.... 8 year olds dude

STORY TIME

When I was in elementary school and Pokemon card collecting was at its height, I had a crush on Misty. One day during aftercare, while looking through decks with friends, some older kid approached us and said “Hey…you guys wanna see the naked Misty card?”

All of us were like, “What?? No way, you’re lying.” And he said, “Naw, it’s true. It’s banned but you can get it from Japanese packs.”

Dude, we were fricken 8 years old and our basic understanding of a titty was a circle with a dot in the middle so of course we said yes.

The kid looked all around to make sure no counselors were watching, and pulled out the card (pictured on the left) from his pocket, to our collective gasps.

It’s embarrassing to say, but seeing that animated sideboob was probably second only to Kate Winslet in Titanic in terms of blowing my preadolescent mind. Misty was (in retrospect) my first anime waifu. Some of the kids asked if they could trade him for the card, but he was adamant in keeping it, claiming that it was super rare and ordering us to tell NO ONE about it. He returned the card to his pocket and walked off, no doubt to expose more children to the tiddy.

I think I spent all of the following summer buying Japanese blister packs in an effort to find that card. Eventually I moved on and forgot all about it. It wasn’t until the advent of the internet that I discovered the card’s name was Misty’s Tears. The card on the right is the English version they released years later.

I don’t really have a conclusion to this story other than that seeing this was probably the closest experience I’ve had to being shown the proverbial Playboy on the playground.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

TOM PRESTON!

vs

TIM B^UCKLEEEEEY!

BEGIN!

Tim Buckley:

I had to stop gaming for this so prepare for domination. 

My raps will grow faster than your gut and your inflation. 

I’m a hardcore gamer main character of C-A-D

My webcomic spawned a cartoon while you’ve done nothing with your degree.

So you’re a cartoonist? You could have fooled me! 

My dick’s more popular than S-Y-A-C!

So take a swing at this you beta blue bear scrub!

You may be a cartoonist but at least I have a job!

Tom Preston:

STOP. DOING. SEXIST. CRAP!

I can’t believe I had to endure such a mind numbing rap!

You want to pit your artistic skills against the likes of me?

Sure I can’t draw hands but at least I don’t Ctrl+V.

I defend women. You showed a child your dong!

8 year olds, dude. That couldn’t be any more wrong. 

Check your privilege, Buck. This is a battle you cannot win.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to play some Skyrim. 

Tim Buckley:

Run back to your fantasy dragon quests

It’s better than bitching about high heels and large breasts. 

How long does it take to finish that dungeon mission?

Because I’ve sat here for months waiting for my commission. 

Face is Dobbles, your artistic future looks bleak. 

Get some exercise and learn to take a critique. 

Tom Preston:

I’m going to spell this out to you at my own pace. 

I’m the worst foe you can face so choke that you sexist disgrace! 

Who needs a job when you can be your own boss? 

This battle’s done. I won.

*Tips fedora*

Sorry for your loss. 

WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

EEEEEEEEEEPIC RAPBATTLESOFHISTORYYYYY!!!!!

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Some of y’all wanted to hear about my pure chush so,, here it is. tbh I’ve been thinking about writing a scenario based off of this for a while (and I might actually still do it if i find the right person to write it about) bUt I was in Toronto last year for Easter right before the Civil War movie came out and there was this boy on a bridge close to the CN Tower dressed as spider-man and doing parkour and shit on top of the bridge as kind of like a street performance type thing and my younger brother was wearing a Captain America hoodie and this dude,,, deadass shouts at my 8 year old brother from ON TOP OF a bridge “Hey, it’s Captain America! SOrry I stole your sheild, man!” and i can’t remember what else he said but i remember he was totally in character and so into it and genuinely enjoying himself like,, i need me a man like that. like idk a single damn thing about him or even what he looks like but i still have a crush on him a year later lol. if any of you go to Toronto,, and you’re by the CN Tower,, keep an eye out for my man

beastcallisto  asked:

I'm totally okay with them leaving Star Wars though. The Jump Street vibe wouldn't have fit with Han Solo. And Rogue One got plenty of reshoots as well, iirc, and that turned out super fine. So, this is good news to me.

oh i’m not worried about them leaving because i love their storytelling style so much, not at all! and i’m sure if the rumors are true that ron howard might fit the tone better and we might get decent movie

what i’m worried about is that they let them pitch the movie to the studio, work on the script, the studio gave them gigantic budget, they started to shoot the movie, they shot the movie for almost 6 months AND NOW they see it doesn’t work. that is tragic.

it’s like you put 8 year old into a car and tell him, drive my dude, so he does, he hits the gas pedal, you’re driving down the streets like maniacs and right before you hit the wall, you think, oh shit this maybe wasn’t the best idea and try to climb from the passenger seat to pump the brakes

i’m worried about how they’re running the bilions dollars worth property we all love so much

A morbid description of how obese people with diabeetus suffer silently and the psychological damage they inflict to people around them.

