“ako nalang ang mahalin mo, sef”
those where the kind of words that shook my world the other day as Ben and I went for a drive to talk.
relationship was treading rough waters and the boat that we are in is rocking.
they say it takes two to tango, but in this case, i feel that the problem was me.
my inability to let go of the past….
my fear to feel hurt once more….
and my constant obsession to compare the present with the past….
and seeing ben shed tears was just too much to see.
ang sama ko. ang selfish ko.
naghahanap ako ng “spark” sa relationship when in fact it was me who killed the magic in this life I share with ben.
ganun pala yun when you see the one you love cry, you’d go bonkers. di ka makahinga and ang bigat sa dibdib.
that afternoon humbled me. inside the car, i asked forgiveness for my omissions and pride. as i held ben’s hand, i avoided making promises that i know for sure I will break. but i asked him to bear with me and all my imperfections because it is him i want to journey with down the road whether my life be long or short.
and we made peace.
and that night, for the very first time, I held his hand in public.
no regrets. all homo. all love.