...like clockwork

clockwork-mockingbird  asked:

Just rural area things: running over a snake den with a lawnmower and cursing while you flee from copperheads

OH NOOOOOOO!!

When I was a wee thing of about 10, we went to visit m Ohio family  at their “campground”  which was really more of a trailer park surrounding a reptile, bug and angry swan-infested sump, but baby Gallus thought this was AWESOME.  Spent the whole trip catching frogs and turtles and a Wolf Spider the size of my palm which damn near gave Aunt Mickey a heart attack.  Sorry.

However, I had grown up in the relatively venomous snake-free cradle of the CA coast, so I had no natural aversion to reptiles, much less knowledge of what the eastern ones looked like.

So you can see how I thought that the dark gray and kind of dusty-looking snake coiled up perfectly still outside Mrs. Bolghet’s trailer was an unusually realistic-looking lawn ornament, and I leaned down to get a better look at the detailing.

Cousin Jay Jay remembers watching me “Do A Fuckin’ Ninja Flip” to Back The Fuck Up as the Cottonmouth, in a perfectly reasonable response to having some freaky-ass mammal in it’s face, lunged at me.  I remember thinking “huh, their mouths really are white’ as it rustled it’s ass back into the lake and I waited for my heart to start beating again.

Jay Jay, realizing that there were some gaps in my outdoor knowledge, spent the rest of the afternoon with me, marching about the woods and identifying various plants and bugs and SNAKES out of his Boy Scout handbook until he was reasonably satisfied that I wasn’t going to die in the woods, and cajoled the turtle-hunting secrets out of me.  

(The secret is to look for the tiny triangle-shapes their noses make when they poke out of the water, and you have to spot them a good 30 feet off or they’ll see you first and run off.  Then, you move extra slow.  Ever see a heron standing on one leg as it takes literally 10 minutes to put the other foot down?  like that.  once you’re close enough, lower hands to the SIDE of the turtle, so you’re going to have  a good grip it can’t kick out of, then grab it with your jedi-like reflexes and lift UP immediately.

Then you can carry the snapper back to the campsite and wake up your uncle by using the turtle to bite his beer can in half and make him scream like Fay Wray while you and your cousin howl like gibbons on nitrous oxide.

You will be grounded but it is totally worth it.)

this happens every time in wlw fandoms! 

a white wlw show/ship gets popular, and it also happens to be (unsurprisingly) racist as fuck. wlwoc (and people of color in general) boycott it or criticize it, only for white wlw to ignore their criticisms, make fun of them, or accuse them of being homophobic/misogynistic. let’s keep in mind that these characters are played by straight white women most of the time. so these white wlw glorify these shows and ships and the actresses who play them for months, and months, and months. this happens with every new wlw show or ship. 

and then, of course, as always, it turns out that the show is also homophobic (killing off a character or ending a ship or something) and that the cast, particularly the two female actresses who play the wlw, are homophobic. and these white wlw then grab their pitchforks and call for boycotts and what not. meanwhile we wlwoc just sit unsurprised because we know there’s no point to watching these bullshit shows and we know that if a show is racist it’s probably homophobic as well, but of course it doesn’t matter to these white wlw until something happens that personally affects them. it’s like, we warned you, and we always do, but you never listen until your own feelings are hurt. yet you won’t ever admit to the show’s racism or your own racism, lol. 

it’s a self fulfilling cycle. wlwoc, don’t bother at all with white women and don’t try warning them because they’ll never listen. 

5

Eliminating Kirin Jindosh hurt more than any of the other targets. Either way, it was destroying a brilliant mind. I’m glad I found that newspaper outside Breanna Ashworth’s office, for some peace of mind

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