Ostavila je oproštajnu poruku na požutelom listu hartije sa crvenim linijama. Nema potpisa, nema žao mi je, nema volim te, samo otisak njenog karmina boje trule višnje. Nije parfemisala pismo, ionako ceo prokleti stan miriše na mešavinu njenog parfema i dima od cigareta. Kraj pisma je stajala prazna paklica i do pola ispušena cigareta u pepeljari sa njenim imenom, koju sam joj kupio za rođendan i najava iz novina za njenu prvu knjigu - Gde smo se izgubili?. Četiri reči u pismu bilo su znatno veće od ostalih. Nisu mi bile potrebne naočare, da bih pročitao - OVAKO SI ME IZGUBIO:
1) Stalno si me zapitkivao zašto pušim i govorio mi da su cigarete loše, ali nikad mi nisi dao razlog da prestanem da se uništavam. Ranije sam mislila da mariš za mene, sada shvatam da nisam ja ta za koju si brinuo. Braniš ljudima koje voliš i kritikuješ ih što puše ne zato što tebi smeta, već zato što ćeš ih izgubiti. Prosto: “Volim te i ne želim da ostanem bez tebe” bi bili validan argument da prestanem da pušim.
2) Ne sećam se kada si počeo da se žališ na moje nakarminisane usne, ali pamtim koliko puta mi nisi dozvolio da te poljubim ili bi se obrisao odmah nakon što bih to učinila, samo da ti ne bi ostao trag.
3) Sećaš li se kako sam nekad volela da pišem, pa bih odjednom iskočila iz kreveta, uključila svetlo i hvatala se za olovku i papir, pre nego što mi početna misao ispari, a ti si se stalno žalio i ustajao da isključiš svetlo, jer možeš da spavaš samo mraku, a ja sam posle pokušavala da dotrčim do dnevene sobe, ali do tada bi priča u mojoj glavi otišla toliko daleko, da ja nisam mogla da se setim početka, ili, kad sam u žurbi slomila dva prata na nozi u tri uveče, pa si morao da me vodiš u hitnu, noć uoči poslovnog puta, a ti si mi u besu rekao da mi tako i treba, kad hoću da mlatim praznu slamu, jer od mog pisanja nikad neće biti ništa
4) Jednom si mi rekao da tek, gledajući moje oči nakon plakanja, razumeš zašto kažu da su one ogledalo duše. Rekao si da tek tad dobijaju svoj pravi sjaj, da su prozirne, čiste i toliko zelene da bi se i smaragd postideo pred njihovim sjajem. A, sećaš se onda, kad sam slučajno polomila tvoju omiljenu igračku iz detinjstva i počela da plačem, jer sam te lišila jedne uspomene, a ti si me samo hladno pogledao i rekao mi da prestanem da cmizdrim zbog gluposti, da se umijem, našminkam i uradim nešto sa očima, jer ne možeš da ih gledaš tako krvave, vodnjikave i natekle.
5) Znaš kako si mi nekad govorio koliko voliš što mi je prednji zub okrnjen u detinjstvu, jer to samo pruža čar mom osmehu, a kasnije si me terao da idem kod zubara i doradim to, jer nemam savršen osmeh kao žene iz tvoje firme. I, sećaš li se kako si me namerno hvatao za šake i ljubio ih svaki put kada bih se zasmejala, da ne bih mogla da prekrijem osmeh i da bi svi videli moju “malu” manu.
6) I, sećaš li se kako si me ranije uvek ljubio ujutru, pre nego što odeš na posao, ili kako smo se uveče grlili dok ne zaspimo, a onda si u žurbi počeo da zaboravljaš da me poljubiš, a uveče bi me odgurnuo kada bih pokušala da se privijem uz tebe. Pa si, posle par dana, kada si shvatio šta radiš, pokušao da se vratiš na staro i onda me jedno jutro, kad si kasnio na posao, ošamario kad sam ti tražila da me poljubiš.
