*arrested d

  • Sirius: Do you think that if we made a toilet paper fort in a supermarket and got caught, we'd be arrested?
  • Remus: Not definite, but it's probable
  • James: Aw that's a shame
  • Remus:
  • Sirius:
  • James:
  • Sirius: Let's do it
  • James: Hell yeah
  • Remus: I'll stand guard

“Vimes, you have gone insane,” said Rust. “You can’t arrest the commander of an army!”
“Actually, Mr. Vimes, I think we could,” said Carrot. “And the army, too. I mean, I don’t see why we can’t. We could charge them with behavior likely to cause a breach of the peace, sir. I mean, that’s what warfare is.”
Vimes’s face split in a manic grin. “I like it.”
“But in fairness our–that is, the Ankh-Morpork army–are also–“
“Then you’d better arrest them, too,” said Vimes. “Arrest the lot of ‘em. Conspiracy to cause an affray,” he started to count on his fingers, “going equipped to commit a crime, obstruction, threatening behavior, loitering with intent, loitering within tent, hah, traveling for the purpose of committing a crime, malicious lingering and carrying concealed weapons.”
“I don’t think that one–” Carrot began.
I can’t see ‘em,” said Vimes.
“Vimes, I order you to come to your senses this minute!” roared Lord Rust. “Have you been out in the sun?”
“That’s one count of offensive behavior to his lordship as well,” said Vimes. 

– they arrest the armies | Terry Pratchett, Jingo

‘You can’t arrest the commander of an army!’

'Actually, Mr. Vimes, I think we could,’ said Carrot.  'And the army, too.  I mean, I don’t see why we can’t.  We could charge them with behavior likely to cause a breach of the peace, sir.  I mean, that’s what warfare IS.’

Vimes’s face split in a manic grin.  'I LIKE it.’

'But in fairness our–that is, the Ankh-Morpork army–are also–’

'Then you’d better arrest them, too,’ said Vimes.  'Arrest the lot of 'em.  Conspiracy to cause an affray,’ he started to count on his fingers, 'going equipped to commit a crime, obstruction, threatening behavior, loitering with intent, loitering WITHIN tent, hah, traveling for the purposes of committing a crime, malicious lingering and carrying concealed weapons.’
—  Terry Pratchett, “Jingo”
(And the thing is, we laugh at this because the idea of Sam Vimes arresting two armies IS funny.  But on top of being funny–and on top of Vimes trying to pile on the charges here with this list–Pratchett intended with this book above all else to characterize war as, in itself, a crime.  In this case, a war started because of a lie and because of racial/ethnic/national prejudice.  But we’re meant to be thinking about this.  When is war NOT a crime, when you get down to what most people think crimes are?  Why is killing people okay and legal when it’s war, for one thing?  Why is it legal to loot places when you conquer them?  Why isn’t it murder and theft?  Well?)
How my great-uncle Siegfried saved his entire family by punching a Nazi

So, my family were assimilated German Jews living in southwest Germany in a little town called Reinheim. And my great-uncle Siegfriend was both physically huge and also kind of a hot-headed young punk. It’s the mid-30s, and someone on the street calls him a “dirty Jew” so, naturally, Siegfried beats the shit out of the guy.

That evening, a mob starts to gather, wanting to lynch Siegfried for laying hands on a non-Jewish kid. The police come by the house and say “we know he was provoked, we’re not arresting him, but we’d like to take him into protective custody for the night to let this blow over.” He goes.

That night, someone at the police station lets the mob into his cell. They beat him nearly to death. When the police dump him at the family home the next day he’s caked in blood and nearly dead. The story I’ve heard always includes the line “his shirt was so full of blood it stood up on its own.”

And, of course, the mob is still coming for them.

That was the wake-up call they needed to get out of the country, early. It saved their lives.

How everyone starts out

Me: *2 years ago* I would never steal, I’d get arrested
Me: *6 months ago* I would never steal anything more than 100$
Me: *now* I probably won’t rob a bank

Imagine John having to pick you up from the police station because you might or might not have been arrested.
Although he’d be a bit concerned if you’re alright, he would be kind of amused about it and couldn’t resist teasing you a little bit.
“Anything you want to tell me, Y/N?”
“It wasn’t my fault, I swear”
“Sure, dear. Of course it wasn’t”
“You’re making fun of me!”
“I wouldn’t dare, honey!”

Hacking at the Cafe

Originally posted by negandarylsatisfaction

Pairing: Negan x daughter!Reader
Word count: 613
Warnings: Swearing


Daddy?” You whimpered into the phone, looking around, eyes watering.

“Y/N?” Came your father’s voice, worried. “What happened?”  

You closed your eyes and sighed. “I’m at the police station. I was arrested.” You winced, waiting for the yelling.

“Time’s up, Y/L/N.” The guard snapped at you, taking the phone and hanging it up. “Back to your cell.” He took you by the arm and led you back to the cell that you were the only occupant of. Sitting back, you let your legs stretch out and crossed your ankles. Your father was going to kill you.


Negan’s face hardened when he heard you say that you’d been arrested. You were only seventeen! What the hell were you doing to get yourself arrested? The phone had been hung up before you said anything more, so his mind went to the worst- drinking, drugs, being caught with some punk in the back of a car.

Shoving his phone in his pocket, he grabbed your bike helmet and stormed out of the apartment. He knew that life got tough sometimes, he was a single father. And, sure, your ‘family’ was a bit different, but you were far from uncared for. You were probably one of the most protected teenagers in the whole damn high school. That you hardly attended because you got bored.


He parked his motorcycle in front of the station and gave himself a moment before he allowed himself to head inside. Walking into the bright lights of the station, he looked around. “May I help you, sir?” Came the voice of a police officer behind a pane of glass.

