*wrest

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Happy International Women’s Day

Yes, they’re sexy, smart, and powerful. They’re also very inspirational and brave as hell. They could probably kick your ass….actually they would kick your ass. Let us take a moment to appreciate these women and women’s wrestling. Although some are no longer with us and others don’t actually “wrestle” they all have a part in making women’s wrestling great. You cannot deny their impact (some more than others) in the WWE and women’s wrestling. Whether you like them or not, they ALL had (and currently have) a role in making wrestling what it is today and what it will be in the future. LOVE AND SUPPORT WOMEN AND WOMEN’S WRESTLING.

I really wanna write a Zelda all about Dadondorf, like

In this cycle, Ganondorf wakes up/reincarnates/is freed early, and as he’s finally gotten sick of the cycles, he finds the infant Hero of Courage and either kidnaps him or orphans him so that he can raise him for himself, with the goal of corrupting him towards darkness and evil

But over time, Link corrupts Ganondorf, and by the time he’s old enough for him becoming the Hero of Courage to begin reasonably getting set in motion, Ganondorf has legitimately become a caring father to him

And then this cycle’s Zelda begins a hunt for the Hero of Courage and the Bearer of Power, because Ganondorf’s awakening all those years ago did not go unnoticed, and this Zelda only believes in the roles Fate has laid out for the three; as such she’s lost perspective on her own rule and has become something of a tyrant.  When she and her entourage reach Link and Ganondorf’s village, she meets them both (by accident; Ganondorf didn’t know she was there) and she takes Ganondorf prisoner with the intent of executing him

And Link has to begin his journey in a way nobody ever intended: to free the land from the tyrannical Princess Zelda, and to rescue Ganondorf from her diabolical clutches

Bonus points for Ganondorf reveling in the quiet love of the parental bond and genuinely being remorseful for his actions in past cycles

Additionally, Link has to wrest the usual Zelda reincarnations from fate’s grasp; he has to convince Impa to rebel, the oracles of the three goddesses to forsake their traditional champion, he has to spend the entire game telling fate that the universe has finally had enough.

And you pull this umbrella from the skeleton’s grasp. The skeleton actually looks up at you, almost like it’s acknowledging your presence. And as you finally wrest it from its grasp, the skeleton and the bright crimson robe both disintegrate into ashes.
—  griffin goddamn mcelroy way back in episode 5, in what is retroactively the saddest thing ive ever heard in my life
Masterpost of Cryptic Shit from The Adventure Zone

Because damn Griffin’s given us a lot of mysteries to work with. (Excerpts from the show under the cut.)

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Dark Souls’ Kings And Lords

Gwyn: I will raise this son as a daughter and in general take a whole diarrhea on him regardless of his merits and accomplishments because he was born aligned to a different aspect than me. I will also disown my other son and erase any records of his identity and history. I embarked on genocide of dragons for possibly very shady reasons, and was fully on board with a dangerous project to recreate that which cannot be replicated, resulting in a catastrophic failure that mutated a wise and peaceful civilization into murderous beast. You are supposed to feel bad about having to kill me, as the sad piano that plays while we duke it out suggests.

King of Oolacile: Dude, what if we totally dabbled in the forbidden arts with our golden sorceries (read: utility spells) as our only back-up and tortured this ancient conglomeration of twisted existences that we revived just to satisfy our sick curiosity? That’d be RAD, I hope nothing about this bites us in the ass down the lane, am I right.

The Four Kings: Man, it was really a challenge, but we finally got this whole New Londo jimjam going strong and steady! *phone rings* GUYS, THIS SNAKE THAT ANTAGONIZES EVERYTHING WE STAND FOR PROMISES TO TEACH US THE 120% ILLEGAL ART OF LIFEDRAIN, LET’S ROLL, I MEAN, WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

King Vendrick: *playing the harmonica off-note in his shitty crypt* I married this really hot chick but she turned out to be, like, a literal aspect of darkness hell-bent on the obliteration of civilization, so, hey, whatevs, man, you gotta compromise in marriage, right? *takes a swig of a black label Johnnie Walker* she then was like “honey, you gotta murderize that entire civilization of peaceful giants”, so we did! It was GREAT, we lost over half of our population, I redefined the concept of “war crime”, it was mad cool, man, well, except for the part where I realized what I had done, engaged full pussy mode, and locked myself in a crypt, where I took to wandering naked and afraid while my bodyguard protects me, despite the fact that I am insanely strong and immortal and wise. WHATCHA GONNA DO *LIFTS ARMS IN MOCK SURRENDER* *LAUGH TRACK PLAYS*

Duke Tseldora: SPIDERS

The Sunken King: Whew! That took a LOT of time, but we finally did it! We built a whole city around this slumbering dragon, our object of worship! This is, in no way, a dangerous idea at all. You know what is also not dangerous? Why, those famed Dragonslayers coming over by yonder, the Drakeblood Knights, led by Sir Yorgh, famed Dragonslayer! Let’s see what they want!

