(never!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

WHAT THE FUCK

BISCUIT WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM

YOU LAID AN EGG

IN MY HOUSE

UNDER MY RULES

WITHOUT ASKING

YOUNG MAN YOU ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE YOU CAN’T JUST BEHAVE LIKE THIS WHAT THE FUCK JUST BECAUSE I’M THE “COOL AUNT” DOESN’T MEAN THERE ARE NO RULES HERE YOU DON’T GET TO JUST LAY EGGS WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE 7 YEARS OLD AND YOU’VE NEVER LAID BEFORE SIR, NEVER, AND NOW???? YOU JUST???? 

AND YOU ALREADY BROKE IT TOO WHAT KIND OF PARENT WOULD YOU MAKE ARE YOU AT ALL PREPARED FOR THAT RESPONSIBILITY??? DID YOU THINK AT ALL ABOUT THAT????? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A JOB???? YOU CAN’T EVEN PAY RENT????? AND YOU WANT TO JUST HAVE A CHILD???????????

WHAT THE FUCK

theauraking  asked:

So it seems Clint and Steve both seem to be a bit lacking? Yeah lacking in intelligence. But who's done the dumbest thing since being thawed out

i am not even gonna consider this question, because if i start thinking through all the stupid nonsense clint and steve get up to i will hurl myself out a window purely in self defense. 

none of the avengers should ever spend time together. separately, theyre reckless to the point of idiocy; together, they fight crime. and cause massive amounts of property damage, and have reduced several psychologists to tears. it wasnt pretty.

but you know, fate of the world and all that nonsense. 

(to be fair to them, none of the avengers are stupid. they just get sucked into each others bad-decision vortexes)

in the interests of preserving that most blessed of coping methods, denial, i will only consider what steve and clint have gotten up to in the past two weeks. 

which still gives me a horrifying wealth of options.

dumbest thing steve has done? accepted clint’s challenge to a spicy-food-eating contest. captain triangle torso has enhanced senses. he takes his NORMAL food underseasoned, because his taste buds are extra-sensitive, and he took a spiciness challenge from clint, who spent his developmental years eating literally anything. last week i watched him pour pineapple juice into his hot chocolate. it was terrifying. i have seen clint drench jalapenos in ghost pepper sauce and eat them.  i have seen him put chocolate on pizza. there is nothing that man will not eat. 

nothing.

steve got one bite in to one of clint’s ghost pepper chicken wings and his whole face swelled up and turned red. he kept eating. his eyes and nose were running. he got three bites in and was leaking from his whole face. he looked like he was gonna die. he drank a gallon of milk and was in bed for over a day. his fancy supermojo can fight off toxins but not ghost peppers, apparently. he said it was the most painful thing he’d ever felt, the supersoldier easy bake experience included. 

clint finished his bucket of ghost pepper hot wings and played mario kart for three hours. which is what he usually does on wednesdays. 

dumbest thing clint has done lately? “borrowed” natashas favorite dagger set. her vengence was swift, brutal, and left clint sans eyebrows and with tony’s goatee drawn in sharpie, refreshed nightly for a week. talk about shame.

she is a ruthless woman.

as to which of these was stupider? i honestly cant say, and thinking about it makes me regret so many decisions. 

so many. when did my life become this nonsense

i want to make a list of movies/books/etc where a major plot point is “mom helps daughter kill a man who hurt her, or at the very least helps her hide the body” but in general that is never what the actual plot is about, so it’s huge spoilers, which is ACTUALLY KINDA WEIRD now that i am thinking about it. with dad movies it’s the whole plot of the things, SOMEONE HURT HIS DAUGHTER AND NOW THEY’RE GONNA PAY

but i read a book once that was entirely about a girl going back to her hometown after twenty years and trying to reconcile with her mother after The Incident. then they finally reveal 80% of the way through the book that The Incident was that protag thought she’d killed her date rapist and had been scared to come back because she’d somehow made it twenty years without consequences, but actually she’d only seriously injured her date rapist. protag’s mom had found the guy while looking for her wayward daughter, realized what happened, and ran him over with her truck and buried the body under her garden. she never said anything because of Mom Code.

there was no indication at any point prior to this that this was a book about a murder. it was a heartwarming coming-of-age story about a woman entering her middle years learning to better understand her mother. that just happened to include covering up a murder. protag thought her mom was just an obsessive gardener.

We’re going on a trip in our favorite alien ship
zooming through the sky, little space guys

Climb aboard, get ready for the shock

Gonna lose your shit , little space gays

We’re going on a mission, start the countdown 

5, 4 , 3 ,  2 , 1 

 Everyone to voltron, form it right now

PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR—

Has anyone else wondered that Papyrus’s shoulders are round because he probably wears those MTT basketball things underneath?

This keeps me up at night.

Edit: PROBLEM SOLVED

wait.

Special clothes underneath his REGULAR clothes???

