(let's see how many people find it through this tag and send hate)

Tips on dating for when YOU have BPD

I’ve seen so many articles and posts on “how to date someone with BPD”, or worse “warning signs your partner has BPD” or “how to recover from dating someone with BPD”. But I could only find ONE article giving advice to people WITH BPD in relationships. So, I’ve made my own. Here are some tips on maintaining a good relationship when YOU have BPD:

  • Be open. I know you’ll be scared that if you’re too honest, you’ll scare the partner away. But you need to be truthful, or you’ll end up bottling things up, and then they explode.
  • Saying that, sometimes it’s okay not to express your fears. Small fears such as how your partner hasn’t texted back as fast as normal, don’t need to be expressed when they occur. Once you’ve calmed down, take the time to express it. Say “It makes me a bit sad when you don’t reply fast, but I understand that sometimes that happens” This way, your partners understands your fears, but also knows that you understand their limits too. Sometimes our fears are small and go away if we wait, so take a minute to thing logically (if you can).
  • It’s okay to show symptoms! Don’t be mad at yourself if you have a mood swing in front of your partner, it;s not your fault
  • Avoid expressing when you’re splitting. It’s hard not to let every things out when we’re mad and splitting, but try not to if you can. Try and suppress for a little time and express your feelings once you’ve settled. This way you can express them neutrally, without bias, and make sense when you do so.
  • Keep reminders of your partner’s care for you. Screen shot texts and keep them in a folder. When you feel unloved or the person isn’t responding, read through these to remind yourself that they love you
  • Ask your partner to give you small reminders. Ask “every now and again, can you remind me you love me?”. This isn’t a big ask- a small text once a day is not manipulative or needy, and your partner should be ahppy to as this makes you happy
  • Set guidelines. It’s okay to have certain things you get paranoid about. Tell your partner that there are some things you don’t like- e.g. “I don’t like it when you use full stops, it makes me think you’re angry, could you avoid doing so? I understand if you mess up though.” A relationship is about caring for each other and making each other comfortable, so your partner should be ahppy to make small changes to make you happy, just as you’ll make small changes to make them happy!
  • Be prepared to compensate. Sometimes we get paranoid about things that we just have to let happen. We get worried when our partner talks about other people, when they see other people. It’s okay to express this, but we have to learn that we can’t stop our partners doing this. This is hard, and something I struggle with myself, but it’s needed to make our partners feel comfortable. If your partner is out doing something you don’t like, distract yourself. 
  • Find someone else, with BPD is best, to vent to. I have a close friend or 2 who I vent my worries to, and they have BPD as well. They understand and validate my fears, so that I don’t feel needy or mean. This way you can express these fears without controlling and hurting your partner. E.g. I say to my friends “My partner is seeing his ex today. I get that’s his right to but it’s pissing me off and I just wanted to tell someone.” 
  • Remind yourself it’s okay to express yourself. Telling your partner you’re scared they’re going to leave you isn’t automatically abusive or manipulative, it’s true.Tell them you feel suicidal isn’t manipulative, you deserve support and love.
  • When splitting, learn to distance yourself. If you notice you’re splitting for an unfair reason, it’s okay to distance yourself. It’s okay to walk out a room, to stop replying for a minute to compose yourself. This way, you won’t lash out, and you can avoid getting more angry. Inform your partner you are splitting, so they can give you space.
  • Don’t let yourself be invalidated. If your parter says something invalidating, mean, or hurtful, tell them. We get scared that if we tell our partners they hurt us they may leave, but it’s important not to let our partners hurt us.
  • Tell your partner about your BPD- and if not that- about your symptoms. Tell them you split (you sometimes hate people for no reason), tell them you have abandonment fears (get scared they’ll leave you). This way your partner can adapt and help you. Give them tips to help you. e.g. “If I’m scared you’ll leave me, tell me you love me, and tell me why you love me”
  • Learn to say sorry. Sometimes we lash out, sometimes we get irrational and hurt our partners. this may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility. Learn to say “I’m sorry I lashed out”.
  • You deserve someone who’s willing to help you. You deserve someone who is willing to send you little messages, who is willing to validate and support you. Don’t settle for someone who gets mad at you for your mood swings or invalidates your feelings.
    We deserve a kind, loving, supporting relationship as much as anyone else.
Love Triangle 3 (Jensen x Reader)

Originally posted by asapineapple

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Female Reader, Daughter!OCGracely

Warnings: some fluff, like a drop of angst, poorly written smut (sorry)

Word Count: 2,149

catch up: Part 1 Part 2

please asked to be tagged in the next part!

