Favorite Jared Kleinman Quotes

because we don’t have enough

-”You FELL? Out of a TREE? What are you, like, an acorn?”

-”Oh yeah, one of those - SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNTS! For sending pictures of your penises to each other!”

-”Well, my bunk DOMINATED in capture the flag, and I got to second base under the bra with this girl from Israel that’s gonna be in the army, so…”

-”Holyyyyyyyyyyy shit. Holyyyyy fuckingggggggg shit.”

-”His parents think you were lovers, you realize that right?”

-”There is nothing UNREALISTIC about the love one man feels for another!”

-”In fact, it’s quite beautiful…”

-”Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much, or is that some sort of honor?”

-”Just nod, and confirm. Literally nothing I tell my parents is true and they have no idea.”

-”Stop hyperventilating. You’re having considerable trouble breathing. Do you need a paper bag to breathe into?”

Lost In Your Arms - COMPLETE

Title: Lost In Your Arms (Tales of the Special Branch series, book 1 of 3)
Author: Femmequixotic
Final Word Count: 257,686
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: Oh so fucking NC-17, babes. Like 60K of his has to be sex. I mean it.
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Harry Potter, Blaise Zabini
Summary:  Three months after their brief encounter, Draco has almost forgotten about Potter–or so he tells himself. Then a Dark wizard shows up on the Auror radar and all hell breaks loose. Draco will have to choose between everything he holds dear–everything he’s worked so hard for–and a few stolen moments of passion with a certain green-eyed Inspector, once his sworn enemy and now something rather different entirely. He’ll make the right choice, won’t he? Who is he kidding? He’ll ruin everything, as per usual. Bad choices and the name Malfoy go hand in hand. (Prequel is here, ~15K.)

Well, folks, here it is. I’ve just posted the very last chapter of Lost In Your Arms, all 44K of it, and the novel’s now marked complete. You can read chapter ten here or (for those of you who I know were waiting until it was no longer a WIP) start from chapter one.

At 257,686 words, this story is officially longer than Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix which clocks in at 257,045 words and is the longest book in the HP series. (So you can’t say this fic’s too long to read–you’ve all read that book, I know, LOL. *side eyes everyone*) I really can’t believe it turned out this long; when I first planned it, I thought it might be 120K at most. Shows you how much I know. GOD HELP ME I STILL HAVE TWO MORE BOOKS TO WRITE IN THIS SERIES. WTF.  I HAVE OUT JKR’ED JKR WHEN IT COMES TO WORD COUNT. IN 10 WEEKS. I CAN’T EVEN. *breathes into paper bag*


This has been a wild ride for the past ten weeks. There were times I wasn’t certain I’d make my weekly deadline, but I did, and I have to give huge thank yous to @noeeon and sassy_cissa for being there with me on this journey and providing advice, sympathy, prodding, plotting, and editing along the way. They are my rocks, and this story wouldn’t have been finished without them.

I also want to say thank you to those of you who’ve been reading along with me. Your love of this story and your wonderful, beautiful, amazing comments have sustained and supported me along the way, and I can’t tell you how incredibly happy each one of you has made me. Your thoughtfulness and insight kept me going during difficult writing moments and influenced this story more than you might think. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for coming along on this ride with me. I hope you’ll join me on the next one. I’m throwing myself into starting chapter one of book two tomorrow. \0/ After I go drink a lot of wine tonight. Because DAMN GIRL that’s a lot of words for 10 weeks.

Which reminds me. LIYA is only book one of three planned for this series. I know. I’ve obviously gone round the twist. But I love these boys and I love Pansy and I love Blaise, and it’s making me wicked happy to write their stories. This is the team of my heart. More than I can even articulate. I fell back in love with them all writing this story, and I plan to be here with them for a little wihle longer.

The next installment will start posting on Saturday, June 3. You can follow me here on Tumblr for updates or subscribe to the series on AO3Let’s face it. It’ll probably be long too, lolz.

Tanking Bigots

So, I went and got my Bitch Planet tattoo today, and someone in the shop asked, “That’s pretty… Visible. Aren’t you afraid of being that obvious?” And I replied, “I’m pulling aggro.”

But the more I think about it, the more this metaphor fucking works. I’m a white middle class woman with low expenses, no criminal record, and I live in liberal-ass New England (or at least, I thought I did before the Trump/Pence signs cropped up like fucking forsythias but that’s a whole other post.) I’m safe. Even if I get in a knock-down-drag-out, I’m not going to be seen as an agitator, or a troublemaker, or the “problem.” I have money for bail. I am privileged.

