I tak nikt nic ‘nie napisze’ nie ma kto i niby po co wg miałby ktoś coś ‘pisać’ do takiej osoby jak ja…

Umzug wg aachen

Heyho ihr alle,
Ich möchte jetzt in nächster Zeit nach Aachen (oder köln, bonn, düren, irgendwo nach da :b ) hinziehen; am liebsten jedoch in eine wg.
Kennt ihr zufällig Leute die gerade jemanden suchen oder ebenfalls umziehen und eine wg gründen wollen? :)
Wäre cool wenn ihr das irgendwie rebloggt und so weil ich sonst überall im Internet die hoffnung verloren hab :s

au where you can literally ‘find’ or 'pick up’ someone’s 'lost’ or 'dropped’ weight

like little tiny particles of “fat gas” or “fat dust” that you can breathe in and you steadily gain weight from it

imagine most places have fans that filter them out of the air and someone has to clean it and they accidentally breathe in a huge amount of it and end up really huge…

I believe this is where I left off. I keep almost forgetting about Scoops being a dragon. ^^ (totallysucksforachinesedragon..)

I might as well just straight up list the Monsters AU while I’m at it here.

Wordgirl - Witch

Violet - Fairy

Scoops - Chinese dragon

Tobey - Griffon

Victoria - Kitsune

Two-Brains - Were-rat

Leslie - Silkie

Nocan - Minotaur

Ms. Question - Sphinx

TJ - Day of the Dead skeleton

That’s what I’ve had and I’m sorry I haven’t been doing more of it or posting any of it. If I manage too, I’ll try to cobble something together. If anyone has any other ideas, I’m happy to listen to them.