FEEDBACK IS MUCH APPRECIATED

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

i don't hate zen but i love readin abt cheater zen, i think he's the most likely to accidentally do something to hurt mc. obv he would regret it but accidentally or not, cheating is cheating. i would like to request zen cheating on mc and mc not! being understanding for months. mc finds peace after months and they resolve things but mc moves on and possibly finds comfort in other rfa member or v? the main thing i would want is mc not being forgiving and instantly understanding. she got feels too

I don’t know if actual Zen would really do something to hurt her feelings. I mean, he kinda seems like the best bf material in the whole game, if you put aside the narcissism and the career issues. But, even then, he’s still lovable. I…I can never bring myself to hate him. orz Damn cheeky bastard.
Actually, I think the only two people who would accidentally hurt MC’s feelings would be our twin boys, but it wouldn’t be on purpose, they love her too much to do that.
Regardless I’ll still write this out (*・∀-)☆ I do want to make it clear that for these types of scenarios, the cheating ones moreso, I do think they’re extremely OOC, BUT we all have our own opinions!

——-

It was obvious he shouldn’t have done it. After a few days of you gone, moved in with someone in the RFA (No one would tell him who), your absence hit him the most. A week after, and he couldn’t even focus at practice- Getting his lines mixed up with apologies he kept forming for you.

Thankfully, you didn’t try to make this ‘public’ for him. He didn’t know why, but it gave him a bit of hope. Maybe he could fix this? Maybe he could prove that you meant so much more to him than that coworker…

Buzzed with feelings of hope and his fourth can of beer, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts, finding your name and, after a deep breath, calling.

The first ring he started holding his breath. After the second ring, he knew that’s when your phone would start going off. What were you doing right now? Were you crying? Waiting for him to call you back? Wait-

You sent him to voicemail. He wanted to leave one, but apparently your inbox was full? 

How many people were calling you…Was it about this? Was from old boyfriends or guys who were wanting you now that you were single??

He set his can down, navigating through his phone menu to the old streams of text messages the two of you had shared. He almost went through them again, having his heart ache at how sweet things were before he fucked up, but his worries of you with another man fueled him to start working on a new message.

Starting it off with apologies, he skipped any awkward greetings, and as he was working on trying to type out his worries and love for you, he got a text from you.

Don’t call me again. Don’t force me to block your number, Zen, and just leave me alone.

Why would you want to block his number? Frowning, he hastily finished his text and sent it, hoping his apology would help-

Zen, I’m not even going to read that. Stop messaging me, or else I’ll get Seven to block this number, or any other numbers you try to contact me on.

His throat was dry instantly. Were you…Staying with Seven? Was it in a friendly way or was he taking this opening to…

He rubbed at his eyes a bit, trying to think of something to send.

“You won’t even consider my apology?”

Sending it without a second though, he started tapping his foot anxiously, waiting for your reply. If you were staying with Seven, he could block the number very quickly. That was probably childs play for him.

He watched the time on his phone seemingly refusing to move past onto the next minute. He felt his eyes start to ache, his lungs burn as he couldn’t breathe out.

No, I won’t. Zen, I didn’t ask anything from you. I let you follow your career, I let you flirt with your fans, I let you go out drinking- All because I trusted you. I thought I shouldn’t have to worry because you seemed so loyal, and I didn’t want to be overbearing. I didn’t want you thinking I was an uptight bitch or something. But, apparently, even that and everything else I did for you wasn’t enough. My love wasn’t enough for you, and I’m not falling for the same trap twice.

