i know rucas gets a lot of hate and stuff because “it’s boring” or because they “don’t act like a couple” but honestly, those are kind of the reasons i love it? not the boring part bc personally i don’t think it is, but bc they don’t act like the usual tv couple. i like that that this show is showing kids that you don’t need to rush into romantic relationships and i like how they’re showing you that even though your classmates are pressuring you to go at a certain pace, you should take your time and go at the pace you want. go at what makes you comfortable.
not only that but they’re also so pure. they’re honestly an innocent coming of age couple and i think that’s great. they have this mutual respect for each other and they enjoy talking to each other. and i think that’s something that really gets thrown out the window a lot during tv shows and movies.
Experimentally, I’ve been going places socially every single day this week. Just to see how I actually handle it. To like… different family members’ houses to visit. Places I’ve already been, to see people I know already, so it shouldn’t be that hard.
I was thinking at the beginning that my problem was maybe laziness, or maybe dismissive cruelty, or some kind of fear that I could get numb to eventually, like driving or public speaking.
But when I pay attention to what’s going on and write things down, it is…. just genuinely painful to socialize. Like no matter what happens, or how well it goes, or how much good it did me, I always deeply, bitterly regret it. I can remember with laser accuracy every single moment that went wrong. Afterward is some of the most exquisite pain I’ve ever experienced. I resent every minute I have to be an embodied person that other people can have thoughts or opinions about. No one is mean to me in the slightest, but still all interaction feels so imperfect or impossible. Someone described one of my mannerisms to me tonight and I’m still traumatized by it. :/
I don’t know how people deal with this, because it does not get easier with age, practice, or time. I try to pick out where my thought process is going wrong here, but I don’t know where to start with it. It really is like rock or a hard place. Do I want to feel this kind of sharp deep pain, or do I want to feel the depressive lonely pain? It really has been a subconscious no-brainer for so long. The lonely pain is better.
(( hi everyone!!! i know ive been rlly bad bout updating but thats largely due to me working my butt off so i can go to this convention! its not a super big convention so im not sure the chances of running into anyone there but just in case!! i’ll be doing nyo!russia on friday, velma dinkley on saturday and just casual on sunday! if you’re attending and run into me please say hello! im super excited for this weekend and hope i get to meet a few people while im there! ))
its amazing that there are people who don’t have social anxiety like they can buy food, press the bus stop button, not overthink everything they said 2 secs after they said it, hit people up, walk with their heads held up without problems like WOW
thanks to the books of pjo and a bunch of interesting tumblr blogs related to greek mythology, i’ve actually decided on writing a thing (despite having 84357897345 other projects) – but i need 2 get ur opinions on this, do you think it would be interesting if a greek god adopted a 100% fully fledged mortal as their child, never giving them immortality, knowing that this mortal had their own, actual parents???? would you be interested in seeing how that would turn out?