You sit down tiredly on the ground of the halls of Erebor. The Battle of the Five Armies was the scariest shit you have ever faced and you faced a lot of scary shit. It was probably scary because you had almost lost Kili, Fili and Thorin. That gave you the fright of your life and you will forever be grateful for your good aim.
You feel a thump beside you and you turn to find Dwalin. You relax a bit and lay your head on his shoulders, breathing in his scent of death and sweat.
You two just sit there for a while. Not saying anything. Not moving. Slowly, one by one, you are joined by the other dwarves and you all end up sitting in a circle. Everyone minus Oin and Gloin. Those two were busy healing the wounded with the elves.
“Can you believe it? We did it,” Bilbo says, quietly. “That we did Master Burglar. All thanks to you,” Bofur says, clapping him on the back.
“All thanks to us,” Bilbo denies. “All thanks to everyone,” the company chimes in. “What are you to do now?” You ask him. He had no need to stay here.
“I will be headed back to Bag End once Thorin’s coronation is over. Judging by his injuries, that won’t be for another two weeks. Three at the most,” he says and you nod.
“Can I join you?” you ask and you panic as Dwalin quickly moves away from you. You catch yourself on his arms and look up at him. He looks shocked, almost angry.
“You’re going to leave?” he asks and you nod. “This is no home for me. Not when the one person I have come to love continues to love someone else,” you explain, turning back to the company.
They don’t look pleased at your announcement at all. Ori is trying to keep his tears at bay, bless him that sweet dwarf. You have grown up together and you were practically best friends. You, Fili, Kili and Ori. Your best friends that you will part with.
“Will you at least talk to Kili before you leave? At least tell him how you feel before you leave us for good,” ORi says, grumpily. Before you can answer Gloin comes around the corner.
“Kili has been asking for you, y/n,” Gloin says and you nod, standing. What could that injured dwarf possibly want?
You follow him to the makeshift healer’s tent and you seen tons of elves bustling around. You enter a tent with the three Durins laying side-by-side. Oin is currently tending to Thorin’s injured foot and Fili is just resting with his eyes close.
You make eye contact with Kili and you give him a bright smile which he returns. You move over to his side and sit on the chair next to his bed after moving it in front of him.
“Gloin has said that you wanted to see me,” you say, grasping his hand. “I wanted to make sure you were alright. I lost sight of you after you shot Azog and I’ve never been mored worried in my life,” he says and your heart clenches knowing that although he cares about you, he would never care about you the way you cared for him.
“I came out less damaged than you lot thats for sure,” you say, looking at his uncle and brother. “Thank mahal. If you were to die, your father would have my head once I died as well,” Thorin says and you chuckle at his use of words.
“You know, I’m pretty sure you’v been holding back on the stories,” you tell him and he chuckles wincing. “One day, child, I shall tell you all about your father,” he says and Kili squeezes your hand.
You turn back to him and smile.
“Have you seen Tauriel?” he asks and you do all you can to stop yourself from frowning. Of course he wanted you here to talk about Tauriel.
“I’m afraid I haven’t. Last I saw her was at Bard’s house, healing you,” you state.
Instead of following Thorin, you had stayed behind with Fili, Oin and Kili, later Bofur, where you belonged. Thorin wasn’t too happy, but you did not care. If they were staying behind, so were you. Kili was more important than the entire quest itself.
He lets out a sigh.
“Good. I was afraid you would see her before I got to see you,” he says and this time you actually frown.
“Why are you so worried about me seeing the she-elf?” you ask.
“Oin. Please get me out of here before he starts confessing,” Thorin mutters out. His muttering goes unheard by the both of you and the healer and he’s cursing Fili for being such a heavy sleeper.
“Because she was going to tell you something that I did not have the guts say,” he says and you know he’s skirting around the subject.
“Mahal Kili. Get over it. Just tell me that you’re courting the elf and be done with it,” you say, unwanted tears gathering in your eyes.
