*standards

Straight guy @ straight girl: “I’d tear this wretched world asunder to see you one more time!”

Everyone: “So tragic! So beautiful! Their love is legendary!” 

Homura @ Madoka:  “ I’d tear this wretched world asunder to see you one more time!”

Everyone: “So problematic! So abusive! Damn predatory lesbians!”

That moment when you’re scrolling through the “moana” tag and hate that you notice that 90% of the art changes her features, darkens her skin and adds 30+ pounds to her original design… and it’s most of the people praising/reblogging/creating the art that have spent the past several years screaming at anyone on here who dares to draw a character a shade paler, a pound skinnier or can’t quite get the character’s features spot on.

I hate the hypocrisy of this website, and I hate that I can’t help but notice it anymore because the art is really good, and really beautiful it just plays into an awful double standard that’s literally pushed artists on here almost to suicide at points.

I’ve always wanted to be the pretty, put-together girl that I see laughing with her friends, looking beautiful in a candid shot, always dressed well, makeup always done, hair fabulously curled. You see, I’ve always been messy. My lipstick smeared a little, mascara under my eye, my hair unbrushed. My makeup wears off in under an hour, I look shiny and wrong in photos. Why why why am I not her, the girls I see everywhere, but then don’t you see? I’ve been focusing so much on being like them, I forgot about myself.

Dear “Anti-SJWs”!!

I wish you would oppose only *abusive* “SJWs”. (e.g. those who ruthlessly mock white people, those who ruthlessly attack people for “cultural appropriation”, those who ruthlessly harass people like zamii070 to the point of attempted suicide)

I wish, instead of being “Anti-Bullshit; Anti-Stupidity; Pro-Logic”, you would be “Anti-Harassment; Anti-Bullying; Pro-Kindness”.

I wish you would believe *both* that it’s wrong to ruthlessly harass people like zamii070 to the point of attempted suicide *and* that it’s wrong to ruthlessly mock *non-abusive* “SJWs” for holding “stupid” beliefs or some such shit.

I wish you would oppose people of *any* ideology being mean to other people, instead of thinking it’s wrong only when it’s “SJWs” being mean to other people.

I’m Blue (el-dra-zi da-ba-die)

Another weekend, another round of Standard Showdown!

If you know me, then you know I am not one to play the same deck twice. So I didn’t. Last week I played a Black/Green Eldrazi deck, and this week I took a little trip around the color wheel. I still leveraged the power of colorless Eldrazi, but I surrounded them with a mono-Blue build instead. Here’s the list:

Creatures (20):

Instants (14):

Lands (26):

Sideboard (15):

Eldritch Moonlace

Elder Deep-Fiend by Jason Felix

At its core, this is a tempo deck. It wants to disrupt the early turns and then beat face with undercosted Eldrazi. Thought-Knot Seer’s hand disruption, Reality Smasher’s haste, and Elder Deep-Fiend’s flash make them difficult threats to play around or race against.

But how to get there? Filigree Familiar and Matter Reshaper are great blockers, providing value upon death. They’re also great emerge targets, so they pull double duty here.

Every noncreature spell in the main board is an instant, letting me play on my opponent’s turn until I want to take over the game. Colorless mana allows me to run Spatial Contortion, a removal spell mono-Blue decks usually wouldn’t be able to play. Some bounce and countermagic keeps the board clear until I can start casting Eldrazi. Once I’m pressuring my opponent, these same spells help push through damage and close out a game. Remember, Spatial Contortion can be a pump spell for the creatures with 4+ toughness.

This is one of my favorite mana bases I’ve ever built. Supporting colorless mana as a main “color” allows you to run all kinds of neat lands. A full set of Sanctum of Ugin lets a Deep-Fiend or Wretched Gryff tutor up a Reality Smasher for extra offense when it matters. Ruins of Oran-Rief turns late-game topdecks into more serious threats. Mirrorpool and Westvale Abbey are cute additions that will almost never matter…until they win a game.

The best part, however, is the 12-card suite of Aether Hub, Crumbling Vestige, and Corrupted Crossroads. They’re all essentially dual lands, adding Blue and colorless mana (only for devoid in the case of Corrupted Crossroads). They really shine, however, in the sideboard.

Back in Black (and Red)

Kozilek’s Return by Lius Lasahido

Twelve lands that can produce any mana for any devoid spell opens up a lot of options in sideboarded games (of which you will play more than pre-board games). I ended up running two different off-color cards to take advantage of this: Transgress the Mind and Kozilek’s Return.

Transgress the Mind is great against slower decks. If I don’t need aggressive removal, Transgress lets me pick apart my opponent’s hand and snipe the powerful spells that would stop my Eldrazi assault. The card is also excellent against combo decks.

Kozilek’s Return is the opposite, giving me a very powerful spell against aggressive decks that can produce more creatures than my spot removal can handle. My emerge creatures let me unlock the “flashback” mode too. I had a game where I was able to cast Kozilek’s Return and emerge Elder Deep-Fiend in the same turn. I wiped the board, untapped, cast Reality Smasher, and swung for 10 damage out of nowhere.

The rest of the sideboard is fairly straightforward. Summary Dismissal is for Emrakul. Dispel is for control, though in retrospect I think they should be Negates. There are a lot of good artifacts and enchantments and planeswalkers to counter as well. Confiscation Coup breaks board stalls and can steal artifacts too (Hi, Panharmonicon and Smuggler’s Copter!)

A Pretty Great Distortion

I ended up finishing 3-1 and winning eight packs in addition to my special Standard Showdown booster. I like this deck a lot more than the last Eldrazi one. Magic is just better when I’m playing Blue. Thought-Knot Seer into Reality Smasher might be my favorite sequence in any Standard, especially when you can exile your opponent’s only removal spell. I may not play the same deck twice, but this one is making me seriously consider it.

Which of your planeswalkers played in a Standard Showdown event this weekend? Do you have a pet deck that you enjoy playing, or do you like mixing it up week-to-week too?