
Some people are still stuck on your side because they are too scared to leave because they know if they do, you will be after them. It’s like a cult. A group with the same ideology and once one wants to leave, the others turn and do anything to get them to return. If they don’t, they’re out for blood.
I just don’t get why it’s so hard for you to stay away from us? I mean, this is your fandom too, unfortunately, and you have a right to stay but how come you can’t stay in peace? Why is every day a mission to further disintegrate this fandom further? Isn’t it tiring? Isn’t it exhausting? Don’t you ever just want to give it up?
You can’t change this fandom. When you preach your points and views for all of us to hear, all you’re getting is echoes in return. No one is changing for you. Not the creators, not the va’s and not us. You’re wasting your time here because the only ones who give a shit about anything you’re saying is your little group. And that’s nothing compared to the rest of us.
You are allowed to be here. You are allowed to stay. You are allowed to watch and enjoy the show with the rest of us. You are allowed to complain about the show. You’re allowed to voice discomforts just like the rest of us do. But what you’re not allowed to do is treat us like we’re nothing because of it.
You are not better than us because of a ship. I’d say vice-versa but I’d be lying considering how low you stoop. You do not get to treat us like this. You may have your reasons but they don’t give you any right to act like this. No one should be acting like this.
K so I needed a new wallpaper/background/whatever they’re called for my phone, and I couldn’t find what I wanted. So I spent like an hour playing in paint.net and this is what I ended up with. I would have liked a cooler gradient, and there are definitely some parts I wish I knew how to fix (Anthy’s sleeve + Utena’s hand looks like I forgot to clean that up but it’s just a big puffy sleeve wtf Akio why does your school have such puffy sleeves, my roses aren’t perfectly straight).
Please let me know what you think, I have no idea what I’m doing.
“Your ears are twitching, something wrong, Jackie?”
Gabriel asked quietly.
Strike commander Jack’s graying ears twitched with
continued annoyance and his tail kept curling and uncurling in obvious anxiety
or pent up energy. Gabriel had prided himself in picking up Jack’s emotional-ticks
years back, especially when they had become dependent on each for emotional
support with the formation of Overwatch and Blackwatch.
Jack had been sitting quietly at his desk for the past
hour and his ears had started twitching slowly and built of speed and nervous
jerkiness until finally his worried made him say something.
Oh man this is just. Oh man. Like, wow. okay. Where is the gif of that white guy awkwardly blinking? I need it, I need the name of that meme like now. Anyway…
At FIRST I thought the SC fans had officially earned the biggest reach of the year in this fandom, with that post finale theory about Caroline dying to be with Stefan. But this? BUT THIS? I just…gurl, I just…wait let me sit down for a minute. Brb.
Okay that actually took five minutes but I’m back. Moving on.
“However long it takes” is an iconic line from Klaus/KC, you know the context, we all know the context, that it was said right after the other iconic line “I intend to be your last”, pretty obvious romantic undertone there. So for you to say it’s platonic as if you have receipts for this claim, is kind of ridiculous. You’re claiming something that was obviously romantic is platonic based solely on your denial, while having the nerve to call it fact as if you’ve got some kind of backup to run by. I mean, I know we all grew up being told to respect opinions so, I hope you can respect that I went WTF at your opinion?
I’ll tell you exactly the way you told us. You’re taking an unrealistic and inconsistent spin on the letter given all that’s happened to Klaus and Caroline. And no offense but were you just trolling? Please say yes, it would make your entire post less embarassing.
Even if you had made a decent argument to throw in the tag, I would’ve thought wow she’s got a point although it’s irrelevant to the tag. But you actually set yourself up to be DRAGGED with this Emmy Award for bull shit of the year?
And who fucking cares about Camille hallucinations, the bitch was the last person he was involved with so it’s not like that has anything to do with him moving on in the future. You have an unrealistic idea of love if you think your fictional characters aren’t going to move on in the next five to ten years.
I mean IS2G klaroline could have a honeymoon in Italy and you 12 Camille stans along with SCers would still be posting metas saying it’s just platonic. Get the FUCK over it, your ship is DEADDDDDDD. DEAD 💀 DEAD AS FUCKKKKKK.
I wouldn’t even care if you posted in the KC tag if you at least had brought some good tea. I’m a sucker for that petty drama and shit, and I’ll respect antis as long as it’s good.
But bitch WTF was this sad attempt of tea? It’s like you boiled the hot water but forgot to add the leaves and sugar. There’s all kinds of YouTube tutorials on how to do this and yet your lazy ass still chose to try it yourself the first time, feeling all confident, when in reality you failed. You have FAILED US ALL. Eddie Murphy’s voice is being released from Mulan’s red dragon just to tell you he ran out of dishonours to give.
For fucks sake your favourite dead blonde looks like Mrs Potts from beauty and the beast herself and yet you STILL couldn’t honour her name by making some decent ass tea.
Get this H2O out of my face and please don’t come @ KCers again until you pull the delusion right out of your ass. Goodnight and God Bless.
I thought the whole “shipping” thing on tumblr was a joke but y’all actually have shit go down about who fictional characters are paired up with and I love every single one of you for it you crazy fucks
So uh… what is this “sensitive material” horseshit plaguing my Tumblr? I’m looking through and whatever bot is trolling all the blogs and picking what is “sensitive” is doing the opposite of what it should be doing? Say, if I look through my blog, entirely squeaky clean shit is being tagged, but “sensitive” (and I mean only sensitive if you are Hyper-Prude Extraordinare™) shit I might concede is totally free and clear.