As an introvert, I did get off the sugaring sites, but it took me quite a while to get off the internet. I used Tinder to find the three gift daddies that I had. Last month, I went free styling for the first time.
There is a general horror around free styling that, trust me, I understand. If I didn’t have to leave my house, I wouldn’t. But I realized a few things. The sugar sites are not set up for you to succeed. We, as sugar babies, are the draw that is used to attract men with money and unrealistic dreams.
Do you want to have the perfect relationship? A young, beautiful, smart woman who will hang off your every word and, unlike escorts, will be with you and you alone for a fraction of the price that escorts are demanding? Sign up for a membership with our site at the low price of $39.99/month and become a sugar daddy tonight!
While this might not be the exact language the sites are using, I guarantee if you go on any of the sugar sites you will see something similar being touted to men. I also promise that the men that have the real potential to be amazing sugar daddies and give you things you didn’t believe that you could get aren’t on these sites.
And, honey, maybe you haven’t noticed but online dating-sugar or vanilla- is not set up for black women to succeed. I’ll say it once more. You’re far more likely to find the man you’re looking for when you let go of the sugar sites. So what happens next? Next, you change your mindset. There is one thing that needs adjustment, your attitude, in two different areas. The first is what a sugar daddy looks like. Maybe you don’t have this problem. But I do. I tend to find myself thinking that sugar daddies look a certain way. They’re white and in their 40’s-50’s. Most of them are married. But this isn’t what sugar daddies look like. They can be any age. They can be any race. They can be anywhere. When it’s time to free style, don’t think that if a Black man, an Asian man, a Martian, whatever, approaches you that because they don’t fit in with the idea of what you think an SD looks like you can’t pay any attention to them.
There will be three types of men that you’ll meet when you go out: cheap men that would like your time and attention for free, men that will simply ask how much you want or make it known that they have no problem paying you, and men that are willing to spend money on you but need some type of connection with you first. Ugh, connection. Don’t you hate that word? Men should just hand us money because we asked for it right? We’re young, we’re beautiful, we’re smart. Just fork over the coins.
But consider this. How often do you give money to complete strangers because they asked for it? How often have you walked up to an attractive or interesting looking person with $5 that you know you don’t need and said: “here this is for you just because you look cool or like you needed a little help”? Never right? If we were a society where that was the norm homelessness would not be an issue. No, we give our money to people we like, to people that have bettered our lives in some way, to people we trust. But, still. That word-connection. Months and months of dates. Maybe even putting out. That must be what I mean, right? Nope. Not what I mean at all. A connection can be made in 15 minutes or 15 months. It really just depends on how well your personality meshes with his.
How do you tell these men apart? Let’s build a scenario, shall we? Let’s say you meet a man at a bar. You each talk a bit about who you are and what you do for a living. His job sounds promising. You don’t know exactly how much he makes but when you google it in the bathroom after touching up your lipstick you see that it’s an acceptable amount. He buys you a drink to continue the conversation you’ve already started, but when the night ends, he doesn’t pick up the tab you had started before he sat down. Splenda! Salt! That’s what Tumblr will tell you. I say wait. You spend some time texting. He says he wants to take you out. This is when we find out what kind of man he is by analyzing a few things:
Where does he want to meet? TGIFridays or one of the best restaurants/bars in the city. Look at where he wants to take you and why. If he asks you where you want to eat and then shoots it down because it’s overpriced or “just not his scene” you have two options: dig your heels in or run. My first meeting with Bentley took some time to plan because he shot down the restaurants that I chose as not being good enough for a first date. It was a good first sign.
How and what do they order? We know what a man who doesn’t want to spend a lot of money looks like when he orders at a restaurant or bar. He asks if there are any discounts or deals. Asks what’s the best and cheapest drink or food item on the menu. Makes “jokes” about how expensive everything is.
How do they look when you order? A man that asks if you want anything else after you’ve decided what you want is a keeper. A man that asks what you want scans the menu and then asks if you’re sure you want those things or if you’d be happy with something cheaper presents you with two options: to dig your heels in or run.
What are they talking to you about? A man that talks about sex as soon as he meets you only wants you for one thing and it ain’t playing cards. Now, if he’s willing to compensate you for that time in a way that you find acceptable, fine. Get your money girl. If you want a man that cares about you as an individual but he can’t stop talking about how well he’s doing on Viagra, you have two options. Dig in or run. I suggest you run, but this is your life, not mine
When the date is over, look at this man’s behavior. You’ll know if he’s the type of man that you can keep in your life. If he isn’t, let him go. LET HIM GO! Don’t, please friend, don’t hang on to a man because you don’t think that you’ll be able to get another. This game isn’t for the desperate that need quick cash because their life is falling apart. This is going to take time. You’ll find yourself getting dressed up and going out quite a few times before you find a man that you’re willing to stick with. If you understand this from the beginning, that reaching any goal is going to take time, you’ll be far less likely to fail.
