*but you don't look sick!*

13 Reasons Why "You Don't Look Sick/Disabled!" Is Not A Compliment
  1. I am ill and I am disabled, and this is what I look like.
  2. What do you THINK disabled or ill people look like?
  3. It makes it sound like you think disabled people “should” look a bit gross or a bit wierd.
  4. It makes it sound like I have to prove my illness to you.
  5. It creates a hierarchy of what one ableist acquaintence called, “Like, you know. Disabled-disabled and normal people disabled. Like, you’re disabled but you’re also normal. You’re disabled but you’re also not really disabled because you’re also like us.” That is not okay.
  6. It makes it sound like if I did “look disabled” then you’d either think less of me or you’d believe me more.
  7. For the same reasons you shouldn’t say to someone, “You don’t look Jewish!”
  8. For the same reasons you shouldn’t say to someone, “You don’t sound black!”
  9. It often sets the conversation up in a way where you are the judge and you can either validate or invalidate my disability and how much it affects me.
  10. Neither my illnesses nor my disabilities are totally invisible if you took the time to learn about them and decided to pay attention.
  11. It makes you sound untrustworthy. It makes me think you’re going to be the kind of person that will jump to conclusions about my health if I don’t look or act in certain stereotypical ways. Can I laugh and have a good time around you without you implying I’m cured or dismissing my conditions? (Because it really sucks when you do that.)
  12. It feels really dismissive and discouraging.
  13. It is dehumanizing. 15% of the world’s population is disabled. We come in more shapes and sizes than able-bodied people do. Whatever a disabled or ill person looks like, that is what disabled and ill people look like regardless of your preconceptions.

Day 48 of #365Days
& Day 6 of Rizumo Week

“Demonic Powers”

Honestly, I wished for a scene like with Shiemi and Rin.
Even just a small panel where Izumo tells Rin she likes his flames or feeling comfortable with his flames.

L.Y.I.N.G.G.G.G.G LMAO why don’t you go to NASA to go get yourself a Nobel Prize already you weight loss snowflake??? Other words that you qualify for are DENIAL, DISHONESTY WITH ONESELF, IGNORANCE and STUPIDITY….

OK, so I was doing @morshmalliver ’s b-day present and I realized the image was gone (like, shit, first the contracture now this) and as you can see the universe wants to kill me, so I was sketching again and I just couldn’t do it right and somehow it ended up in sad shit.

[11]

“And none of this information is foreboding or directly relevant to what’s about to happen in any way whatsoever.”

I’m guessing the princess in Shirasaki castle is Tomoyo predecessor, because she has the bell and the amazing headpiece going on. 

I also want to make an intelligible comment about Kuropapa’s smile but all that’s coming to mind is holy shit. 

WELL I GUESS NOW WE KNOW WHY KUROGANE LIKES MOKONA SO MUCH, HUH?

6

Wonder Woman! (If the hat fits…😉)
10 June 2017

My first run training session with ‘Girls Like Us’ is in the bag. I’m really pleased with my efforts! My UC was trashing me this morning so to get out and strive with a great bunch of gals was a big achievement. Bonus: it’s just down the road at Butlers so walking distance. I forgot to stop the Garmin straight away so the overall time recorded didn’t reflect my run time but I noted all my 400m times anyway. 😁

But oh dear my quads feel dead so I suspect they will be toast tomorrow. And oh bloody hell we all know how hard it is sitting down on the loo when that happens. May the quad gods help me! Maybe mega magnesium and the foam roller will at least. 😦

My recovery brunch was on point though: Smashed avocado on ciabata with multi-colored tomatoes, rocket & eggs. But look at me trying to be trendy serving it on the board at home. Lol it just falls off! 😂

My Girl & I went to see Wonder Woman in the afternoon. Loved it - good mix of action & humour. I guessed who the real Ares was of course but am still having trouble reconciling David Thewlis with the God of War after Remus Lupin in Harry Potter & the truly repellent Varga in Fargo. 😝

It’s only fitting that Wonder Woman was released on my birthday though. Just saying 😉.

I wrapped up a super Saturday with The Husb enjoying pizza al fresco under heaters at Rise in City Beach, where you can order off the menu or choose all your ingredients separately, as we did. But heeheehee, look at me, Saturday night drinking camomile tea! 😇

N.O.I.S.E.S. (day 7)
 If You Ever Want To Be In Love by James Bay

I’m not waiting, but I’m willing if you call me up
If you ever want to be in love
I’ll come around

Wanted to ask if we could have been
But my tongue wouldn’t break the seal

It’s always fascinated me, how good we can become at masking symptoms of our chronic illnesses. So good in fact, that those around us never know just what it is we’re going through on a daily basis. I’m temped to draw comparison to animals, where masking illness until something is too wrong to hide is the norm, because doing anything else would mean death in the wild. 

But surely we as humans have evolved further, haven’t we?

Lately I feel like all I’ve been doing is surviving. Go to work, come home. Try to get a little exercise in, dance when I’m able. And that’s all I can do. It leaves me exhausted. Daily I experience: Dizziness, lightheadedness, near blackouts, my heart racing off doing whatthefuckever, moments where I just can’t catch my breath, no matter what I do. 

And I try to be healthy, because I need to do whatever I can to support a body that already feels like it’s given up. But I just keep going because I need to cling on to some sense of normalcy. And I’ve become damn good at makeup that makes me look like I’m alive rather than the pale, gross mess that I’ve become. 

And I think that maybe I’ve become a little too good at it, because no one around me notices. Which is fine, how I prefer it really. Why else would I continue to put on this act? But when I say I’m sick, no one believes me. And it’s not that I’m looking for sympathy, but I would like a reaction other than anger when I need to call out once in a while. Because guess what? I’m not faking. 

What they don’t know is that when Iaughingly say ‘you don’t want me there, I wouldn’t be much good to anyone anyway’, I’m sitting on the bathroom floor where I’ve been since 4am because I’m too weak to stand. That it hurts to breathe. That I’m scared. Instead I say ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be in on Tuesday.’

And I guess it’s my own fault, because whenever anyone DOES notice anything, my typical reaction is ‘LOLZ, heart problems” but more often than not it’s a dismissive ‘I’m fine’.

So that’s how I found myself in the doctor’s office yet again, repeating the words ‘I’m fine’ like a montra. As if saying the words over and over again will make them true. 

Of course it won’t. Even my doctors aren’t quite sure what to do for me at the moment. Ironically enough, they seem to be the only ones that believe me when I say something’s wrong. Because guess what? This time I have the physical evidence to back me up. 

But I’m really, really good at masking it when I want to. I’ve made a lifestyle out of trying to appear normal. And now it’s caught up with me.

But you don’t look sick!

No, I don’t. But I am.