He looks confused and then his eyes soften as a tear makes an escape.
“Do you like me, y/n?” he asks.
“For Durin’s sake! I’ve been in love with you since we could walk you stupid dwarf and yet you never even noticed! Everyone but you noticed it Kee, but I couldn’t do anything because you had fallen for an ELF! A freaking elf! I want to hate you, but I can’t because I love you too much,” you confess.
He looks stunned at your outburst and your brain finally catches up with your mouth. You stand abruptly, heading straight for the exit. You exit the tent quickly, not hearing Oin trying to call for Kili.
A hand grasps your arm and spins you around and you look at him with tears falling down your face.
“Kili just let me go. Please,” you mutter, avoiding his eyes. “No because you won’t know what I wanted to tell you. I didn’t want you to see Tauriel because she promised to tell you my feelings or you, not because she would tell you we were courting. At Bard’s house, when you were looking for Kingsfoil with Bofur, Bofur returned first and she started healing me. It was then that I realized that I didn’t love her. I loved you. My best friend and I thought. I thought I was going to die without you ever knowing and I could not let that happen,” he says bringing his forehead to rest on yours.
“Oh you stupid, ignorant dwarf,” you say, bringing your beardless dwarf into a sweet kiss.
The dwarves were definitely my favorite part of the whole trilogy. Whenever focus shifted to BIlbo or Gandalf, I would start feeling homesick for the company. The way that Fran, Phillipa and Peter managed to give each dwarf a distinctive personality and create interactions among them to make them feel like relatable characters was just one of the many reasons why I believe this was a good adaptation. Better still, the 13 actors quite obviously developed a bond on and offscreen similar to the one formed between the 9 cast members of the fellowship in the making of the Lord of The Rings trilogy.
Throughout the journey, Gloin had ignored you. He would not speak to you at all and that had caused your heart to break slowly. After the battle, you finally made a decision.
You walk to the healer’s tent to find your brother in law. You find him, tending to Thorin’s foot with Fili and Kili resting on cots beside him. His foot had taken a stab, but thanks to you that was the only injury he had received.
“Y/n. Thank you. For saving both my nephews and I,” Thorin says, wincing as Oin wraps his foot. “Anything for family, right?” you ask quietly and he smiles at you slightly.
“Oin. Where is Gloin?” you ask. “My groin is fine,” he responds, stopping his activity to give you a strange look. That causes Thorin to chuckle and you to smile.
“No. Where is my husband?” You ask again. “Ah. Gloin is outside trying to look for survivors,” he says and you nod before leaving the tent.
You walk outside of the gates and see many elves, dwarves, and men looking for survivors. You spy your husband with his back towards you speaking to Bombur and Bofur. Bofur notices you making your way towards them and he nods towards you.
Gloin looks at you and you nod your head at the other two, telling them to piss off without really telling them to piss off. They get the idea and the two brothers leave.
You look at the man you have loved for the past one-hundred and forty years making sure that he is not too badly injured. He looks completely fine and covered in blood that was not his. The fact that he cannot even look at you properly makes your heart clench.
“I know I have made a terrible mistake, following you here, but Thorin, Fili and Kili would not be here if I wasn’t here,” you try and he just gives you this blank look and that makes you sigh.
“Over the past seven months, it seems that my heart had done nothing, but break and I - I cannot live with this,” you tell him, tears gathering in your eyes as you reach for your beads.
All of them had been braided into your hair by Gloin. Your two courting braids and your two marriage braids. You had never once removed them, but now you did not feel like you deserved them. Once you’ve gathered all four in your hands, you place them back in Gloin’s, ignore the look of pure horror on his face.
“I am sorry for leaving Gimli behind, but I just love you too much. I hope that one day you will forgive me for my actions, but I cannot continue to love a man who will not even make an effort to talk this out,” you say and with a slight bow of your head, you leave your one behind.