(this is beer right

yesterday my first table at work was 4 complete shitholes who yelled at me twice before i even took their food order and almost made me cry. before they ate, they all bowed their heads to pray.

so on the top of their receipt i wrote “hebrews 13:2″ and they went WILD. they LOVED IT. they tipped me over 20% for my “education fund”.

hebrews 13:2 is “do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it”, and i really hope they got home and looked it up and realized that i am, in fact, a petty fucking bitch

  • Reinhardt: Congratulations on your first Overwatch mission, Hana!
  • Reinhardt: *gives her a mug of beer*
  • Soldier 76: The kid’s underage
  • Reinhardt: Ah! Right.
  • Reinhardt: *gives D.Va two mugs of beer*
  • Reinhardt: You’re a growing girl.
  • Soldier 76: Reinhardt no.
  • Submitted by heartbleed
SKAM S04E10 Clip 5 - Even

[EVEN: Did anyone remember to buy mustard and ketchup?

MAGNUS: ✅

JONAS: We’re already in Urraparken*. When are you coming?

EVEN: I’m waiting for him. We’ve bought enough beer, right?

It’s important!

EVA: For the third time, we’ve bought enough beer

MAHDI: bro chill

EVEN: Sorry. I just want his birthday to be perf.

JONAS: You’re overreacting, he doesn’t give a fuck about ketchup

EVEN: Let me overreact. You should’ve known what he has to keep up with for the rest of the 363 days of the year.

He’s way too good for me

CHRIS: That’s not what I see. I see a boyfriend who’s more than good enough. Someone who has made a pretty mad boy into a pretty happy boy.

NOORA: What’s up with you, Chris?]

ISAK: Hey.

EVEN: Hey!

ISAK: Wow!

EVEN: You can open it yourself.

ISAK: Beer at school? Amazing!

EVEN: Cheers.

ISAK: Cheers.

EVEN: Did you find your film?

ISAK: No, I didn’t. I can’t find it. I don’t know where it is.

EVEN: It’s on Youtube!

ISAK: It’s on Youtube? That helps me a lot. There are like ten billion videos there.

EVEN: But if you don’t understand the title, you won’t get to see the film.

ISAK: You can’t give me a little hint?

EVEN: It starts with G.

ISAK: G? I tried gule gardiner (yellow curtains), but it wasn’t that.

EVEN: You weren’t that far off.

ISAK: No? Green curtains? Grey curtains? *???*

EVEN: It’s okay if you are, but I would never write that in the title.

ISAK: What is it then?

EVEN: I’m not telling.

ISAK: Guuuuh… God!  

EVEN: Yes.

ISAK: God!

EVEN: Yes, the film is called ‘God’. You think so?

ISAK: Good. I’ll check it out later.

EVEN: Do you think I would call a film ‘God’?

ISAK: Yeah, if it was about me.

EVEN: That’s so pretentious.

MAN: Get a room, you fags!

ISAK: What? What did he say? What did you say?

MAN: Fucking gross.

ISAK: Fuck! Huh? Do you think you can go around and just do that stuff? Come here! What the fuck? Fucking cunt face! You’re fucking ugly, you know that? I can’t with that stuff. He can’t say stuff like that!

EVEN: Look at me.

ISAK: He can’t say that ugly stuff.

EVEN: Look at me.

ISAK: Yes! Yes!

EVEN: It’s fine. Okay? We’ll take it totally chill and we’ll go meet our friends and we’ll go to the park and drink beer. Okay? Okay? Okay? Shall we leave?

ISAK: Yes.

(*Uranienborg park in Oslo)

8

I’m sorry, but I had to lie to you. Mr. Stewart didn’t buy my story at all. He was on to me, but I think I found a way to protect you, to get you out. So get going, run like hell and clear your name. You need to prove your innocence. I need to do something else.

Fav lines from BTS fanfiction (pt.1)

“He’s delicate! He won’t survive in there!”
“He’s not delicate, his biceps are bigger than your goddamn thigh.”
“HE DRINKS BEER WITH HIS PINKIES OUT, HE’S DELICATE.”


Yeah, that’s right, we’re not even dating and I still paid, whuddup. Gentleman level wildebeest right here.


and for christ’s sake Yoongi touch his ass at least once you vanilla piece of shit. remember the you-know-whats are in those kitty socks i keep in the back of our closet❤ have fun being a Gaylord no matter what jesus loves you!!1!1!