One of the things i have rarely seen posted on tumblr about obesity is the effects of diabetes and im stumped how fat people dont even care about it and dont even know the consequences. I lived my early years of my life in a very poor country where fast food is cheap and most people survive on fast food. Most of the people are highly diabetic and overweight. Most of the food they eat is fried stuff and the biggest favorite of all: soda! In the US, i dont see anyone talking much about diabetes, they put it out there but they rarely mention how it is capable of destroying your body. I want to try and avoid posting a story but i will post a typical event from my country that I witnessed and still happens and try to relate it in a non-story way as much as possible, please forgive me if it looks more like a story.


I was 8 years old, young and dumb and i remember the 210kg dude in a wheelchair living on the ground floor below us. He had a wife and 2 young kids but all he would eat is fast food and deep fried shit. He was a wife beater and his wife was kind of forced to obey his fat ass commands. The dude got diabetic apparently a few years ago and he was on a wheelchair all the time, and for some reason, he was missing a left leg (down from his left knee to his toes were missing) and his other leg was extremely bruised and bleeding, looked like a road accident fresh from 1 hour ago. I asked his kids one day and they said that he was a pirate. Dumb enough at 8 to believe that, i thought he worked on a ship and got into an accident. Sometimes at night we would hear him scream his lungs out, cursing and being very loud from their house. At that point my parents had ordered the three of us not to go out and not to look out of the window. Funny thing, the neighbours would tell their kids the same thing. We wanted to look out but we didnt, as we were scared by that guy screaming.


In those moments, i remember a very distinct smell of death that went through the walls and ceiling. It smelled as something much worse than a dead raccoon, something so strong it left a cold feeling on your spine. The adults in the neighbourhood would go and visit that house and sometimes stay there for hours. The next morning our parents would tell us nothing. It was a complete mystery what was going on and as the months flew by, i assumed he was just sick or an alcoholic and was a wife beater. I never really understood what was going on until one day i was walking down the street to join my friends to play soccer, i noticed the dude sitting on a bench in an almost isolated spot in the sun and his wife and 2 kids were kind of shielding him from being seen. I couldnt see much but i did notice one of his kids holding a small bucket below his missing leg and a yellow stick was sticking out of his knee of the left leg. I immediately knew that was no pirate leg-stick, it was his fucking bone coming out of his knee and it was yellowish green in color, had oozing liquids coming out and his bone looked like powder was falling off from it into the bucket. The skin was black and yellow, bleeding and some weird looking burst open sores leaking plasma-like liquid. The other leg was maybe worse, didnt have a missing calf but the shape of the leg was deformed, as if something had been chewing at it for days. It had a huge black and yellow open flesh wound that stretched from the knee down to the ball of the foot. His right foot had shrunk down and looked grey with lot of grey dead skin all over it. I dont even think maggots would be able to live in that. The wife was applying some powder and cleaning the sores. When i saw his leg bone (that front bone on your lower leg that hurts when its struck) it seemed like it was splitting and could be seen from the wounds. At the same time, i got a whiff of that same smell of death and quickly understood where that smell came from all this time.


The guy was crying, clearly in pain and his kids and wife looked mortified. I didnt know what to do, i panicked for a second and headed back home trying to understand what i saw. My mom was at home that day and i told her what i saw and asked her questions. She looked disappointed and told me to ask my dad when he gets home. When my dad got home, i demanded the truth. He told me that fat dude was diabetic due to too much sugar in his food and soda that the thick blood somehow caused an artery damage that wasnt feeding blood to his left foot. That was a year ago and the foot started rotting and necrotizing tissue started to consume his foot. He went to the hospital but they were reluctant to do an amputation as they said his blood sugar was so high that there was a risk of the wounds from the amputation to necrotize as well, the only way is for him to start controlling his diet, lose weight and reduce sugar levels so that amputation could be done. But the fucker didnt, he went full retard on the sugar that later on his right foot started rotting even more and the gangrene started to spread even more on the other leg. Nobody really knows what happened to his foot and how it got cut off but the neighbours speculated that he was so angry about it that he cut it off himself with the help of his wife and kids.


Fast-forward a week later, we could hear him scream out loud again, except this time he was smashing things around and his kids were crying in terror. Even from a wheelchair we could hear him cursing the wife and hitting her with something. It became intolerable so our parents once again went down and luckily the door was unlocked. I remember my dad saying he has never seen so much blood and pus lying around and the horrible death smell made him gag a few times and once they restrained the guy, we called the ambulance. My dad and another neighbour went with him in the ambulance and apparently they found out that the necrosis has started to spread to his lower abdomen THROUGH HIS FUCKING THIGHS and could start attacking organs. His bone on his left leg was apparently powder, his kneecap was a powder like substance and they had to intervene immediately. 1 week later he was discharged from the hospital but had his whole left thigh amputated. Doctors mentioned to his wife that it had to be done to stop the spreading of gangrene but at the same time, his blood sugar was very high that there was a 95% chance the wound from the amputation would never heal and become gangrenous and would spread all over his body. Even my dad’s voice trembled as he was saying it, the whole neighbourhood had suffered a trauma from that incident.


