<b>Tolkien:</b> What? You want a bed time story?<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> Oh boy...<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> <p/><b>Tolkien:</b> Okay, I've got it, it's the story of a Hobbit, a wizard and thirteen dwarves, Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, Ori, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> You better keep up and remember all the names<p/></p>
An exasperated sigh left your lips as your vision was
blocked once more by your hair falling in front of your face. The Company had set up camp, and you were
tasked with gathering firewood. Every
time you knelt down to gather a fallen branch on the forest floor, your hair
would fall in front of your eyes. It was
really getting on your nerves.
You had tried just about everything: brushing it back with
your fingers, combing it into a ponytail, and even attempting to braid it. But unfortunately, you did not have anything
to keep it in place. Your hair clips had
gotten lost on the journey.
“Allow me to help you
with that.” You recognized the kind
voice of Balin as he walked over to stand beside you. He reached for a strand of hair, but
hesitated as he looked to you for permission.
You were grateful that he wanted to help, but also a little
confused. “Yes, thank you very much. But Balin, isn’t hair-braiding a sign of
courtship in your culture?”
“Not always, child.
It can also be done by people close to you. Like family,” he replied. He motioned for you to take a seat on the
nearby fallen log as he set to work on separating your hair for the braids. “Seeing that you’re on this journey without
your relatives, and that you’ve become like family to us, I thought it would be
fitting for me to help.”
A smile spread across your face as you were touched by his
words. All members of the Company cared
about your safety, but Balin had become more of a grandfatherly figure. He made sure you had enough to eat, had a
good enough cloak for the weather, was there to hear you out whenever you
needed a chat. You remembered when you
first met him right before you joined the Company. He made such a fuss over your clothes since
he was not familiar with your culture.
“Goodness, child,” he had said. “Your shirt doesn’t have sleeves and you’ve
got holes in your trousers!”
“Where I come from, jeans with holes in them are quite
fashionable,” you had explained in amusement.
Since then, he took it upon himself to look after you and
help you adjust on the journey. He also
enjoyed telling you stories about the history and culture of his people. Some of the information he shared was meant
to remain secret to outsiders, but he had come to trust you and saw no reason
for you to use the information against them.
“Thank you,” you said quietly, grateful for his friendship.
“You’re very welcome.”
The smile was evident in his tone.
A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as he worked. He was so careful with your hair, not even
pulling at the strands once. You let
your eyelids flutter closed as you relaxed a little more. “Such beautiful hair,” he commented, moving
to work on the braids in the front. “And
such a brave and respectable young lady.”
You kept your eyes closed, but smiled.
“It’s no wonder a
certain member of the Company is so taken with you.”
Your eyes snapped open at his statement, and you turned your
head to look at him in surprise. Somehow, you you knew exactly who he was talking about. “What?”
“Please remain still,” he fussed. “One of the braids almost came undone. I would have had to start over.”
“Oh, sorry,” you mumbled, turning your head back to gaze
straight ahead as you did before. You
wondered if it would be wise to inquire further about his comment.
“It seems you fancy him as well,” he concluded. Yep, you were both definitely talking about the same member of the Company As if he knew you were about to protest, he
spoke. “I may be old, but I am not
oblivious to such things, ________.”
“I assure you that I have no intention of getting in the way
of the quest,” you said. “He has a duty
to the Company and the quest. Besides, I’m not so sure he feels the same
about me anyways.”
“There is a way to find out for sure,” Balin said mysteriously. He went quiet, hoping that you’d take the
He smiled mischievously.
“Suppose you were to, I don’t know…accidentally
get an injury. A mild injury. A sore ankle while walking back to camp, maybe. He won’t be able to mask his concern for you.”
“Mr. Balin,” you gasped at how sly this plan of his really
was. “Are you suggesting I feign an
injury to see him worry about me?”
“Perhaps. Perhaps not.”
“Honestly, I didn’t know you could be so… sneaky.”