Session 91: May 26, 2015 (DS9 04x23 "To the Death")
  • MB: "When I was Leela Dax—" "UGH CAN A CONVERSATION EVER NOT BE ABOUT YOUR PAST HOSTS?" :O'Brien storms off:
  • WG: now o'brien has a past life of memories, too.
  • WG: but of like, prison and murder.
  • MB: "When my cellmate tried to offer me food, I killed him. ... I guess that's not exactly applicable in this scenario."
  • WG: imagine someone giving you childcare advice that's 400 years out of date
  • WG: or however long ago leela was the host
  • MB: "When I was Leela Dax, I got my son Ahjess drunk every night. He slept like a baby. Which he was. A drunk baby."
  • WG: i also think dax is wise enough to know that no one wants to hear about your kids in the workplace.
  • MB: Well, it's in response to O'Brien whining about Molly, because apparently there's not some future science way to make your toddler just sleep through the night instead of being an annoying little shit
  • MB: Not only is Worf living on the Defiant, he's now calling dibs on cafeteria seats, too?
  • MB: Maybe later he can get huffy at Sisko for leaving the command chair at the wrong angle
  • MB: Star Trek replicators: Where "extra large" is apparently a standard size of a beverage? One that is actually pretty small?
  • WG: it's good to know 128 oz sodas don't last into the future
  • MB: Well, it is prune juice
  • MB: Maybe the computer is assuming that 8–12 oz of prune juice is the maximum amount of prune juice anyone could possibly want to consume
  • WG: "prune juice, klingon-size."
  • MB: I hope Worf just hovers awkwardly behind Bashir for like five minutes, with Bashir refusing to get up and Worf refusing to sit anywhere else
  • MB: Ugh, Bashir blinked. What a wuss.
  • MB: I hate it when I've been off defending Bajoran colonies from Breen privateers and no one bothers to call to tell me my space station has been badly damaged
  • MB: Nice to hear that we hadn't been keeping shields up on our station right outside the wormhole to the quadrant of the galaxy we're at war with
  • MB: Apparently we don't keep shields up around critical areas inside the station, either
  • MB: I could make so much money that doesn't exist in the future as a Common Fucking Sense consultant to Starfleet
  • WG: that moon only has so much power it can generate
  • MB: Just imagine if they hadn't wiped out the colony there. The Jem'Hadar beam aboard... only to stumble on a giant pile of ceramic pots!
  • MB: That kiln would have prevented hundreds of casualties
  • MB: I hope the title of this episode being "To the Death" means that everyone on the Defiant dies and they finally get some senior staff on the station who act sensibly
  • MB: "Dax, what do your Trill eyes see?"
  • MB: "Sometimes I wish we could have the Defiant standing guard over the station 26 hours a day." You could, Sisko. That is literally a thing you could do. Like, it's actually a huge problem that you left the station undefended.
  • WG: the station has enough weapons to fight off a fleet of klingons.
  • WG: this is kira's fault. sisko knows it, but didn't want to be a debbie downer.
  • WG: and also kind of the fault of having a whole bunch of senior officers going out to fight off some privateers.
  • MB: Really it's like three or four major blunders all stacking together
  • MB: Not having the shields up, wandering off to harass some Breen, not shooting the enemy ship...
  • MB: "You wouldn't say that putting the Defiant on guard duty would be a mistake if you had family living on the station." Or, you know, here's a thought, O'Brien: You could NOT have family staying IN A WAR ZONE.
  • MB: "Adopting a siege mentality is ultimately self-defeating." Well, when you're dealing with a stationary asset, it's kind of necessary, Worf. Unless you have a magic way to move the wormhole and/or DS9...
  • WG: they kind of have a magic way to move DS9
  • WG: the egg shields, or whatever
  • MB: They only used that once, and never again
  • WG: but now off to the gamma quadrant to get back our stolen DVD player, or whatever.
  • MB: To beat up the small ship that made a fool of us, I guess? Because that will somehow save face? Maybe by preventing the Founders from finding out how easy it was to kick our ass?
  • MB: It's okay, though, they've randomly run into this other Jem'Hadar ship that's almost dead and they're, for some reason, about to rescue everyone off of it
  • MB: Which, given the vastness of space, is pretty unlikely, as well as being a poor life choice
  • WG: the dominion's sign at the wormhole now reads "keep out. seriously. we mean you, starfleet. and specifically you, anyone who works on Deep Space Nine. we mean it. seriously."
  • MB: "If you're looking for your weapons, they were removed in trans—" :ZAP ZAP ZAP: "Oh, shit, I'm sorry, sir! I thought you said transporter protocol JIVE. I equipped them with zoot suits."
  • MB: "Even without weapons, we're more than a match for you." "I would not be so certain of that." CUT TO: All the Starfleet officers on the floor. "Yup. More than a match."
  • WG: is this the first episode with weyoun?
  • MB: Dunno, hasn't shown up yet
  • MB: Whoa he literally just did
  • WG: like weyoun, my timing is theatrical.
  • MB: This group is having some real chain of command problems
  • MB: Between Weyoun and Omet'iklan it's a miracle any of the other guys can figure out who to listen to
  • MB: Wow and we just let this stranger talk to the captain alone, huh?
