*d2

ROBOTS!!

Robots?

No, robots.

Cuddly robots…

Quirky robots!

Possibly robots?

Empathetic robots

Environmentalist robots

Sarcastic robots

Lazy robots

Incompetent robots

Cute robots

Cuter robots

Even cuter robots

ZOMGDOHGDHGDJGH!

Loving robots–

Hero robots…

no wait…

don’t do that…

don’t be a hero…

I know you can be rebuilt but dON’T DO THAT NOOOOOO

Fuck they did it.

MOTHER

FUCKIN

BADASS

ROBOTS

request name

“Excuse me,” says the battle droid. R2 cannot roll his eyes, but he twitters in binary, something hard to translate but best summarized as: 

you heard me arsehole [the literal translation here would be: human excrement funnel]

I will shoot you,” says the other battle droid. B-1 models, flimsy in the face of a lightsabre – or a blaster, or a well-aimed stick – but more than a match for R2. 

“No you won’t,” says the first one, “the General needs him.”

“Well at least let me threaten him a little,” pouts the second droid. 

“Why?”

“It’s so –”

boring chips in R2 right, it’s boring?

“Yes!” says the first droid. And then he adds, more out of a sense of duty than any real conviction: “Republic scum.”

“It isn’t boring,” says the second droid. “Last week, Grevious killed my best friend. At least. I think he was my best friend. I can’t tell us apart, really.”

you have no names

I’m B-1,” says the first droid. 

“And I’m B-1,” says the second. 

“Mass-produced,” says the first.

“Could be worse,” says the second.

I was mass produced, R2 says hurriedly. but Anakin takes care of me. 

What do you mean?”

I’ve never been shot for target practice, says R2, and I’m allowed a name and –

It isn’t that bad,” says the first. Maybe the second. Hard to tell. “Anyway, you’re Republic scum and – “

The smack-shriek of a blaster. The first/second droid collapses, minus head. His companion says, “Never shot for target practice?” in a tone of voice that is, somehow, different

never ever, says R2. my friends wouldn’t let it happen.

“Friends,” says the droid. “He wasn’t really my best friend. He just went on patrol with me more than the others and I got used to him. Familiar face, you know. When the General killed him – uh – I kind of felt….bad.”

wanna get out of here?

“Roger roger,” says the droid, with feeling. Then: “Roger. That’s a name, right?”

yup, says R2.

“Great. Great,” says Roger. Then he hesitates. “What’re your orders?”

I don’t order you – oh, fine, babysteps, look just get me out of here. 

“And make sure that your Jedi doesn’t lightsabre me.”

Roger, roger, trills R2.

“Fuck you,” says Roger who, it seems, is a very fast learner.