Old Iron King: LOOK AT ALL THIS METAL, HOMIE. LOOK AT MY COOL ASS SAMURAI MAN TEACHING MY KNIGHTS TO BE SAMURAI, HOMIE. LOOK AT THIS BITCHIN’ FUCKIN’ FORMER DRANGLEIC KNIGHT, RAIME, WHO CAME TO SERVE ME, HOMIE. YEAH BABY, WE GOT IT ALL IN THE IRON KINGDOM, WE GOT THESE CROSS-CULTURAL SAMURAI KNIGHTS PIMPING UP THE PLACE WITH PLATE ARMOR AND IAI, MAN, AND WE– H-hold on, Alonne, baby? Where you going, man? Baby, no, I can change, I swear, please come back, baby, NO, BABY, ALONNE *SHANKS ALONNE* aw fiddlesticks well I guess my kingdom goes to fuck now ‘cause I will throw the biggest, meanest tantrum in the history of big diaper pissbabies LET’S GO

Ivory King: Hello! I love you! Yes, you! Whoever is reading this, I love you! I really do! And while I love you a lot, there’s someone I love even more, and that’s my beautiful wife, Alsanna! God, I love my wife, she’s so beautiful and kind and smart, I just want her to be happy forever. I know, she’s a literal aspect of darkness who came with evil intentions and zealous desire to raze my lands, but, I know that anyone, anyone, is capable of redemption, and my love has confirmed that. I love my wife, and I love my kingdom Eleum Loyce, my capable knights, my beautiful tigers, my kingdom of snow and peace! Wanna know a secret? I built my kingdom right on top of the Old Chaos to contain it, to keep it in check, so it wouldn’t rampage across the world. Ah, I’m really sad to have to cut this short, but my soul, well, it wavers. After so many years of fighting it, my very fabric is yielding to the overwhelming chaos. As an ultimate act of sacrifice, I will give myself to the Flame, contain the whole essence of the Old Chaos within my body, and keep it wrested to the ground, so it can never harm anyone evermore. I am glad to have met you, but I must go now. Please live a wonderful life! Shout out to my beautiful wife!

Yhorm the Giant: *hands you the one thing that can kill him* I AM HONESTLY TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, PLEASE TRUST ME. AND IF I GO COO-COO, USE THAT TO KILL ME, AND ALSO, I AM PUTTING AWAY MY GREATSHIELD SO IT IS EASIER TO HIT ME IN CASE I GO BAD, BUT PLEASE, I AM JUST TRYING TO BE GOOD, BRUSH YOUR SEATBELT AND FASTEN YOUR TEETH.

Oceiros, the Consumed King: *spams your Facebook feed with photos of his invisible baby*

Nameless King: Funny story, but I am actually not a king. Anyways, check out these delayed attacks and these FPS drops.

Prince Lothric: What If Stay Home Instead

Damen/Laurent Rec List

Because @playingfetchwithdinosaurs was finally seduced into reading this amazing series and then she came to me because she needed more. Also, coincidentally, @notagoodplace4gods finished yesterday CP, but told me only today that she was freaking out over their love and she needed more so here I am giving more to them ;)

💖: my absolutely favorite stories about those Kings

Canon AU

In the Gardens by JustDrinkTea 2,101

“I doubt your disappearance would go unnoticed,” Laurent countered, head tilting slightly. He was teasing. Damen couldn’t get enough of it.

“Is that an excuse to not go?”

“It’s a challenge.”

💖 Sent Away by Josselin [Part 1 of Sent Away] 2,504

A series of vignettes of young Laurent’s life when he is sent to be fostered in the Akielon court.

Courtship by songofthe52hertzwhale 5,425

Damen just wants to court Laurent. Nobody in Vere makes it easy for him, least of all the man he hopes to marry.

💖 Dear Aledosia, by wendlaa 12,368

“Oh,” Laurent finds himself saying. Damianos has excused himself from his conversation, and has begun to make his way through the crowd. Here stand the Princes of Vere, after all. The ethereal Veretian Prince brothers. Laurent lifts his eyes towards the ceiling, arching his brows. “Heavens,” he says, voice tight.

Auguste chuckles. “You have a minute head start.”

Laurent ducks away.

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I think this could be considered the last DSBM release from Leviathan.

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Headcanon: Whenever they’re both trying to reform, Harley and Eddie hang out at Batburger once a week. They get coffee, swap stories, and generally try to help keep each other from relapsing.