“12/10 would quantum smash into the fourth dimension,”


“you know what i think? you should date someone that ruins your underwear and not your makeup”


“I don’t believe in vanilla cheesecake unseasoned hardboiled eggs shit if it’s just a quick fuck,”


“Just you wait Min Yoongi. You will rue the day you insulted my weenis.”


“Don’t you dare put your meat juice in my cereal,”


“He looks like he belongs in heaven, right next to the giant bowls of lollipops and the Cat Fancy magazines.”


i’ll send u my address in like 2 sec i have to go look @ the mailbox bc i forgot it


Jeongguk hiccups out a sob. “Oh my God,” he sniffles, letting the tears run down his face in hot, wet streams. “Your dick is so cute.”


[MIN.Y has removed KIM.N from the group]
KIM.S: Yoongi-yah I’ve told you so many times you can’t just remove people like that it’s rude!
[MIN.Y has removed KIM.S from the group]


“I would sell you to satan for one cornchip,”


“YOU ARE AN IMPURE CHILD, REPENT AND PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH,”


“I am going to get out of this chair specifically to kill you, you little shit,”


“I’ve been in a relationship with my hand for the past 23 years,”


“Silence, peasant number 5,”


“I am a good bean, so please take care of me”


“Jeon Jungkook is, in fact, a living meme.”

Shouldn’t

He’s always thinking about kissing you. And he knows damn sure he shouldn’t be thinking about it. He shouldn’t be thinking about you at all, as a matter of fact. But he is. He can’t help it.  He’s attracted to you but he knows it would mess everything up.

 He watches you from the other side of the table while your eyes roam over the book in front of you. Sometimes you’ll pull your bottom lip between your teeth when you read something particularly amusing or interesting. A strand of your hair falls over your face and it takes every ounce of strength he as not to push it away and tuck it behind your ear. He can’t feel this way. It’s wrong. It’s painful.

 When he sits next to you at the bar, both of you with a glass of whiskey, neat, and a bottle of beer sitting right next to it. He can’t keep his eyes off of you. The way you bring the bottle to your soft, pink lips and the way your tongue slips past your lips after you swallow the drink down. He wants to taste the beer on your tongue, knowing it would taste a million times better with you laced with it. He can’t feel this way. It’s wrong. You’ll get hurt.

 He holds you tightly in the back seat of the impala, his hand pressing against your ribcage, putting pressure on the nasty wound from a werewolf claw. Pain coursing through your body. He’s terrified. Because now he could lose you and he never had the chance to tell you how he feels. He wants to tell you, god he wants to tell you. But he keeps his mouth shut. He knows, if he tells you, if he confesses everything; he’ll lose you. He always loses the ones he loves.

 You step into the bunker with a pizza in one hand and a case of beer in the other. After working three tough cases, the three of you were finally home. He sat in the library in his jeans and a brown henley that fit him perfectly. The second he hears you, he’s on his feet, taking the food from you and placed it on the table. He can’t help himself this time. They way your hair fell around your face almost flawlessly and the smile you wore that reached your eyes. He knew that there was no use in denying himself from you. He took a step forward, taking your face in his hands before crashing his lips to yours. He could taste you, the taste of happiness and safety washed over him.

 “Took you long enough, Winchester,” you whispered.

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Misguided (M)

Originally posted by y-ta

SUMMARY: After a run in with one of Johnny’s fellow frat brothers, you had thought he had just been after one thing. But when, not only Johnny himself, but with the help of your friends, they helped you realize that you had made some very misguided judgments. // “What tastes better than it smells?”

GENRE/WARNINGS: Fraternity/College!AU // It’s honestly mostly fluff with smut thrown in at the end. This is part of a collab with @versigny and a bunch of other writers. You can read the prologue here.

WORDS: 14.5k.

A/N: I died 3x over writing this. That is all.

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4

LINDSAY AND HALSTEAD IN EVERY EPISODE || Deliver Us (2x21)

Right? Cold beer. Grown men on skates. What’s not to love?

Imagine Wade Wilson introducing you to Matt Murdock

“Just don’t fall in love with him,” Wade pointed a finger at you.

You glared over at your best friend and scoffed. “Listen if I fall in love with him, I’ll give you 20 bucks.”

“I could use 20 dollars, haven’t been getting much work lately,” Wade started to stare off into the distance and you had to snap a finger in his face to get his attention back.

