fucking blow-out bash. the scene: night. the setting: the ballroom. the windows: swathed in diamond-studded velvet. the theme: ‘midnight romance.’
it’s fucking extra as fuck. did i even need to say
everyone is in masks—masquarade, obvs—and there are glittering diamond chandeliers, and about 2000 invited guests from across the known world, and more dignitaries and emperors and admiring fans than Adam thought possible.
the palace is STUFFED, jesus christ, people have come from all over to pay worship to Madame de Garderobe
but garderobe’s favorite part? besides the presents, and the vanilla-whipped lemon cake, and the caroling? when cadenza takes her aside and proposes to her, all over again, like he does every single year. my wife. mi amore. all the kisses no one sees.
cadenza gets little cupcakes, and more tuning-forks than anybody could possibly need, and decorated spoon-handles (he likes them), and new lace handkerchiefs, and he cries a lot cuz cadenza’s an emotional man.
he also makes everybody sit around and listen to a 7+ hour concert.
cadenza’s birthday is not everyone’s favorite birthday.
a. fucking. party.
a lot of people get stressed about party-planning, but this man has done it so much it’s almost a party trick in and of itself: he flicks his cuffs and out pop streamers and musicians and piles of food and illegally downloaded jams and at least one rampant excess that nobody asked for but everyone loves. ever wanted to crowdsurf in a human hamster ball during a blacklight rave? your local maître d’ has your back
cogsworth takes care of all the practicalities (”you need chairs! chairs! where is everyone going to sit !!”), but lumiere makes sure that it is Fucking Lit™. the party runs until 3 am and chip is especially loaded up with party drinks so he can stay awake for all of it
besides making sure the music never dies, though, lumiere is an exceptional host. you know this. i know this. you will never sit in the corner at a lumiere party. the birthday boy himself will sit next to you and discuss your particularly boring special interest of mating blue-nosed pheasants until he feels you’re comfortable. party be damned!! we’re here to have A FUCKING GOOD TIME, LADS and if that involves pheasants ok lets do this
at the climax of the party everybody has to get up and toast everybody else. lumiere always pretends to forget to toast himself, but cogsworth always leads that charge
basically cogsworth roasts lumiere for two hours and everyone gets smashed
it’s honestly the greatest thing ever
ok so her birthday bash is actually classy
she always keeps it a surprise from lumiere, so he spends the three months in front of it wondering “is the theme hawaii?? is it venician carnival??? is it that one daiquiri we drank once that was great”
it’s always something vaguely tasteful, and he’s always shook all over again at how brilliant his darling is
once belle comes, belle helps plumette plan it, and it’s all feathers and girl-talks and ordering in her favorite sugar-dusted macarons and arguing with retailers over the phone over how big an ice swan they can possibly fit into their wagons
despite all her planning, lums always finds an in. She can try to lock him out of her room; he’ll sprint over the balcony, so her first sight when she wakes up is him holding out a slightly battered tray of chocolate croissants.
true love knows no boundaries. what it does know is that its beloved likes being woken up by a good chocolate croissant and a kiss on the lips.
‘is it my birthday?’ he always pretends to forget. maybe he truly does. no one knows for sure how a clock loses track of such a date.
it is his birthday. are you kidding? lumiere’s been planning this for 364 days
and, weirdly, he’s been considerate. it’s actually perfect for cogsworth. there is a very english breakfast—kippers and sausages and other things no one else can choke down—and then it’s a constitutional around the gardens. then everybody leaves him alone for two hours to sleep in his study. then it’s a dismal english lunch ( “ u u g h “ whisper every local frenchperson), and then they play chess, and then a stately presentation of presents, and then he gets another hour to introvert however he wants, and then when he’s nice and lulled and just really, genuinely pleased about what a good day he’s having—
lumiere turns on all the stereo systems to full power and blasts skrillex.