He chuckled, and then he stood back. “There.
I used a few of my spare beads to keep the braids in place.”
“Thank you again,” you said, standing up and gently brushing
your fingertips along the back of your hair.
It was one long braid composed of three smaller braids all tied together
neatly. “I have to get back to gathering
“Be careful. We
wouldn’t want you to hurt your ankle, or anything,” he said, winking. You laughed at his suggestion, shaking your
head. You weren’t going to go through with
the plan. There was no need to make
anyone worry unnecessarily. But it was definitely amusing
(Author’s Note: The unnamed Company member in this story can be referring to any of them. And AWMAHGAWSH! I can just picture Balin as being this overprotective grandfatherly figure, but also kind of a nosy old person that can’t resist meddling with people’s love lives, haha!) Also, gif is not mine. Credit to original owner!
Imagine: Thorin and the Company Defending you from Alfrid
You struggled against the soldier’s grip, managing to break
free. This gave you a moment to make a
run for it, but the crowd of people that had begun to gather in the cold night kept
you from escaping. The soldier took hold
of you again forcefully, shoving you into the clearing among the rest of the
“What is the meaning of this?” the mayor of Lake-town
demanded, storming out of his manor. He
was dressed in long nightclothes, and what remained of his greasy hair was
combed to the side. He rested his hands
on the porch railing as he glared down at you and your travelling companions.
“We caught ‘em stealing weapons, sire,” a guard
replied. You felt someone behind you
push you forward. “She was standing
guard. Apparently, she’s one of ‘em.”
“Ah, enemies of the state then, hm?” The mayor’s eyes
You shot him an irritated look while the one called Alfrid
paced up to you.
“You might want to step away from the Lady,” Dwalin
grumbled. Alfrid ignored his warning.
“Strange for a young woman to be traveling with a bunch of
dwarves.” He grabbed your chin and
tipped your head up slightly to meet his eerie gaze. The way he leered at you was a bit unsettling. It didn’t last long before you smacked the
hand away and elbowed his chest to make him keep his distance, and he went stumbling
back. You smirked as some of the Company
chuckled in amusement while he tried to regain his balance.
“Why you-” he snapped, reaching to grab your wrist
“Stop!” Thorin barked, starting forward. “You will not lay a hand on her!” The other members of the Company voiced their agreement,
ready to jump to your defense if Alfrid neared you again.
“Yes, leave her alone!” Ori said bravely.
“Or you’ll have to answer to us!” Bofur added, straightening
his back to look as tall and intimidating as he could.
The dark-haired man before you shrank away, startled, as Balin came forward to usher you closer to the others. Though Alfrid tried to look threatening, you knew
he was afraid of your friends. “A
desperate bunch of mercenaries if there ever was, sire,” Alfrid spoke over his
shoulder. Seeing as he was no match for
the Company, all he could do was spout insults.
“Hold your tongue!”
Dwalin growled from beside you.
“You do not know to whom you speak.
This is no common criminal. This
is Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror!”
Thorin stepped forward.
“We are the dwarves of Erebor.”
Whispers and hushed conversation arose in the crowd around
you. People knew exactly who he
“We have come to reclaim our homeland.” The Company leader took a step forward, his
eyes scanning the crowd. “I remember
this town in the days of old. Fleets of
boats lay at harbor filled with silks and fine gems. This was no forsaken town on a lake! This was the center of all trade in the North!”
Shouts of agreement rang out.
“I would see those days return. I would relight the great forges of the
dwarves and send wealth and riches flowing once more from the halls of Erebor!”
Pride welled up within you as Thorin’s speech gradually earned
the respect and support of the people.
The sad people that you saw when first arriving in Lake-town had been
filled with hope.
“Death!” Bard’s voice
called from the back of the crowd. You
turned to look at him, shocked that he was opposing you after helping. “That is
what you will bring upon us. Dragon fire
and ruin.” He made his way to the front.
