*shakespeare

The most unrealistic part of beauty and the beast is when belle is reading shakespeare to beast and she’s sitting down and reading it out in a soft sighing way and beast is like “ahhh so nice” everyone knows that a real lit nerd would read shakespeare by standing on a chair while screaming and crying, where is my scene where belle teaches beast how to read shakespeare but she’s yelling and beast is roaring and she’s like “GATHER STRENGTH FROM THE BUTTOCKS, CLENCH AND FEEL THE RHYTHMS IN YOUR H E A R T YOU HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR SOUL TO THE BARD” and beast fucking trashes the room and breaks a chair and she grabs his snarling face like “YES, YES YOU FEEL IT” and all the servants are watching in confusion while they’re screaming verses at each other saying “I guess it’s love??”

Shakespeare plays as Onion headlines

Hamlet: 

Twelfth Night:

Macbeth:

Julius Caesar:

Titus Andronicus: 

Henry IV Part 1:

Two Gentlemen of Verona:

Measure for Measure:

Coriolanus:

Othello:

The Tempest:

The Winter’s Tale:

King Lear:

Things I want from a modern retelling of Romeo and Juliet:

- Everyone is dressed in traditional costuming, but the script is in modern English.
- “Romeo, Romeo, why the FUCK did you have to be ROMEO?”
- Juliet talks like a rich white valley girl and wears a flower crown.
- She keeps taking inappropriately timed selfies and posting them on instagram.
- Tybalt won’t stop talking about his crossfit regime.
- Romeo only listens to My Chemical Romance.
- Mercutio’s Queen Mab speech is followed by Benvolio asking “Are you high right now?” (He is)
- Mercutio dabs on stage. Unironically. More than once.
- When the boys are all catcalling Nurse it’s super cringy.
- instead of “a sail! A sail!” You get “Hey Fatass!” “Fatass? I just see a boat!” “Weigh anchor! You’re gonna break the docks, Fatass!”
- Tybalt also dabs on stage, exactly twice.
- The first time is awful and his friends have to correct him.
- Tybalt dabs at Mercutio and Mercutio responds by doing a backflip and ending in a dab.
- The Tybalt/Mercutio fight is an absolutely serious dancebattle with no weapons.
- Mercutio still dies anyway.
- Tybalt tries to dance battle Romeo too, but Romeo keeps taking it too seriously and not dancing back.
- This is because Romeo only knows how to ballroom dance.
- Paris wears a trillby and calls it a fedora.
- Juliet Snapchats her own death.
- Romeo doesn’t have Snapchat.

Zodiac signs as Shakespeare quotes
  • Aries: Cowards die many times before their deaths, the valiant never taste of death but once.
  • Taurus: Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.
  • Gemini: What's in a name? A rose by any name would smell as sweet.
  • Cancer: Talking isn't doing. It is a kind of good deed to say well, and yet words are not deeds.
  • Leo: But if it be a sin to covet honour, I am the most offending soul alive.
  • Virgo: The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.
  • Libra: Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
  • Scorpio: These violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die- like fire and powder- which, as they kiss, consume.
  • Sagittarius: Give me my robe, put on my crown, I have immortal longings in me.
  • Capricorn: It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.
  • Aquarius: The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
  • Pisces: I love you with so much of my heart, that none is left to protest.

The Julius Caesar fandom today: 😂 🔪guess who just 🙌  🔪 got 🙌  M̴̘͎̯̑̅ͤͧ̄ͮͬ͘U͎̙̔ͧ̉ͦ̃̑R̨̚͏̡̜͓̖͙̫̯Ḑ͔͕̜̙ͯ̍̽̈E͉̱̣̭ͯ̉̔ͫ͢ͅR̴̥͖̫̺͓̜͚͐ͮE̻͈̘̤̘̪͑̉͋̇̏̈͆ͩD̛̜͓͙̳͓̞͐ͥ̕?̤̮̣̟͉̯̰̫͐̿ͮ̏ͧͪ̅̄͟?̵͑̈́ͦ̅ͪ̃̚̚͞͏̘̦͚̯͓̺͍?̶̪͍̗̫̓͒̈́̎͋ͪ?😂🔪 🙌 🔪