•you will be okay, maybe not today, but eventually things will be okay.
•take a deep breath.
•eat food and nourish your body. take care of it.
•put yourself before others if you have to. there is no shame in making you your own priority.
•take your meds.
•drink lots of water.
•be productive, even if it is small scale. make your bed, do some laundry, study for a test, etc.
•allow yourself to let go of your past, it does not have to define, limit, or control you.
•I believe in you
This is the only “before and after” set I’m going to post regarding my recovery from my ED. Eating disorders aren’t a body type - no matter whether someone is underweight, normal weight, or overweight, they can have a life-threatening eating disorder. You can’t tell what someone is going through based on their body.
But when I look at the photo on the left, I’m filled with pity for the person I was when that photo was taken. I was so tired. I was so ready to give up control; going to two weeks of inpatient treatment and then twelve weeks of PHP was terrifying, but letting my eating disorder keep controlling my life was far more scary. I was sick of obeying the rules that had become lodged in my brain, but I couldn’t stop on my own. I tried, over and over again, to get better without help; and every time I failed, getting worse and worse each time I relapsed. The worst part was that I knew what I had to do, but couldn’t seem to actually DO it. By the time I went to inpatient, my mindset was far better than it had been earlier in my eating disorder - I avoided certain foods, but I didn’t have nightmares about them as much as I used to - but I was addicted to the restriction, purging, and weight loss. I felt helpless. Like a burden. Impossible to fix.
And when I look at the photo on the right, I see someone who was no longer too tired to smile. Someone who spent time with friends daily instead of avoiding events because there would be food at them. Someone who had the energy to explore the deeper problems - sexual abuse, relationships with family and my significant other, gender identity. Someone who no longer cared so much about food that they didn’t have the time to care about anything else. Someone with hope and goals and life.
I still have hard days - days where I feel a lot more like the person on the left. But every day I wake up hoping to be more like the person on the right.