Now seriously, stop texting me. Don’t try to call, don’t even look at me the next time you see me. I’m only keeping your number in case of some RFA related emergency, and that’s it, but id I need to I will have it blocked.

You’re not worth my time anymore, Zen, and it’s time that I finally give it to a person who deserves it.

——

Seven watched you as your lips trembled, tears rolling down your cheeks as you shakily put down your phone, trying repeatedly to maintain some facade to show that this wasn’t affecting you as badly as it was.

Slowly, gingerly, he wrapped an arm around you, and you wasted no time burying yourself against him, letting out a pitiful sob.

“I can have it to where he stops texting you, I can, it’s very quick. You don’t need him trying to again and again.”

You shook your head against his chest, and he felt his heart break for you. You had done so much for all of them, so much more than anyone. You didn’t deserve your heart aching like this.

hey hello friends!! i’m excited to present a new original masterpost series, #studyingwithacdemic! my blog’s “tagline” has long been ‘study with me’, and now i’d like to make that a reality. in #studyingwithacdemic, i’ll be addressing many of the problems that students encounter in their studying journeys, and offering my personal tips on how to face them! 

some of these masterposts will be veeery specific while others will talk about a broader topic. however, all of them have one goal: to help you become the best student you can be! you can tag posts using these tips with either #heyacdemic or #studyingwithacdemic and i’ll be sure to reblog <3

with that aside, here’s the very first masterpost: studying a subject you hate. i know hate is a very strong word, but there are some subjects you really just can’t stand. however, there are a few different kinds of hatred:

  1. hatred because it bores you: if you don’t enjoy learning about a subject, that can certainly complicate things a little.
  2. hatred because it confuses you: sometimes you don’t like a subject because it’s not your strong suit and it frustrates you to try and understand it!
  3. hatred because of previous failures: there are some subjects i don’t like because i failed a test on it, or something of that sort, whereas i enjoy the subjects i’ve always done well on. past mistakes may influence your opinions on a subject!
  4. hatred for no reason: u serious mate?? pfft.

there’s really no set, foolproof method to tackle subjects you don’t enjoy, so in this masterpost i’ll be addressing how to study for subjects that you dislike based on why you dislike them. ok ok, without further ado:

HATRED BECAUSE IT BORES YOU

  • use a rewards system!! if you really cannot get yourself to enjoy a subject, forcing yourself to like the subject won’t get very far. however, forcing yourself to like studying it is slightly more doable.
    + set up a way to reward yourself for bravely facing that awful subject
    + after two hours of focused studying, give yourself a pack of gummy bears or something. give yourself an incentive to study!
    + bonus points if the reward is good for you. maybe reward yourself a 30 minute run if you finish studying, cause that’ll boost your energy, be healthier than gummy bears, and be a cool reward for studying :)

  • study in different ways! have some diversity in the ways that you study!
    + experiment with timelines, mindmaps, annotating, etc. to keep things interesting while you’re taking notes.
    + also don’t hesitate to stray from your textbook and into the world wide web of info: look up youtube videos, podcasts, websites, articles, etc. to study rather than just sticking with what your teacher gives you!  
    + when you’re reviewing something, don’t just stare at your notes, turn it into a game or something!! make it fun.
    + if you’re always trying new ways to study a subject, who knows, maybe one will click and you’ll start to enjoy it :)

  • associate with things you enjoy! hard to hate something that’s similar to so many things you like, right?
    + for example: you hate english? look, you’ve just shunned all of your favorite books and songs and writing in general. you hate science? sorry, my friend, it’s because of science that you’re breathing (biology) and cake exists (chemistry)
    + ps: sorry if i got those subjects wrong, i haven’t taken chem or bio yet!

  • study with the pomodoro method! here is a great masterpost by aza (@etudiance) about the pomodoro method, i really recommend taking a look!
    + this works great for subjects that bore you because you’d be studying for short blocks and have breaks in between, meaning you wouldn’t be stuck staring at a textbook for 3 hours *shudders*
    + just make sure that the time you’re spending studying is really focused studying, not just passively flipping through notes.