Thorin stared him down, and the two of them argued it out. You took the
opportunity to do a quick scan of the Company.
Kili was looking as pale as ever from the arrow wound. Fili seemed to be paying more attention to
his brother than the situation at hand.
Bilbo stood there in nervous silence as he watched the exchange that
would decide whether the Company could continue on the journey or not.
Thorin made his promises, Bilbo vouched for him, people
cheered; but the mayor of Lake-town didn’t seem too convinced at first. Alfrid did not hesitate to voice his
suspicion. Finally, when the matter had
been settled, the mayor paused dramatically.
“I say unto you…” He pointed his finger at the company. “Welcome!”
The crowd erupted in cheers, and you exchanged hopeful looks with Bilbo.
Relief washed over you when the soldiers backed off, and the
mayor came forward to invite you all in for a feast. It was a wonder that he had some much food to
spare when it looked like the entire town was struggling to feed their
families. It was also interesting how
all of a sudden Alfrid was showering you with compliments and being
ridiculously nice now that you were deemed a guest. Thankfully, Thorin approached you almost
“Stay close,” Thorin told you, gently pulling you to his
side and shooting Alfrid a cold look to frighten him off. “We may have won their favor, but I do not
“I can look after myself, you know,” you replied, though you
weren’t objecting. You cared for
a certain Company leader, and there was a part of you that enjoyed his concern
“I know.” You thought
you saw an amused smirk on his face as his eyes locked with yours. The light-hearted expression vanished as
quickly as it had appeared. “It would
still be wise if the Company stays together. Especially you.”
You nodded, smiling. “And
you stay close too.”
This time, he couldn’t hide the smile as the two of you
followed the others into the hall for the feast.
Who should you fight: The Company of Thorin Oakenshield
There is now a ‘who you should fuck’ companion to this post, for those who want to make love not war.
Balin: Dude survived the fall of Erebor, Azanulbizar, and Thorin’s quest. He survived Smaug twice. It took Moria to take him down, and there was a fucking Balrog in there. Are you Gandalf? Are you as strong as a Balrog? Of course not. Do not fight.
Dwalin: Just look at this guy. He is just waiting for an excuse to feed someone a knuckleduster sandwich. Do not give him a reason to. Death itself looks at Dwalin and thinks ‘I’m not really up to that today’. Do not fight.
Oin: He’s deaf, so you might have the upper hand briefly if you sneak up on him, but that’s not going to last long. He’s a tough old warrior and he’s seen far worse than you. He’ll defeat you and complain loudly about disrespectful youth the entire time. Do not fight.
Gloin: Do you think fighting Gimli’s daddy is going to end well for you? He’s going to kick your ass and charge you interest for it. Do not fight.
Bifur: The axe couldn’t take him out, do you really think you can? Do not fight.
Bofur: Why do you want to fight Bofur? Do you hate happiness? Doesn’t matter anyways, you’re not gonna win. He’s got hella muscles from mining and he’s vicious with that mattock. He’ll probably buy you a beer afterward and then you’ll feel like an ass. Do not fight.
Bombur: Dude is barrel whirlwind of axes and death. He is a tank. He could take you out with nothing but his battle spoon. Do not fight.
Dori: He might seem like an easy target, with his fussy nature and delicate manners, but beneath that elegance lies the strongest Dwarf of the Company. Will kick your ass and make you feel like a clod for making him do it. Do not fight.
Nori: I get why you want to, really. He probably stole something of yours, and he doesn’t look all that intimidating, but trust me. No. Any attempt to fight him is going to earn you a knife somewhere uncomfortable. Do not fight.
Ori: You want to fight Ori? You look at this tiny muffin, this sweet nerdling with his little scarf and his little quill, and you want to fight him? That is not going to end well for you. Beneath that soft exterior lies surprising strength. If you really make him, he’ll grab up some improbably sized weapon and go to town. And that’s if you’re lucky and his brothers don’t get you first. Do not fight.
