*alt

Here, this is my heart. I’ve spent quite a lot of time putting it back together. I’m sorry about the cracks. Some people weren’t that gentle with it. Sometimes I wasn’t gentle either, but I’m getting better at it every day. I don’t really like having these protective walls up, but my past wasn’t great. I’ve knocked them down just to build them back up stronger than before every time. That’s become exhausting, but you’ll be different from the rest, won’t you? You won’t take this love for granted, you’ll cherish it, right? Right?
—  NaPoWriMo Day 22 - Trust // Maxwell Diawuoh
I wish I could get rid of these feelings. You were toxic, yet I still remember you fondly. A part of me wants you back, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of nostalgia making me think your poison was medicine. I just can’t seem to let you go. I wish I never held on in the first place.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: a girl who can’t let go of the boy she loved, even though he wasn’t good for her
Too Much

Diet Coke
Paranoia
Yard work
Cops
Criminals
Longing
Grocery store meat slabs
Electricity
Anesthesia
Proof reading
Bible studying
Art
Corporate art
Corporate lit
Milk and honey
Vomit
Tears
Pressure
Pressure
Pressure
‘What am I?’
‘Who cares?’
'Whatever’
'I don’t know what I’m doing’
'Gah Gah Gaah’
'Let’s hide our pain and laugh way too hard at things we’re only laughing at so we’re not the only people not laughing’
Too much silence
Too much distance
Too much avoiding everything
'Maybe if I hide
They’ll forget I exist’

I’ve been burning myself out in hopes of making people a little warmer. I wonder if anyone would do the same for me if they knew how cold I’ve been. Would they stay if they knew that sometimes ending my life makes sense? Would they run? The darkness gets hard for me to handle, I wouldn’t want to burden them with it, but sometimes it’d be nice to have someone help me through it.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: a girl who is suicidal, she tries to make everyone happy but can’t be happy herself. She sacrifices her own happiness for the well-being of others. She hides all of her emotions.
The queen of heaven

I’ve got a spiritual burden reaping in my heart
addicts trimming spoons on wizards avenue
lost souls in the darkness, lost in the adrenaline thrill
no one outside knows what it means
to be innocent, doomed and yet, vagabond
incisions cannot penetrate my martyrized strings.
I’m deep in cherubim slumber with you
I rise on pixies sheets and make love to your ghost
all I feel is my secret fear of being alone.
The queen of heaven is licking poppies close to home.

Oh, mother, self sacrificial giver,
Cradle of the ever nurturing womb,
Wash our greed in your merciful river;
Altruistic healer, die as we bloom.

Mother, we are your death wish, your rapists;
The ravagers of your sacred body;
We are the chosen takers, stargazers,
We cannot walk lest our feet are bloody.

Forsake us already, dying mother,
Spew fire, quake and tremble, flood us all;
Wait not until we have killed each other,
Our destructiveness will be your downfall.

Your teat nurtures defilers; plague bearers,
Rid yourself of these corrupting terrors.

(Earth day 2017) - M.A. Tempels © 2017