*karmin

Ostavila je oproštajnu poruku na požutelom listu hartije sa crvenim linijama. Nema potpisa, nema žao mi je, nema volim te, samo otisak njenog karmina boje trule višnje. Nije parfemisala pismo, ionako ceo prokleti stan miriše na mešavinu njenog parfema i dima od cigareta. Kraj pisma je stajala prazna paklica i do pola ispušena cigareta u pepeljari sa njenim imenom, koju sam joj kupio za rođendan i najava iz novina za njenu prvu knjigu - Gde smo se izgubili?. Četiri reči u pismu bilo su znatno veće od ostalih. Nisu mi bile potrebne naočare, da bih pročitao - OVAKO SI ME IZGUBIO:
1) Stalno si me zapitkivao zašto pušim i govorio mi da su cigarete loše, ali nikad mi nisi dao razlog da prestanem da se uništavam. Ranije sam mislila da mariš za mene, sada shvatam da nisam ja ta za koju si brinuo. Braniš ljudima koje voliš i kritikuješ ih što puše ne zato što tebi smeta, već zato što ćeš ih izgubiti. Prosto: “Volim te i ne želim da ostanem bez tebe” bi bili validan argument da prestanem da pušim.
2) Ne sećam se kada si počeo da se žališ na moje nakarminisane usne, ali pamtim koliko puta mi nisi dozvolio da te poljubim ili bi se obrisao odmah nakon što bih to učinila, samo da ti ne bi ostao trag.
3) Sećaš li se kako sam nekad volela da pišem, pa bih odjednom iskočila iz kreveta, uključila svetlo i hvatala se za olovku i papir, pre nego što mi početna misao ispari, a ti si se stalno žalio i ustajao da isključiš svetlo, jer možeš da spavaš samo mraku, a ja sam posle pokušavala da dotrčim do dnevene sobe, ali do tada bi priča u mojoj glavi otišla toliko daleko, da ja nisam mogla da se setim početka, ili, kad sam u žurbi slomila dva prata na nozi u tri uveče, pa si morao da me vodiš u hitnu, noć uoči poslovnog puta, a ti si mi u besu rekao da mi tako i treba, kad hoću da mlatim praznu slamu, jer od mog pisanja nikad neće biti ništa
4) Jednom si mi rekao da tek, gledajući moje oči nakon plakanja, razumeš zašto kažu da su one ogledalo duše. Rekao si da tek tad dobijaju svoj pravi sjaj, da su prozirne, čiste i toliko zelene da bi se i smaragd postideo pred njihovim sjajem. A, sećaš se onda, kad sam slučajno polomila tvoju omiljenu igračku iz detinjstva i počela da plačem, jer sam te lišila jedne uspomene, a ti si me samo hladno pogledao i rekao mi da prestanem da cmizdrim zbog gluposti, da se umijem, našminkam i uradim nešto sa očima, jer ne možeš da ih gledaš tako krvave, vodnjikave i natekle.
5) Znaš kako si mi nekad govorio koliko voliš što mi je prednji zub okrnjen u detinjstvu, jer to samo pruža čar mom osmehu, a kasnije si me terao da idem kod zubara i doradim to, jer nemam savršen osmeh kao žene iz tvoje firme. I, sećaš li se kako si me namerno hvatao za šake i ljubio ih svaki put kada bih se zasmejala, da ne bih mogla da prekrijem osmeh i da bi svi videli moju “malu” manu.
6) I, sećaš li se kako si me ranije uvek ljubio ujutru, pre nego što odeš na posao, ili kako smo se uveče grlili dok ne zaspimo, a onda si u žurbi počeo da zaboravljaš da me poljubiš, a uveče bi me odgurnuo kada bih pokušala da se privijem uz tebe. Pa si, posle par dana, kada si shvatio šta radiš, pokušao da se vratiš na staro i onda me jedno jutro, kad si kasnio na posao, ošamario kad sam ti tražila da me poljubiš.
7) A, pamtiš li ono veče, kada si me zamolio da se ne trudim da te promenim, jer ni ti to meni ne želiš da učiniš, a ja ti obećala da neću. Pa si rekao da si se zaljubio u moje prodorne, zelene oči, u karmin boje trule višnje i mapu koju pravim njime po tvom telu, u moju šašavost i osmeh, kao i u um koji neprestano radi i priče koje pišem. Ja sam svoje obećanje ispunila, ti nisi. Naterao si me da se odreknem svega, zbog čega si me, najpre, zavoleo.