Fili: Did you see how many knives this ray of sunshine had on him? This guy is a well armed and highly skilled warrior. Do not fight.
Kili: With those puppy dog eyes you really want to fight him? Really? I mean, go ahead you monster, but it’s not going to end well for you. Dude is fuckin’ fearless. Do not fight.
Thorin Oakenshield: After all canon put him through you still want to fight this guy? This guy got used as a warg matriarch’s chewy-toy and just shook it off. This guy is going to kick your ass and then stare into the distance and sigh dramatically while his luscious locks flow in the wind. He kicks your ass and comes out the other side even more majestic. Do not fight.
Bonus Round - Bilbo Baggins: He seems like an easy target, but wait up. Look at his success rate vs really strong foes including THE ONE FUCKING RING. Do not fight. Do not risk it.
TL:DR - do not fight the Company of Thorin. Your flabby human ass does not stand a chance.
Imagine Fili Listening to You Tell a Story to the Company
It was a quiet night.
Or, well….it would be if it weren’t for the constant chatter and
laughter of the Company. You didn’t mind
at all. Even though you enjoyed a little
quiet every now and then, it was comforting to listen to them exchange jokes
and stories. Too much quiet out here in the
wilderness could be a little on the scary side.
You’d be able to hear wolves and orcs and whatnot in the distance, and
to be honest, you’d rather not.
You sat near the campfire, rubbing your hands together in an
attempt to warm them up a bit. It was a
cold night. The ground was frosty and
the occasional icy wind stung your face.
Still, it was much nicer to be sitting by the fire surrounded by friends.
Fili and Kili returned from a quick scouting mission, both
“Nothing to report,” Kili called to Thorin between chuckles.
Thorin sat quietly by the fire. He nodded in acknowledgement to his nephews as they took a seat on either side of you.
You smiled at Fili, pleased that he sat beside you. No doubt you had feelings for a certain
“Good evening,” Kili and Fili said at the same time.
“Good evening,” you returned the greeting, smiling. “Anything new?”
“No, just the usual,” Kili replied. “Orcs shrieking in the distance.”
“At least they’re not here,” you muttered.
“I don’t know,” Fili contemplated. “I’m kind of in the mood for a fight.”
“If you want a fight, look no further,” Kili joked. “I’ll give you a fight just for saying that.” You laughed as the brothers reached behind
you to punch each other. But you were
also becoming very aware of how Fili placed his hands on your shoulders pulled
you out of the way before Kili could swat you with a knapsack.
“Careful with that. You almost hit her,” Fili scolded his
“Sorry, ________,” Kili told you, but his mischievous grin
showed he wasn’t sorry at all. “Looks like
you’ve got a knight in shining armor to protect you.”
Fili noticed his hands still on your shoulders and released
you, leaning over to swat Kili on the back of the head. You rolled your eyes, but blushed. Their playful
banter began to blend in with the general chatter of the others. Your mind wandered as you thought about the
dangers the Company had faced so far. It
made you think about what might be ahead.
Somone nudged your arm, and your eyes shot up to meet Fili’s
warm gaze. He was smiling softly at you. “They’re calling for you,” he informed.
“Oh, sorry,” you shook your head.
“You’ve been awfully quiet over there. Everything alright?” Bofur asked.
You gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, thank you. Just thinking is all.”
“Oh, she’s just thinking…”
He chatted with Bombur, Glóin, and Dwalin. You tipped your head to one side curiously as
they exchanged a few whispers. Bofur turned
to you again. “We were wondering… We’re always talking n’ sharing the same ol’
stories. We were hopin’ that you perhaps
had a tale.”
“Tell us a story,” Ori pleaded.
Kili leaned forward, resting his cheek on the palm of his
hand. “Yes, _________. Do tell us a story,” he grinned.
You were a little surprised by the request, but you were
also kind of happy. “I can’t say I have
any interesting tales to tell since this is my first adventure,” you confessed.