  • study with a friend! especially if they LOVE that subject. studying with a friend (productively) can make subjects so much more bearable!
    + as long as it’s actually studying, and not.. taking selfies or talking about unrelated subjects ////toootally haven’t done that before ahem ahem////
    + plus, if your friend adores the subject you abhor, maybe their enthusiasm will rub off on you!

HATRED BECAUSE IT CONFUSES YOU

  • ask your teacher for help! i swear by this one: teachers are (usually) great people who want you to succeed! no they are not evil creatures making you fail your classes for the heck of it!
    + arrange office hours or something with your teachers to go over content you’re struggling with. this is a great time to get to know your teacher as a friend and you’ll be approaching the material at a pace you’re comfortable with
    + if you’re scared of talking to your teacher (we all know the feeling!), you can always just correspond via email, and if they think you need a private meeting, they’ll most likely suggest it
    + if your teacher gives study guides or premade note thingies, always always always go through them thoroughly because that’s exactly what they think you need to study!!

  • don’t hesitate to raise your hand! everybody hates asking questions in class because they’re afraid they’ll sound dumb. don’t.
    + ask with pride because somebody out there needs you to ask that question for them! and even if you think you hear snickering (spoiler alert: that’s your imagination, silly), imagine it as a heroic deed for that-one-kid-who-needed-to-know-the-answer-to-that-particular-question-but-didn’t-bravely-raise-their-hand-like-you-did. congratulations, my friend.
    + teachers are totally fine with going through material again because if you are struggling to understand something, that’s their fault because they’re supposed to be teaching you. 
    + it’s better to ask during class than struggle on a test.

  • basically, reach out to other people. if you have trouble with a subject and are starting to resent it because of that, the answer is not to self-study and cry over things, the answer is to ask for help.
    + i know because i basically wing everything and there are times when i want to slap myself for not asking a teacher, friend, or my parents for help beforehand.
    + don’t be afraid to search online, but don’t rely on it either. if you’re scraping through your english class by living on sparknotes / cliffnotes, etc. that’s clearly not going to work. it’s okay to use resources like that sometimes to help you understand content you’re really struggling with, but using those ideas (aka not your own ideas) in your homework, etc. is plagiarism. nuh-uh, not ok, don’t do it! ask for help!!
    + also the studyblr community is great!! send in asks because we will all want to give you love and support: and even if we don’t know the answer, we can direct you to another person or masterpost that can help. some people to ask are emma (@elkstudies), grace (@gracelearns), sareena (@studyign), ann (@educaticn), seo (@tbhstudying) and kimberly (@kimberlystudies) – they are absolutely lovely and seem to always have an answer <3 or you can check out @studyblrindex to find someone who studies the subject!! or just ask any studyblr honestly! feel free to ask me as well, i’d love to help if i can ;o;

  • use methods that work for you! even though diversity in study methods is great for subjects that bore you, stick with the stuff that always works for you when you’re confused.
    + do you usually get good grades when you annotate while you read? great, keep doing that!
    + don’t make the mistake of sticking with methods that don’t work, though: if annotating while you read just confuses you even more, it’s time to stop and try something new.

  • just keep working on it! hatred due to lack of understanding of the subject is probably the easiest to fix because if you work hard enough, the subject gets easy and woah omg, more bearable <3 it may seem tough now but you can do it!!
    +
    check out my motivation tag for some stuff to keep you going!
    + i personally think @chibird’s super adorable drawings are great for boosting your morale if you’re feeling down / unmotivated :) give jackie a follow!!!

HATRED BECAUSE OF PREVIOUS FAILURES

  • don’t doubt yourself! you get one bad grade, then you think you’re just doomed to bad grades in the class for the rest of the semester. then you really do get bad grades because you’ve just given up. don’t let that happen!!
    + the worst thing you can do is constantly remind yourself about what you did wrong!
    + also, most of the time your “failure” wasn’t even as bad as you think!! even if it was something public and embarrassing, the only person who still remembers it is you.