(the entertainer’s heart can only hold itself in for so long.)
after being thrown into a swimming pool by cogsworth for being “a bloody and deceitful cretin,” the two relax on the balcony, sipping gin and tonics, while everyone else parties below. cogsworth allows himself one (1) hawaiian t-shirt. the sun sets as lumiere and cogs clink their glasses and toast the tacky plastic sunglasses they’ve both adopted
HE WON’T TELL ANYONE WHEN HIS BIRTHDAY IS
WHAT AN ASSHOLE
IT’S LIKE HE DOESN’T WANT A PARTY OR SOMETHING
LUMIERE IS GONNA FIND HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE IF IT KILLS HIM
I’ve seen a lot of hullaballoo about Belle’s dress in the
new BEAUTY AND THE BEAST movie—it’s not historically accurate, it’s too plain,
etc. While I agree that from a purely aesthetic standpoint, it’s not my
favorite gown, from a CHARACTER perspective, I think it’s perfect.
There’s a lot of talk about Belle being ‘odd,’ but the old
animated movie doesn’t really explore that. The new movie shows more of Belle’s
personality as someone who approaches things in her own way, who is creative,
who genuinely does come off as a little different. Look at her other costumes in
the movie. She almost certainly makes her own clothes- look at her quirky,
practical village dress, with the tucked-up skirt so that she can be more
active, or the whimsical flower embroidery on her brown traveling cloak.
We all saw Belle get frustrated by the giant frou-frou
dresses that Madame de Garderobe tries to put on her (she literally escapes from under them). I would not be surprised
if Belle cut and sewed up one of those old dresses to make one that fit her size,
her style, and her desire for free movement. She’s lived in a village her whole
life—she knows nothing about the high fashion of her time—but she knows what
she likes and what she imagines. The dress is very light, flowy, and if you
look closely, the layers of the skirt aren’t hemmed, they’re cut off. Her ear cuff and the
simple lines of the dress don’t look like 18th century France, but
they do look like Belle.
Maurice says about Belle’s mother, “I knew a girl who
was so different, so daring, so ahead
of her time that people mocked her until the day they found
themselves imitating her.”
Belle is ahead of her time, and she creates her own style.
Just look at her gorgeous wedding gown at the end of the
movie. This is not an 18th century ballgown, and it’s VERY different
from the dresses that the Prince’s guests wear at the beginning of the movie.
This is a Belle creation, too.
I actually want to delve into this ‘ahead of her time’
concept a little more. This movie is very obsessed with the concept of ‘time.’
From the giant clock tower on the palace to the clock character to the falling
rose petals that measure the fleeting time until the curse is permanent, to the
way the villagers all instantly snap into action the second the clock strikes,
the idea of time and schedule is everywhere. The songs all talk about “tale as old as time,” ‘forever,’ etc.
Belle resists that. She’s the
first one awake before the rest of the village springs into motion, singing
about how every day is like the one before. She talks the Beast out of trapping
Maurice in the castle “forever,” and then later, gets out of that ‘forever’
herself. The rules about the curse even change when the Enchantress transforms
the dead Beast back into a living Prince when Belle says “I love you” after the
time limit has run out. When she reads books, she likes to be ‘transported’ to
other places and times. Belle defies time, while the villagers and the Beast
are all defined by it.
When we first meet the Prince, he is fascinated by fashion,
and everyone who surrounds him is dressed in the height of style—of their time
period. His castle is a monument of Baroque art and over-the-top modern style—and
he appreciates none of it. There is so much detail and so much beauty
surrounding him that he’s become completely blind to it. Belle changes that.
She shows him the beauty in everything around him, re-introduces him to what
makes his castle gorgeous all over again. In that famous ballroom scene, the
ballroom is incredibly ornate, but the Beast is focusing only on her, in her
simple, bright gown as a focal point. She’s given him something to focus on,
symbolically and literally.
When Belle comes down the stairs in a dress that’s
completely her own style, the Beast doesn’t sneer at her unfashionable dress
the way he would have before the curse—he’s in awe of her beauty.
And because of all of that, I think Belle’s dress is perfect.