While I have physical disabilities, they actually don’t get in the way of me feeling like I could get in a scrap. If anything, the opposite. I have this whole other post (yeah I think of more all the time like this) about the genetic evolution of Ehler’s-Danlos Syndrome but suffice to say, you can’t hold on to me and you can’t break me easily. I have martial arts training, but I look harmless, so even if I did get in a scrap, the cop is going to go, “You got in a brawl with a 35-year-old fat woman… Yeah… whatever.”

I have mental health limitations, but they actually don’t get worse from being exposed to this shit - I’d feel way worse and more anxious if I didn’t step in. I’m the kind of person who would just second guess and eat themselves alive in thinking of how they should have jumped in to help someone. 

I’m a tank. I’m tough, I’m bendy, and bigots aren’t going to shock me or hurt me.

Not everyone is a tank. This is super fucking important. Some people are healers. They deal with the fallout when someone like me comes home shaking and breathing in a paper bag because holy shit I just took a picture of a guy in a CVS who tried to grab my tit. Some people are DPS - they leap in and fucking maul people with cited facts on Facebook arguments and are physically imposing and probably could punch a bitch out. 

It’s okay to be what you are. And it’s also okay to take care of yourself. If you’re a tank, you gotta heal up. You need downtime, or you get hypervigilant and debuffed and you’re too fucked up to help anyone. If you’re a healer, you need to get your resources back so you can do what you love without taxing yourself unduly. It’s like that. 

So I’m a tank. And I’ll wear my Non-Compliant Genderqueer tattoo with pride. I wear my “Respect Existence or Expect Resistance” tattoo the same way. I wear them so that the girl with the neutral gender haircut who just wants to fucking ride the bus isn’t as inviting a target as I am. I pull aggro. I don’t want a fight, I won’t start a fight, but you better fucking believe I’ll step in the way. 

Taunt, pull, peel, sustain, rest, drop your stacks, and fight on.

kciri-deactivated20170504  asked:

u don't have any active roxbutt blogs... YET ;)

          h Y PER V EN T I L A T E S

clay jensen: zach’s tapes (feat. zach dempsey) [pt.1]

Pairing: Clay Jensen x reader; Zach Dempsey x reader

Warning(s): Best Friend with Clay, not romantically.

Word Count: 534

Gif: @felicithis

A/N: I had the idea of the second part, but I needed this part for the second part to make sense. Bare with me.

You and Zach had been talking for quite a while. Before Hannah had happened, even before Jeff. You never really ran with the crowd, you didn’t care about the drama and theatrics of high school. You just wanted to pass your classes, graduate and be who you strive to be. When the school heartthrob and basketball star, Zach Dempsey approached you in the library for help on the biology exam and your number, you didn’t believe it. You thought he had come on a dare or some type of bet; seven months later, you had created a pretty decent relation.

It wasn’t romantic, though it felt like it sometimes. You both flirted with one another. You would hang out in person and in public. You got a long with his sister, went to his basketball games, and he helped you in communications class. It wasn’t until your close friend Sheri brought up the nature of your relationship with him that you realized that you really did like Zach.

You noticed that your lifelong best friend, Clay Jensen, wasn’t himself lately. He had crazy mood swings, was intensely detatched, barely spoke to anyone, but Tony Padilla, and was recently suspended for drugs. You took it upon yourself to surprise him at home. You knew he’d have to be home.

You knock on his door, and was greeted by his dad. He sent you up to Clay’s room and you thanked him graciously. When Clay saw you, he took his headphones off.

“(Y/N), what’re you doing here?” Clay breathed. You lifted a paper bag up.

“I brought snacks,” you smiled. You had gotten Mike and Ikes from the Baker’s shop. He let you and you sat on his desk chair.

“So, what’s-”

“How are you?” You cut him off. He nodded, not saying anything but shrugging. “Seriously, Clay? Fine, I won’t pressure you.” You dropped your head. You looked back up at him through your brows. He was still silent.

Out of the window, the sun was setting. You opened his window, and climbed out onto the roof.

“What are you doing?” Clay came to the window.

You smirked mischievously at him. “Come out here and find out. You can bring your Walkman, if you’d like.”

A few minutes later, the sun had completely set. You had gotten Clay out and on the roof. He didn’t talk at all, other than to react to your stories.

