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Whitehall 'planning to minimise stairs Donald Trump must use' on state visit

Plans are reportedly being formulated in Whitehall to minimise the number of steps President Donald Trump must climb during his state visit to the UK.

Government officials are attempting to make sure the trip runs smoothly and are apparently responding to reports that Trump has a phobia of steps and slopes.

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This rumoured phobia was cited as the reason Trump was pictured clasping the hand of Prime Minister Theresa May when the pair met at the White House.

The controversial US President is due to visit the UK in October, but the trip is likely to be met with significant anger from British citizens.

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The topic of stairs has featured in meetings planning for the president’s visit.

“I’ve heard this discussed in meetings about the state visit,” an official told The Times. “People want everything to go smoothly. Trump won’t be able to avoid the stairs at the palace, but they can plan things to minimise it.”

Most popular: Whitehall ‘planning to minimise stairs Donald Trump must use’ on state visit

Trump is due to dine at Buckingham Palace and also to visit Balmoral.

The president has criticised his predecessor for his way of using stairs. In 2014, he tweeted: “The way President Obama runs down the stairs of Air Force One, hopping and bobbing all the way, is so inelegant and unpresidential. Do not fall!”

A phobia of stairs is known as bathmophobia. Trump has also admitted being a germaphobe, and famously used this to dismiss allegations of lewd behavior made against him in a leaked intelligence report.

Trump has been more open about this phobia. “One of the curses of American society is the simple act of shaking hands, and the more successful and famous one becomes the worse this terrible custom seems to get,” Trump wrote in his 1997 book The Art of the Comeback.

He continued: “I happen to be a clean hands freak. I feel much better after I thoroughly wash my hands, which I do as much as possible.”

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When I wonder if I am actually teaching students anything at all
Whitehall Dorm, Floor 2

The Whitehall Dorm doesn’t appear very intimidating. Neither do its inhabitants. In fact, most humans pass through the small building without another thought.

And in the past, the Gentry have tried to burn the entire place to the ground in hopes of destroying the second floor.

Even those who live in the five single-person rooms on Floor 2 don’t know why the fae hate them.

Here is what the administration and the fae know that the students do not: Every year, some of the prospective college-goers are not entirely human. (No, not changelings.) They are something(s) else, and their blood and heritage means the fae cannot affect them. Not even a true name allows the fae any power, because these students have protections built in.

Room 201 houses a girl called Serafina. She has silver marks in the shape of wings on her back, and her eyes glow an unearthly blue when hymns are sung in her presence. (Her mom is named Lisa, and her mama is named Eloa.)

Room 203 has a coffin in one corner, filled with the dirt of Reginald’s homeland, and he keeps a mini-fridge for plastic bags full of his favorite meal. When he brings back a hook-up, they always walk away disheveled and happy, but a little dizzy and with a huge hickey on their neck.

Room 205 looks normal (the gleaming chrome, bright lights and changed gravity hidden) until the perception filter is switched off. Pluyki seems normal until then too; it was part of the deal with zir parents to spend a few years at an earth college before taking over the family business. (They had grudgingly agreed that perhaps time on another planet would give zir experience for when ze takes the throne of their planet in the Haxalv Galaxy.)

Room 207 is lived in by roommates, although you wouldn’t know it. A boy who goes by two names - Shy and Belphegor. (One of these names is true, but it makes no difference.) When the boy is kind and mild, he goes by Shy. When he is inventive and unhelpful, he goes by Belphegor. (The two are stuck and have become comfortable in the status quo.) Both avoid Sera as much as possible.

Room 209 is occupied by Gold. She hoards books and stories, and never loans them out. (She is not related to the slumbering Wyrm curled beneath the abandoned English building. Her family has elegant magic that allows them to change shape, and he is stuck with brimstone breath and claws the size of a car.)

It’s very annoying to the fae to have such deliciously powerful beings in their territory, and know they’ll never taste a single mouthful of said power.

The folks on Floor 2 of the Whitehall Dorm don’t care. They’re just trying to get a college education. And the less trouble from the fae several of their friends have spoke of (but which no one on Floor 2 has ever seen), the better.

Note: The edited version! And I believe The Wyrm was first spoken of by themagnificentgod, and our lovely Ruler charminglyantiquated declared it canon!

[Torn Thorn]

Draco vs The Sobs
  • Harry: *tentatively* Draco, honey, are you-
  • Draco: *sobbing* Nooooo!
  • Harry: Do you want me to-
  • Draco: *curling into a ball under the blanket* How could he!
  • Harry: *rubbing Draco's back* Sweety...
  • Draco: How could anybody be so cruel?
  • Harry: I know...
  • Draco: I mean, right in front of the child.
  • Harry: *making soothing sounds* Babe, it's just a movie.
  • Draco: How can you say that? MUFASA WAS A KING!!