i just want to know what it was. was it a fight, an affair? if i can identify the trigger, m a y b e … my rational brain tells me, that his relapse was always a risk; for any addict, of course. but his death has blindsided me. and it bothers me … that it b o t h e r s m e. [..] alistair, was a f r i e n d. one of only a handful. and losing a member of such a s e l e c t group, has felt quite … s u b s t a n t i a l.
I didn’t even love Deep Space Nineat the start. That may be one of my favorite things about this now, here at the end. I got attached gradually, more and more, a love that built over time until I’d grown so fond of it, so close, that at times it would almost seem we were completing each other’s frickinsentences.
Oh my show, my sweet space show, so strong and sure in its storytelling. It has been a steady hug when I needed it most, during times when the world and my own days were both filled with distress and despair. The people on this station experienced great traumas too, but it was boundlessly comforting to watch them navigate each tricky pass with such care and wisdom and heart. Their hope gave me hope, too.
I actually really like watching shows that have already concluded. I like the feeling of having seen the whole thing, and now having this complete world to play in. A show that’s no longer on the air is like a novel — you can look at it as one thing, hold it in your hands and see what the shapes of all the narratives truly were. It’s once I’ve finished a series that the most imaginative parts of my fan-mind finally let loose, spilling light into unexplored corners, drawing plans for how to shore up weak spots, bring a few pieces a bit tighter together, add a haunted attic, etc.
So this is the sort of space I was just tipping over into when Deep Space Nine gave me an ending. A capital letter Ending, achingly realistic. The series ended because the characters’ time together ended. The course of people’s lives change, they take new opportunities, they move away — and so ends the run of months, years if you’re lucky, when you were all together.
The finale is sad, oh it is so sad, and god I love it, I do. I love it for being so sad, and for being so natural, so recognizable, that now this is just my ending. No matter what else my thoughts will go back to fill in, all roads lead to the sea. To goodbye.
Which is probably what has landed me in just a very a tender sort story hangover with this one, walking around sheltering this warm, full, broken heart.
So I do hope you sweethearts will stick around as I feel I’m going to be in quite the state for a while!!
Tarra Treks: The Final Set of Watch-Notes
7x24 ‘The Dogs of War: Part 8’ - O’Brien: “Running a little late.” Sisko: “This is no way to start a relationship.” me: “do it” Julian, slipping into frame: “Hi Ezri.” haaaahahaha, they did it - Miles just keeping a steady eye on Julian awkwardly circling Ezri, oh Chief - Worf: “He is an overgrown child.” Miles: