A week since we last met. I still haven’t heard anything from you. I mean, just to be clear, I’m not demanding any of your time or attention. (Well.. Maybe I am but..) I know that you’re quite busy with your studies. You’re on your final year and I’m really proud of you, the best thing that I can do is to give you your time and respect your schedule. I know we’re just really close friends.. Maybe, a little more but.. Maybe, it’s just me. Just read through the end of this entry, you’ll find out.
Out of the blue, I visited Los Baños because I wanted to go back to the University. I still remember the last time I was here; The sixth of December, year twenty-fourteen. You promised to take me around the campus and that’s what you did. Now, I’m familiar as to how I get here, the bus station that we used to go, the fare, the estimated travel time, it’s engraved at the back of my mind. I’d tell everyone that the main reason for my visit was my longing for the place but in reality, it was my longing for you.
As I enter the University grounds, a wave of nostalgia hit me; the streets, the buildings and the places that we used to go. It never gets old, I still have that feeling of excitement as I entered its vicinity. Before letting you know of my arrival, I went around for a walk- to new places that we’ve never had a chance to visit. It feels refreshing, the atmosphere, the people.. Everything’s exhilarating.
Afternoon came and we finally met. You had that silly grin plastered to your face as you walked out the gate of your dormitory. We agreed to go eat in a Korean restaurant you highly speak of, Seoul Kitchen. We had no problem of getting a seat as it’s the weekend and there were only a few students here. We ordered Bibimbap and coffee milk. You laughed at me because I’m not really good with chopsticks, you can be a jerk, y’know? Oh, and I almost made you spit out your food as I found the red bean paste spicy. I seriously thought it was ketchup as you poured it all over your rice bowl, I did the same. I didn’t know it was really spicy. You had a great time, you were laughing at me as I try so hard to eat the damned spicy food. Seeing you laugh made me happy and the next thing I knew, we were laughing together.
After the dinner, we went to the park and sat on one of the benches. We talked about random things; our future, parents and siblings, our plans. I looked up and gazed at the stars, you did the same. We went silent for a minute or two and unexpectedly, you poked me at my shoulder and said “Tara, magkaraoke tayo.”
And off we go, we went to the karaoke place. The good thing about this place is that they have karaoke and Xbox. They have Kinect for love’s sake! After an hour of us singing our hearts out (My personal favorite is you singing Irresistible by Fall Out Boy.), we decided to play Kinect. We danced, not even bothered how feminine those dance moves were. That was my first time playing Kinect and you made it memorable! I didn’t know that you enjoyed this kind of game; I didn’t know that you can sing or even dance.
After an hour or two, we finally decide to stop as we’re tired from all the dancing. We got out the karaoke room and went outside only to find out that it’s raining. I didn’t have an umbrella with me, same goes for you. We ran to the nearest 7-Eleven outlet and waited for the rain to stop. We sat on the chairs and we were facing each other. I stared at you and I smiled. You blurted out a ‘what’ before smiling. You’re adorable, just so you know.
We went back to your dorm and you invited me to stay the night. The room was quite spacious and tidy. I placed my bag on the floor and washed my face. You slipped into your sleeping clothes, something so casual. You still look so cute even in your pajamas. You had a fever the whole time and you didn’t tell me.I hurriedly checked if you had medicine and to my relief you’re already drinking it. You also have Koolfever that you already put on your forehead. We then played indie music as we lay down the bed.
This is the part when it gets a bit awkward, it’s as if this part only happens in the novels I read or fictions written by girls who adore writing about love of the same sex. We had our backs turned to each other. I’m facing my left side and you, the opposite. I shifted my position as I’m unable to sleep, I turned to my right and to my surprise, you’re facing me. We’re both wide awake, and you were smiling. I don’t know what came into my mind as I leaned forward and..
I didn’t kiss you. I just positioned my face really close to yours, our noses touching each other. And I smiled. And you put your hands to my cheeks. And you pulled me in for a kiss.
I can’t describe how I felt that moment when your lips touched mine. It was a medley of excitement, fear, lust and.. Aaargh.. A lot more.. It’s like I’ve been electrocuted, in a really nice and subtle way. It feels tingly inside. We break away and.. We laughed. You hugged me and I hugged you too. We both drifted into sleep.