Turning, he nodded. “I’m here for my daughter, Y/F/N Y/L/N.” Negan told her, clearly displeased.

“And what is she in here for?” She asked, typing into the computer.

“Shit if I know. They hung up on me before I got any information.” He shot back.

An older man came out in a suit, hands in his pockets. “I’ll take it from here, Shannon.” He told her. “Buzz him in. We have a lot to talk about.”


You were laying on the bench, arm over your face when the door to your cell opened. “Your father’s here.” The guard said roughly. Getting up, you followed him out of the cell and towards the front. Only, instead of leading you towards the front lobby, you were let to the chief’s office. Seeing your father turn and look at you, you groaned.

“Hi, Daddy…” You said meekly as the guard all but pushed you into the other chair in front of his desk.

The chief leaned forward, lacing his fingers together, resting on the desk. “So, Miss Y/L/M, I was just filling your father here in on the seriousness of your crimes.” You bit your lip and dropped your eyes. “However, I’m a firm believer in admitting your wrongs. I’d like you to explain to your father what you’ve done.” He motioned to your father.

Turning to him, you were scared. “I, uh, was hacking into the local government…at the cafe.”

Why?”

You shrugged. “Because I can. And I had to do a report last semester on local government. Some stuff didn’t seem to add up, so I was curious. I got bored, and well, that led today.”

Negan groaned. “How could you do something so stupid?”

Raising an eyebrow, you stared at him. “…Have you looked in the mirror?” You asked. “You aren’t exactly Mr. Law-abiding citizen, you know.”

“We’ll talk about this at home, young lady.” Negan said sternly. “Now, let’s see what the fuck is gonna happen to you.” The two of you looked at the chief, knowing this wasn’t good.

Keep reading

Help me fact check something?

So, one of my favorite fun facts to tell people is that cannibalism isn’t actually illegal in the united states. I tell tons of people this and most find it interesting or ask me to clarify and mention Jeffrey Dahmer or Ed Gein and ask something like “well what about them what did they get arrested for?” and I’d explain that they were arrested for murder, assault, rape, desecration of a corpse… etc. but NOT arrested for cannibalism, bc it’s not EXPLICITLY outlawed. most people accept this and move on.

this guy the other day… did fucking not. He was like 60- something years old and butted into a conversation I was having with my friend while she was at work and I mentioned the fact to her and he like interrupted me and was like, “UM actually…. it is against the law” and I fought back and said no… there’s no law in any state or federal constitution (is that the right word?) that says that a person can’t consume human flesh. And he fought back with a basic argument like “but u cant murder ppl” and it went on for minutes with him throwing out fake shit and me refuting it all with the facts. eventually I gave up bc he wasnt listening and just wanted to be right and i just said, “fine whatever I guess you can’t eat people” or something. BUT ITS BEEN BUGGING ME.

I trust you guys and I just really gotta know FOR SURE that there is no law in the united states that says cannibalism is illegal. I’m pretty sure I’m right but maybe this 60 year old man child was onto something. Also if i’m gonna be telling everyone i know this lil fun fact I want it to be true.

Guys my brother won’t stop making short jokes, arrest him.

real talk tho it’s time for a b r e a k

Maria: Geez, that guy really is a great motivator— I’m jealous.
Natasha: Director Hill—
Maria: Relax, Romanov. If I wanted you arrested, you’d be doing that weird thing you do with your thumbs to get out of handcuffs by now. You might be on the outs with SHIELD officially, but this one is as off the books as they come. So for as long as Sharon, Steve and I are willing to look the other way— consider this a momentary truce. I just wanted to see how our savior’s doing.
Natasha: Frail. But motivated. You really think he’s got no shot?
Maria: Don’t joke. Everyone loyal to Denz got gassed before iPhones happened. At best, he’ll come up with a few hundred amateurs who were trying to avoid getting drafted into the other two armies. I could give them all Hulkbuster armor suits, and they’d get themselves killed setting off the airbags.
Natasha: So why go through all the trouble?
Maria: Two words— coordinated air strikes. Wait, is that three words? Doesn’t matter. Point is, SHIELD can’t help a butcher like Novoty beat HYDRA. But good old, loveable General Denz? Hero freedom fighter? Him we can drop a lot of bombs for.
Natasha: And when that helps Navoty take back his country?
Maria: This is not the house we live in, Nat— we can’t tell the neighbors what to make for dinner. Novoty might be the most underrated of history’s greatest monsters, but it’s him or the Red Skull. Of the two— which do you think shows up at our door first?

This is just about the first time we’ve seen Natasha outside of her own book since the universe reset. Bigger than that, it’s the first time we’ve seen Natasha interact with Maria Hill since she quit SHIELD at the end of the Edmondson/Noto run.

Spencer’s Maria Hill is even more of a jerk than most other versions, and she seems to lord her moral ambiguities over Natasha here, treating Natasha as almost naive. It’s at once very different from the dynamic they had in the Natasha’s last book, and very much the same classic asshole Maria Hill.

It makes sense: Natasha quit SHIELD to get away from missions like this one, to keep herself from becoming a necessary evil. But Maria Hill won’t quit SHIELD, or can’t. But the ruthless pragmatism that led to Natasha’s double betrayal is also something that’s keeping her out of prison. Maria can still use her.

(This is all complicated a bit by Nazi Steve’s moralizing voiceover, which I’m honestly not sure how to read. I wonder if Natasha’s going to appear more in this book or if this was just a one-off thing…)

From Captain America: Steve Rogers #7, by Nick Spencer and Jesús Saiz.

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