THAT’S YOUR BATTLE BODY PAPY IT’S NOT REGULAR

anonymous asked:

i don't really have an idea what hold sony have on louis. they already got harry who is obviously their golden child so why wouldn't they let louis go if they dislike him?

you know when you’re watching a movie and the main character’s girlfriend or boyfriend is taken and held hostage so the kidnapper can force the main character to do what they want them to do without any real resistance because the main character is desperate to protect their partner?

i think louis’ situation has been used as a bargaining chip where harry’s solo career is concerned since the hiatus started. bear in mind that harry hasn’t actually released anything yet. it looks like a number of things where his deal with columbia is concerned only just became official recently.

if babygate does end right before or around the time when harry releases his first single then that’ll further convince me sony’s control over louis’ stunts was their equivalent of a hostage situation to get harry to sign with them.

I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. “Come over”, the text from you reads. So just like every other Saturday night, I hop into my car and follow the dim street lights to your side of town. As I listen to the radio play, our song comes on. The rain starts to drop down, first as a drizzle, then a downpour. I find myself lost in my thoughts, and lost in the music. I wonder how long this will last. How long until you’ll stop sending those two words, “come over”. How long until those words don’t just disappear, but turn into something even better. I smile as I pull into your driveway, just thinking, waiting. Waiting for “come over” to turn into “come home.
—  home is in your arms // 3.29.17

Evaluating Your Hunter: A Checklist

In times of great stress or shock, your Hunter may go suddenly quiet, such as in the moments before a firefight or following a disaster. It is imperative that you act quickly to assess their mental state. The following checklist can identify potentially dangerous situations and help you to evaluate your next steps.

First, identify the cause of stress. Potential factors include:

  • Imminent battle
  • Imminent death
  • Witnessing a second death
  • Dismemberment, or the witnessing thereof
  • Repeated Ghost revival
  • Defeat in the Crucible
  • The tearing or loss of a cloak
  • Losing a game of dice
  • Running out of alcohol
  • Stubbing a toe

Immediately following any of these occurrences, act quickly to gauge the severity of their psychological response to said stress. Be sure to watch for the following indicators:

  • Is your Hunter staring off into the middle distance?
  • Is your Hunter grinning wildly for no discernible reason?
  • Is your Hunter speaking with an entity that isn’t there?
  • Is your Hunter laughing maniacally?
  • Is your Hunter obsessively stroking the bones of an extinct creature?
  • Is your Hunter behaving like a normal, well-adjusted human being?

If the answer to one or more of the above questions is YES, the best course of action is to remove yourself from your Hunter’s vicinity and point them either at the nearest enemy or the nearest bar, depending on which is closest.

- A Warlock’s Guide to Hunters // Anonymous

8 | You’ll Never Walk Alone

BTS + GOT7 X READER [GANG!AU]

WORD COUNT: 5,158

series warnings: mature themes, strong language, violence, substance abuse, eventual smut. this chapter contains graphic content such as alcohol and violence, description of injuries

Originally posted by jaesbum

masterlist | ask | prev | coming soon


Groaning in pain as your back slammed against the gym mat for the thirteenth time that hour, you steadied your movements to a gradual stop as you tried to catch your breath, admitting defeat and throwing your hands up to surrender, the burning sensation in your ribs growing impossibly hotter. Jackson stood above you, looking down at your body with an amused grin as you almost cried in agony. Again. This was your fifth self defence lesson and yet there you were, laying on the ground begging him to stop. Again.

“You know the whole fucking idea of self defence if that you’re supposed to defend yourself from the attacker, right?” He kicked his head back as he laughed at your struggle with no guilt or consideration lingering beneath mocking tone.

He was right. You’d never felt so weak before, so vulnerable and pathetic as your bruised body barely managed to get to it’s feet so you could look him in the eye.
“You’re not teaching me anything! You’re just hitting me!” You protested as you limped away from him to grab a well deserved drink of water. Bending down to get inside your gym bag was the very definition of pain, your body felt like you’d been hit by a truck and battled with a shark in the same day.

“Rule number two; always be on guard. You’re expecting me to tell you my every fucking move, my training isn’t about that. It’s about heightening your senses, knowing your surroundings, spotting your attackers weaknesses before it’s too late…” He spoke calmly as he quietly walked up behind you, earning you to turn around and catch his fist before it could strike your ribcage.
“Well would you look at that? You actually learned something. See; I don’t just hit you for the sake of hitting you.” Jackson smirked, effortlessly tearing his hand from your tight grip.

“What’s rule number one?” You frowned as you crossed your arms, trying your absolute best to conceal the proud smile threatening to spill over your lips. It was the first time since beginning training that you really felt like you could do this, that you could really take care of yourself without having somebody else save you.

“Never fall in love.” He stated nonchalantly, pulling you from your thoughts whilst patting his sweat-beaded forehead with a white hand towel, signalling the end of the session.

Keep reading

2

Finished the shit-comic from this sketchdump because I still think it’s funny. :3c