I kažem sebi mala si,

još si mlada i nezrela

nije ti vreme, 

a ni neko mesto.

i kažem sebi ne uvlači se u to,

daj olabavi malo,

nek stisak popusti.

šta ćeš ti u tim kaputima,

tim cipelama

i ozbiljnim maramama?

hajde još skači u starim starkama,

trči u omiljenim baletankama,

šetaj sama sa svojom muzikom.

nosi još svoj omiljeni dezen,

cvetni, detinji.

skini taj suvišan nakit,

i taj karmin prejak.

stavi samo svoje rumenilo

na svaku lepu reč i pohvalu,

i iskre u očima ponesi

od jučerašnje dobre knjige.

juri svoj džemper na vetru 

i neka kose po celom licu.

smej se i pokaži svoje zube,

tvoja priča je sledeća.

vuci svoje omiljene torbe, rančeve i 

plastične lančiće oko vrata,

šarene narukvice.

neka tvojim poletnim koracima 

ništa ne zasmeta.

neka te niko i ništa ne uspori,

umori, 

promeni i

zatamni.

neka ti niko ne otrgne sjaj

i neka te niko ne prisili da odrasteš.

čuvaj jedinstevno dete unutar sebe.

O tebi kao o želji. O tebi, kao o pesmi. O tvojim usnama kao o legendi. O tvom licu, samo najnežniji dodiri.
Čuvaj svoje lice. Volim ja da ti usnama skidam i karmin i puder i senku, ali više od toga volim tvoje lice. Pazi ga. To je tako malo lice koje postoji, tek dvadeset godina.  To tvoje lice je moj najdraži deo tebe. Tamo ima tako lepih prostora. Ima taj tvoj osmeh i onaj prostor između dve usne, ono malo uvo koje kriješ. Na tvom licu može da se spoji jedan čitav dan. Može da se putuje. Da putujem usnama od uva do uva, od početka osmeha do njegovog kraja, da putujem do tvojih očiju i da tu negde, pored kraja brade i početka vrata stavim svoje čelo. Da svojim čelom mazim tvoj obraz.
Ja ću se boriti za tvoje lice! Ja ću ga braniti od svih šminki! Braniću ga od kiše i vetra!
Ja bih to sve uradio za tvoje lice, šta li bih tek za tebe uradio…?

Mr. Oblivious

Warnings: alcohol

Word Count: 2084

Summary: Imagine singing karaoke to Sam after failed attempts to show him how much you like him.

Song used: Brokenhearted’ by Karmin (I’ve linked it in the story as well)

A/N: This is just a one shot I came up with on the bus to school while listening to this song! Hope you enjoy it! :)

Everyone needed to take a break from their jobs every now and then, especially hunters. The constant demand of a hunting lifestyle could often be very overwhelming. This is why all hunters usually go to visit their best friend, the bar. The bar was usually a positive environment, as it had everything you needed to keep you happy: good company, music, and most importantly, alcohol.

It had been a long day, researching for hours on end, and then finally doing what proved to be a challenging salt and burn. The keeper of the cemetery threatened to call the police on you and the Winchester brothers, which he ended up doing, resulting in a punch to the head from Dean, enough to knock him out. It just meant that you all had to rush to the grave and hastily dig up the coffin. You managed to do it before the police arrived, but only just, as you could hear the sirens becoming clearer as you packed the Impala. Therefore, the local bar was the perfect place to unwind and celebrate.

It wasn’t anything fancy, but it did have enough tables, a small entertainment stage and the essential spirits (alcoholic, not demonic). As you entered, you could smell the sweat and alcohol reeking off the people in the bar. You weirdly enjoyed it.

Dean had disappeared and found an empty booth towards the back of the bar, motioning for you and Sam to come over. When you all were seated, Dean immediately stood up.

“You know what? I think I’ll bring us some shots to start the night off,” he announced, before he began to walk off. But just before he turned around to the bar, he gave you a sneaky wink, and headed off to undoubtedly hit on the bartender.

You rolled your eyes. He knew about your feelings for Sam. Dean had noticed how you acted around Sam and the way you talked to him. So one night when Sam was researching at the library, you played Truth or Dare, which of course resulted in Dean getting his answer.

Dean had always wondered whether Sam felt the same about you, but Sam kept his cards close to his chest. Anyway, Sam was being completely oblivious to anytime you tried to flirt a little, or tried to get close. He was just too damn blind to see anything. And it was frustrating.