7) A, pamtiš li ono veče, kada si me zamolio da se ne trudim da te promenim, jer ni ti to meni ne želiš da učiniš, a ja ti obećala da neću. Pa si rekao da si se zaljubio u moje prodorne, zelene oči, u karmin boje trule višnje i mapu koju pravim njime po tvom telu, u moju šašavost i osmeh, kao i u um koji neprestano radi i priče koje pišem. Ja sam svoje obećanje ispunila, ti nisi. Naterao si me da se odreknem svega, zbog čega si me, najpre, zavoleo.
O tebi kao o želji. O tebi, kao o pesmi. O tvojim usnama kao
o legendi. O tvom licu, samo najnežniji dodiri.
Čuvaj svoje lice. Volim ja da ti usnama skidam i karmin i puder i senku, ali
više od toga volim tvoje lice. Pazi ga. To je tako malo lice koje postoji, tek
dvadeset godina. To tvoje lice je moj
najdraži deo tebe. Tamo ima tako lepih prostora. Ima taj tvoj osmeh i onaj
prostor između dve usne, ono malo uvo koje kriješ. Na tvom licu može da se
spoji jedan čitav dan. Može da se putuje. Da putujem usnama od uva do uva, od
početka osmeha do njegovog kraja, da putujem do tvojih očiju i da tu negde,
pored kraja brade i početka vrata stavim svoje čelo. Da svojim čelom mazim tvoj
Ja ću se boriti za tvoje lice! Ja ću ga braniti od svih šminki! Braniću ga od
kiše i vetra!
Ja bih to sve uradio za tvoje lice, šta li bih tek za tebe uradio…?
A/N: This is just a one shot I came up with on the bus to school while listening to this song! Hope you enjoy it! :)
Everyone needed to
take a break from their jobs every now and then, especially hunters. The
constant demand of a hunting lifestyle could often be very overwhelming. This
is why all hunters usually go to visit their best friend, the bar. The bar was
usually a positive environment, as it had everything you needed to keep you
happy: good company, music, and most importantly, alcohol.
It had been a long day,
researching for hours on end, and then finally doing what proved to be a challenging
salt and burn. The keeper of the cemetery threatened to call the police on you
and the Winchester brothers, which he ended up doing, resulting in a punch to
the head from Dean, enough to knock him out. It just meant that you all had to
rush to the grave and hastily dig up the coffin. You managed to do it before
the police arrived, but only just, as you could hear the sirens becoming
clearer as you packed the Impala. Therefore, the local bar was the perfect
place to unwind and celebrate.
It wasn’t anything
fancy, but it did have enough tables, a small entertainment stage and the
essential spirits (alcoholic, not demonic). As you entered, you could smell the
sweat and alcohol reeking off the people in the bar. You weirdly enjoyed it.
Dean had disappeared
and found an empty booth towards the back of the bar, motioning for you and Sam
to come over. When you all were seated, Dean immediately stood up.
“You know what? I
think I’ll bring us some shots to start the night off,” he announced, before he
began to walk off. But just before he turned around to the bar, he gave you a
sneaky wink, and headed off to undoubtedly hit on the bartender.
You rolled your eyes.
He knew about your feelings for Sam. Dean had noticed how you acted around Sam
and the way you talked to him. So one night when Sam was researching at the
library, you played Truth or Dare, which of course resulted in Dean getting his
Dean had always
wondered whether Sam felt the same about you, but Sam kept his cards close to
his chest. Anyway, Sam was being completely oblivious to anytime you tried to
flirt a little, or tried to get close. He was just too damn blind to see
anything. And it was frustrating.
Now with Dean off to
get drinks, you decided to try get Sam’s full and adoring attention. Well, here
“Wow, Sam. You were
really good out there today. I mean, with your researching as well as the salt
and burning of that body. You were really amazing,” you commented while you
purposely played with your hair.