You do have one thing on your side. Men know that it is their responsibility to take care of the women in their lives. Vanilla men know this. They know. I’m going to say it one more time, best friend so it really sinks in. All men know that it is their responsibility to take care of the women in their lives. What’s more, they know that the younger and better looking a woman is, the more they will have to spend. Your job is not to convince a man to spend money on you. He already knows he should. Your job is to separate the men willing to spend from the men not willing to spend by opening up your mouth and talking about what you want. Talk about college and the class that you’re going to be taking, but god isn’t it crazy how expensive books are? Talk about how much you love to write, but your laptop broke. Talk about how you want to get into digital photography but don’t know what camera to get or if you can afford to buy one. Give it a couple weeks. The right man will show up with a laptop, or an iPad, or a book, or a camera or whatever it is you say you need. The wrong man won’t have made it past the first date.
Happy hunting, best friend.
Best friend, be honest, what did you think? Do you think you could ever get off the sugar sites? Go free styling? Do you think my approach makes any sense or is something that could work for you? Leave me a comment and let me know so we can talk about it.
Creative Content Contributor:@baebae-goodnight (listen, I’m hurt. HURT BY THIS MOODBOARD)
Rating: 18 + (explicit sex)
Word Count: 12,445
Summary: It’s funny, how there are certain moments in your
life which define you.
Funny, how when you’re asked what was memorable
about a year – the first thing to mind is usually an odd, assorted jumble which
makes absolutely no sense out of context. People’s faces, random speeches,
objects which move you. I, for some reason, always think of a book. Last year,
it was 1Q84. The year before, The Name of the Wind.
I always think of a book – and then I think of Jimin. (Arranged Marriage!AU)
You opened the door to your dorm and placed your textbooks into your trunk, before standing up and heading to sit down on your bed. It had been a long day, your morning classes feeling as though they had taken years - it wasn’t even lunch time yet.
As you went to sit down, you noticed a small piece of folded parchment laid carefully in the centre of your duvet, labelled with your name on, which you tilted your head at and frowned on confusion, picking it up.
You unfolded the note, then turned it the correct way so you could read it properly.
Meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight at 9.
You couldn’t help the way your cheeks reddened, or how your heart beat faster. A small smile played at your lips, and butterflies erupted in your stomach.
What was this? Why were you suddenly feeling… excited to have Draco send you a simple message?
The last week or so had been pleasant - no arguments, no insults, nothing of the sort. You hadn’t yet tried the transition from friends (that kiss) to lovers - after all, it was strange to say or even comprehend that you and Draco Malfoy were now friends.
Because that’s all it was. You and Draco are friends. Friends that occasionally kiss, but friends nonetheless. And though you felt somewhat bitter about only being friends, it was agreed to take things slow, and not rush into anything too quickly.
The question racing through your mind was
Is this a date?
Maybe Draco felt the same way you did.
To say you were nervous about it was an understatement, even if you knew you still had two more classes and two meals to go beforehand.
You folded the note back up and placed it into your trunk, under your textbooks, hiding it from unwanted eyes.
Trying to hide a grin, you headed up from the dungeons and towards the Great Hall. The room was filled with students, all separated by their houses. You found the Slytherin table to the far edge of the room, and took your place next to Y/f/n, who greeted you happily.
As you smiled back, you couldn’t help but feel at least slightly guilty that you hadn’t told her about the arrangement, or anything of the sort, however you didn’t want more people than necessary to know.
As the food appeared, you took all the food you wanted, expecting to be able to finish it all. In reality, all you could focus on was the note, and Draco, who was gazing directly at you.
You didn’t look up, for fear you would blush, and hoped that he’d perhaps turn away soon.
After minutes of toying with your food, you couldn’t bear it anymore, and finally looked into his ice blue eyes, quirking an eyebrow at the smirk that played at his lips.
Without giving him any sign that you had received his note, you simply turned to join in with a conversation happening to your right, facing away from him.
You could still feel him staring, and for some reason, this actually made you want to smile.
You climbed up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, your shoes hitting the brown wood with every step, and the sounds slightly echoing around you.