“You could tell us about your favorite book, or a fairytale,”
“That’s an excellent idea,” you told him, grateful for the
suggestion. “Is that okay with the rest
of you? If I tell a fairytale?”
The others nodded vigorously. There were a few different fairytales that
were commonly told among your people that were your favorites. One in particular came to mind. It was about a woman who lived in a tribe and
a man who was part of a group of people that invaded the land. Despite being on opposing sides of a
conflict, they meet and fall in love.
They meet in secret for some time and learn about each other’s cultures,
discovering that their original prejudices about each other were wrong. So, they decide that they want to try and put
an end of the fighting, since they can only be together when the fighting
“So…let’s see….where do I start?” you wondered aloud,
thinking back to the beginning of the story.
“Oh, I know. The tale begins with
a young princess of a small tribe…”
You went on to tell about how the couple met and fell in
love, and the growing conflict between the tribe and settlers. It eventually led to a monumental moment in
“Just when the tribe chief was about to execute her love,
the princess leaped forward and threw
herself on him to shield him. Just in
time too!” You told the story
enthusiastically, and the dwarves gasped dramatically as they had become so
interested in the story.
“And then what?” Bofur asked anxiously.
“She told the chief, her father, that if he was going to
kill the man, he’d have to kill her too.
You know why? Because she loved
him.” Your voice softened at those
words. “She managed to convince the
chief to stand down. To stop the
You glanced at Fili who sat beside you, listening to you
tell the story with a gentle smile on his face.
You shot him a smile and continued.
“Both sides realized that there was no need to go to war.”
“And they lived happily ever after?” Ori asked in a small
“Well…” you hesitated, causing the members of the Company to
let out shocked gasps.
“What? What happened?”
“There was still one settler who didn’t want peace. He was convinced that the tribe was
withholding gold from him. So, he
grabbed a bow and arrow and shot at the chief.
But the princess’ love saw what was going on. He knew that if the settler killed the chief,
the war would break out. So, he took the
“Did he die?” Bofur asked sadly.
“No, no he didn’t,” you replied. “But he was badly injured. They didn’t have the medical supplies to take
care of him, so he would have to return to his homeland as soon as possible.”
“What about the settler that tried to shoot the chief?”
“Oh, they definitely
arrested him. There was no way they were
happy about him shooting one of their own.”
Glóin ‘hmph’ed in approval that the settler had been brought to justice.
“The fighting was over, but now the girl’s love
had to go back to where he came from, or else he’d die.”
“Why doesn’t the princess go with ‘em?” Dwalin asked.
“Because she decided that she belonged with her people.”
“What?” Kili spoke
up. “They each found the love of their life,
and they’re just to let them go?”
“They kind of had to,” you reply, surprised by his
interest. You had no idea he was such a
romantic. “So, they proclaimed their
love for one another, and hoped that they’d meet again someday.”
The dwarves sat there with their mouths hung open in
“That’s so sad,” Ori mumbled.
“Hey, it’s okay. They
do end up meeting again. But that’s
another story for another time.” You told
them. Their expressions seemed to light
up again and the chatter resumed.
“That was a good story, I must say,” Balin told you. “And you told it so well. You’re a natural at story-telling. You’ll have to tell us another one soon.”
“Thank you,” you replied, smiling. You glanced over to see Fili still gazing at you
“Beautiful story,” he told you quietly. “The princess reminds me of you. Kind, selfless, brave.”
You blushed, but before you could voice a reply, Thorin
announced that it was time for the Company to get some sleep. You sat up on your knees, ready to set up
your sleeping mat. But while the other
dwarves were occupied, you stole a quick kiss on Fili’s cheek, leaving him
(Author’s Note:Yep, the story that reader tells is in fact the Disney Pocahontas. And there is a reference to Pocahontas II. Let’s just pretend that it was a fairytale back then. No copyright intended. I do not own Pocahontas or the gif!)