“Do you remember what I said to you when you told me you were a lesbian?” “’Thank god you finally said it’?” “After that.” “…’You better find a girl who deserves you’.” “Yes! That! And this might be so shocking to you, but a murderous vampire isn’t what I had in mind!!”
Carmilla + Favorite Familial Relationship: Laura Hollis+Dad (requested by @bi-dominusrex)
unfortunately, i do not have candy or doodles of vampire boyfriends for you, but i do have… another au! i know. i’m awful. but i promise, i’m trying to make it good.
it has ghost boyfriends, rock climbing, a guy who kind of looks like Akande (but not really), passive-aggressive song-playing, and it takes place on an uninhabitated, overgrown version of Santa Catalina Island, just off the coast of LA.
Anyway the point of my posts about Lord English and about troll gender so close together was that I’d been talking about it in the headcanon chat and I’ve come to the pretty solid conclusion that it’s English’s fault that trolls even have gender.
If you think about the fact that trolls logically should not have biological sex outside of the mother grub / troll dichotomy, then the idea that trolls developed a concept of gender identity seems absurd. But as it happens, a lot of Alternia is absurd; it’s a near-comical caricature of a fascist dictatorship, because it was engineered that way. So of course it follows that someone (read: the lizard man English and his puppet government) decided that trolls should be gendered.
And there’s precedent for it to be that way! English is from an incredibly binary race (a species one could almost say is composed entirely of binaries), and, unfortunately, as is well-known, his biggest policy is misogyny. Which is an easy policy to carry out when all you’re doing is trolling cherubs and humans, and messing with carapaces; but it’s difficult to do when you’re at the helm of a race who are, for all intents and purposes, non-binary. So naturally, he imposed a gender binary on them, completely arbitrarily.
And it just thematically fits; if there’s an fascist or imperialist ideal that you could possibly apply to a species to make it a dystopia, it’s been slapped onto Alternia; and a completely arbitrarily imposed gender binary is just… one of those colonialist things.
Trolls having binary genders is ridiculous because it’s just part of the endless set of ridiculous rules deliberately placed onto Alternia to make it ridiculously dystopian.
“You can’t not go,” Hermione reminded him, interrupting bouts of careful lipstick application in the sitting room mirror to frown bossily at him. “Your father’s going to out us if you don’t, remember?”
“Oh, he knows nothing,” Draco muttered, tossing the newspaper aside. “So he knows I’m a contract killer and you’re a maniacal boxing sociopath. So what?” he prompted, throwing his hands in the air. “So we have our lives and reputations ruined. It’s fine. There are worse things.”
“Like what?” Hermione scoffed, and Draco rose to his feet, taking a few steps to stand behind her.
“LIKE THIS DINNER,” he barked, and she promptly dropped her lipstick, turning to scowl at him.