So, this is gonna be me trying to put A LOT of stuff into very few words. Written at 26/05/2017.
Alright. You know how the whole world is kinda feeling like its situation can’t possibly get any more scandalous at this point? it’s what we felt about two weeks ago, too. I mean, between our ex-president being on a crusade against the justice system and the media and all the unpopular measures taken by our politicians lately, including reforming the labor laws and social security to make them shittier, and a new small corruption scandal every week, y’know, you figure it can’t get much worse than that.
And then it happened. It was a beautiful Wednesday (or was it Thursday?) night. All was its usual mess. And then a businessman came forward like, “ops I recorded the president negotiating to bribe someone who’s in jail to keep quiet and the other presidential candidate negotiating on how to get his usual 2 million in bribes discreetly lol did I mention he might have mentioned the possibility of killing someone?” BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.
If you screamed right now, imagine how much we did. There were so many memes. So many. The jokes, the glorious jokes. I hadn’t have that much political fun in ages. But you’re probably still confused (we are, too), so imma explain it a little better.
Businessman Joesley, owner of the biggest meat company in the world, was caught in corruption schemes. Who wasn’t, right? so, like it happens in Brazil, he started negotiating his sentence by giving other people away. And he sure as fuck named a lot of people, like anyone else, but this guy did something that other people hadn’t yet: he recorded it. You’d think more people would’ve been this smart just in case, I guess, but so far, nah. And obviously the most polemic recording is of a conversation our now President Michel Temer had with him, negotiating bribes to Eduardo Cunha. If you’ve read my older posts, you’ll know his name. He’s the main dude behind Dilma Rousseff’s impeachment (if you have no idea of absolutely nothing i’ve just said, dude, go back to the other posts, this is quite saga already). Did I mention he’s in jail??? yeah. Arrested for money laundering sometime ago or something (one cannot remember all the scandals in brazil for more than 2 months since there ARE SO MANY NEW ONES ALL THE TIME). Still, he did swear he’d bring two presidents down, and now it seems the time has come, one way or another (we’re so dramatic, omg, this is gonna make for excellent movies someday, we’re already out-houseofcarding house of cards).
BACK TO IT. So. The president is on tape negotiating quite a crime. In most countries that’d lead to the guy resigning. And we thought he would, too, actually. This dude scheduled a press conf. and we were all on the edge of our seats waiting to see the second president down in less than a year. But guess what? dude goes “I’m not resigning”, gives pissed off speech, alleges everything is a fake and says if we want him down we’ll have to bring him down. He also kinda tries to forbid people from using his pictures in memes, which leads to opposition party creating a whole gallery online of pictures they bought of him for people to do their memes safely. I ain’t joking. The most brazilian think to ever happen, probably.
Meanwhile, remember I said there was a second recording? Yeah, it was from Aecio Neves, and you might remember him too: he ran for president against Rousseff at the last elections, and he was the main activist for her impeachment after he lost the elections, all “against corruption” and shit. Lol. Dude was literally negotiating how to get his money, cursing a lot, and saying they’d need to find good people to do this money transporting thing, it had to be someone, and I quote, “that we can kill before they can make deals with the police”. And then he proceeds on suggesting his cousin’s name. Talk of family issues, right? Anyway. It came as no surprise for us with half a brain that both these man were corrupt because honestly there had been people saying that before, but nobody had them on tape yet. Aecio’s sister has been arrested, he has kinda stepped down from his senate position and his apartments are being raid by the police, let’s see where this leads.
Back to Temer, remember when he told people we’d need to take him down if we wanted him down? Yeah, people took that quite literally and a couple of days ago in the middle of a protest some SET FIRE to a few ministry buildings. Nothing much happened to anyone there tho. But Temer took that as a good opportunity to give especial authorization to the Army to be on the streets and do whatever was needed which was pretty fucking scary since we haven’t been out of a dictatorship for thaaaat long??? but the order has been revoked by now so we’re ok. For now. I guess. Who knows.
So the question now is how long can Temer hold himself in power. If he does fall, which is complicated, since he’d likely have to resign (there are already a few impeachment processes opened against him, but since they depend on the ok from chamber president, who still supports him, it’s unlikely to work, and it’d take months anyway), but if he did fall, we’d get either president of the chamber of deputies in power or president of the supreme court in power (cause president of the senate can’t, since he’s a defendant in a corruption investigation) - and I said “OR” there because there’s a chance president of the chamber also becomes a defendant in corruption charges through the next months so we can’t really be sure on how the succession line will be in the future. Yeah, that’s how screwed we are. Anyway, if any of them get to power they are bound to organizing new indirect elections, by the constitution, since it’s past half the term and we’d only need someone to basically finish this year and the next one when there are elections again, hopefully. However, with congress as it is, with most people there charged with something, you’d think brazilians are…. less than happy with the idea of our congressmen choosing their own fucking president. And you’re right. Most of us are. Which is why there is a campaign to make a change and try for direct, real, voting elections (and to get Temer out, obviously).
It’s worth noticing that a lot of powerful people are still behind Temer, though, especially big businessman and the media, because of his austerity measures and probable cuts on labor laws, and also, because a lot of them are scared shitless of we actually getting a direct election and Lula winning. Yes, our ex-president, yes, the one in trouble with the law that I mentioned early. Aaand I would like to have covered him and our asshole hygienist new são paulo mayor whose biggest ability so far seems to be shitty decisions here, BUT this post is long enough as it is, so if y’all wanna know about them ask away and I’ll cover it in another post. For now, just remember: it can always get worse if you’re brazilian :)