I'm a Fan Fiction Snob

I’m becoming next-level snobbish about FanFics –I refuse to read anything shorter than 80,000 words and even that I’ll scoff at, because it should be /at least/ 120,000 to be a solid piece of work.
Do you even understand how bad that makes me?? Like I would turn down reading a Harry Potter fanfic that was shorter than the first book (76,944 words), and wouldn’t be satisfied with its length if it wasn’t longer than the third (107,253).
That’s bad.
So bad.

For Reference:

Harry Potter
HP1: 76,944 Not Good Enough
HP2: 85,141 Not Good Enough
HP3: 107,253 Not Good Enough
HP4: 190,637
HP5: 257,045
HP6: 168,923
HP7: 198,227

Lord of the Rings
LOTR1: 95,022 Not Good Enough
LOTR2: 177,227
LOTR3: 143,436
LOTR4: 134,462

1: 118,501 Not Good Enough
2: 132,807
3: 147,930
4: 192,196

Shall I go on? Now for writing quality.
-If you start sentences with “I” more than a few times per page I’ll get bored and leave.
-If the book starts with your character waking up I will get bored and leave.
-If you try and force your personal beliefs on the reader through your character, I will get annoyed and leave.
-If you’re writing about real people (i.e. actors, singers, etc.) and there’s a major continuity error with the story vs. reality that wasn’t done on purpose, I will slam my head into a wall and leave.
-If you use too many adjectives I will get bored and leave.
-If you don’t capitalize properly I will strangle you and leave.
-If your author’s note is longer than your chapter, or if it mentions how the chapter was just a filler chapter, I will lose my shit and leave.

Basically if it couldn’t be published, I’ll get bored and leave, and if it’s not super long, I’ll get bored and leave.

I expect way too much of teenagers when it comes to fanfiction.