It had taken you a good 25 minutes just to get from your dorm to the tower, as Professor Snape insisted on patrolling around the corridors more than once, not to mention you had to avoid Filch and Mrs Norris like the plague.
As you entered the tower’s main room, you glanced around, feeling a sense of shock or, more accurately, surprise.
The room was nothing like you were used to in your Astronomy lessons - all school supplies had been moved to the outskirts of the room, and instead, there was a blanket laid out over the floor, with rose petals dancing across it. Beside that stood Draco, in an all-black suit, looking as handsome as the day he had to fake propose to you, making your cheeks heat up, and your heart race.
“Did you do all this… for me?” You asked in astonishment, looking around the room in awe. “Maybe,” Draco said with a smirk, glad you seemed to like it.
You took a step towards him and smiles up at him, “Thank you.” “It was my pleasure.”
He took your small hand in his large one, and sat down on the blanket with you, laying in a position where the stars seemed to be in touching distance.
“They’re so beautiful,” you whispered, watching the stars sparkling in the dark blue sky. When you didn’t receive an answer, you turned questioningly to Draco, who didn’t seem to be paying attention to the stars, but to you instead. “W-What?” You asked nervously.
“Nothing! Sorry, you’re just… I mean… you’re gorgeous,” Draco rambled. You laughed, placing a soft kiss on his cheek, which turned red under your touch, and you moved closer into his chest as you looked back up at the sky.
“I like this,” Draco said after a while. “You like what?” “Us, getting along without yelling or fighting or whatever. Just basking in each other’s company.”
“Yeah?” You turned around to stare into Draco’s blue-grey eyes. “Yeah,” he confirmed. His gaze dropped slightly to your lips, before flickering back up to your eyes, and before you knew it, his lips were on yours.
It was warm and inviting; a loving kiss, that enveloped you in all the affection that Draco felt towards you.
His hand held your cheek as he propped himself up with the other, slightly leaning over you as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth.
He pulled himself away from you, though he kept a hand resting on the curve of your waist, before looking up through his lashes at you.
“I love you,” Draco muttered, resting his forehead gently against yours. You smiled softly, “I love you too.”
1. Always confirm the same day that you guys are meeting. These men have crazy schedules and they can cancel on you same day, best to know before you do your hair & makeup.
2. Never drive or uber a long distance to meet them. They should offer to come to you and if they don’t they should offer to uber you. I always get ubered to my dates, I never give them my real address obviously but somewhere close that I could walk or a place I could drive to and leave my car. Driving or ubering a far distance because he said he would reimburse you isn’t worth the risk. These men ain’t shit! they will lie to you. Don’t risk being out of gas or money, never worth it.
3. Always vet them before you meet them, nothing worse than going on POT date to find out he wants to pay you 200 per meeting. ASk questions nothing to invasive but just enough to see if can meet your needs. If you want monthly allowances make sure he’s open to that. IF he wants to do per meet to start, discuss how much. You can obviously negotiate a better price in person, but make sure you guys are in the same range $$$. Don't’ waste your hair/makeup and a cute outfit on a fuck boy who thinks he’s a sugar daddy. NEVER go on the POT with someone who gives you weird vibes, I mean if he’s weird over the phone he probably won’t be better in person, nothing is worth your safety.
4. Be cute but comfortable, Opt for the heels that are more comfortable over the ones that may look better with the outfit. Nothing worst than being out and having your feet hurt the entire time.
5. Be sexy and alluring without showing too much. I have big boobs so no matter what I wear their gonna show, but I always wear dresses that aren’t too tight or show that much cleavage. He may want to take you to social events with his colleagues or friends, you don’t want to show up on your first encounter with your boobs out or a dress that barely covers your ass. You want to give off a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets vibe. You don’t have to spend much to look great, Forever 21 or Zara has great dress options that are affordable. Macy’s always has in store sales on shoes ( Got a couple of heels from there), DSW also. A little black dress with some cute heels and some simple accessories can go a long way, ladies. For new sugars, you can spend under 100 bucks buy a cute outfit that you can re-wear to multiple POT dates. Ball on a budget until you can get him to take you, to Saks ;)
6. Knowledge is key! reading book Ho Tactics and the art of seduction has really stepped my sugar skills up. Body language and confidence is everything! This may sound silly but I practice my faces in the mirror so I can get an idea of what I’m looking like when I say certain things, also what angles i look best in so I know how to tilt my head or smile. You have to mindfuck these to give you everything you want but never had. I always give eye contact it shows that you are really engaged it also turns guys on. I always order martinis or wine because of the way the glass fit in your hand. Eating a olive off a toothpick while eye fucking a guy will drive him crazy. Always ask follow up questions, whens he’s going on and on about his job or life, in general, show that your interested make comments be engaging. Also, brush up on current events, I use the SKIMM to help keep me up to date on current events. Be pretty but also cultured.
