The most unrealistic part of beauty and the beast is when belle is reading shakespeare to beast and she’s sitting down and reading it out in a soft sighing way and beast is like “ahhh so nice” everyone knows that a real lit nerd would read shakespeare by standing on a chair while screaming and crying, where is my scene where belle teaches beast how to read shakespeare but she’s yelling and beast is roaring and she’s like “GATHER STRENGTH FROM THE BUTTOCKS, CLENCH AND FEEL THE RHYTHMS IN YOUR H E A R T YOU HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR SOUL TO THE BARD” and beast fucking trashes the room and breaks a chair and she grabs his snarling face like “YES, YES YOU FEEL IT” and all the servants are watching in confusion while they’re screaming verses at each other saying “I guess it’s love??”
Things I want from a modern retelling of Romeo and Juliet:
- Everyone is dressed in traditional costuming, but the script is in modern English.
- “Romeo, Romeo, why the FUCK did you have to be ROMEO?”
- Juliet talks like a rich white valley girl and wears a flower crown.
- She keeps taking inappropriately timed selfies and posting them on instagram.
- Tybalt won’t stop talking about his crossfit regime.
- Romeo only listens to My Chemical Romance.
- Mercutio’s Queen Mab speech is followed by Benvolio asking “Are you high right now?” (He is)
- Mercutio dabs on stage. Unironically. More than once.
- When the boys are all catcalling Nurse it’s super cringy.
- instead of “a sail! A sail!” You get “Hey Fatass!” “Fatass? I just see a boat!” “Weigh anchor! You’re gonna break the docks, Fatass!”
- Tybalt also dabs on stage, exactly twice.
- The first time is awful and his friends have to correct him.
- Tybalt dabs at Mercutio and Mercutio responds by doing a backflip and ending in a dab.
- The Tybalt/Mercutio fight is an absolutely serious dancebattle with no weapons.
- Mercutio still dies anyway.
- Tybalt tries to dance battle Romeo too, but Romeo keeps taking it too seriously and not dancing back.
- This is because Romeo only knows how to ballroom dance.
- Paris wears a trillby and calls it a fedora.
- Juliet Snapchats her own death.
- Romeo doesn’t have Snapchat.
The Julius Caesar fandom today:😂 🔪guess who just 🙌 🔪 got 🙌 M̴̘͎̯̑̅ͤͧ̄ͮͬ͘U͎̙̔ͧ̉ͦ̃̑R̨̚͏̡̜͓̖͙̫̯Ḑ͔͕̜̙ͯ̍̽̈E͉̱̣̭ͯ̉̔ͫ͢ͅR̴̥͖̫̺͓̜͚͐ͮE̻͈̘̤̘̪͑̉͋̇̏̈͆ͩD̛̜͓͙̳͓̞͐ͥ̕?̤̮̣̟͉̯̰̫͐̿ͮ̏ͧͪ̅̄͟?̵͑̈́ͦ̅ͪ̃̚̚͞͏̘̦͚̯͓̺͍?̶̪͍̗̫̓͒̈́̎͋ͪ?😂🔪 🙌 🔪