  • spend less time thinking about your “mistake / failure / incident” and more time assessing what you can do better next time! this one’s a biggie. instead of resenting a subject because something bad happened that one time, it’s better to see how you can prevent it from happening again.
    + giving up isn’t an option here!!!
    + maybe for the test you got an F on, you tried a new study method that definitely didn’t work. all you have to do is stop using that method!
    + this will also take your mind off the fact that you “failed” (again, you probably didn’t), and lead you to think of it more positively (because now you know what to avoid doing in the future!)

  • don’t overdo it! one time in english class, i basically made this really dumb mistake and i cried and was miserable about it for a whole year. then, i made myself attempt to memorize the dictionary because i forgot the meaning of one word. 
    + that was a huge waste of time for me, constantly reminded me of the mistake i made, kept me miserable, made me feel guilty when i couldn’t memorize a word, didn’t actually help my vocabulary, and was basically a big, fat pfffft.
    + the lesson to learn from this is: assessing what you can do better next time DOES NOT MEAN to overdo things. it just means to learn from your mistakes and try to improve <3

  • re-inspire yourself! most of the time, this subject wasn’t one you always hated. it was just that one dumb thing that made you feel miserable and queasy to even think about the subject. don’t let something so small ruin a whole subject for you!
    + check out my failure tag for some posts about dealing with failure or disappointment in the academic world!!
    + search for posts in the studyblr community related to that subject to see how wonderful that subject is! :)

HATRED BECAUSE HATRED. 

  • there’s no way to make yourself not hate something if you don’t know why you hate it. ask yourself why you hate that subject so much! chances are, you don’t hate it at all!
    + try and talk / rant to someone about it (you can drop me an ask with a rant about a subject you hate – i’d be happy to try and help or just be a person you can rant to). maybe the reason will come out in the process of ranting.
    + or just journal / write for a little bit about the subject. sometimes letting your emotions loose can help!

alright, that is it for this first masterpost!! i really hope you found this helpful, since these are all my personal tips, no research or anything. if you have any questions, want to talk, want to yell at me for a bad masterpost, want to chat about your day, have any suggestions for future #studyingwithacdemic masterposts, want to request a future masterpost etc. etc. just drop me an ask and i’ll answer asap to the best of my abilities! <3 thanks for reading and have an absolutely magnificent day, xoxo hannah

anonymous asked:

hi so I was wondering if you could tell me the best way to start off writing fics on tumblr? It feels like I'm asking a stupid question but there's just so many blogs on tumblr and I always feel so silly when I post, and end up taking them down, partly because of the fact that having it sit there gets me anxious and partly because I feel like my writing is... crap. Yeah. Help?

I get this question a lot and I never know what good advice to give because I don’t think there’s something you have to do if you want to post your stories online. If you love writing and you want to share your stories with people, you should post them. Don’t doubt yourself and your writing! 

