(oopsies)

My True Love, Alaric

a poem by Deadpool, for @allroundlostcause

I’d love Alaric anywhere
I’d love Alaric for his hair
I would love him in a hat
I would love him with a cat
Alaric is a grouchy grump
But I’d like to pet his rump
He is my very favorite PILF
If he’s a hunter, is that a HILF…?
Oopsies, was that a little crude?
I hope he’ll spank me when I’m rude.

Ric is great, I like his smile
I’d like to pet him for a while
He seems like he’s a little sad
Which makes it easy to get mad.
I think this guy just needs a hug
so he can be a happy bug
When we met I killed his friend
apparently vampirism is a trend
Ric was nice, he helped me clean
all the caltrops off the streets.
That one didn’t really rhyme
but I’m running out of time

I love Alaric’s nice manly smell
I’d be his Cas and pull him from Hell
I wonder if he likes pizza
what the fuck rhymes with pizza
this is getting really long
I think its time to end this song

I just finished cleaning my guns
which makes me think of Ric – and fun!
I hope someone makes him happy
and that he’s not ashamed to be sappy
I realize this poem’s kind of grade-school
but hey, suck it – I’m fuckin’ Deadpool!

Young Love

Request: for the peter parker fic, could you write one where the reader is wanda’s younger sister and she has a crush on peter (and he likes her too). so they start dating secretly (for whatever reason) but end up getting caught holding hands or something in stark tower or wherever? please and thank youuu - Anonymous

Characters: Peter Parker x Reader, Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton (Mentioned: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Bruce Banner, and Aunt May)

Word Count: 3,554 words. I’ve never written a fic this long. Oopsies.

Warnings: fluuuuuuuuuuuuff, there is just random fluff in here,  mentions of gore-ish? not really. And russian, according to the internet. 

Author’s Note: So this is for my sweet anon that suggested something for my Peter Parker fic, but technically, this is also for @capnbbarnes in a way (quote unquote my geometry teacher). Unfortunately, I already had an idea for it, but I decided to do this one anyway because I love secret relationships. Don’t ask why, I just do. Also, AU where Peter Parker joins the Avengers, I guess? Because he can? Idk, I just wanted the story to be like that so it is. Fite me. (pls don’t I’m fragile)  By the way, Sokovia is made up. Their language is made up - assuming they even have their own language. So Wanda is speaking Russian, okay? Also, google translate. I know it’s not always accurate, and I’m sorry. Thanks to my beta reader, @capnbbarnes I know most people are uncomfortable writing him because he’s so young, but I have the good fortune of being around his age. Nonetheless, it’s kind of hard to think of beta readers like that. Most Tumblrs are in their twenties. You didn’t need to know that by the way. I’m here to annoy you.

Originally posted by asdarknessfell

     “You guys, I’d like to introduce the newest addition to the Avengers,” Tony announced, grabbing everyone’s attention from the living room. And then he came out. Peter Parker. “Spiderman, meet the Avengers.” His eyes darted around the room until they met yours, and you bit back a smile, making him blush softly. Slowly, everyone got up to greet him. First was the captain, who stayed true to his gentlemanly roots, shaking his hand and calling him “son” (Tony did not like that). Second to last was you. You shyly shook his hand, not that he didn’t want to retract into himself like a turtle.

     “Y/N,” was all you said.

     “Peter,” he said back. You pulled your hand away and put both of them behind your back, walking away frantically. And then was your older sister.

     “Wanda,” she said, looking at him disapprovingly. She had known you as long as you were born, and she knew the look on your face.

     “Hi,” was all he managed.

     “Hi,” she replied. He gulped and nodded quickly, as two letters had never sounded so intimidating in his entire life. “I’ll see you around.” She narrowed her eyes at him, her lips forming a line.

     “Why don’t you, um, go unpack your things?” Tony dismissed, patting Peter on the back. He told him his room number and sent him off.

     “That boy-” Wanda started once he had left.

