ezra saltzman. thirty five. joke shop owner. jake gyllenhaal.
born and raised in east eerie, ezra was raised by some of the towns more normal people, probably. for the most part, he’s pretty oblivious to the town’s more creepy nature. he really thinks that the whole witchy vibe is just some niche to pull in tourists and get the town some money. so when he opened up his joke shop in between two shops that couldn’t be more opposite to his, he didn’t really think twice about it. honestly, he’s intrinsically a Nice Guy™ and is just really gentle and kind to everyone. he’s a full-grown man-child, tbf, and is likely high all of the time, like, him and his best friend are guardians to this other kid who deals drugs and tbh, ezra “confiscates” them so he can get high. he takes nothing seriously and is likely to prank you just for the hell of it. likely to end up like The Dude from the big lebowski???????? hasn’t a single responsible bone in his body. will likely hit on anything with a pair of breasts. eats a lot of fruit roll ups for someone who is in his mid-thirties.
needs; everything???????????? hmu ppl.
ursula rousseau. twenty-five. mortuary beautician. nicola peltz.
(c/p’d from previous blurb) ursula is twisted and dark. she’s the daughter of decay and destruction. constantly dressed as though she’s ready to attend a funeral. is that girl who never smiles. uses obscene hand gestures more than she uses words. most likely to dress your deceased loved on up in clown make-up if you look at her the wrong way. holds grudges like nobodies fucking business. has talons for nails and files them into a sharp point. frequently bullies and tortures her brother and often pretends to be her twin sister to fuck with people (and sometimes to fuck with her sister). has pyromaniac tendencies. used to blow things up in her backyard as a kid. has a borderline-psychotic obsession with death and dying. actually is amused that people are scared of her and her family. has little voodoo dolls of all her enemies so she can prick them to feel better.
needs; literally everything!!!!!! maybe some dude from high school who used to pick on her but is now sleeping with her and hiding it from everyone he knows cause he’s an Idiot who cares what people think!!!! and maybe some pretty little blonde thing who is new to town or something!!!!! basically give me anything/everything especially f/f plots!!!!!