  • Notes - Don’t worry about notes at all, especially if you’re just starting out. Notes don’t guarantee quality at all. I’ve read great fics with a lot less notes than they deserve, and I’ve read fics I didn’t really like that got a lot of notes. I know it sucks to post something you’ve worked hard on and not get any feedback on it, but everyone started out that way. It’s a lot easier to start if you already have some followers, or if you’re friends with someone who has a lot of followers, or if someone shouts you out. If not, you will have to start from scratch, but if you like writing, you should focus on that and not the notes. I think I’ve said this before, but when I first started writing Sin City, nobody was reading it. I liked the story that I had in my head and I wanted to write it down, even if there were only a couple of people that gave some sort of feedback on it. You just need to keep posting if you like what you’re posting, and try not to worry about the notes too much. A lack of notes doesn’t mean your stories aren’t good! Maybe people still didn’t get a chance to find out about your blog. Also, there’s a lot of people who follow you and read your stories but never give any type of feedback, and I know for a fact there are people who don’t follow you, but read your fics anyway. And when I first got into BTS, I’d read fics even though I didn’t have a Tumblr, so I couldn’t like or reblog anything. Just keep posting your stories and try not to worry about the notes too much.
  • Tagging - It’s really important to properly tag your stuff. If you’re a fic writer, there’s no need for you to tag a Jungkook story with “Yoongi smut” or “Jimin gif”. Personally, when I’m looking for something specific, I hate seeing stuff that doesn’t belong in that tag because it makes it so much harder for me to find what I’m looking for, and I’m definitely not going to click on a Jungkook smut story if I’m out there looking for a specific Jimin gif. The first five tags are the ones that show up in the search, so those are the most important ones. Tag the genre and the members that are involved. 
  • Networks - I don’t know when exactly, but I joined @kwritersnet and it’s  a great network for sharing your stories with people, but also for finding new stories. Since the tags are full of things that don’t belong there, I never go through them. When I look for new stuff to read, I usually scroll through the network tag and I find something new every time. I suggest you try joining that network or a similar one - it’s a good way to meet new people and share your stories with them.
  • Asking other writers to read your stories - I see that a lot of people do this, and I’m conflicted about it. I’ve never felt confident enough to send a story of mine to someone and ask them to read it, but a lot of people have sent me their stories and I didn’t have a problem with that. The thing is, the busier you get, the less time you have for writing, let alone reading. So sometimes, writers won’t really have the time to read your story and you’ll put them in an uncomfortable position if you ask them to read something of yours when they don’t have any free time. I feel horrible when I have to turn people down, especially if I know they read my stories, but I have so many things to do that I can’t even keep up with the fics I’m already reading.
  • Feedback - This might be just me, but I feel like a lot of people on this site expect feedback even though they never actually give it. I’ve had a lot of people message me for the first time saying they love my stories and asking for me to reblog their story or read it or give feedback, which I have no problem with, but I’ve never even seen their urls before which means they never gave any type of feedback to me, whether it be likes, reblogs, asks, messages. I’m not saying you have to give feedback, but if you’re claiming you love someone’s work, why aren’t you giving them any kind of feedback, but expect them to give you some? I feel like some of these messages are just generic messages that get sent to a lot of writers at the same time, and I don’t like being treated like one out of 50 options. Besides, if you’re a writer, you know how much feedback means, even if it’s constructive criticism. If you interact with other writers, you have a better chance of them noticing your stories and checking them out. I’m saying this because I know @noona-la-la-la, for example, found my blog because I reblogged a story of hers and gave feedback in the tags. I found a lot writers that way too since I always check the tags on my stories. 
  • If you follow me, you can always send me a link to your story and I’ll add it to my stories to read post :)

Good luck !! :)

PSA to the anons in my inbox

This is a HATE-FREE BLOG. 

Please do not send me nasty messages about my liking a certain character or being a fan of a certain ship. They are my opinions and this is my blog, and if you don’t like it, there’s the door. Don’t let it hit you on the way out. I LOVE interacting with my followers and my inbox will remain open to anons, but my threshold for handling hateful messages is wearing out.

If you don’t like a character or a ship, fine. Put it in the ‘anti’ tag of whatever it is you don’t like and talk about it with people who share your interests. Please don’t come to me and my ships tag and attack who we are because you feel that I/we support whatever it is YOU took from watching that character. I do not use any ‘anti’ tags on my blog because I personally find it childish to express my opinions that way. There is no need for me to tell others I hate something. Many of my followers picked up on the fact that I wasn’t a fan of Laurel Lance on Arrow simply by the fact that I didn’t post anything about her. There was no hatred, no berating of the writers or Laurel Lance fans (who are much nicer than some people give them credit for btw). If someone wanted to know my opinion about something they weren’t sure I was a fan of or not, they asked me and I would respond politely. No muss, no fuss.

People, these shows do not tell you how you think. They are not the manuals for our lives. They are entertainment. We are adults (most of us, and even so we are all capable individuals) and we can form our own opinions about things and not freak out when a show does something we don’t like. I listen to rap music. But I do not advocate the lifestyle typically associated with that genre because I AM A GROWN UP AND HAVE FORMED MY OWN OPINIONS. I don’t send hate mail to radio stations that play those songs and accuse them of advocating for those values. That would ridiculous and stupid. These shows are not real, they are a fantasy and not worth getting so worked up over that you feel the need to send something to someone else that makes them want to cry. 

