*justine

youtube

Canadian House of Commons pays tribute to Gord Downie.

Canandian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau breaks down in statement about Gord Downie’s passing. 

“We lost one of the best of us today”

“We are less as a country without Gord Downie in it”

"Do you have a gun?"
MBMBAM 373
"Do you have a gun?"

“I’m a female security guard at a truck gate. I’m basically the only female there and I have to deal with a lot of truckers. They all tend to call me things like “sweetheart”, “hon”, “babe”, but I’ve recently started responding with “no problem, sport”, “no problem, champ”. My question is, what else can I use?”

theres just something real special about the advice the brothers give in response to women asking about gross men, and personally i love it more than most things

  • Justin: Um, Roman Mars says that if there's a revolving door and you use the one next to it that isn't revolving then you're a monster. 'Cause they're so efficient and great.
  • Griffin: Can I, um, can I ask you a question Justin? I've been meaning to ask you this for a while.
  • Justin: Uh-huh?
  • Griffin: Why don't you just go do a podcast with Roman Mars?
  • Justin: Um. If he would have me I would love to, to get over there. I have a lot of good ideas for like, not like this show, but like, for his show like Smart Stuff, you know what I mean? Like, real thinkers. Not like - I can't stress this enough - not like THIS show, but like, smart, erudite podcasting. That's, I feel like, my true calling and. I really feel like my light's under a bushel.
  • Travis: Justin, do you wanna do like a weird backdoor for pilot for Smart Stuff with Justin and Roman right now, and just like, give us a topic you might discuss on Smart Stuff?
  • Justin: Yeah, I'll give you an example and this would be like co-hosted by me and Roman, okay? So I'll kinda leave blanks for his-
  • Griffin: I'll do- No, I can do Roman.
  • Justin: No, I'm just gonna leave blanks for his parts, okay?
  • Griffin: You don't even wanna hear my Roman?
  • Justin: No! You can try later.
  • ...
  • Justin: Remember it's like an erudite, kinda smart podcast.
  • Griffin: Yeah, yeah, like a podcast where you know the host knows the word erudite.
if life is a movie (you're the best part)

ONE.

The first time Derek Nurse meets Justin Oluransi, he falls and damn near breaks his nose.

No, really.

He’d visited a few other colleges for shits and giggles, but he had already nearly decided on Samwell and had come back to spend some more time on campus.

He’s walking through the Quad staring at his phone, inspired by his surroundings and the atmosphere and itching to get some words down somewhere. He isn’t looking where he’s going (obviously) and veers off course (of course) and bumps pretty hard into someone. And because Derek Nurse is Derek Nurse, he looks up, sees the impossibly attractive man he’s bumped into, continues to trip over his own feet, fall over a nearby bench and hits his face on the sidewalk. He groans in pain as he feels blood pouring down from his nose and, through the tears in his eyes, sees a large dark-skinned hand reaching out to help him up.

“Oh my God, bro, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” The voice asking is deep with a Canadian lilt and Derek would appreciate it more if his face wasn’t aching so bad. He mumbles something about hurting as mister tall, dark, and handsome leads him to a bench.

“I’m pre-med, is it okay if I touch your face?” He asks gently, hands already slightly raised. Derek grunts his consent, and the man runs gentle fingers over his cheeks, eyes, and nose, seemingly satisfied when Derek only lets out small grunts of discontent.

“Yeah, I don’t think anything is broken, but you’ll be bruised for a little while.” He reaches into his bag and produces a few napkins and a bottle of water for Derek to clean himself up with.

“Thanks. I’m sorry for bumping into you,” Derek croaks, pain still blooming across his face.

“No, it’s completely fine. Are you from around here? Can I walk you back to your dorm?” The man Derek is beginning to think of as Tall Dark and Handsome draws his eyebrows together in concern, teeth digging into his bottom lip.

Holy shit, he’s gorgeous, Derek can’t help thinking as he finally takes a second to look him over. The man has dark, clear skin and is broad and tall, with perfect teeth and cheekbones cut from marble. After staring for a minute, he remembers that he was asked a question.

“Oh no, I’m actually visiting. I’m a senior at Andover, I’m pretty sure I’m coming here next year.”

“‘Swawesome. I promise we normally keep the checking to a minimum on the Quad, so I hope i didn’t scare you out of coming back,”

“No, not at all. I really like this place. Uh, were you headed anywhere?”

The man startles a bit and checks his watch before standing quickly. “Ah shit, yes! I have to go. Take some Ibuprofen, ice your face, and go to a doctor and have them double check for a concussion. I guess I’ll see you around, eh? Nice to meet you!”

Derek waves at his back as he hurries off and smirks as he finishes cleaning himself up. He spends that evening writing poems about half moon eyes and strong hands.

(read the rest on ao3)

Unfortunate Events Pasta Puttanesca


Yields 2-4 servings

The things you’ll need

Ingredients

Sauce
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 clove garlic, peeled and well smashed
  • 2/3 cup strained tomatoes (or tomato paste)
  • ¼ cup pitted black olives
  • 2 tablespoons capers
  • 1/3 cup cherry tomatoes
  • 2 tablespoons chopped anchovies
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 tablespoon Italian parsley, finely chopped
  • 2-4 sprigs of fresh basil to garnish
Pasta
  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • ¼ cup water
Equipment
  • Large pot
  • Large sauté pan
  • Tongs
  • Rubber spatula
  • Pasta maker and cutter
  • Food processor
  • Liquid measuring cup
  • Bench flour
  • Cutting board & knife
  • Baking sheet lined with parchment
  • Clean towel for resting pasta

Let’s get started!

Sauce
  1. Heat olive oil in a large sautè pan over medium heat and sautè the garlic.
  2. Add tomatoes and lower heat slightly.
  3. Add olives, capers, cherry tomatoes, anchovies (optional), and a pinch of salt. Reduce heat slightly and simmer for 3 to 4 minutes.
Pasta
  1. Pulse flour and salt in a food processor until well combined.
  2. Make three small holes in the flour mixture and crack an egg into each well.
  3. Pulse the mixture until it starts to form pebbles and then drizzle in olive oil.
  4. Add water while pulsing until dough starts to come together.
  5. Remove dough from machine and knead a few times until smooth.
  6. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and let it rest for 30 minutes.
  7. Cut the dough into fours, and roll each quarter through the pasta maker starting with the largest roller. Roll it through each number 2 to 3 times before making the number smaller.
  8. Roll the sheet through the pasta cutter attachment to create fettuccini.
  9. Toss the noodles in flour and let dry under a towel for about an hour.
  10. Bring a large pot of water to a boil with a pinch of salt and cook pasta for 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from water immediately and serve with sauce.
  11. Top with chopped parsley and basil.
  12. TaDa! Here’s a savory dish that the Baudelaire children would be proud to serve up!