*missingyou

So the boy you gave your everything to
Walked away without looking back
And you’re left to pick up the pieces he left behind

2 boys later and you’re getting good at pretending he’s not here
But you’re still planning for ways to go back
Still searching for a reason to call

The boy you gave your everything to
Gladly took it, knowing full well he wasn’t planning to stay
He took and took and took until you were nothing but a ghost of what you use to be

I walked past you this morning and memories of us flooded my head. I swear I almost ran to you and asked why. Why you hated me with a burning passion, why you threw away our late night chats like a cigarette . I wanted to ask why it was so hard to get over you, i wanted to ask if you felt pains in your sides every time we pass eachother in the corridor like nothing ever happened between us, I wanted to know if you can still listen to our song without screaming at the walls because God knows that I can’t.I almost ran to you so I could scream at you, scream at you for taking everything I was and tearing it into two, but I couldn’t, because you can’t speak to someone who took away everything that you were without even caring. So instead, I walked straight past you and pretended like I don’t miss you. Fuck, when will I stop missing you?
—  when will I stop urging for you?

Sometimes, I wish you cared enough to call. Sometimes I wish you cared enough to talk at all. Sometimes, I wish that time didn’t matter at two, because you know that I’m always awake thinking of you. And sometimes, I wish I never missed you. I miss your smile, and I miss your hair in my face. I miss your clothes beside my bed and I miss you stealing my blankets even though you didn’t need them. I miss your cold toes and your warm embrace. I miss the way you kissed my forehead when you thought I was sleeping, and I miss the way you let me place my hand on your cheek to hide from the nightmares. I miss the way you waited for me to wake up only to pretend to sleep, and I miss the way you pulled me closer in the middle of the night. I miss your needy side and I miss you demanding cuddles. I miss the way you smell and the way you always seem to leave the sent on my pillow. I miss that stupid face you make when you think you’re right and I miss that stupid “whatever” comment you make when you realize you’re not. I miss your big blue eyes staring at me before each kiss, I miss holding you in my arms with your head on my chest just before you roll over on your side. I miss the way you look at me like I was your everything.. I miss the way you noticed when I looked at you the same and you’d ask me what or stick your tongue out or make another stupid face. I miss holding your stupid hand and I miss your stupid comments about my clothes. I miss the way you would pick me up in the kitchen when my mom wasn’t home. I miss when you would come visit me in the bathroom and just sit in the floor and talk to me. I miss when you would let me sit on the edge of the tub and talk to you. I miss rubbing your feet when you relax and rubbing your back when you get out at your moms. I miss fighting for the corner in the shower at your dads. I miss holding you when you were vulnerable and I miss when you were okay with holding me, not expecting to go home to someone else, to someone different, to someone else who supposedly loves you. I Miss You.

I hope whenever you hear someone say my name you can’t breath. I hope that when your mother asks why I haven’t come round in a long while you have to fight back the urge to tell her that you fucked up our relationship, and that you fucked me up as well. I hope that when your little brother tells you he misses seeing me you have to stop yourself before you reply with “me too”. But it’s far too late now to admit that you want me, I’ve moved on, you’ve lost me.
Heartbroken is not crying because someone left. Heartbroken is crying because they left and they had your entire heart. It’s hurting every time you hear ‘I love you’ because they were the one person you loved. It’s having trust issues because they promised they would never leave you but they did. Heartbroken is pushing people who love you away because life feels fake now. It’s crying in the shower with water pouring over your crippled body wishing that the pain would wash away. It’s all the thoughts wondering if you will ever be able to love again. It’s wondering if anyone will ever love you. It’s them leaving but it’s not just as simple as crying. It hurts because when they left they took away the best parts of you. Because that’s what happened. They brought out the best of you and took it with them leaving you with no love, not even for yourself.
—  I miss you. Oh boy, I sure do miss you.