7. Always choose a high-end restaurant in your area. I usually yelp and look for restaurants with $$$ that has the best reviews, I legit have been to areas in D.C that I wouldn’t have been able to afford or even heard of. Set your standards high and don’t lower them. Don’t ever go out with a guy who thinks going to some cheap chain restaurant is acceptable. Like your makeup shouldn’t cost more than the menu. Gain knowledge on the nicest spots in your area, if he wants to take you somewhere lower end that’s the easiest way to spot a Splenda. If it doesn’t go anywhere at least you got to go to a nice ass restaurant, ate some good ass food, and drank some wine that cost as much your textbooks. Still a win.
8. If you’re meeting for a quick date such as Starbucks ( which I don’t even recommend, they give me Splenda vibes) make sure you choose a time when it’s not too pack. You don’t want to walk into a packed Starbucks with the line to door and no seats for your first date it sets an awkward tone. You want to be in a quiet setting where you can discuss the arrangement privately, without random people walking by every minute. Choose a time after lunch, or later in the evening.
9.Safety First! Never give out private information, give out fake email address, phone numbers, etc. The only thing I’m truthful about is that I’m a student and my age. Never get into a POT car, or go back to his place. I also send my friends my location so they know where I’m at all times. Also download a safety app, very useful. If a guy gives you weird vibe excuse yourself to the bathroom and call a uber, try to find a different exit and leave his ass. Never meet up in a sketchy area or place. Make sure the place is public and that it is quiet but moderately packed. Never meet up too late in the night, and don't’ over a drink. Overdrinking puts you in a bad head space which can lead to a bad situation that could be unsafe. I have no more than 3 cocktails on date depending on the time we are together. These sites are filled with psychos, be careful !.
10. Last but not least Never give up the pussy until you get yours. Things happen maybe you drank too much, or he was really cute so the chemistry was there but it is never a good idea to sleep with POT before the arrangement has been hashed out. This is not normal dating and he is not your bf. Unless he’s paying your bills, tuition, rent or aiding your makeup addiction why does he deserve pussy???? Always get your first, these men will fuck and dip out never to be seen again. GIving him quick access will not get your bills paid sis, don’t do it. Before you think about giving him some think about your rent that’s about to be due, the tuition you still have to pay, that car payment, or Rihanna new makeup line that’s about to drop. Pussy is power use it wisely!
Feel free to add on ladies. Pusssy is power, let’s encourage each other and help each other to mindfuck these men! #TeamVagina
✔️ Suggest the day: gives you more power to make your own schedule.
✔️ Suggest the activity: lets you set the intention for what you want out of the experience.
✔️ Stroke his ego: when he feels admired and respected, he will feel more generous. “I like your tastes” flatters him, and might trigger unconscious associations with “taste” in a sexual way.
OKAY, but AU where Prince Lotor asks Princess Allura to marry him as a symbol of peace and as a political power move or something, plot plot plot, etc. (Cliche plot, but I love it okay. I’m a sucker.) And Allura accepts, despite not liking Lotor in the slightest. She’s doing it as an attempt to unite the universe and all that good stuff.
And obviously Shiro’s regretting letting her go ahead with this plan, because holy crap he loves her and Lotor’s a snake and blah blah blah. Boy is sick to his stomach at the thought.
Don’t worry though. He’s going to crash the wedding with the rest of the paladins. I got you, fam.
Bonus closeup under the cut! I’m really proud of the crown, okay. lmao.
Free Styling 101: Unexpected Suggestions for Where You Should Go and How You Should Dress if You’ve Never Free Styled Before
We’ve done it, best friend. We have agreed that free styling is the way to go. But if you are anything like me, you’ve known that there was a good argument to free style. You’ve read the posts that say to put on the best clothes you have and to just go out there and do it. Men will knock you over if you just dress up and go to the best bar in town. If you’re anything like me, you read each of those posts and then hopped right back on SA after rolling your eyes. Go free style they say. But there has to be so much more to it right?
There isn’t. Now, wait a minute. Don’t roll your eyes at me. I don’t like those posts that feel like they’re just trying to throw us to the wolves, but there are some things that they got right. The most important one?
To learn how to do anything, you’ve got to get out there and do it.
