*jrb

Renamed Musicals
  • The Last Five Years: We were happy for ten minutes
  • Bring It On: just like the movies but better because Lin-Manuel Miranda
  • Dogfight: All My Friends Are Dead by: Eddie Birdlace
  • American Psycho: Benjamin Walker's abs ft. Jennifer Damiano
  • Spring Awakening: horny German teenagers make me cry thirty times
  • Gypsy: Broadway dance moms
  • In the Heights: remember Lin Manuel Miranda before Hamilton?
  • Jersey Boys: we're all shitty people but at least we're shitty people who can sing
  • How to Succeed in Business: life is good if you can lie
  • Matilda: Carrie Jr.
  • Daddy Long Legs: haha she said "daddy"
  • Children of Eden: the bible ft. belting
  • Tick, Tick...Boom: Remember Jonathan Larson before Rent?
  • Urinetown: urine jokes and Hunter Foster
  • A Chorus Line: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with dancing
  • Newsies: hot gay teenage boys stomp a lot
  • The Book of Mormon: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with religion
  • Footloose: let hiM BE A DANCER!!!1!!
  • Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown: crazy women take lots of Valium
  • Next to Normal: crazy woman takes a lots of Valium
  • Avenue Q: ruining your childhood one song at a time
  • Bullets Over Broadway: Zach Braff can sing?
  • If/Then: Elphaba marries Roger
  • Parade: JRB can't write anything happy
  • Honeymoon in Vegas: JRB finally writes something happy
  • Ragtime: everyone's a little bit racist but it's okay because it's 1910
  • The Full Monty: suicide and strippers
  • Jekyll and Hyde: Frank Wildhorn needs to chill
  • Wonderland: Frank Wildhorn really needs to chill
  • Bonnie and Clyde: Frank Wildhorn finally finds his chill
  • Catch Me if You Can: Aaron Tveit ignores his feelings with jazz numbers
  • Merrily We Roll Along: we were all happy for like ten minutes
  • Cats: what?
  • Spelling Bee: guy from Modern Family ft. erection song
  • [title of show]: what musical theatre majors go through after college
  • Calvin Berger: Cyrano with horny teenagers
  • Legally Blonde: Laura Bell Bundy can belt my face off
  • Little Women: Jo isn't straight but alright whatever
  • Assassins: kill a president and all your problems will be solved
  • Clinton the Musical: the best thing to come out of Broadway in 50 years
  • Carrie: Matilda with murder
  • Rent: we're all dead inside but it's alright
  • Jasper in Deadland: we're all dead inside but it's not alright
  • Falsettos: family is important ft. the guy from into the woods
  • Company: love is stupid and so are all of you
  • Evening Primrose: literally wh a t the fuck
  • The Frogs: literALLY WH A T THE FUCK
  • School of Rock: these kids have more talent in their left pinkies than you ever will
  • The Addams Family: she's being pulled in a new direction
  • Aladdin: seriously SO much better than the movie
  • Bare: horny American teenagers make me cry thirty times
  • Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson: everyone hates Andrew Jackson boo hoo
  • The Bridges of Madison County: Kelli O'Hara needs to stop being perfect immediately
  • Finding Neverland: somebody wrote fanfiction about J.M. Barrie
  • Fun Home: you're gonna cry a lot
  • Heathers: literally fuckin chill
  • Hamilton: literally fuckin chill (reprise)
  • Love's Labour's Lost: horny college students are horny college students
  • Meet John Doe: Heidi Blickenstaff can belt my face off
  • Pippin: sad gay circus boy
  • Shrek: everyone makes fun of this musical but it's seriously amazing????
  • Something Rotten: 16th century fanfiction
  • Tuck Everlasting: become best friends with your kidnappers
  • Waitress: Deep Dish Blueberry Pie
  • Sweeney Todd: Deep Shit Blueberry Pie
  • West Side Story: MARIA!
  • Zombie Prom: lol why
2

So usually the congress-edits bot shows people from Congress IPs editing government-related articles, but this person helpfully added to JRB’s page:

[Honeymoon in Vegas… opened on Jan 15…] “before closing on April 5, 2015, due to insufficient ticket sales.”

thank you anonymous Congressional staff member!

Chronological List of Songs in The Last Five Years (based on the movie)

1) Shiksa Godess
2) Goodbye Until Tomorrow
3) I Can Do Better Than That
4) Movin’ Too Fast
5) Schumel Song
6) Climbing Uphill
7) The Next Ten Minutes
8) Summer in Ohio
9) A Miracle Would Happen
10) A Part of That
11) If I Didn’t Believe In You
12) Nobody Needs To Know
13) See I’m Smiling
14) I Could Never Rescue You
15) Still Hurting