“I don’t want to be alone tonight.” / “I haven’t been wanting to be alone most nights.”
“Is it possible for home to be a person and not a place?” A Mini Fanmix for Vax and Keyleth’s Last Night at the Keep
01.Distance - Christiana Perri - I give you everything I am, all my broken heartbeats / until I know you'll understand / and I will make sure to keep my distance / say I love you when you’re not listening / how long can we keep this up
02.Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls - you’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be / and I don’t want to go home right now / and all I can taste is this moment / and all I can breathe is your life / ‘cause sooner or later it’s over / I just don’t want to miss you tonight
03. Peace - O.A.R. - I just want to make you laugh / I just want to see that smile / babe, we’re only here - oh, for a little while / I just want to hold you 'til / we fall asleep
04.Glitter in the Air - Pink - have you ever felt a lover with just your hands / closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted / have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air / have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don’t care
05.100 Suns - Thirty Seconds to Mars - I believe in nothing, not the day and not the dark / I believe in nothing, but the beating of our hearts / I believe in nothing, one hundred suns until we part
06.She is the Sunlight - Trading Yesterday - and if loving her is heartache for me / and holding her means that I have to bleed / then I am the martyr and love is to blame / 'cause she is the healing and I am the pain
07.Somewhere Only We Know - Lily Allen - and if you have a minute why don’t we go / talk about it somewhere only we know / this could be the end of everything / so why don’t we go, somewhere only we know
I try not to be mean, I try not to be an asshole. I try to curb my thoughts and opinions and keep them to myself. I really try to be a nice guy. I try to keep my promises even to people who don’t deserve them.
After what I learned tonight though…
It’s fuck you until the day I die.
You used up the absolute last morsel of respect and compassion I had for you.
I can’t believe that I ever trusted someone like you. The way you play both sides, the things you say to me and then to him. You haven’t changed, you’ve just gotten better at hiding who you really are.
I had nothing but love for you and you’ve mistreated and ignored and abused me so much that there’s nothing left. Like what the fuck more can I do? I waited for months and left you alone and YOU called me. I let you have your space and time and YOU decided to move on. Then YOU decided you wanted to talk to me and hear my voice and a day later decided you wanted nothing to do with me. A week later YOU stayed on the phone with me for two and a half hours as your boyfriend slept next to you. YOU told me you loved me and that you weren’t happy and that you missed me. I never put those words in your mouth, I never forced you to say them. So paint me as the villain as much as you like but I’m done. I’m done playing games and I’m done going back and forth. You’re stuck with what you have so you better hold on tight because there’s nothing left for you here. You’ve burned it to the ground. You’re not fooling anyone. Not me, not your friends, not our friends. Not anyone. It’s plain as day that you’re fucking miserable. This is what you chose. This is what you decided you wanted for yourself. So make it work. Find some modicum of happiness to get you through the rest of your life because you turned your back on someone that loved you unconditionally. And I’m not even mad about that anymore because of you I got the chance to love someone that loves me unconditionally. Everything I did for you, she does for me. And I won’t be you. I won’t do to her what you did to me. I won’t destroy my shot at happiness. I won’t lie to her or cheat on her or play games with her. I won’t hide behind my insecurities or my weaknesses and blame her for them. I won’t give up on something that means the world to me no matter how hard it gets. I won’t. Because I never deserved all the things you did to me and she doesn’t deserve them either.
I don’t even know what else I can say. Pretend like you never saw this. Pretend like I mean nothing to you. Pretend like you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night. But you and I know the truth. We know how you couldn’t stop crying on the phone, and the way your voice trembled at the first hello. We know how you didn’t want to hang up and how you kept telling me about the things you missed the most. But let everyone around you make your decisions for you. Let them tell you what’s right and what’s wrong. Keep telling me that you didn’t know what to do and that you’re sorry. You never were able to lie to me and you can’t start now. I don’t care what you have to say to this, or even if you do or don’t say anything. After tonight, I just don’t want you to ever try and get in touch with me again. Call me whatever you want behind my back, because we both know the things you say to my face. Convince everyone of what a monster I am, it’s fine. I used to care but I really don’t anymore. I can’t keep living my life hoping that you’ll come to your fucking senses or that you’ll stop lying to yourself. So I won’t. I loved you, but that doesn’t mean you’re the only person I could ever love. I’m tired of all of this and I simply won’t stand for it anymore. So please, do try to call me and see that all you’ll get is a busy tone. Please, do send me texts and anons and watch as they go unanswered. Please, do come up to me and try to pull me aside and watch me walk away. Because that’s exactly what’ll happen.
And I know I’ve said this before, but please wait and see if I mean it this time.
Congratulations, you’ve pushed yet another person away and caused them to give up on you.