I just got into an amazing new show that I’ve been wanting to see for while, and I fell in love with a pairing on the show, not realizing that it came with a minefield of a Tumblr tag. I was all happy, full of that butterflies in the chest thing new shippers get (all you veteran shippers know exactly what I’m talking about), and was swiftly slammed back to Earth reading all the hate that filled my feed and inbox. Now when I watch the show, all I can do is dread the crap I’m going to have to drudge through when I post something happy or positive. Just…please stop. It sucks, and no one deserves it. 

This got a little long, but I just wanted to say this for the record. Hate will not be tolerated on this blog. This world is awful enough, there is no need for it here. Please be respectful and courteous and remember that behind every blog there is a person with feelings. <3

STAMINA

Summary: “Imagine if someone saw us right now.” Dan nipped at his earlobe. “I can just see the headline: ‘Renowned British gymnast Phil Lester caught with his cock up swimmer Dan Howell’s arse’. We’d get the gold medal in scandal.”

Warnings: un-betaed, smut, sports lol

Genre: Sin and fluff

Word count: 2384

Extra tags: desperate botttom!dan, sports, gymnast!phil and swimmer!dan get down and dirty

A/N: I’ve been watching the Olympics every day so it’s not a surprise to me that I ended up writing this crap lmao. Anyways, if you like it, please do tell me and I might write more of this AU!! Btw, if I said something that is wrong about the Olympics, please make sure to yell at me.

Rio dawns bright and windy on Monday. Someone outside is playing a very enthusiastic samba song and Phil Lester looks down from his window as dozens of people enter and leave the Olympic Village.

He is twenty nine, on his last Olympic Games, ready to compete in Gymnastics and snatch a medal for Great Britain. But, if Phil is honest with himself, the real reason he’s excited is because he’s spending two weeks in Brazil with his boyfriend.

Keep reading

I Can’t Save Her: Part 19

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Nightmares

Word Count: 2,240

Catch Up Here

Summary: You have been with the Avengers for three years and during that time you have developed a close friendship with Bucky. When you discover another woman in Bucky’s room you begin to question what your true feelings for him are.

Author’s Notes: A part of this story was heavily inspired by Bucky’s outburst in CA: TWS right before the wipe scene. Tags are at the bottom. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged/untagged.

I love your comments, messages, asks, likes, reblogs – all of it. <3

Originally posted by gaybusterrs

Originally posted by embrace-the-inner-fangirl

Originally posted by mikaelsonenthusiast

Missing for Two Months

I was back, but I still wasn’t sure where I was. The room seemed a little more defined – if it really was a room. The little girl ran passed me again – she seemed older – or maybe I was just imagining it? Everything seemed a little clearer and a little more familiar. I looked around – trying to discern some clue that would tell me where I was. As I turned I could hear a bloodcurdling scream from somewhere close. There was something about that sound… As I turned towards it I saw one definite thing I had never noticed – the symbol for H.Y.D.R.A was clearly painted on the wall.

I woke with a jolt. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I sat in my bed with my head in my hands as I tried to steady my breathing. It had been two months since Bucky had left, and every night I had the same dream. I couldn’t help but feel like my subconscious was trying to tell me something – I just didn’t understand what. Every time I had the dream it felt like the images became a little sharper – a little realer. It was like looking through a camera lens as it slowly focuses. Suddenly I would notice things I hadn’t before – like the fact that wherever I was – there was no sunlight only the harsh glow of electricity. I sighed and looked over at my clock. 3 a.m. – with any luck I would be able to have Tony’s lab to myself. I quietly made my way out of my room and down the hallway to the elevator.

When the doors of the elevator opened to the lab I was relieved to find it empty. Lately I had worked best in solitude, but wouldn’t dare say anything to anyone as we were all working towards one goal – finding Bucky. So far he had been radio silent – he still retained his ability to disappear like a ghost from his Winter Soldier days which made it difficult for us to find any leads on him. I sighed as I sat at my computer before fishing out a cigarette from my nearly empty carton. I lit it and inhaled the smoke deeply. I wasn’t sleeping much – nor was I eating very frequently. After my talk with Tony I had found myself working endlessly as we sifted through every trace of data that we thought might lead us to Bucky. Occasionally Tony would bring food into the lab and force me to eat. I sat and stared at the blank monitor as I tried to analyze the new clue in my dream. Chances were it was just my subconscious finding a new way to associate my only break from work with thinking about Bucky – or worrying about him. At least that was what I had been telling myself – I couldn’t help but think that maybe I was wrong after the appearance of H.Y.D.R.A. At least part of the dream made more sense – H.Y.D.R.A. was notorious for underground bunkers, and secret strongholds. That could easily explain the lack of sunlight – but everything else? Maybe the lack of sleep was making me lose my mind.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. access all records on H.Y.D.R.A.,” I said casually.

