I’m only sharing this because I want to help others. and sitting here typing this is almost like therapy for me and I’m more than glad to leave this chapter of my life behind with all the weight lifted off of my shoulders.
when I started high school I was in a relationship with a guy (whose name shall not be mentioned) for almost two years. beforehand, I knew him for a few years and well, long story short we finally ended up together. then sure enough we broke up later on (reasons being personal). I never gave another guy a chance since I met my ex, Chris or aka Damon. all of it was spontaneous. I obviously knew him from social media but at that time he literally had about 20k followers on instagram. I noticed him on vine to begin. but anyway, I wanted to meet him not knowing how such a genuine person he was. we exchanged numbers after we took a picture. we texted, and I believe days after I sent him a long message saying much I’d love to get to know him, treat him right, etc. and he asked why I couldn’t do it for him.. and we went from there. after months being together he even told me I stood out to him because of the words I said to him just through a message. so throwing shade saying because we met at a meet and greet is all about looks, okay, well it was more than that and he knows that for damn sure. we spoke for a few months (everything rushed) and finally ending up together.. seeing him again.. (total of about 5 times) everything was perfect as it was. he publicized our relationship, always had sweet things to say to everyone to see.. it was really perfect. getting reassurance while I’m away is always nice. then towards the end, when things became hard to even hold a conversation for either one of us because we both were soooo busy.. him being in football season, school and me being in school, working coming home.. then all over again every day we did not have time for each other. and what made it worse is we couldn’t even see each other face to face to discuss it. or even see each other on the weekends. so we fell apart, slowly, but we surely did. and once he wanted to leave I of course, was devastated. I tried everything I could to bring us back together but he always pushed me away and I couldn’t picture myself with anyone else. on social media he supported rude things his “fans” were saying about me.. talking and flirting and tweeting girls all over. it really hurt seeing all of that so I knew I just needed to let go. and I did. months during this he would randomly txt me saying how he wanted to see me. I needed to go out there and see him. one time, he contacted me telling me how he wanted to be together again. I told him everything he didn’t want to hear, he didn’t like what I had to say. we were done after that. he led me to believe for months of my life I was the flawed one, the person who was at fault behind everything that went wrong. it was my fault I was with another guy and he didn’t like it. he claimed he kissed one girl and that was it. yeah right. this entire time this boy played me. he had another girl, (why he got over me so quickly) was sexually active with her with serious intentions. he leaves mets his new girl kisses her, does whatever she claimed how they met, comes back home and goes to his old girl. she doesn’t want him. he comes to me telling me I’m the one for him all along.. next day posts a pic with his girl. he played me, her, and girl #2. it’s all fucking manipulation. never let anyone convince you are less than any of what you deserve. I did that for too long. I beat myself up for months thinking I wasn’t good enough, why me, why this.. I was tearing myself apart. at that point in my life was when I had my psychic reading, I needed closure. I was very lowkey in my life at this point. I deleted most of my social media because I didn’t wanna deal with it anymore. I was depressed and anything I would post wouldn’t be good. I didn’t want people to see that side of me. close was what I needed and I would’ve done anything at this point bc I sure as hell wasn’t getting it from that boy. hearing the words come from that lady felt almost so unreal. she told me he was toxic and I would never understand why and it was better to keep that way. she warned me about his existence. his presence in my life transformed my entire vibe to a weak, emotional person. she said his presence was the strongest and first thing you can sense about me. if that doesn’t tell you enough then you can just stop reading. this is a personal experience I want to share so people know they’re not alone. so people get off my page, snapping me, mentioning me how I’m in the wrong when I’ve been on the shitty end of the stick. I went thru months of depression… you can watch the videos posted because I was led to believe for so long SOOOOO long I am at fault. it disgusts me how loyal he claims.. he hates liars.. puts such a huge ass front on social media to lead to believe he’s this perfect ass person. and I’ll be the first to claim he’s a lying, deceiving, manipulating punk. looking back at everything it’s almost like sharing our love with everyone through pics and vids just gained him exposure and now he’s obsessed of the concept over having a female by his side to show and express and gain more support from new and more more people. cause in reality, what are you known for? instagram videos? our relationship goal posts? your fame ain’t shit either. acting like you have a higher power isn’t someone you want to be around. and no female should ever go through what I did, no one. after all of this, I have learned I do not need anyone to make me happy and okay, if I do find someone I will never depend on them like I used to. it’s nice to share a love with someone, yeah. but shit that makes you lose sight of yourself. and my biggest advice is not to when you are not ready. I thought I could recover from my past relationship with him. which I did but the mistake was, he was my only happiness because of that. so everyone disrespecting me saying I’m mad for not having a new guy in my life.. yeah no. its because I CHOOSE that. completely. I don’t need anyone to move on. I’m young and I’m gonna experience my life without being held in a relationship. I am in no rush to grow up. life lesson learned- you can never be that hung up on someone to a point you feel nothing without them. this is the last of what I have to say because it’s toxic and waste of my precious time to continue explaining anything any further cause at the end of the day, I am living my own life and these kids over a computer screen will not validate for a second how I should feel. so no, I don’t care which side you are on. no one is hating. I’m just done covering up for a guy that ruined me for far too freaking long. this was something I wanted to address because it is brought up too often and I am more than ready to wake up everyday without a single thought about any of this on my mind, and be able to scroll on MY phone without seeing his damn name pop up once. I am done answering ANY questions about this, speaking about this, after this post. but from all of this, I am known to have dealt with the devil himself. I’ve been in some dark places and felt awful things because of him. he’s truly not a good person. I deserve true happiness and this just all gives me more motivation to learn and embrace myself and never give that up for anyone. end of story.