*calls life alert*

SEND ME A BAD PICK-UP LINE

Go ahead and add more if you want!

“Are you a magician? When I looked at you, everyone else disappeared.”
“I’ve been feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on.”
“Can I get a picture of you? I want to show my parents what my spouse looks like.”
“Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.”
“When God made you, he was showing off.”
“Your lips look so lonely. Would they like to meet mine?”
“What time do you have to go back to Heaven?”
“Are you a camera? Every time I look at you, I smile.”
“I might as well call you Google, because you have everything that I’m looking for.”
“Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?”
“I love every bone in your body. Especially mine.”
“Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you sure are CuTe.”
“Would you like to have breakfast in bed tomorrow?”
“Are you a thief? I think you just stole my heart.”
“If I could change the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
“Call life alert! I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.”
“Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?”
“I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?”
“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
“Feel my shirt. You know what it’s made of? Date material.”
“If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”
“There’s something wrong with my phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.”
“On a scale of 1 to 10: You’re a 9, and I’m the 1 you need.”
“I lost my number. Can I have yours?”
“Let’s play Titanic. You be the ocean, and I’ll go down on you.”
“Did we have a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.”
“Do you have a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.”
“There are 21 letters in the alphabet, right? Oh, wait. I missed ‘U’, ‘R’, ‘A’, ‘Q’, ‘T’.”
“If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.”
“Are you going to kiss me, or am I going to have to lie in my journal?”
“I don’t have a library card, but can I check you out?”
“You must be a broom, because you just swept me off your feet.”
“Do you like KFC? Because you’re finger lickin’ good.”
“What’s on the menu? Me-n-u.”
“I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.”
“Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
“You must be tired. You’ve been running through my mind all day long.”

@kpopfanfictrash, @the-porcelain-doll-xo, anyone else who’s into BTS…. pls….I need fic recs… especially for the Softest bun Taehyung ;~; but all of them rlly

Need a pick-up?

♡As you all know, Valentines is just around the corner, BUT do you know just how to go about it? Here’s 25 pick up lines that MAY or MAY NOT work♡

1. I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me

2. My phone has an error, it might fix it if you give me your number

3. Feel my sweater, know whats it’s made of? Boyfriend material.

4. When you kiss someone for a minute, you burn 2.6 calories. Wanna burn some calories with me?

5. Aye are you a pokemon? ‘Cause you’re a catch!

6. I think we have a connection stronger than my wifi

7. Do you have a library card? ‘Cause i’ve been checking you out

8. Are you full of Beryllium, gold and titanium? ‘Cause you are Be-Au-Ti-Ful

9. Are you from outer space? You’re out of this world

10. Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your butt is refreshing

11. Hey baby, you better call life alert because i’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up

12. I’m not a photographer but I can picture us together

13. Girl, i’ve got a gold ring with your name on it

14. I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!

15. You must be the cause of global warming because you’re hot

16. Am I cute yet? Or do you need more to drink?

17. Excuse me, but i’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your place?

18. You must be a bacon burger because you’re bacon me crazy

19. Are you an appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out

20. I lost my number, can I have yours?

21. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life

22. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

23. If you were a triangle, you’d be an acute one

24. Ever heard of princesses? You have my number if you want to be treated like one.

25. Can I have your pictures so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Annnnnnd I hope these make your day a little happier :D

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.

Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.

I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

Is your daddy a Baker? Because you’ve got some nice buns!

There are people who say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Apparently, none of them have ever been in your arms.

Did you invent the airplane? Cause you seem Wright for me.

Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.

Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.

I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met. I wouldn’t forget a pretty face like that.

Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day.

I will stop loving you when an apple grows from a mango tree on the 30th of February.

You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?

I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

You’re the only girl I love now… but in ten years, I’ll love another girl. She’ll call you ‘Mommy.’

Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?

I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.

Hey, don’t frown. You never know who could be falling in love with your smile.

My doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U.

Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.

Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.

For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

You look so familiar… didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.

Was your dad a boxer? Cause you’re a knockout!

You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.

I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen

I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?

If I were a cat I’d spend all 9 lives with you.

Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.

Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling

There isn’t a word in the dictionary for how good you look.

Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces

Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.

I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.

There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.

You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.

Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!

You know I’d like to invite you over, but I’m afraid you’re so hot that you’ll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.

If you were a booger I’d pick you first.

Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it’s just a sparkle.

If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

You’re kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind.

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.

I like Legos, you like Legos, why don’t we build a relationship?

You may be asked to leave soon, you’re making all the other women look bad.

Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?

If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!

Of all the beautiful curves on your body, your smile is my favorite.

No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.

I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.

If I had a penny for every time I thought of you, I’d have exactly one cent, because you never leave my mind.