“Thanks Y/N,” Sam
answered, “You were pretty good too.” After he finished speaking, his eyes
wandered around the room to check out the buzz and excitement of the place.
Unbelievable. That man was as clueless as SpongeBob SquarePants.
You needed to up your
game. And then it came to you. It was cheesy, you’ll admit, but you were sure
that it would work.
You began to ‘shiver’
in your seat, making sure you made chattering noises that were noticeable.
“Wow, is it cold in here, or is it just me?” You looked over to Sam, who was
watching your sudden change in temperature. You could see him shift in his
jacket. Yes. You knew he would take his jacket off for you, like all those
overly romantic men in the movies. Until…
“Nah Y/N, I think it’s
You silently groaned
with frustration. Are. You. Serious. You were never going to crack Sam! You
probably had a better chance flirting with a rock at that moment!
That’s when Dean
arrived back with a tray of six shots, two for each of you. As Sam was
preoccupied handing out your drinks among you, Dean gave you a questioning
look, which you responded to by shaking your head and rolling your eyes. He
sighed and quietly muttered to himself, “Dammit!”
A loud voice came over
the speakers. “Hello everyone! Happy Saturday night! And you know what that
means?” A bunch of people all over the bar shouted in response, “KARAOKE!”
followed by lots of cheering and applause. People started to grab their drinks and
move closer to the small stage area, where the bar DJ was booming into the mic.
“So, to get things
started we need someone to brave the mic, and pick a song to sing along to!
Anyone want to give it a go?” You thought heaps of people would jump at the chance,
but they all looked into their drinks, not giving eye contact to the DJ. Out of
the corner of your eye, you could see an obviously drunk old man who looked
like he was getting ready to sing some karaoke. Judging by his character, he
would probably sing some country songs completely out of tune, which would
probably make you want to knock him out cold.
That’s when you got an
idea, (and it didn’t involve knocking anyone out). You knew there was only one
sure way that Sam would finally catch on to all your flirts and hints. The only
way he could finally understand the feelings you shared for him. It wasn’t the
most preferable way, hell, it would probably be bloody embarrassing. But it had
to be done.
You stood up straight
and shouted, “That mic is all mine baby!” Everyone in the bar, including both
the brothers, looked at you in amazement, before they all started applauding
and cheering. The brothers still had confused looks on their faces, but they
clapped nonetheless. You downed your two shots with ease before marching up to
When you were up
there, the DJ stepped away from the microphone, and asked you what song you wanted
to sing. Speaking softly so no-one else could overhear, you requested the song
which he instantly beamed at. Before going to his music decks, he asked,
“What’s your name sugar?” You laughed both excitedly and nervously while
responding, “It’s Y/N.”
He reached over to mic
stand and drew it close to him, “Let’s hear it for Y/N!!” Another round of
applause and cheers ensued, and you could see both Sam and Dean standing up at
the back of the bar, both cheering you on, with massive smiles beaming on their
You took your stance
as the DJ went to go set up the track. You breathed slowly, in and out, as the
clapping died down, and silence became present. It was go time.
The track started to
pump through the speakers, and you grinned widely. It was one of your favourite
songs: ‘Brokenhearted’ by Karmin. You always listened to it, and you knew the
words back to front. Not to mention, it was the perfect song to sing to Sam. It
was almost as if it was written about your whole situation, and Karmin knew
that you would have to sing this song for Sam to realise everything. You took a
deep breath before singing:
This is more than the typical kind of thing,
felt the jones in my bones when you were touching me, uh oh, didn’t wanna take
it slow. In a daze, going crazy, I can barely think, you’re replaying in my
brain, find it hard to sleep, uh oh.
As you were singing
the first verse, you felt too nervous to actually look at Sam, but you knew
that you had to look at him at some point, otherwise he would think it’s just
another song that you liked to sing. You started to warm up with confidence
during the pre-chorus, but were still fighting butterflies, so you continued to
look around the room, at anyone but Sam.
