*500s

rebuilding genji’s body

mercy: alright these are all the organs we could salvage
genji: cool thanks
genji: dr. ziegler i need you to do me a favour
mercy: of course genji, what is it?
genji: ok can you go find my brother hanzo
genji: you dont have to bring him in or kill him or anything just find him
genji: find him and find out how tall he is
genji: keep it in mind when you make my legs
genji: because i need you to make me one inch taller than him
genji: exactly ONE inch taller
genji: just barely enough so you can TELL im taller than him
genji: no more no less
mercy:
genji:
 please
mercy:
mercy, who has been working for 10 hours straight:
mercy:
 [inhales deeply]
mercy: [exhales slowly]
mercy: [pinches bridge of nose]
mercy: …aight dude

My neighbor caught me using a sand wedge to return his dog's sh*t to him.

My neighbor had this big Marmaduke dog that would sh*t this beer-can-sized turds on my front lawn. I really wouldn’t have cared, but the guy who mowed my lawn asked me to do something about it because if I didn’t, he would have to do it.

So, I talked to my neighbor about it. He said he would have his son pick up the dog sh*ts. His son didn’t, or, if he did, I never saw him do it, or maybe the dog’s output was greater than his son’s capacity to clean up the sh*ts. I don’t know, but it continued to be my problem.

A few times, I picked these sh*ts up with a pooper scooper so the gardener wouldn’t complain. Then, i complained to my neighbor again and nothing changed, so I said “F*ck it,” and used an old sand wedge to whack them back into my neighbor’s yard.

In the middle of all this, the guy’s bushes had grown between and over our common wall. There was enough of it that I couldn’t walk down that side of my house. There was only a narrow walkway and the shrubs meant I had to press against my own wall to make it down that way. I didn’t want to be a dick about everything, so I got my electric trimmer and chopped off everything on my side of the wall.

So, that resulted in most of the shrubs dying. That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to be able to walk in my own yard.

That still didn’t change the fact that I didn’t want to pick up the guy’s dog sh*ts. One time, he pulled up in his driveway right as I was knocking them into his yard. He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was returning his dog’s sh*ts to him. He pointed out that it would take less effort for me to just pick them up.

I asked him, “Why is this even my problem?” He agreed and said he would make sure his son picked them up (and he did). That’s when I remembered the shrubs, and I wanted to apologize about killing them, so I said, “Hey, about those shrubs…”

He interrupted and said, “Sorry about that, too. I’ll make sure they don’t get on your side of the wall any more.”

I didn’t really get to apologize and I figured he must have thought I was a real dick of a neighbor. Surely, my treatment of the dog sh*t was enough for that title, but the shrub treatment was kind of accidental.

Petty Revenge: Your daily dose of the best petty revenge stories. | source

Steal my sales? They're all yours.

(warning: long story)

This story takes place back when I was selling high end used cars. We carried everything from your luxury Hummers, to your Ferrari, Rolls Royce, and twice while I worked there, Bugatti.

We were paid a base salary, at the time $1,500 a week, and we worked 10 hours a day, 12 days on, 2 days off. We also got a commission for every sale, with a base line of $500 per car, up to $7,500 on my largest sale, a Ford GT40.

We were expected to be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and if any of our customers had a problem, it was our problem too, and we needed to get it solved as a top priority.

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500 FOLLOWERS!!!!! 😱😱😱 idk what to say! I’ve gone so far with the fics hahaha I’m so happy that you guys like my job and are here to support me! I can’t describe how much I’m thankful and how much I love every single one of you. I’m working in a few fics and requests now and trying to tangle it with my school schedule hahaha but they’ll be out soon! PROMISE! Love you all SO MUCH!!!

Tagging and thanking:
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excuse me when did this happen

but seriously, thank you so damn much! im so fuckin happy about this, and bc of that im gonna be accepting fic prompts and requests again! so pls, send me some things to write, and ill do my very best to fill them with probably some drabbles or maybe ficlets. 

im accepting sfw and nsfw stuff, and pretty much any polygrumps ship (though i do have the most experience with egobang, obviously), so knock yourself out OuO