I have made this post before but I feel like I should re-do it because I’m no longer a month clean.
The top photos were taken in seventh grade, when I started getting depressed and self harming. I had moved from my home town to Wichita Kansas, and it took me a little while to actually make friends. I felt alone all the time. My parents were fighting constantly. I was sent to ComCare, this place where you go if you have mental illnesses, for a suicide poem I wrote that a school councler found in my bag. It was not a good year, or actually three years for me. I started getting depressed in 2011, a year before I moved, and started self harming in 2012 after I moved. I still struggle with depression. I am two days clean right now. But I have decided something. I’m not going to let my depression get the best of me and I’m not going to let it ruin me. I’m going to fight. I’m going to fight for myself, and for you, Taylor. Because every time I felt alone I would turn on your music and feel better. I would watch videos of performances and interviews. You made me feel less alone.
Especially now. Seeing you as happy as you are, makes me so happy, and inspires me. It made me realize that, yes, I did go through all of this and struggle with depression, but I can be happy. I just have to try.
So this photo represents that. I went through a hard time. A really hard time. But that does not define me. I’m going to be happy. I’m choosing to be happy. And one thing I’ve learned is you can’t just choose recovery, you have to keep choosing recovery. And that’s what I’m gonna do. And I just wanna thank you Taylor, because I honestly couldn’t do it without you. Without you, I don’t think I would be here right now.
So thank you. For being you.
And here’s to happiness & recovery.
I love you so damn much.