*atone

                BOOK STARTERS VOL.24     ( ATONEMENT )    ( Ian McEwan )   ( NSFW THEMES )

  1. ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜
  2. ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜
  3. ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜
  4. ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜
  5. ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜
  6. ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜
  7. ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜
  8. ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜
  9. ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜
  10. ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜
  11. ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜
  12. ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜
  13. ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜
  14. ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜
  15. ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜
  16. ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜
  17. ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜
  18. ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜
  19. ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜
  20. ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜
  21. ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜
  22. ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜
  23. ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜
  24. ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜
  25. ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜
  26. ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜
  27. ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜
  28. ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜
  29. ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜
  30. ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜
oh look I can’t stop thinking about Cullen

Alright, these things these past few weeks with “boo Cullen” and “no! Cullen is GOOD!” have been worrying me like a bad tooth and I get it. It’s not actually about Cullen. It’s about people not understanding redemption and atonement and that Good and Bad are ultimately useless unless you’re talking about dairy products and prescriptions with expiration dates.

I know a lot of people think that atonement has an endgame. I know a lot of people need to, but it doesn’t. To truly atone a person has to realize that they can’t atone. They have to realize that life isn’t about balancing some freaking ledger, neat lines of red and black and what’s her face from Avengers being in the clear.

Morality isn’t that easy. When it becomes that easy, honestly, we’ve failed.

Atonement is toiling uphill with no hope of reward and the only real difference between it and punishment is CHOOSING TO DO THAT WORK. A person has to understand that they cannot make up for their past. That their past is what it is. Whatever it is. They have to know that there is no line in the sand they can cross to get back from the awful they did. They have to be willing to try anyway, because it’s the right thing to do. Not because it makes them Good™, not because they get a Prize™, and not because the Maker is going to come down and say “that’ll do pig.”

Ultimately atonement is a rebellious creative act. Another forging. A choice to keep becoming more than you were.

Redemption cannot be predicated on a reward based system of morality. Remorse is not a feeling you have so that you can then feel better and wipe away the bad you did. 

Cullen Rutherford and his writer knows this.

I know it’s scary, but Cullen isn’t about “good or bad.” Cullen Rutherford is about stubborn hope. He’s about clawing his way through the best and worst of himself. He’s about choosing his forge, and choosing his path.

4

“God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?”

— Friedrich Nietzsche,

The Gay Science, Section 125, tr. Walter Kaufmann

anonymous asked:

I am so nervous asking my primary if I can go hang out with my "friend". Even if it is just to go out and chill. His anxiety flares sometimes when I want to do anything with him and it brings me to tears.

To tell you the truth, I am right there with you. More times than I can count. M is still insecure, sensitive, possessive, and territorial so it can be quite challenging at times even to this day. I want to say it gets better overall, but there will be some good days and some bad days. 

I try to do my best to be atoned to how M is feeling (for example not go spend time with someone else if we just had a fight or when he was feeling really down) but I also know that M has to work though some of his issues on his own because I cannot always hold his hand through it, nor should I have to. I cannot cancel every hangout for him, nor should I. 

We can hold hands and support each other, but we cannot be responsible for our partner’s emotions. They have to own their emotions. We did not cause their emotional responses. 

Natza Prompts - Fate vs Faith
  • Erza: Jellal...why must fate be so cruel to us?
  • Jellal: I am tainted, Erza. They cry to me, all my sins... I must atone for them. This is... our 'fate'.
  • Natsu: *shoves Jellal out of the way* Erza, is this thing making you cry?
  • Erza: Na-Natsu...?
  • Natsu: Fuck you, 'fate'! *punches* No one makes Erza cry!! *winces* Damn it, it hurts!
  • Jellal: Of course it does! That's 'fate' you're hitting! You can't win against it!
  • Natsu: Screw you! Fate CAN be beaten! Sure it's not every time, but it's possible - and it's through FAITH! My faith in my friends, my faith in myself! And my faith in Erzaaa! *keeps on punching*
  • Erza: Stop it Natsu! You'll only hurt yourself!
  • Natsu: You're worth it!!
  • Erza: ... Natsu...!
  • Natsu: Fairy Tail mages aren't strangers to pain - so what's a little more to get what we want!?
  • Erza: !!! *makes a fist* You're...you're right! If it is worth having, then enduring the pain of obtaining it should also be worth it! *starts punching alongside Natsu* This is exactly why I endured - because of you Natsu!
  • Natsu: *grins* Well then, let's do this!!
  • Jellal: ... ((I see now. The strength of mind, and the determination to see it through to the end. To always look at the future. That is... Natsu Dragneel.))
8

Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.