things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear
The air was crisp in a way that seared his lungs, the sky was blue and two people he loved were dead. The gravel crunches under his feet as he walks through the parking lot of the cemetery, and all he finds himself thinking about is the fact that there are entire companies, hundreds and thousands of people with jobs devoted to creating headstones. People are passing in and out of this world and the rest of them are making money. It tickles him.
He stopped bringing flowers a few years ago, after one notable instance with graverobbers and a circumstantial baseball bat, but he comes like clockwork every month anyway with the last thing that his mother ever given him clutched in his hands.
It’s mostly empty, with most people choosing to spend their Saturday mornings doing something slightly less depressing, but Stiles prefers it this way – gives him a chance to think more clearly. That is, of course, until he sees a familiar head of strawberry blonde hair, standing over an all too fresh plot of land with a bouquet of what he recognizes as aloe clutched close to her chest, and her head bowed as she stands in silence.
There’s a tug in his chest that pulls him in her direction, and he walks like he’s stepping on eggshells. A distant thought tells him to turn in the opposite direction and walk back to his mother’s grave, but he’s never had the best of impulse control, and he braves forward anyway until he’s within earshot of what she’s saying. He finds himself rooted to the spot at the sight of her, torn between wanting to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder, and standing stock still, too afraid to shatter the first moment Lydia would speak to a headstone instead of her best friend.
She slowly drops to her knees, placing the flowers at the head of the plot, and in the quietest voice that Stiles had ever heard, she whispers, “Hi, Ally. I miss you.”
She takes a deep breath before she begins again, “I hope you’re doing okay. We all miss you so much.” She reaches out to graze her hand against the headstone, “Everything is horrible without you, you know. You were like this annoying glob of sunshine in everyone’s life and now that you’re gone, everything is horrible and dark.” She stops to take another breath, choking back tears, and clutching onto the tombstone til her fingers turned white.
“How is anything supposed to get better, Ally? We were all supposed to make it. It was going to be you and Scott and me and Stiles, and we were supposed to go to prom and graduate and go to college and get married and you were going to be an amazing teacher, and you were going to be there for both my Fields medals, and you were going to be there to say ‘I told you so’ about Stiles, but now you’re not, and I’m all alone, stuck with these stupid screaming powers and nothing else and how is anything supposed to go on from here?”
She’s panting, choked with sobs and doesn’t say anything for a few minutes.
“I miss you so much, Allison. I’m so sorry.”
And then she falls silent.
He doesn’t realize he’s crying until there’s a hot tear streaking down his face.