Hello, good sir. I will be auditioning for the part of Ron Swanson. I will not be singing because that is a waste of time. Instead, I will be handcrafting a chair from this fine piece of cedar. If I were to sing, however, it would be a heartwrenching rendition of a song that I wrote. It is called “Silence.” It has no words and no music. Thank you. I will proceed now.