     “I know. And your little-”

     “I know,” Wanda said. “I promise Stark, if your little tarantula lays a hand on her-”

     “My boy wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Tony stated firmly. “Just keep your Mary Jane away from him, Wednesday Witch.”

     Meanwhile, you lay on your bed, holding your pillow. You could still see his sweet face, his gentle eyes. And his hand was so soft. That’s when you heard footsteps walk down the hall. They were foreign; you’d never heard footsteps like that around the tower before. And not to mention that nobody else lived on your hall. Curious, you opened to door to see the boy himself, opening the door to his new room; and it was right next to yours.

     “Hey,” you said, catching his attention almost instantly. He had been hoping to hear that voice again.

     “Hey,” he said back. There was a slightly uncomfortable silence, but it wasn’t one that you didn’t bask in. Finally, he said, “So we live together.”

     “Technically, we live next to each other,” you pointed out. He nodded, breathing an awkward “yeah”. “Well, do you need help packing?” He peeked his head in his room before turning back to you.

     “Yeah,” he chuckled. “It looks like something exploded in here.” You giggled softly, walking into his box-cluttered room, making a remark about how that would probably happen at some point. He told you where he wanted to put his things; he wanted his pictures and such neatly on the long wall shelf, so you set to work opening the box and organizing.

     You pulled out a picture of him and Aunt May, smiling on the Empire State Building.

     “Will you miss her?” you asked. He turned around to look at you, smiling at the memory the picture provoked.

     “All the time,” he admitted. “But I’ll call, and visit. Besides, I’m sure I’ll make new friends.”

     “If you need a friend you’ve got me,” you reminded. He smiled, staring at nothing as if he was in a haze.

     “Thanks, Y/N.” You nodded softly.

     “Of course,” you said. “We’re the babies of the team. Gotta stick together.” He chuckled at this, being pulled back to reality.

     “I’m sure it’s not that bad, though.”

     “Trust me. Welcome to the land of teasing, noogies, and ‘nice work kid’.”

     “It’s still an honor to be on the team,” he mused.

     “The honor will start to feel more like degradation.” He rolled his eyes playfully, making you giggle for the thousandth time.

     “Living next to you will be a plus,” he said, and your heart fluttered, your lip being held captive by your teeth.

     “At least you don’t sleep next to Bruce,” you pointed out. “His snores are responsible for twenty-percent of New York’s earthquakes.” And like that, the ice between the two of you shattered. It wasn’t even a good joke. But by some strange happening, that word led to one sentence, and then the next, and the next, and before the two of your knew it, you both were peas in a pod. Not that it was overly cliche, though. In all honesty, the two of you were the only two viable options for each other. Everyone else saw the both you as kids. And then began Tony vs. Wanda.

     When you woke up on a random, unimportant morning, it was a good morning. You had gotten a healthy amount of sleep, and you had spent a good amount of time with Peter the day before. Then you walked into the kitchen.

    “Ah, there she is,” Tony said. “She’s a few minutes late, but who’s counting?” Wanda sarcastically laughed, nodding.

    “Yes, it is hard work being one of the team’s most important assets.” Steve, Sam, Bucky, Clint, and Natasha had all looked up from their meals to watch the ordeal. Peter was standing innocently next to Tony, trying to pour milk into his cereal bowl.

    Tony nodded with a bitter smile, patting Peter’s shoulder. “Of course, given that any member of the team could be that important when Peter is doing half of the work.” She let out a laugh, one so fake it was basically made of sillicone, and Tony returned it before they both let out cruel sighs and went back to their breakfast. Peter looked up to look at you, and you gave him a sorrowful look. They’d never accept your friendship, nonetheless the fact that you both were harboring maddening crushes on each other.

     And then there was the party. One of Tony’s parties of course; was there any other kind of party?

     Natasha and Wanda both encouraged you to go. It was Natasha, however, that insisted on doing all of your makeup and hair.

     “I can-” Wanda started, but Natasha wouldn’t have it.

     “You go get ready yourself,” she encouraged. “There’s an omnipotent, floating-avenger waiting to swoop your off your feet.” She laughed, rolling her eyes in denial and leaving the two of you alone.