  • MB: It's a good thing Sisko has Plot Armor or this scene would be ending much more violently
  • WG: and that they never bring back the vortas' telekenetic ball weapon power
  • MB: What I'm now confused about is how offering to put Sisko in charge of the Federation is somehow supposed to solve things without military conflict. Like, do they think that the rest of the Federation is just going to respond to an announcement with, "Oh, okay."
  • WG: picard, maybe. janeway, definitely.
  • WG: sisko, yes, but it'll be hard to get the votes once his relationships with smugglers becomes public knowledge.
  • WG: janeway would win the election because of her excellent one-liners in debates, like "i don't respond well to threats"
  • WG: picard would be a hard sell because he's _too_ persuasive.
  • WG: and also dated a smuggler.
  • WG: kirk is a vice-presidential candidate at best
  • MB: Guinan.
  • MB: Done.
  • WG: by. a. landslide.
  • WG: "weyoun, i don't want to be president of the federation. but let me get the contact information for someone worf knows, and you two can talk."
  • MB: How would having one Iconian Gateway make the Jem'Hadar invincible? Like, we've demonstrated that they're incredibly easy to destroy, they may only operate for transit to fixed/preprogrammed points, etc.
  • MB: Seriously this entire plot is predicated on a huge expansion of the capabilities of the Gateways past what was previously established
  • MB: "I'm sure Starfleet Command wouldn't want the Jem'Hadar to have a Gateway. Too bad there's not a way to contact them for orders or anything."
  • MB: "There's a lot of things about this mission that bother me, but lying to the Jem'Hadar is not on top of my list." Yet again, I'm shocked to find O'Brien is the voice of reason here.
  • MB: Stop trying to give Dax witty one-liners, writer of this episode. You're terrible at it.
  • MB: So... We're just letting the Jem'Hadar wander around the ship?
  • MB: The classified, illegal ship?
  • WG: well, they let everyone else.
  • MB: Everyone in the Alpha Quadrant, anyway.
  • MB: I guess it's only fair to start expanding to the Gamma Quadrant.
  • MB: "We can't beam directly into the structure. Unlike the way the Jem'Hadar were able to beam directly onto our station."
  • MB: Yikes. 162 Jem'Hadar rebelled, and you only managed to kill 12 of them right away? For a race bred for combat, y'all are pretty shit at this soldiering thing.
  • WG: i like the iconian gateways. so much better than ships.
  • MB: Ugh another terrible Dax quip
  • WG: not "you'll make honored elder yet!"
  • WG: oh wait, we aren't there yet.
  • MB: "Even a direct hit from a quantum torpedo wouldn't necessarily destroy our objective." So... bombard the site with them, and you'll at least take out a bunch of the Jem'Hadar and maybe take out the target? And you can still send teams in if you need to after that?
  • MB: Hope everyone got a good look at the plan of attack during the three seconds Sisko left it on the screen before turning the whole thing off
  • WG: worf is regretting not bringing his stealth black jumpsuit
  • WG: oh wait! he lives on the defiant.
  • WG: so it's in his room.
  • WG: good call, worf.
  • MB: Unfortunately, Worf did not bring enough jumpsuits for everyone, so Sisko made him leave his behind.
  • MB: So we're just gonna let this Jem'Hadar talk shit about Worf, huh? "Well, I can't just interrupt him in the middle. I'd better let him finish first."
  • WG: it's the same actor who played the vampire in those early buffy episodes
  • WG: maybe the one who thought he was the anointed but wasn't, i think?
  • WG: who was darla's pal.
  • MB: Brian Thompson?
  • MB: Yup, he's Toman'torax.
  • MB: So we're just gonna leave all these Jem'Hadar lying around as we're trying to secretly assault the base, huh
  • MB: Disintegrators would come in really handy right about now
  • MB: "We had to be sure the room was secured." Um, wasting time looking for that third guard meant you all died anyway. When your tradeoff is "maybe fail" versus "definitely fail," you go with "maybe fail."
  • MB: And if the mission might fail if no one on the team is willing to sacrifice themself... maybe just add a Jem'Hadar to that team?
  • WG: where's troi when you need her to send someone to their death?
  • MB: Drawing up a bedtime contract for Molly
  • MB: "Don't sleep... Don't eat... How about sex?" "Oh, yeah, I can't believe I didn't think of that. Back later."
  • WG: "do you do drugs?" "yes." "oh."
  • MB: Did Dax just completely forget about that Jem'Hadar they literally raised from a baby? 'Cause she was totally on the station for "The Abandoned."
  • MB: I get that they need to do some tedious species exposition, but maybe give this exchange to someone who doesn't already know it all. Especially, you know, the science officer. Who of all people should have remembered these facts.
  • MB: "If we reach 20, we are considered honored elders." Oh, it's like Tumblr!
  • MB: "How old are you?" "I stopped counting at 300." "You don't look it." "Well, I take over a new host body every 50 years or so. Yours actually looks pretty tempting."
  • MB: Really, Odo? You envy the race that is genetically engineered to be drug addicted and subservient, because... they don't sleep? Maybe later you can tell someone with chronic pain that you envy their narcotic prescription.