I’ll go through this quickly as I really need to sleep; The morning after, we ate at Bugong, my first love, this is where we ate the last time I visited you. We returned to the dorm, watched Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel. We made out halfway through the movie. Our tongues danced to an offbeat rhythm; we gasped for air and we continued. It almost happened, it took a lot of self-control to prevent that but yes.. We did not. I was a tease and you didn’t mind. We break away and.. Once again, we laughed and looked at each other. I took a shower and got dressed. Alas, it’s time for me to go home.
We had ramen for an afternoon meal and you dropped me off the bus station. You were eating pistachio ice cream along the way and you shared it to me like any normal couple did, by shoving a spoonful of ice cream to my mouth until my mouth’s full, which is really sweet. You waited for me to board a bus before leaving. You were kinda bossy as you ordered me to let you know where’s my location and if I’m already home.
I wrote this so I can always get back and relive our moment. This is one of the moments I felt alive and free; I felt that I was the happiest and the most contented man in the world.I didn’t need anything in that moment.
There, that concludes this entry. I’ll go back and reread this to cheer me up when I’m feeling down. Hmm.. I think I’m forgetting something.. Oh, wait.. I was supposed to tell you something, right? Here goes.
I love you, Brent Ian. After all this time, I still do.
Omg omg omg omg OMG omg! SANS! (Original) I got accepted Into west Florida ahhhhh you might not know what that is sans but it a special school for kids ahhhhhhhh!
that’s amazing, hon! all that application work finally paid off! i knew ya could do it all along.
not that that makes this any less exciting. you’re going to COLLEGE! hey, ya think you could take me with you? i mean, as long as ya still remember me when ya go, i will come with you, but still. i wanna see your campus!
…wait, we are talking about the university of west florida, right? if it’s a high school or something, i’d still love to see it.
Remember the bridge that jump? The water was so refreshing! Running alongside the train. I really thought he could win… The moon was from the music room that night seemed a delicious bun in the sky… Song Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as we rode bikes together… then forgetting time… We are horrible singing… That night at the School was sure there was something there… The snow falling like cherry buds. It is strange to be a musician interpreter, but have your heart so full of things that do not come from the stage… They are unforgettable scenes for me. But seem so insignificant… Curious things, right? What do you think? Do you think someone’s heart filled that? I wonder if I did with yours. I wonder if I still remember. If I forget, I do not want to have to go back and start again. So please do not forget me. Promise me you will not forget me. I loved was you. I hope you get this man, Kousei Arima… I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU… I regret that we could not eat all those shins. Excuse me for hit too. Excuse me because I was too selfish. I’m so sorry… Thank you for everything.
It’s been so long I’m not even sure if I imagined it or not. But once in a while, I see you in a boy’s teasing words, or in his eyes when he talks about where he’s gonna be someday. I think of you when I’m struggling to find myself and wish I could go back to when things were so simple — go back to us. I still remember the nights we stayed up setting the world on fire, but for the first time, I finally know what I want. And it’s not the envious stares I got when I was by your side, or the guys who suddenly started talking to me while I was dating you. I want a best friend who can keep my secrets. I want to be able to look back without any regrets. I want to be happy. And I hope you’re happy too.
Third grade. The whole school watched in the auditorium, because of McAuliffe. I remember, the contrails glowing against the gorgeous blue sky, how the excited chatter of several hundred school kids went quiet, so quiet. The principal shutting off the projector and everyone ushered back to classrooms.
Mrs. Dawson was my teacher, and she was extraordinary. We sat together in the front of the classroom and cried, almost all of us. I remember her saying that nothing in life is without risk, but that being afraid wasn’t living. We would keep exploring, and we would go back to space again. I remember how badly I still wanted to go.
yes that is a photo of byun baekhyun’s ass in fitted green pants as my lockscreen. also my daughter @kookskimo made the homescreen wallpaper on the right go follow her for more cute jungkook shit haha blatant promo xoxo
[[ i don’t remember drawing this at all but i found it in one of my older sketchbooks like back on tuesday and i’ve been wanting to color it ever since.
and that’s really all i’ve got that’s these doodles’ history
also a reference to an old russian song that reminds me of mr. ping for some reason. for the record, the rest of the line is “take your time, i will wait, if you promise to come back and stay forever.”