      Natasha helped you pick a dress first. She insisted that you wear one she had found that was red and navy blue. Then as she did your hair and makeup, she began to ease small talk about your day into the point she wanted to get across.

    “So…you and Peter.” You let out groan.

    “Real subtle Nat,” you congratulated. “Is that why you made Wanda leave? So that you could fawn to me about your imaginary ship?”

    “You and Peter should be a thing,” she insisted. “I see the way he looks at you. He can barely breath, Y/N.”

     “Please,” you dismissed. “He’s probably not interested.”

     “Don’t make me laugh. He takes one look at you and his eyes burst out of their sockets.”

    “Okay, so let’s pretend that he does like me. You know Wanda and Tony would eat us alive.”

    “No, they both love you guys too much to hurt either of you.”

    “How are you even supporting this relationship? We’re just kids.”

    “You guys may just be kids, but you’re two of the most mature people on the team. God knows Bucky and Sam revert to a couple of five years olds when they’re in the same room as each other.” With one last stroke, she finished your entire face.

     “There. Now knock ‘em dead.” You smiled, thanking her and then heading out to the proper floor where the party was. There, everyone was where they normally were. Tony was being fawned over by the ladies, some of them were scattered around, like Clint and Sam, and the rest of the team was at the bar. Peter sat on a stool, drinking water in small sips as he spun back and forth, bored and darting his eyes. At least, they darted them until he saw you. Like a scene from a movie, you seemed to walk towards him gracefully, in slow motion. Every time you blinked your lashes danced on your cheeks, and the lip trapped between your teeth looked so soft.

     He approached you without blinking, wading his way through the crowd until he faced you. And then you laid your eyes on him. He was stunning. Black tux with a light red dress shirt, hair slicked back and out of his face, eyes piercing your heart. The heart palpitations were coming into play.

    “You look…” he said, shaking his head lightly as if to convince himself that you were right there, and someone could look so incredible, “you look absolutely gorgeous.” A smile graced his lips, and you heart melted.

    “And you look incredibly handsome,” you added with a grin that rivaled his. When your eyes glanced at the side, you could see Clint and Natasha share an accomplished look.

    The two of you began small talk, planning an outing for later in the week and talking about school (or at least the memory of school; as if Tony would let either of you be taught by mediocre public schools when he could buy world renown private tutors). Once the conversation seemed to slow, as if on cue, the music switched to a slow song.

    “Um…Y/N…” he forgot what to say. How to talk. It was like he’d never spoken an entire sound in his entire life. But then he looked at you, and he was reminded of the conversation you both recently had. “Can I have this dance?”

     Your eyes widened at his question. “I-of course.” He took your hand and led you to the dance floor, smiling at you sheepishly. When you looked to the side again, Clint and Natasha were keeping Tony and Wanda occupied. Damn those two.

     Instinctively, one of his hands wrapped around your waist as the other one found yours. Your remaining arm was wrapped around his neck so that he was held close to you. At the same time that you breathed heavier than you ever had, you couldn’t breathe at all. And at the same time that you heart had stopped, it was racing a mile a minute. There was a strong fizz of exhilaration that would bubble up in your throat, only to dissolve back into exasperation once again.

     “Where’s-”

     “She’s still getting ready,” Natasha interrupted.

     “But it’s been two hours,” Wanda pointed out.

     “Oh, you know her,” Natasha dismissed.

     “You mean Y/N? Punctual Y/N?” Natasha furrowed her eyebrows at her like she was crazy.

     “No one likes you.”

     You could have stayed there like that, with him, for an eternity. No, it already felt like it was an eternity. Your fingers laced with his, his face so close to your ear. The closeness was toxic, addictive.

     “Y/N?” he said, pulling away to look into your eyes. His were so brown, so kind. When he looked at you, it was like he was spoon feeding you smiles and happiness. His hand traveled up your arm and to your face, and then he was so close. You knew Nat and Clint’s eyes were stapled to your backs, but right then and there they didn’t exist. It was just you and him and nothing.