Now with Dean off to get drinks, you decided to try get Sam’s full and adoring attention. Well, here goes nothing.

“Wow, Sam. You were really good out there today. I mean, with your researching as well as the salt and burning of that body. You were really amazing,” you commented while you purposely played with your hair.

“Thanks Y/N,” Sam answered, “You were pretty good too.” After he finished speaking, his eyes wandered around the room to check out the buzz and excitement of the place. Unbelievable. That man was as clueless as SpongeBob SquarePants.

You needed to up your game. And then it came to you. It was cheesy, you’ll admit, but you were sure that it would work.

You began to ‘shiver’ in your seat, making sure you made chattering noises that were noticeable. “Wow, is it cold in here, or is it just me?” You looked over to Sam, who was watching your sudden change in temperature. You could see him shift in his jacket. Yes. You knew he would take his jacket off for you, like all those overly romantic men in the movies. Until…

“Nah Y/N, I think it’s just you.”

You silently groaned with frustration. Are. You. Serious. You were never going to crack Sam! You probably had a better chance flirting with a rock at that moment!

That’s when Dean arrived back with a tray of six shots, two for each of you. As Sam was preoccupied handing out your drinks among you, Dean gave you a questioning look, which you responded to by shaking your head and rolling your eyes. He sighed and quietly muttered to himself, “Dammit!”

A loud voice came over the speakers. “Hello everyone! Happy Saturday night! And you know what that means?” A bunch of people all over the bar shouted in response, “KARAOKE!” followed by lots of cheering and applause. People started to grab their drinks and move closer to the small stage area, where the bar DJ was booming into the mic.

“So, to get things started we need someone to brave the mic, and pick a song to sing along to! Anyone want to give it a go?” You thought heaps of people would jump at the chance, but they all looked into their drinks, not giving eye contact to the DJ. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see an obviously drunk old man who looked like he was getting ready to sing some karaoke. Judging by his character, he would probably sing some country songs completely out of tune, which would probably make you want to knock him out cold.

That’s when you got an idea, (and it didn’t involve knocking anyone out). You knew there was only one sure way that Sam would finally catch on to all your flirts and hints. The only way he could finally understand the feelings you shared for him. It wasn’t the most preferable way, hell, it would probably be bloody embarrassing. But it had to be done.

You stood up straight and shouted, “That mic is all mine baby!” Everyone in the bar, including both the brothers, looked at you in amazement, before they all started applauding and cheering. The brothers still had confused looks on their faces, but they clapped nonetheless. You downed your two shots with ease before marching up to the stage.

When you were up there, the DJ stepped away from the microphone, and asked you what song you wanted to sing. Speaking softly so no-one else could overhear, you requested the song which he instantly beamed at. Before going to his music decks, he asked, “What’s your name sugar?” You laughed both excitedly and nervously while responding, “It’s Y/N.”

He reached over to mic stand and drew it close to him, “Let’s hear it for Y/N!!” Another round of applause and cheers ensued, and you could see both Sam and Dean standing up at the back of the bar, both cheering you on, with massive smiles beaming on their faces.

You took your stance as the DJ went to go set up the track. You breathed slowly, in and out, as the clapping died down, and silence became present. It was go time.

The track started to pump through the speakers, and you grinned widely. It was one of your favourite songs: ‘Brokenhearted’ by Karmin. You always listened to it, and you knew the words back to front. Not to mention, it was the perfect song to sing to Sam. It was almost as if it was written about your whole situation, and Karmin knew that you would have to sing this song for Sam to realise everything. You took a deep breath before singing:

This is more than the typical kind of thing, felt the jones in my bones when you were touching me, uh oh, didn’t wanna take it slow. In a daze, going crazy, I can barely think, you’re replaying in my brain, find it hard to sleep, uh oh.

As you were singing the first verse, you felt too nervous to actually look at Sam, but you knew that you had to look at him at some point, otherwise he would think it’s just another song that you liked to sing. You started to warm up with confidence during the pre-chorus, but were still fighting butterflies, so you continued to look around the room, at anyone but Sam.

Now I’m here in a sticky situation got a little trouble, yep and now I’m pacing. Five minutes, ten minutes, now it’s been an hour, uh don’t want think too hard but I’m sour. Uh oh, I can’t seem to let you go.