The pain goes away, but the wound stays forever. The scar never quite heals over - and whenever it seems like it’s going to, I pick at it. I have some scars that go back 33 years, and I still remember how they happened, just like it was yesterday.
somehow despite unexpected anxiety and dysphoria i’m actually managing to have a really good day today????
i don’t get it but it’s making me really happy. and thank you so much, kittens, for all the nice messages last night! they really helped, you’re all lovely and i’m working on responding to all of them.
Rules: write the first 10 songs that come up on shuffle (no skipping!) and quote your favorite lyric from each song, then tag whoever you like.
The Cab – Lock Me Up Criticize. You don’t analyse me ‘cause, You can see what I’m trying to be, trying to be.
2raumwohnung – 36grad Schuhe aus, Bikini an. Wir gehen raus, Es fängt zu regnen an.
Big Time Rush – Stuck And if you’ve got the time. Stick around and you’ll realize. That it’s worth every minute that it takes. Just wait and see
Britney Spears – Circus There’s only two types of guys out there. Ones that can hang with me and ones that are scared
Pokemon – Wir Bleiben Zusammen Wir gehen einen langen weg, Und du bist der, der zu mir steht, In guten und in schlechten Zeiten vertraue ich Dir, Ganz egal wohin der Weg führt, Sei sicher ich bin immer für Dich da
Big Time Rush – This Is Our Someday When everyday feels like the other, And everywhere looks just the same, When every dream seems like forever, And you’re a face without a name, Maybe now is our best chance, To finally get it right
Big Time Rush – Count On You Now I’m about to give you my heart, But remember this one thing (yeah), I’ve never been in love before so you gotta go easy on me
Bullet For My Valentine – All These Things I Hate Run away try to find that safe place you can hide, It’s the best place to be when you’re feeling like me
Three Days Grace – Riot If you feel so filthy, So dirty so fucked up, If you feel so walked on, So painful so pissed off, You’re not the only one, Refusing to go down, You’re not the only one, So get up
Justin Timberlake – Cry Me A River Now you tell me you need me, When you call me, on the phone
Wow my shuffle makes me look like a huge BTR fan but I only listen to like…2 songs of them when they come up, the others always get skipped over. But other than that…yeah also songs that I skip most of the time hahaha, but I like them still ;D
Andrew Ryan’s greatest hits from Bioshock: Rapture
Ryan made a small growl of grim amusement in his throat.
“You got anything on him, Chief?”
“But its real message can be decoded, Bill—‘reality is consensus … the people are losing faith.’ What is that but a Marxist notion?“
Ryan went on, gesturing at the Acu-Vox, “I recorded a note to you about all this—but I may as well talk it straight out with you instead.”
“I am about to announce a new Ryan Enterprises product line,” Ryan said, smiling in a way he hoped was reassuring. “A new line of weapons! Chemical throwers, flamethrowers, grenade launchers, better machine guns—we can use weapons innovation to counterbalance the splicers until we get ADAM perfected.”
The arrogant rascal, Ryan thought—almost admiringly.
But she earned her luxuries—Andrew Ryan saw to that, once or twice a month, and with some vigor for a man his age.
Tuesday is my birthday and it’s weird for me because I’m gonna be 29 and that’s not really old, but sometimes it feels old, especially considering I still fangirl over people and things like I did when I was a teenager. And it also feels old because I can still distinctly remember the times when I wasn’t sure I was going to be alive to see 15 or 16 or 17 or 18, let alone skirt my 30s.
But, I’m here. I haven’t done a lot of things that some other people have gotten to do by my age. I’ve been through a lot of things that some other people haven’t been through by my age. But I’m here, and I’m generally in good spirits, and there are people who I know love me even if sometimes my brain won’t let me feel like I’m loved.
So, weird thing happened today. I was just sitting in English, about the read ‘Kaleidoscope’ from The Illustrated Man, and my mind saw space and thought of Saturn Apartments for the first time in ages. I couldn’t think of anything else for the last two hours of school. Every time I would try, I came back to it with a giddy feeling of ‘holy frick I loved those books so much.’ I’d remember a few pictures, and bam. Focus lost.