  • MB: "We consider Klingon women our partners in battle. They are the mothers of our children." "And a lot of fun at parties, too." I mean, she's not wrong. Also, Dax is being especially gay this episode, which I am appreciating, though I'd appreciate it more if they'd actually let her have a relationship with another woman for more than five minutes.
  • MB: Ugh, the Jem'Hadar, so rude. Interrupting Weyoun's dinner just because they want the drug that keeps them alive.
  • MB: If they're all getting a constant feed of the drug (as indicated by their little tube things), why are they acting like they just got a hit?
  • MB: So... Nobody's gonna try to stop this fight, huh
  • MB: I hope they kill Toman'torax for starting shit. That would be pretty fun.
  • WG: ummmmm
  • MB: Yesssssssssssss
  • WG: be careful what you wish for.
  • MB: I wish I got all my wishes. Especially the ones of people behaving sensibly.
  • WG: worf just gets grounded.
  • MB: "You call that discipline?" "Um, yes? I call that not throwing away decades of investment."
  • MB: Also, this lack of impulse control is why it's maybe not the best idea to have eight-year-old soldiers running around
  • MB: Which they might learn if they stopped killing them all so young
  • MB: "Mr. Worf is not a danger to my command." SUPERCUT: Every Problem Klingon incident. "... Mr. Worf is not ALWAYS a danger to my command."
  • MB: "Your people want you to come home, Odo. Don't let the whole 'shoving you out into the cold dark of space as an infant' thing fool you."
  • MB: Too bad Dax's magical instincts didn't help her spot Jadzia's own death in time to avoid it
  • WG: she's known from the start that her time was limited.
  • WG: a haunting, terrible knowledge.
  • MB: That's why she makes all the horrible one-liners. She knows she needs to get them all in while she can.
  • MB: Also, why she went for that tedious expository dialogue. She didn't care that she already knew it—she just wanted the screen time.
  • MB: "I didn't know it was public knowledge that First Omet'iklan has threatened to kill me." "You told Dax. She made an announcement. And sent everyone an email. And then texted us."
  • MB: Maybe instead of vowing to kill this guy after he's murdered Sisko, Worf, you could vow to kill him before?
  • MB: Just a suggestion.
  • WG: i fully expect that if anyone threatens to kill me, your response is "he won't be able to boast about it"
  • WG: but because i don't support murder, i want you to like, cancel their phone plan
  • WG: or something like that
  • MB: I'd point out that it's super gauche
  • MB: Talking about your own murders is tacky. That's why you have underlings to do it for you.
  • MB: Why is O'Brien hesitating to hand out the phaser rifles? Is he really expecting that there will be a last-second change of plans?
  • MB: "As of this moment, we are all dead." "Um, no, we're not." "UGH I was doing a THING, but you RUINED it. Nevermind. NEVERMIND."
  • MB: Speaking of gauche, making fun of the rituals a bunch of kids use to make their terrible, short slave lives more meaningful is pretty.
  • MB: Nice to know nobody brings non-energy weapons just in case.
  • MB: Oh, the Jem'Hadar did. Good work, Jem'Hadar.
  • WG: worf's jumpsuit and mek'leth are both just sitting in his quarters, on a table.
  • MB: Just got to "You'll make honored elder yet." WAY TO JINX HIM, DAX.
  • MB: So... Why did we carry Odo as a case instead of having him help fight?
  • MB: Given that he is LITERALLY INVINCIBLE versus edged weapons?
  • MB: And could easily have killed EVERY SINGLE opponent on his own?
  • WG: oh right, he'd just goo back together
  • MB: Ugh, and the Gateway is one of the small-aperture, locational-cycling ones. NOT A THREAT, GUYS. NOT. A. THREAT.
  • WG: the ones the romulans were going to get was the homeworld/hub thing?
  • MB: Yup
  • WG: does federation territory include the guardian of forever?
  • MB: Good question
  • WG: because that talking stone is dangerous.
  • WG: wait remember that spy from the future who owned that cat?
  • WG: heheheh. future spy cat.
  • WG: do they see anything good through the gateway?
  • MB: Some nice resort spots
  • MB: "If you have to ask why, you'll never understand." No, Sisko, he's like 10 years old. He has to ask because he's a slave kid with no life experience outside of his creepy, abusive empire.
  • MB: And I think the Guardian is one of those things they just kind of conveniently forget exists
  • WG: if asked what i'd like to be in five years, i think my answer should be "the guardian of forever"
  • MB: Yes perfect thank you
  • MB: So... Why aren't we immediately beaming all the Starfleet personnel off the planet? Transporters are clearly working. There's no reason to stick around and wait for a double-cross.
  • MB: "That was for questioning our loyalty." Um. You got back at him by... proving you're not loyal?
  • MB: "I think there's been enough killing for one day." "Shit, sorry, I'm still eight under quota." :ZAP ZAP ZAP:
  • WG: how will they open the box of white?
  • MB: And why would the case of drugs work for anyone other than Weyoun?
  • MB: Jinx
  • WG: i could see if they were being like, we're going to die on this planet hunting down the traitorous platoon and forego our white, or whatever
  • WG: but that's not the case when they're like "he won't be needing this!"
  • MB: CUT TO: "I really didn't think this through," as they all die horribly of withdrawal.
  • WG: "i've made a huge mistake."
  • MB: :Arrested Development theme:

