*the house bunny

4

She’s Absolutely Right….

Simon Cowbell Conspiracy

We have been recently asked about the reason behind a particular event that made headlines in the One Direction fandom. We did our research and made a shocking discovery, and we’re now finally ready to introduce you to the reason behind Simon Cowell’s pec implant leak: He is a cow

You will have to sit down for this one. We did too.


If you’re not familiar with Simon Cowell (or affectionally, Satan), he is a music mogul and producer of a couple (failing) TV shows, and is known for being part of the team forming the biggest boyband in the universe, One Direction. Common to his selfish and evil personality, he has for years taken entire credits for the band’s success, literally milking money out them until the year 2016. 

The Devil himself, not even a flashy smile can hide the horrifying burning flames in his eyes

For many years, the way he was handling the band (and pretty much anyone surrounding him, remember those contracts?) was perceived as simply satanic. Only someone with no humanity left in them could be as horrible as he is. And that’s what led us to believe that Simon Cowell is not, in fact, a human. 

Since we know Simon has 0 ounce of originality in his bones, we realized that he couldn’t even come up with a reasonable last name, leading to exposing his true self. “Cowell”? More like Cowbell. Because he’s a cow. Moo moo bitch.

The resemblance here is shocking. They even go to the same hair salon.

Obviously, as we all know, Simon has recently given birth to a small pure child, bless his soul. And just like with any mother, breasts tend to grow and fill with milk after giving birth. So it’s with no surprise that we discovered that his “pec implants” didn’t leak, it was just milk pouring out of his cow titties.

Before and after photoshoping the pic to hide the embarrassing milk leak. Perhaps they should take classes at 1DUNSOLVED to learn how to edit pictures properly.

He had to hide the truth about his udder and came up with the pec implants story, which we think is far more ridiculous. Because, lets be real, those things are not pecs. 

Hiding something Simoooooon?

Shocking, isn’t it? But also not so much, because now everything makes sense.   The lack of humanity & originality, the damn haircut, the dead look he gives you after you butchered a song during an audition? Everything leads to him being a cow.

Unfortunately, we have tried to reach Simon’s rep but our hands got burned knocking on the doors to hell. So, the conspiracy of Simon Cowbell therefore remains

UNSOLVED.

- The House Bunny