Just a week later, we heard the yelling again but this time he was more violent and started throwing things out of the windows and smashing everything. He was in a lot of pain, his voice cracked as he was yelling. Once again, the adults in the neighbourhood were ready to go help again, but this time they saw the dude’s wife scram out of the door and she had a bloodied face and her kids were crying. She put them in their car and took off. We called the police and the ambulance, when they came they strapped him up. As they were loading him on the ambulance, he died on the spot. After the sudden calm, we all got out, all we saw was a dead body with a bloodied and oozing leg on a stretcher.


Today when we hear the word diabetes, we take it for granted that its bad. But when i hear it, it brings back this unforgettable trauma and is the reason i avoid sugar. That incident has left a scar on the neighbourhood, and in our minds. We heard about the wife and kids later on. The wife went into depression and died of some unknown disease. The kids were adopted by another family and we never heard from them again.

this is amusing to me.

i have no skin in the game, i don’t give a flying fuck about Dr Who.

the last time i watched an episode of Dr Who was when i was roughly 8 years old watching old episodes my mother had recorded, w/ this dude:

that’s the only Dr Who for me, but I don’t really care.

but i’m seeing so many articles about it, it’s so funny.

and they’re all “MEN BTFO”. written by men, of course. 

except for the one i saw that said it should have been a woman of color.

i wonder why these people are bothering at this point.

they’re acting as if it’s 2016.

anonymous asked:

one of the guys that ran my year 8 camp when I was there was a weird old dude and he kept asking kids whether they had "punched the nuggets" (a weird way of saying taken a dump) and he would usually hang out around the bathrooms in free time

he really liked saying “punch the nuggets”

I’ll admit it, I don’t really understand why people love Vine sooo much and some practically worship Vine “celebrities” like Nash Grier. My friend will show me some, laughing her butt off and I’ll just be with a straight face. I’ll be honest, some of the vines I’ve seen are actually really cool or funny. But those make up probably about 10% of all the Vines I’ve ever seen. The rest are bratty kids trying too hard, jokes that aren’t funny at all, and just conceited-looking people who just care about their mug being on camera. The worst part is that some of these Vines are vulgar and obscene, which I think is awful because from my experience, most Vine users are young teens or even kids. I see my cousins who are 8 years old watching some dude grinding to furniture or cussing and I get disgusted that there isn’t at least a filter on these things. 

TL;TR- I think some Vines are funny and cool, but the majority are people who try too hard. I find Vine to be childish and annoying, and I think they need filters to protect the younger users from seeing inappropriate content.

WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE... BUT

So today I found out that my coworker is a fucking racist ass bitch. After last night I was all up in my Richonnes feels, so naturally I woke up this morning wanting to share all of that goodness and tell the world that Richonne is cannon (literally, my neighbor while leaving the house this morning, the girl standing in front of me at Starbucks, Joe the security guy at work). While also sharing my love for my other ships Bamon, Westallen, Ichabbie I even talked about Olicity who is already official up in this bitch. I was all over the damn place.

So I got to work all smiles and all happy, until this hoe came over and asked me why I was so happy, I told her because I just saw the best episode of TWD, then she was like “oh so you watch TWD” I said yes then she said “yeah it was a nice episode but the whole Michonne and Rick thing what was that all about?” look I am like one of these people who is ok with someone not liking my ships, but I sure will try to convince you to jump ship and come to this side of the boat. So I asked her why she didn’t like the pairing just to see what I have to work it. Ok before I go any further, keep in mind that my kids hang out with her kids, I go out clubbing with this bitch; her daughters 8 and 15 are in the same cheer team as my 15 and 8 years old girls respectively, she is married to a Hispanic dude name Jose. So I thought I knew this bitch ok. Until her answer to the question was “because she is BLACK”.

Everything went black, because only the lord knows how I wanted to shoved that stapler down her fucking throat. I gave her that look that says bitch you better get out of my fucking face right. Then she said “well I believe that certain races should not get together”. I was like bitch you married a fucking Jose mother fucking Gonzales, she was like “well he is not black now is he”. So I am getting up right cause I am about to punch a bitch in the face, our other coworker Carol who was listening in to the conversation who is white also came over and pulled me away. So I told her ok so let me guess, this whole time we’ve been hanging out, you coming to my house almost every fucking weekend to chill and have a couple of beer. Our kids getting together to practice and our husbands hanging out, you mean to tell me you were racist this whole time? I was like girl you need to go into acting because WOW. She said “don’t get me wrong I don’t hate black people, I don’t have anything against you, I just don’t think that it is ok for two different races to mingle, it is just not natural”. So Carol was like “wow Hun there is something wrong with you, you need some help… no you need Jesus” I wanted to tell her well I guess when you look at your kids you must be really disappointed because them kids don’t look white to me, then I was like no because you know I have kids and it’s not ok to talk about people’s children like that. So I left it alone and just walked away. Plus nothing could take away my joy today, not even her racist ass. But guess who is going to talk about that shit on tuesday at cheer practice? Yep I am going to let everyone know who this bitch really is.

youtube

I loved youth sports as a youth, and I can’t wait to return as a coach.