no matter what, i think we hide our most vulnerable and genuine parts, we keep them to ourself in fear that someone will know the real you, the full you, the you that really makes you, you. i think that’s the worst thing humans do to themselves. they hide. they refuse to see what was right in front of them. they choose to ignore, that you can be 18 or 45 and that person that did everything for you, wether it was answer all your texts right away because they always worried about you or wether they were always able to solve your problems and keep you calm, they will always hold a special place in your heart. i want you to keep me there because i know for a fact that ill always be that person to you. i didn’t love you the way lovers do, i loved you as a person, i loved what i saw you were able to fulfill, i saw you in colours on days my world was spinning in black. i didn’t love you in the way that i wanted you to be mine, i loved you with every piece of my soul, i think thats the difference between loving someone because their your boyfriend or because they were your entire world. i could live the rest of my life without you but deep down we both know some people are connected by memories and by their past and no matter what they never forget and maybe we don’t want to. i wonder if one day when your world is less hectic and your older if you will wake up and look in the mirror and realize it was me, it was fucking me the whole time, you were just too young, too dumb and too fucking scared to admit it. ill spend the rest of my nights wondering if we fall asleep under the same stars and if you sometimes breathe a little heavier because you miss me or when you see pretty things if my face finds its way to show up in your mind. you were the most amazing thing to me even though it usually ended in tears, i know for a fact that on my bad days i want you near and on my best days i want to turn to you, but i guess we all got to learn to live without someone and to be able to hold ourselves together. maybe someday you will learn to love me the way i loved you.