“And I know you probably don’t care, but since your not talking, and Sheri never let’s me speak more than five words,” you began. You fiddled with the tips of your hair. “I think I like Zach. You know, Zach Dempsey, the basketball star.” You felt Clay’s energy shift. You looked toward him and saw a worried and sad expression.

“(Y/N), you can’t,” Clay whispered. You cocked your head to the side, letting it fall into your palm.

“Why, exactly?”

He took a deep breath. He told you to wait and headed back into his room. Possibly a minute later, he came back with his Walkman. He handed it to you and ordered you to put the headphones on. He pressed play and heard the voice of a dead girl.

Walter Strickler: AKA A Number on Jim’s Speed Dial

AKA: Strickler’s hatred for human technology is quickly rectified by the amazing advances that the cell phone has brought him.

AKA: Family group chat.

So sue me. I want to see Walter Strickler called when Jim is stuck. When he’s in the world of the trolls with no help or aid. When he’s bleeding, trapped, sick. And he knows calling his mother would be no help.

So sue me. I want to know how that call would go.

So sue me. I want to see Jim collapsing at home, because he was cut by a creature with poisonous barbs and never thought to tell his mother. Because Strickler actually knows how to help him. Because even after he’s doing better, Strickler insists they all stay up together, and they sit on the cold bathroom floor playing monopoly to pass the time, waiting to see if the poison has set or if Jim will be better by the morning (he will be. but god the lectures might kill him again).

So sue me, I want to see Walt calling Jim with technilogical questions because how does this thing work, your friends make it look so easy!

So sue me. I want to see Jim giving Strickler his number because he trusts him, even if he might not say it out loud.

So sue me. I want to see Jim edit Strickler’s phone number and retype “dad” into the vacant box.

So sue me. I want to see Strickler texting one Jim throughout the day. Good luck on the test. I packed your favorite for lunch. Don’t tell your mother, but I replaced the fridge. What does LOL mean?

So sue me. I want Strickler to learn what emoticons are. And I want him to use ones that are completely inappropriate for the situation at hand.

So sue me if I want them to have a family group chat where they actively nag each other with odd nicknames and funny jokes. Where these nerds are broken and dysfunctional, but god, they’re so happy.

So sue me. I want Strickler, the Changeling, to have a happy family. One that he invaded. But one that is all his.

Jim: Hey, just checking in!

Strickler: ?

Jim: The big exhibit was today! Mom and I are coming to the opening tonight.

Strickler: You remembered that, and yet you can’t remember the simple facts I gave you in my class.

Jim: Of course.

Jim: Those were boring.

Strickler: >:(

Barbara: Can’t wait for tonight!

Strickler: Wear that new dress. You look edible in it.

Barbara: Darling!

Jim: Ew. Stop. You guys are gross.

Strickler: And you’re weak willed.

Jim: Teachers looking. Gotta run.

Barbara: Bye sweetie. See you tonight.

Jim: Bye mom.


Jim: bye dad.

Strickler: [has signed off]

(he had to sit in his office and breathe into a paper bag for about ten minutes to regain his sense of self. it didn’t work. he’s still flustered and pleased as hell.)

(he loves his weird family.)

anonymous asked:

Did you know Julie actually based Even off of henrik himself, he actually listens so old school hip hop, actually smokes green, is really open, I would totally sit with this guy get high and talk about life.. Also his face like blows my MIND!!

oh my god Anon T____T. I owe Julie my life at this point because she saved my 2016. But this. jUST kdkjskdskjsdkjsd. I read somewhere that Henrik charmed the showrunners’ pants off and that his smile was such a TRADEMARK. 

Honestly same.

Henrik sounds like the type of dude I would actively try to get to know by doing weird shit like using all the paper towels and luring him in with weed.

  • Physic: reads my mind"
  • My brain: 
Dear Evan Hansen
We've been way too out of touch
Things have been crazy and it sucks that we don't talk that much
But I should tell you that I think of you each night
I rub my nipples and start moaning with delightWhy would you write thatI'm just trying to tell the truth You know what?
If you aren't going to take this seriously... Okay you need to calm yourself! This has to be perfect, okay? The emails have to prove that we were actually friends
They've got to be completely realistic There is nothing unrealistic about the love that one man feels for another Let's go back In fact, it's something quite beautiful Let's go back, Jared! I've gotta tell you life without you has been hard. Hard?Has been bad bad?
Has been rough Lame!
And I miss talking about life and other stuff
Very specific
Shut up 1like my parents
Who says that? I love my parents
But each day's another fight
If I stop smoking drugs then everything might be alright smoking drugs just fix it!
This isn't realistic at all!
It doesn't even sound like Connor!
Well I want to show that I was a good friend
Y'know? That I was trying to help him Oh my God if I stop smoking crack Crack?!
If I stop smoking pot then everything might be alright
I'll take your advice
I'll try to be more nice
I'll turn it around
Wait and see It’s all that it takes
Is a little reinvention
It’s easy to change if you give it your attention
All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be
Sincerely, me Are we done yet?
Well I mean I can't just show them one email
Okay, please stop hyperventilating
I'm not hyperventilating
You're having considerable trouble breathing
I'm having no trouble breathing
Do you need a paper bag to breath into?
I'm not hyperventilating!
Dear Connor Murphy
Yes I've also missed our talks
Stop doing drugs
Just try to take deep breaths and go on walksNo
I'm sending pictures of the most amazing treesNo!
You'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise
Absolutely not
Dude, I'm proud of you
Just keep pushing through
You're turning around
  • I can see Just wait and see
It’s all that it takes
Is a little reinvention
It’s easy to change if you give it your attention
All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be
Sincerely, me My sister's hot
What the hell? My bad Dear Evan Hansen Thanks for every note you send Dear Connor Murphy I'm just glad to be your friend Our friendship goes beyond Your average kind of bond But not because we're gay No, not because we're gay We're close, but not that way The only man that I love is my dad
  • Physic: wtf

anonymous asked:

putting a plug in harry, just to test the waters and he ends up enjoying it a lot. you two are fucking, plug is still in, and you press a button to make it vibrate. he stutters a fuck and stops his moves over you. his knees hit the bed, still in you, and your arms go to his hips and grind him into you as he's a whimpering mess. "come on pretty baby, cum for me? you're doing so well." you'd say, arms wrapping to his plug and pushing it in further as he hisses



OKAY. @marcguggenheim has brought up the fact that Oliver’s birthday cake, bought by Felicity is awesome. It looks like an ordinary sheet cake to me. But thanks to the beautifully brilliant minds of @jbuffyangel and @callistawolf WHAT IF?! What if she put a freaking ring in it? This is purely speculation but holy shit, I can’t breathe. Someone get me a brown paper bag.

Originally posted by love4coira

anonymous asked:

My friend says to tell you they think it is going to be a scene where they are having phone sex. You know since they have not been able to spend time together. By the way my friend wants to tell you they are a big fan but to shy to post any messages. Which is why they make me do it.


(It looks like Maya has no pants on and he’s saying something with nipples and twist and ero and stuff - I’m sorry, my japanese sucks xD - and he’s looking at his phone, maybe Nemu is playing with his nipples?? VIDEO CHAT????)

(And Nemu could totally have a phone on his right ear OR FILMING HIMSELF)

OH MY GLOBB!!!!!! 
My imagination is running wild rn xDD

Please tell your friend they’re a genius! And thank you! <3

And in general, people don’t be shy, message me, message us! 
You can add me on facebook and message me there, I have a curious cat account too, I love to meet new people! 

Okay, I’m gonna go and breathe into a paper bag or something….
Phone sex… video chat… imagine… *heavy breathing*


Ok but

a ler taking sneaky advantage of skin revealed by clothes beyond the typical crop top.

Ripped jeans? Guess the knees are getting squeezes and thighs will be traced in the slits.

Shirt with a low-cut back? Definitely some upper back spidering in order.

And those tank tops with gaping arm holes leave that sweet spot - you know the one at the top of the ribs/bottom of the underarm - perfectly open for poking.

All accompanied by the appropriate teasing, “you should really talk to the company about this, look at all this exposed skin!”

‘Scuse me as I go breathe into a paper bag (and buy more of these articles immediately).

Hello, I’m here to provide you with your daily reminder that there is actually a real, live human being that has this many beautiful features all in one face. Yes, I know, it’s hard to believe. But he’s real. It’s okay, take a moment and soak it in. I’ll wait. (Side note: I want this framed and hung in my room. His eyes are the only shade of green I like.) - Mal 💚💙

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS A PERSON AND NOT AN ANGEL, MAL???? *breathes into a paper bag* Okay. I’m good. I’m cool.