     His forehead was against yours, and your noses were crossing, and everything was moving painfully slow, but as if there were a magnet between the two of you, your lips gravitated towards each other.

     An explosion of gold and silver erupted around you. Two precious metals of great value, because that’s exactly how Peter made you feel. Precious, valuable. You were standing in the middle of the universe and you could control anything and everything. His lips were completely still on yours, trapped by his touch but freed by the moment.

     He pulled away only once the moment had consumed his last breath, breathing heavily with his forehead against yours.

     “You’re amazing,” he breathed, and he wished there was a word that meant ten times that. You smiled, your hands finding his hair.

     “You would know what that’s like,” you replied.

     “Yes!” Natasha and Clint said in unison, high-fiving each other. Wanda turned around.

     “What is-” Natasha pulled her back around.

     “Um-Clint just won a radio show!” she said enthusiastically. Tony furrowed his eyebrows.

     “But Clint has been talking to us this whole-”

     “Shh,” Clint cooed, bringing his head to his chest and petting his head with the reassurance that he wouldn’t remember it anyway, leaving an intoxicated Tony in an awkward state. “Say no more, child.”

     “Peter?” you said softly, completely lost in the oblivion that was the moment the two of you were sharing. He nudged your nose with his to signify that he was listening. “I love-” And just like that, his lips were on yours again in another breath-taking kiss. This time, one of his hands traveled up your neck, lifting your chin with his thumb, as the other one rested firmly at your hip, holding your body against his. One of your hands rested on the back of his neck, the other one carding through his brown locks.

     The kiss was more…alive. Like a fire dance, and the two of your were the flames that burned together in a frenzy of emotions that you both had been harboring in the back of your minds for what seemed like the longest time.

    “Me too,” he mumbled, his lips brushing over yours as he spoke so that you could feel his words. And then you burst into a fit of soft giggles, and the sound of your sweet laugh made him smile.

     The next day, you insisted to Peter that to two of you talked about the previous night.

     “Look, I know what you’re going to say, and I meant every word,” Peter insisted. “As erratic as it was, I wasn’t kidding or lying to you.” You gave him a soft smile, taking his hand.

    “I know, Peter,” you assured. “That’s not it. The thing is, what do we do now? As much as I want to be with you, we both know that Tony and Wanda would have our heads.”

     “We’ll keep it a secret then,” he said. “We can do this without them finding out.”

    “I don’t know Peter…” you trailed off. “A secret relationship? I just don’t feel right keeping something like this from Wanda.” He took your other hand, pulling you against his chest.

     “Hey,” he said softly, “we can do this. And we won’t keep this from them forever. We’ll tell them eventually, just when they’ve started being civil again. We can be together if we’re willing to make it work. And I can promise you, I’d give one-hundred and ten percent.” His kind words pushed up the corners of your mouth into a flattered smile. You looked up at him through your lashes, which drove him crazy.

     “I don’t like the idea of hiding from Wanda,” you said, making him sigh, “but I can’t stay away from you.” He broke in that smile that had the ability to melt your heart, and you couldn’t resist the force pushing you towards his lips. It was a happy, passionate kiss. One that you hoped there’d be many more of. “You’re such a romantic dork,” you giggled against his lips.

     “But from now on, I’m your romantic dork,” he grinned, making you pull him into your embrace.


     Peter nuzzled your cheek with his nose, making you giggle. You wrapped your arm around the back of his neck, pulling him to the side until you fell sideways on the couch in laughter.

     “You wouldn’t keep falling over if you just stopped being adorable,” he defended, the movie playing in front of you two long forgotten. You rolled your eyes.

     “I’m so sorry for offending you,” you said dramatically. He scoffed.

     “No need to be so sarcastic, babe,” he said. The nickname alone made you melt. The two of you shifted so that he was hovering over you, forehead pressed against forehead with the back of your head on a pillow.

      “I love you,” he grinned, nudging your nose with his. You wrapped your arms around his neck.

      “I love you too,” you repeated softly. He pressed his lips to yours, capturing them in a kiss like sugar.

