The secret to winning any argument, according to a Harvard psychologist

The secret to winning an argument? For starters, don’t think of it as a zero-sum game. Or so says renowned social psychologist and Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to learn more about the person you’re fighting with and you’ll come out on top — or maybe even both parties will win. “What about that moment when they’re saying something you actually find to be incredibly objectionable and incorrect?“

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Whoa. It’s been a while. Like 3 or 4 months? Sorry for being MIA for so long! I’d like to say my New Year’s resolution was to update this blog more, but that hasn’t really been working out, as evidenced by my inactivity. So I apologize profusely. But I bring a gift: some notes about motivation. Enjoy :) Hopefully there will be more to come! 

both popular anti-self dx arguments and pro-self dx arguments fail in that they uphold a rhetoric that insists on the innate nature of diagnoses as natural realities instead of constructed terms created to describe a common grouping of lived experiences. 

diagnoses are not inherent realities nor are they apolitical. people can have the same lived realities but be diagnosed differently. two people, one white and one not, with the exact same developmental behaviors could be diagnosed differently, 1 diagnosed with ADHD and 1 diagnosed with an occupational behavior disorder (a more negative connotation) due to racism. two people, a man and a woman with the same or extremely similar trauma experiences and symptoms could be diagnosed differently, the man diagnosed with C-PTSD and the woman diagnosed with BPD, due to misogynist stigma and the feminized characterization of the inherently evil manipulative person with BPD versus the label of C-PTSD which while also stigmatized, is more recognized as a trauma disorder and less of a scapegoat term. 

we should support self dx because the psych system does not have some special knowledge of the “inherent” realities of our lived experiences that we do not, because of issues of resources and safety and oppression and psych abuse/hegemony, we should support it because for some people finding words to describe their experiences feels necessary and fosters solidarity with others who experiences similar symptoms/experiences. but we shouldn’t prop up self-dx arguments with statements that reinforce the idea that diagnoses / terminologies of the psych system are innate realities. “mentally ill people can be just as correct as doctors” “doctors sometimes diagnose incorrectly” etc are sometimes useful arguments to make, but fall apart in some situations bc they rely on the idea that there are inherently Right or Wrong diagnoses, innate Correct Words for any one person’s experience, when really the way we categorize and label mental illness is political, artificial and arbitrary. 

we should also support mentally ill ppl who refuse any sort of diagnosis “professional” or otherwise. and mentally ill people who are forced to rely on the psych system and couldn’t function without these diagnoses due to reliance on meds and resources (especially being mindful of these ppl’s realties when having convos about the constructed reality of the psych system and it’s terminology & making statements like “all these labels are useless”), and mentally ill people who can never figure out a label to accurately describe them, who are being hurt by the fact that doctors can’t or won’t diagnose them, etc. 

  • Me:So let's say you take a survey
  • Me:And it asks what your gender is
  • Me:And you're given the following options:
  • Me:*writes Man, Woman, Transgender on the board*
  • Me:What's wrong with this?
  • Class:*quiet*
  • Me:👀
  • Class:*quiet*
  • Me:👀 👀 👀 👀 👀
  • Girl way in the back:Well first of all there's more than three genders, like you could be gender fluid or something, and second of all, transgender isn't a gender identity, like, a trans woman is a woman, that's her gender
  • Me:👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 yes 👌👀 👌👀👌👀 yes 👌👀👌👀👌👀 uh huh👌👀👌👀👌 yeah that's right 👀👌👀👌👀 good job 👌👀👌👀👌 exactly👀👌👀👌👀 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 thank you for saying that 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏🙏 thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 good job🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
sigmund freud for the signs
  • aries:"One is very crazy when in love."
  • taurus:"If youth knew; if age could."
  • gemini:"A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them: they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world."
  • cancer:"We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love."
  • leo:"Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have , so to speak , pawned a part of their narcissism."
  • virgo:"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."
  • libra:"Opposition is not necessarily enmity; it is merely misused and made an occasion for enmity."
  • scorpio:"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."
  • sagittarius:"The madman is a dreamer awake."
  • capricorn:"The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water."
  • aquarius:"Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts."
  • pisces:"Like the physical, the psychical is not necessarily in reality what it appears to us to be."