Hershey’s makes millions of kisses a day.. .all I’m asking for is one from you.

Life without you would be like a broken pencil… pointless.

Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?

If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

How was heaven when you left it?

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

I didn’t know that angels could fly so low!

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

Is your name “swiffer”? ‘Cause you just swept me off my feet.

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty

Your lips look so lonely…. Would they like to meet mine?

Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Hershey’s outta business.

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

So there you are! I’ve been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

Somebody better call God, cuz heaven’s missing an angel!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together.

If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life.

Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on Earth!

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.

I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

Are your parents bakers? Cause they sure made you a cutie pie!

Did you go to bed early last night? From the looks of it, you got your beauty sleep.

I’d say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did.

I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.

Let’s commit the perfect crime: I’ll steal your heart, and you’ll steal mine.

You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent.

If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard

Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die.

How come you’re not on top of a Christmas tree? I thought that’s where angels belonged.

Are you a cat? Cause you are purrrfect

If you were a tropical fruit, you’d be a Fine-apple!

I wish I was cross eyed, so I could see you twice.

Are you on Nickelodeon? Cause you’re a-Dora-ble!

I don’t know if you’re beautiful, I haven’t gotten past your eyes yet.

You don’t need keys to drive me crazy

Can you take me to the doctor? Because I just broke my leg falling for you

You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart

Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. I’m lost at sea

If I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say “I love you” with my last breath.

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

When God made you, he was showing off.

You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I’ve been searching for!

I didn’t see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.

If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you’ve made me smile, I’d hold the whole universe in the palm of my hand.

Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?

When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.

(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?

This time next year let’s be laughing together.

Let me tie your shoes, cause I dont want you falling for anyone else.

Are you a beaver? Cause daaaaam!

I hope your day has been as beautiful as you are.

Excuse me, I don’t want you to think I’m ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!

I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

I think I can die happy now, cause I’ve just seen a piece of heaven.

Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.

Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications

You better call Life Alert, 'cause I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.

You’re single. I’m single. Coincidence? I think not.

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You’re making the other women look really bad.

Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you?

You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!

Baby, you’re so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.

You’re hotter than Papa Bear’s porridge.

If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery…I would chose winning the lottery…but it would be close…real close…

You’re hotter than donut grease.

Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark, you still seem to shine.

I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.

It’s dark in here. Wait! It’s because all of the light is shining on you.

Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.

Are you a kidnapper? Because you just abducted my heart.

Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.

You look beautiful today, just like every other day.

When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

If beauty were time, you’d be eternity

I’m lost. Can you tell me which road leads to your heart?! 

Even if there wasn’t gravity on earth, I’d still fall for you.

i have so many pickups lines so here u go!! i apologise for these in advance jjddjk -sara

3

emmett: im dying?? this essay is actually killing me.

nick: don’t be a pansy dude.

emmett: im gonna fail. my dad’s going to disown me, im going to get a face tattoo and live in a box.

nick: you’re dad is big softie he’s not going to give a fuck. we are getting face tattoos though.

emmett: call life alert please, tell them to finish this shit for me.

nick: im gonna need more than coffee if i’m going to deal with this nonsense.

RFA+Saeran and V with pick up lines (really long)

“I was reading bad pick up lines to my SO and thought of this little idea for the RFA crew (and the tag alongs).

Yoosung:

 “I must be dead cause right now I’m staring at heaven”

He’d been playing LOLOL when you’d broke out some crappy pickup line you’d read online. He hadn’t been paying full attention (it was raid night, but he can never ignore you entirely) so you kind of sat back and watched the “dots connect” so to speak. 

When the sweet summer child finally realized what the heck you’d just said, his whole body froze for a second. You got concered for a minute, wondering if your teasing had finallly broke him when he finally turned to face you (his raid group screaming could be heard throughout his apartment). His face was bright red and you couldn’t hold in the giggles as he just stuttered to you in a bit of shock. It took his brain a couple seconds to calm himself and respond with:

“If this is heaven y-you must be an angel”

He just put his head in his hands and groaned while you sat on the couch laughing.

Zen:

 “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Cause you’re hot.”

Zen was supposed to be practicing his lines for a new play. He’d been lamenting over the fact it was Shakespear; all the fancy wording and heavy costumes weren’t exactly his favorite (”Babe you don’t understand, in those costumes no one can see my amazing body!”)

As per usual, you’d offered to help him with his script, but started getting kind of antsy during a particularly long monologue. It was true Zen’s acting was almost entrancing, and during preformances where’d you’d heard him practice the script a thousand different time, you still couldn’t tear your eyes away from the stage. 