Imagine your OTP in the Runescape universe, taking part in the minigame “Stealing Creation.” For those of you who don’t know, the minigame takes place in a strange, grey landscape which holds huge clusters of a substance known as Sacred Clay. This, when taken to the alchemical kilns in the world, can transform the clay into absolutely anything, be it sharp metal weaponry, armour, building materials…and food. Split into two teams, players are meant to harvest and use this clay to overwhelm the opposition. 

Our OTP has other ideas. Given the fact that this clay can be used to create whatever they like, they opt to get as much of it as they can. but instead of using it for something productive for their team, they create gigantic piles of their favorite food and spend the entirety of the battle in a secluded place on the battlefield, the feeder stuffing the feedee until they’re too fat and bloated to be a help to their team even if they wanted to be. 

This continues until the end of the game, at which point everyone is teleported back out into the lobby. The team our OTP was on ends up losing, due to them both A: Not joining in on the fighting and B: Hogging all of the clay for their devious ends. 

Whether the OTP get away without anyone figuring it out, or if the feeder has to rapidly carry the feedee away from the angry mob that their team has become, is up to the reader. 

au where as punishment for something, a sweets-based witch says someone has to endure a month long curse where every day they have to eat a certain amount of small and extremely tasty cookies that doubles every day of the curse.

Starting at one. Just one.

The victim told this totally agrees thanks to the witch’s slick wording and ego stroking, it’s /only/ starting out at one, after all. And its so good, too! Is this really even a curse?

1 becomes 2.. Then 4… Then 8..16,32,64,128,256,512,1024,2048,4096,8192,16384… its only been half of a month… This is getting very very very out of hand very very fast

The witch made it so its always possible for them to be able to finish and stay alive, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t really hurt as their stomach sloshes and churns and bubbles with so many cookies in it.

By time the person is done they’ve eaten more than a billion cookies… They ate over half a billion on the last day alone. They’re absolutely colossal, practically nothing but a mountain of pure overstuffed fat…. And yet they have to admit, the cookies /do/ taste absolutely divine.


The witch meant a 31 day month, and its only been thirty days…

Their victim gives a gasp of horror, they’re already so utterly enormous…. But the cookies /are/ extremely tasty… And the curse has kinda made them into a total glutton… And being so impossibly huge and soft isn’t so bad…

In fact, since they’ve been such a good sport and obviously like the cookies so much, and they’ll be sobbing with hunger once the curse ends, the witch decides to keep them as a permanent taste tester for all of her magical cooking.

As much as they don’t wanna admit it, the victim loves the idea.

Imagine your favourite character recently discovering a new drink, being open for new tastes they decide to try it.

Reading the bottle it says that it’s a drink supposed to be shared around with others and drank in small portions. They try the drink and immediately they love it!! They ignore the bottle and chug the whole thing at once! It’s a small bottle for sharing, just under a litre, so what’s the worst it can do?

Keep reading

Minific #10


1000 FOLLOWERS AND THE FIC IS ON TIME (because I wrote it ahead of time)

This one is based on this request, and is as such a combination of two prompts - one by egg anon, one by me.


They hoped it’d be worth the investment, but if they really thought about it, they knew they didn’t have any kind of doubt that it was.

It was really a very simple machine, although it was very large. But most of its size came from its enormous, semi-transparent tank; the attached tube and pumping mechanism were only a quarter of its size. The kit had also come with a remote control, with an on/off switch and speed meter, with settings from 1-7.

Keep reading

au where a race of alien slime people abduct a human and get them /extremely/ fat because their race absolutely loves the texture of our body fat and thinks fat humans look super beautiful

the abducted human is given to their prince, who is like literally melting at their beauty.

the human realizes they should be more worried about being able to go home but everyone is so nice and they’re fed so amazingly that they figure they can easily get used to things

imagine ur fav eating small chocolate candies, handful after handful because they’re so unusually good, except they’re enchanted to become /much/ larger a bit after swallowing them

ur fav ends up painfully overstuffed with an enormous amount of chocolate gurgling and bubbling inside of them

and ends up all soft and flabby once they finally manage to digest it all