      “Weren’t we watching a movie or something?” he mumbled against your lip.

      “A little background noise never killed anyone,” you grinned. He chuckled as you brought his lips back to yours, closing your eyes so you could cherish the moment a little more.


      Five days worth of mission. Five days worth of loneliness. 0 days of cuddles. 0 days of kisses. 0 Peter Parker. Several hours of worrying about Peter because you were told he got beat up really bad.

      ”Mrs. L/N?” F. R. I. D. A. Y. called over the intercom.  “The Avengers are back from their mission. Should I-”

      “I’ll be right down,” you interrupted. Getting up from the bed - because what better place was there to worry than your comfortable mattress - you rushed to the front, where Steve, Sam, Wanda, Tony, and Natasha, all stood and lingered, tired and dirtied and beat. In the center of them all was Peter.

      The sight of him almost brought tears to your eyes. Not only was he dirty and tired, but he had multiple bruises all over his face and more cuts through his suit than you would have liked. But there he was. He was right in front of you, alive and breathing and standing. You’d never been more relieved in your entire life. When your eyes met, it was like something clicked inside you. It was some force that had you running into his open arms.

      Your arms wrapped around his neck as his gripped onto  your waist, and you both held onto each other with closed eyes for dear life.

      “You’re an idiot,” you said into his ear. “I don’t even know what you did but you’re an idiot.” He took your words as if you had written and read to him a sonnet.

      “I love you so much,” he whispered into your ear. “I love you so much.” Neither of your could find words, but in your haze of endorphins, you kissed him with every ounce of love and sincerity you had in your body. You couldn’t care less that you had an audience; you needed to know that Peter was in your arms.

      “No,” was the word that broke your kiss. It was Wanda’s voice that rung through your ears. “There’s no way.” But you could swear, you could hear Natasha’s smile as she spoke.

      “What was it you wagered?” Natasha asked. “Five dollars for every day they’ve been together? That party was, what, five months ago?” Wanda looked absolutely horrified, not only at the fact that she owed Natasha hundreds of dollars, but at the fact that you and Peter were together.

       “But Y/N,” she said, “why didn’t you tell me?” You had to really think about your answer. You knew that she wouldn’t approve of you and Peter’s relationship; but why?

       “Because you never gave Peter a chance,” you finally said. “From the moment you laid your eyes on him, all you saw was trouble. I knew if you didn’t give him a chance from the moment you saw him, there was no way you’d support us being together.” Wanda gave you a soft smile, and you could swear she chuckled.

       “Sestrichka, do you know what I see when I look at Peter?” she asked. Whatever you thought the answer was, it was obviously wrong. “I see somebody that makes you happy.” You both naturally gravitated towards each other until she could grab both of your hands reassuringly. “If Peter can be trusted to not abuse that, then as much as I don’t enjoy saying it out loud, I support your relationship with him.” You stared at her with wide eyes, grateful and confused.

        “But I thought-”

        “Take my words before I change my mind,” she warned. You wrapped your arms around her in appreciation.

         “Thank you,” you said softly.

         “Wait, what about what-” Tony began, but Natasha snapped at him.

         “You’re ruining the moment!” You laughed at them as Steve came to his senses.

          “Alright, we’ll debrief at some point,” he mumbled, eyes drooping. “Everybody go the hell to bed.” They all grumbled, but didn’t hesitate to retire to the comfort of their rooms, including Wanda. You could tell the mission had really sucked their last bits of energy.

          You helped Peter back to his room and patched him up. You were trained with enough knowledge to be able to treat minor cuts and bruises.

          When you finished, you kissed his cheek and left, only to find that he was anchoring you to him. His hand was clenched around your arm, begging you to stay. Without words, you turned to look at him and crawled onto the bed. Knowing he was still in pain, you wrapped your arms around his waist so that your chest was flush against his back, resting your chin on his head. You knew he appreciated being the little spoon in moments like these. He didn’t really care anymore really; as long as the two of you were finally allowed to belong to each other, you were all he needed.


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