But right now, he wasn’t acting. He was simply reading off the lines while pacing up and down the living room. He’d finished his speech and waited patiently for you to read off the next next one when you’d hit him with that horrific line.

The way he stopped pacing and kind of blinked at you for a moment made you wonder if he had been taking this much more seriously than you’d originally thought. You bit your lower lip, trying to contain the nervous laughter and apologizes when he suddenly grabbed your hand, placed a soft kiss on it and replied: 

“You must be a witch because you’ve placed a spell on me,”

You’d wanted to groan at the cheesy line, but the look in his eyes and way he’d lifted you up made any more words die in your throat.

Keep reading

Ohm and Cartoonz playing Rainbow 6

☆Ohm:“I’ve been on all my friends~”

Cartoonz:“Oh god!” *laughs*

Ohm:“You just wait till we meet Cartoonz~”

☆Cartoonz:“Alright Ohm- I’m with you Ohmie!”

Ohm: *chuckles* “Alright”

☆Ohm:“You know what hurts me Cartoonz?”

Cartoonz:“What?”

Ohm:“When you make fun of me!”

Cartoonz:*softly* “I-I don’t make fun of you Ohm…”

☆Ohm:“Did you shoot me?!”

Cartoonz:“Yes I did, I fucked you- I fucked you raw!”

☆Cartoonz:“I don’t- I don’t know if they-”

Ohm:“You wanna take me for a spin?~”

☆Cartoonz:*Ohm shoots enemy* “Yes!”

Ohm:“He didn’t see that shit coming!!”

Cartoonz:“That made me moist like a towel let!!”

☆Cartoonz:“I was coming to save you Ohm, that’s all I cared about…”

Ohm:“I know, thank you”

CALL LIFE ALERT, I AM DEAD.

ANYWAY….THEY ARE CANONICALLY RECOGNIZING BELLAMY BLAKE AS  A LEADER IN THE FIRST EPISODE?!

CIRCO SEASON 2 WHERE L/XA TURNED TO CLARKE AS HER SKY PERSON LIASON, WE ARE SEEING ECHO TURN TO BELLAMY?!

BELLAMY SPOKE FOR BOTH TRIKRU AND THE ARKADIANS?

THIS WAS NOT QUESTIONED?

EVEN THOUGH KANE AND OTHER ADULTS WERE RIGHT THERE?!

SOMEONE CALL LIFE ALERT?!

I’M DYING?

Originally posted by destielrecycling

Really terrible pick up lines
  1. If I were writing an essay on your beauty, I wouldn’t need to double-space or increase the margin sizes to satisfy the minimum page requirement.
  2.  Somebody needs to call the bomb squad, because you’re the bomb! Are you religious? ‘Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers.
  3.  Hey, my name is Emily but, you can call me tonight. 
  4. I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
  5.  If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.
  6. Could you please step away from the bar? You’re melting all the ice! 
  7. Is your last name Campbell? Cause you’re mm mm good! 
  8. Do you have an eraser? because I can’t get you out of my mind!!!
  9.  Hey, are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand what you do, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out?
  10.  Are you the new school janitor? Because you just swept me off my feet.
  11. Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you. 
  12. Something is wrong with my cell phone…its just that your numbers not in it It’s a good thing that I have my library card because I am totally checking you out.
  13.  Can I tie your shoe? Because I can’t have you falling for anyone else. 
  14. Even if there wasn’t any gravity on earth, I would still fall for you! 
  15. Know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u.
  16.  I’m learning about important dates in history. Wanna be one of them?
  17. You better call Life Alert, ‘cause I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up. 
  18. You’re single, I’m single. Coincidence? I think not!
  19.  Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you? 
  20. Girl, if I were a fly, I’d be all over you, because you’re the shit!
  21.  Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt - my eyes! 
  22. Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?
  23.  If you were a steak you would be well done.
  24. Hey… somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.
  25.  If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
  26.  Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on Earth! 
  27. Are your parents bakers? Because they sure made you a cutie pie!
  28.  You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent. 
  29. Do I know you? Cause you look just like my next girlfriend. 
  30. I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
  31. Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
  32.  You look so familiar… didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry. 
  33. Was your dad a boxer? Cause you’re a knockout! 
  34. If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.
  35.  Do you work at a coffee shop, because I like you a latte!!!!!!!! 
  36. If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.
  37.  Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!
  38. Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
  39.  I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way. 
  40. I lost my phone number, can I have yours?
  41.  Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day. 
  42. Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart. 
  43. The doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U. 
  44. Have you been to the doctor recently, it looks like you need vitamin me
  45. Did you just fart because you blew me away!
  46. homosexuality is a disease… and I’ve caught it from u ;)
  47. If you were a fart, I’d hold you in forever
  48. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice, hi I’m Emily.
  49. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.