Duh. Simple but challenging advice. I’m going to suggest that you free style in a new way. But before we address the new way of doing things, let’s address the problem. Why don’t we free style?
I think the problem can be answered with one simple phrase: fear of the unknown. That’s silly. One of two things will happen. You’ll meet someone and exchange numbers or you won’t. But let’s get specific. I think we always wonder where we should go, what we should wear, and how we should act.
Where should you go the first time you free style? Some place you’re already familiar with.
Go where you’re comfortable. I don’t care if it’s a local dive bar or college hang out or it’s TGIFridays. Actually, I’d love it if you did go to the TGIFridays in the sort of suburban kind of affluent part of your city. The most interesting people hang out there.
Why should you go to a familiar place? Because then you won’t have to stress about what to wear, who will be there, what you should order, how you should behave. You’ve been to this place dozens of times. There’s nothing to think about. Nothing to be nervous about. You can go in with confidence.
What should you wear? Well, that’s the beauty of starting in your comfort zone.
What do you usually wear to this place? I don’t care what you wear as long as it’s not ratty sweats and a tee, but even that’s a lie. You can make ratty sweats and a tee super cute with the right accessories. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I leave the house in them. The most important things are your hair and makeup. But Shea, I’m not good at doing my hair or makeup, you say. Well, best friend, that’s why the ancestors helped us create YouTube. The trick is to master the basics. Learn how to apply foundation, put on blush, and maybe some lipstick if you’re feeling fancy. Learn a 20-minute hairstyle that you can’t possibly mess up. The less you do, the less likely you are to look crazy.
Unless he’s chocolate wasted or belligerent, you talk to him. He’ll say something to start the conversation. You’ll say something back to keep it going (can’t think of anything to say? check this out) and a conversation will begin. Do you need to be attracted to him? Does he need to be rich? Does he need to be SD potential? No. No. And no. This is target practice best friend. We are not at all invested in whether you meet your SD in a dive bar. In fact, we are already positive that it won’t happen. The point is to sharpen your skills, to get you used to going out with the sole intention of attracting and maintaining the attention of men for as long as you desire. If he approaches, talk to him. You’ll find out what he does for a living. He’ll discover the same about you. Blahblahblah. You get ready to leave. You give the man your sugar phone number.
Then you text him. For a week. Some of you have started pouting. Best friend, I’m sorry. I know some Tumblr blog told you that you’re supposed to be making money on every date you go on every single time you leave your house. I used to think that too, pumpkin. I want you to leave that idea alone. I want you to remember that you’ve had training for every job you’ve ever done and it’s the reason why you could do that job with confidence. This is training. You have one week to get this man to ask you to dinner at a restaurant that you find acceptable given his income (which you should have googled. He did give you his occupation). If you can’t accomplish that, dump him and get back in the bars and find another victim to practice on. If he does agree to dinner in an appropriate location, remember that post on figuring out if he’s cheap? Time to practice that too. At the end of the date, you should know if he’s a cheap or not.
What do you do with them when the date is over? That’s up to you. If you like him but still want to sugar you have two options. Keep dating him but don’t let it get so pressing that you lose sight of your sugaring goals. Or you can dump him and move on to the next victim (if you get caught up in love and relationships and feelings easily then this is how you want to go). Tell him you had an amazing time but you don’t think the two of you are the best fit for each other. Done. On to the next.
What do you do if no one approaches you?
This may happen. The first time I free styled I sat at the bar and realized it was couples night. Great. I had two options. I could wallow in my sorrows, and my gin and tonic or I could pick my ass up and go somewhere else. I chose option two and met a very nice man whose family owned a local snack company. But there’s a chance that you’ll go to location two and no one will talk to you there either. There’s a chance. So you go home, and you restrategize. You figure out if it was you. Were you on your phone all night avoiding eye contact? Did you make eye contact and then quickly drop it thinking this made you look coy and cute (it doesn’t. if you make eye contact hold it for at least five seconds before looking away)? You figure out if it was the location or just an off night. These will happen. You’ll have a lot of them. I hope you have a lot of them. They will be how you learn. They will show you how badly you want this life or if you want it at all. I hope no one approaches you at first. If you give up at the first obstacle, you don’t deserve to win. It sounds mean, best friend, I know. But failure has been my best teacher. It has shown me what I really want and what I really like to talk about. Besides, this is just training remember? We didn’t expect to meet our future SD in TGIFridays.
Best friend, what do you think? Is this a free styling plan that you can get behind until you build your confidence or have I lost my natural mind? Tell me your thoughts and your plans. Let’s talk!