Now I’m here in a sticky situation got a little
trouble, yep and now I’m pacing. Five minutes, ten minutes, now it’s been an
hour, uh don’t want think too hard but I’m sour. Uh oh, I can’t seem to let you
You were ready. You
were in the mood. You were pumped. The energy in the room was already
escalating as everyone was already standing up and cheering and clapping. The
chorus was the perfect opportunity to look right at him. So you prepared
yourself for the chorus, and looked right at Sam.
See, I’ve been waiting all day, for you to call
me baby. So let’s get up, let’s get on it, don’t you leave me brokenhearted
tonight. Come on, that’s right. Honest baby, I’ll do anything you want to. So
can we finish what we started, don’t you leave me brokenhearted tonight. Come
on, that’s right, cheerio.
You didn’t take your
eyes off Sam for a single word while you were singing. He was beaming from ear
to ear at the beginning of the chorus, until you saw the realisation in his
eyes. His smile dropped, and for the rest of the chorus as you practically sang
to him, he just stood there, taking it all in.
Your heart dropped a
little, but you needed to finish what you started.
What’s the time, such a crime, not a single
word, sipping on a Patron just to calm my nerves, uh oh, poppin’ bottles by the
His expression hadn’t
changed at all. He never took your eyes off you as you sang, except for small
glances at Dean, who was yelling out your name and pumping along to the beat of
That’s enough, call me up, maybe I’m in doubt,
uh oh. I don’t even think you know, no no.
As you continued the
rest of the song, your inner performer came out. You began to walk the small
lengths of the stage, closing your eyes with intensity, and using your arms to
complete your theatrics. You were loving it. It was so much fun, but you never
once forgot the real reason you got up there in the first place. You decided
after a while, to look around the entire room, and not just Sam, as you knew he
had figured it all out by now.
As the song was coming
to a close, you locked your gaze back on Sam. His expression had changed from
when you last saw it. He was now smiling and just admired the way you looked in
the coloured party lights shining down on the stage. You started grinning from
ear to ear, as you sang the final verse.
When you gonna call, don’t leave me
brokenhearted. I’ve been waiting up, let’s finished what we started, oh oh. I
can’t seem to let you go. Come on, that’s right, cheerio, uh!
When the track
finished, you took a bow, puffing from your energetic performance as the bar
erupted in applause and shouts of cheer. You laughed to yourself at the
overwhelming reaction. The DJ congratulated you as you made your way off the
stage. As you began to walk back to where the brothers were, you could hear the
DJ settling everyone down, and asking for another volunteer to sing.
You finally made
yourself to the table, and you tried to avoid looking directly at Sam, in fear
of embarrassment. Dean pulled you in and gave you a massive hug. “Oh my god,
Y/N, you were amazing!” You laughed as he released you from his embrace,
“Y/N,” you heard Sam’s
voice say behind you. You sighed and hesitantly turned around to respond, but
were met by his lips pressing against yours.
He cupped your cheeks
in his hands, and you wrapped your arms around his neck as you pushed your lips
against each other with a gentle passion. You were both craving each other, and
you could feel the long awaited desire to just be with each other in that way.
When you finally broke
apart slowly, you gazed at each other longingly, with a new look in your eyes,
causing you both to smile in adoration.
proclaimed loudly with satisfaction, getting both you and Sam’s attention
towards him. You both laughed, and took a seat back in your booth, with Dean
beaming with joy as he went off to get more drinks for the night.
Sam linked his fingers
through yours, as you lay your head against his shoulder, enjoying the
entertainment of the old drunk man singing an unusual country song, completely
super love- dami im // speed of love- owl city // sugar- karmin // wake me up- ed sheeran // that’s okay, that’s love- davichi // i still love u- perfume // talking to the moon- bruno mars // the only exception- paramore // froot- marina & the diamonds // angels- owl city // she keeps me warm- mary lambert