You were ready. You were in the mood. You were pumped. The energy in the room was already escalating as everyone was already standing up and cheering and clapping. The chorus was the perfect opportunity to look right at him. So you prepared yourself for the chorus, and looked right at Sam.

See, I’ve been waiting all day, for you to call me baby. So let’s get up, let’s get on it, don’t you leave me brokenhearted tonight. Come on, that’s right. Honest baby, I’ll do anything you want to. So can we finish what we started, don’t you leave me brokenhearted tonight. Come on, that’s right, cheerio.

You didn’t take your eyes off Sam for a single word while you were singing. He was beaming from ear to ear at the beginning of the chorus, until you saw the realisation in his eyes. His smile dropped, and for the rest of the chorus as you practically sang to him, he just stood there, taking it all in.

Your heart dropped a little, but you needed to finish what you started.

What’s the time, such a crime, not a single word, sipping on a Patron just to calm my nerves, uh oh, poppin’ bottles by the phone.

His expression hadn’t changed at all. He never took your eyes off you as you sang, except for small glances at Dean, who was yelling out your name and pumping along to the beat of the song.

That’s enough, call me up, maybe I’m in doubt, uh oh. I don’t even think you know, no no.

As you continued the rest of the song, your inner performer came out. You began to walk the small lengths of the stage, closing your eyes with intensity, and using your arms to complete your theatrics. You were loving it. It was so much fun, but you never once forgot the real reason you got up there in the first place. You decided after a while, to look around the entire room, and not just Sam, as you knew he had figured it all out by now.

As the song was coming to a close, you locked your gaze back on Sam. His expression had changed from when you last saw it. He was now smiling and just admired the way you looked in the coloured party lights shining down on the stage. You started grinning from ear to ear, as you sang the final verse.

When you gonna call, don’t leave me brokenhearted. I’ve been waiting up, let’s finished what we started, oh oh. I can’t seem to let you go. Come on, that’s right, cheerio, uh!

When the track finished, you took a bow, puffing from your energetic performance as the bar erupted in applause and shouts of cheer. You laughed to yourself at the overwhelming reaction. The DJ congratulated you as you made your way off the stage. As you began to walk back to where the brothers were, you could hear the DJ settling everyone down, and asking for another volunteer to sing.

You finally made yourself to the table, and you tried to avoid looking directly at Sam, in fear of embarrassment. Dean pulled you in and gave you a massive hug. “Oh my god, Y/N, you were amazing!” You laughed as he released you from his embrace, “Thanks Dean.”

“Y/N,” you heard Sam’s voice say behind you. You sighed and hesitantly turned around to respond, but were met by his lips pressing against yours.

He cupped your cheeks in his hands, and you wrapped your arms around his neck as you pushed your lips against each other with a gentle passion. You were both craving each other, and you could feel the long awaited desire to just be with each other in that way.

When you finally broke apart slowly, you gazed at each other longingly, with a new look in your eyes, causing you both to smile in adoration.

“Finally!” Dean proclaimed loudly with satisfaction, getting both you and Sam’s attention towards him. You both laughed, and took a seat back in your booth, with Dean beaming with joy as he went off to get more drinks for the night.

Sam linked his fingers through yours, as you lay your head against his shoulder, enjoying the entertainment of the old drunk man singing an unusual country song, completely tone-deaf.

You had never felt so happy.

Kada me neočekivano dodirneš,
pogledaš,
pošalješ poruku,
pozoveš na film,
na kafu,
poželiš da me fotografišeš,
da me ne pustiš.


Kada neočekivano primjetiš novu haljinu,
novi karmin,
pa daš kompliment,
nasmiješiš se,
zagrliš čvrsto,
i ne vidiš moje podočnjake,
neurednu kosu
i beskrajnu, beskrajnu trapavost.

Kada ti se neočekivano svidi neka moja
misao,
riječ,
pokret,
sačuvaš pjesmu,
kažeš da je najbolja do sada
i da nastavim svoj mali univerzum od slova.

Kada neočekivao shvatiš
da se ne zatvaram zbog nas,
već zbog svijeta,
da se ne otvaram od vina
već od trenutka.E tada
me zadržiš.
Očekivano.

Jasna Karamehmedović

a honeygogo fanmix ❤ listen here

super love- dami im // speed of love- owl city // sugar- karmin // wake me up- ed sheeran // that’s okay, that’s love- davichi // i still love u- perfume // talking to the moon- bruno mars // the only exception- paramore // froot- marina & the diamonds // angels- owl city // she keeps me warm- mary lambert