“Focus Wade,” you demanded looping a hand around his. The two of you crossed the street to some shitty dive bar and when you got to the door, Wade paused and looked at you.

“Listen you little shit,” he tried to harden his expression but a smile got the best of him. “I repeat do not fall in love with this guy.”

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SKAM S04E10 Clip 1 - Vilde

[CHRIS: I’m finished and right by your place, should I drop by so I can buy you some beer?

VILDE: Just wait downstairs and I’ll be right there

CHRIS: Okiedokie]

HÅKON: Hi.

VILDE: Hi!

HÅKON: My name is Håkon and I’m the new chairman of the apartment complex.

VILDE: Hi!

HÅKON: Hi. Is your mom home?

VILDE: No, unfortunately, she’s not. Can I help you with something?

HÅKON: Yes, I’m just saying hi to the neighbors and your mom hasn’t paid the fees, so I was just wondering if she has been notified?

VILDE: Oh! She probably just forgot! She works a lot, but I’ll tell her.

HÅKON: Yes. You can?

VILDE: Yes!

HÅKON: That’s it. Bye.

VILDE: Bye!

[SANA: Dear Vilde. I don’t think I’ve told you, but I just wanted to say that I admire you so much for being so strong. No matter what happens, you never give up, you keep on going. You’re the first person I would bring with me to war, and I love you so much. I’m inviting you to an Eid party at my place on Saturday. Eid is a holiday that marks the end of Ramadhan. Saturday is the last day of Ramadhan and I’d like to break the fast with all the people I love. Lots of food, a chill atmosphere and only good people. I’ll be so happy if you come. Sana]

VILDE: Mamma? I’m going out.

MOM: Who was it that buzzed?

VILDE: It was someone collecting signatures.

MOM: Oh, well then….

VILDE: Sorry, I lost track of time!

CHRIS: No worries.

VILDE: My mom and I got carried away chatting. Should we get out of here?

CHRIS: Yes!

VILDE: Hurry!

Firecracker.

Pairing: Alpha!Bucky Barnes/Omega!Reader.

Warnings: SMUT. A/B/O. Alpha!Bucky, Omega!Reader, bar violence, sexism, unprotected sex (Wrap your presents).

Word Count: 1700.

Rating: 18+

Masterlist

Tagging @sexylibrarian1 @thecrownedrose @ryverpenrad @papi-chulo-bucky @supernatural-girl97 @brokenanxiety @palaiasaurus64 @marveldcmistress @buckysomega @bladebarnes

Here have some Alpha!Bucky that no one asked for and you better enjoy it.


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Two Beers and the Truth

An extremely late birthday fic for @wrathofthestag, who shares my hopes for Coach and Bitty. Here’s a little fic about how I hope the summer goes for the Bittle Clan…

         Bitty knew that coming out to coach would end one of three ways.

         The first scenario was the one that had kept him silent since middle school when he realized that it didn’t matter how many girls stole kisses from him, he just wasn’t interested. He could see Coach’s face turning to stone, the way it did when the Dawgs lost a game in overtime, and hear his father’s steely voice proclaiming I have no son. Some nights he would still wake up shaking when he thought about that scenario, if he was lucky, Jack would be there to gather him up and mutter soothing bits of nonsense into his hair as he trembled.

         The second scenario was more likely, but still not something Bitty was looking forward to. Coach would press his lips together until they disappeared behind his mustache, then nod with a resigned air. If he was lucky, Bitty would get an awkward slap on the back and Coach would mutter something Suzanne told him Oprah said to say. It would be disappointment, but acceptance. Some days Bitty wondered if that wouldn’t be worse than outright anger.

         The third scenario Bitty blamed on Chowder, who seemed to think everyone in the world would be thrilled with a gay son. In this dream setup, Coach cried, opening his arms to his son and assuring Bitty that he could never be prouder of a child. They would cry together, then, hugged up on the porch swing, talking about life and maybe boys.

         Bitty bit his lip, wondering which scenario he would be living through. He rolled his shoulder, preparing for a disappointed pat. He glanced at his mother in the kitchen.

         With a sigh, Suzanne moved to the refrigerator, picking out two beers and holding them out to Bitty. She kissed his forehead. “Go on, I’ll be doing dishes if you need me.”

         Bitty nodded and looked toward the porch again.

         “I can do this,” he muttered. “For me. For Jack.”

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