“Yes Ms. Y/N. Are you looking for anything specific?” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice responded throughout the lab.

“Anything new within the last six months or… wait… anything about underground compounds.”

“Accessing all intelligence records with any mention of H.Y.D.R.A. – please wait.”

As F.R.I.D.A.Y. continued to sift through every intelligence database in the world I took another drag from my cigarette. I leaned back in my chair with my eyes closed as the smoke tickled my lungs.

“You know those things can kill you, right?” Steve’s voice rang from behind me. I half-spun around in my chair so I could see him out of the corner of my eye.

“There’s worse ways to die,” I muttered miserably. “What are you doing up anyways?”

“Well with all that screaming you were doing earlier I couldn’t sleep very well,” he replied with a shrug as he sat beside me. “Are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“I’m sorry Steve – I didn’t even know I was…”

“Don’t worry about it. What are you doing?” he asked as he stared at the reports that were popping up.

“It’s nothing… probably another dead end,” I shrugged.

“It doesn’t look like nothing…”

“I’ve… I’ve been having these really weird dreams since Buck left. It’s been pretty hazy until tonight… It has something to do with H.Y.D.R.A. I mean… I’m not saying the dream is the answer to all of our questions… that would be absurd. But it did get me thinking about H.Y.D.R.A. I’m just wondering if this is something that could lead us to him,” I added hopelessly as I turned back to the screen.

“Actually it’s a good idea – if Buck doesn’t want to be found we won’t find him easily or directly. This could be our next best bet,” Steve reassured me as he scooted his chair closer to mine. I looked over at him and we traded smiles. I hadn’t noticed how worn he looked. His usual well kept appearance had been overtaken by a stubbly beard and dark circles below his eyes. Due to my own selfishness I sometimes forgot that Steve had known Bucky for longer than me, and had a much deeper connection on so many levels.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” I asked as I bit me lower lip. Of course he wasn’t okay – what a stupid question to ask. I hated when people asked me that.

He looked back at all the reports on the screen and sighed. “We should probably split this up if we’re going to make any headway tonight. Send some to me?” he asked as he pushed the chair back to his desk. Part of me wished that he could lie to me and say he was fine and that I could believe it, but Steve was always the honest one – especially when it came to Bucky.

We worked silently for hours as we tried to find any clues we could in the endless data that F.R.I.D.A.Y. had provided to us. I became absolutely absorbed like I usually did and didn’t even notice how quiet the lab had gotten. I had half turned to ask Steve something and noticed that he wasn’t at his desk any longer. I looked around the room and found him sleeping on the couch that Tony had reluctantly put in the lab for those of us that refused to leave for long periods of time. I stood up from my chair and stretched wearily. If I was going to continue I would definitely need some coffee. As I passed the couch I grabbed the blanket that was hanging off the arm and covered Steve with it. I smiled sadly to myself at the sight of him. If one of us could find a moment of peace – I was glad it was him.

I wearily made my way to the kitchen. My lack of sleep seemed to be creeping up on me again. I prepared the coffee and made my way to the common room to wait for it to finish brewing. I sat on the couch and turned on the television with no intention of actually watching it. I appreciated the couch’s comfort after being hunched over a computer for hours. I closed my eyes as a sigh of relief escaped my lips. I could remember falling asleep with Bucky on it months ago and waking up to Tony’s jokes. That morning was the first time he had kissed me. I hugged myself tightly as I laid my head wearily on the stack of pillows on the couch’s end – forgetting the coffee altogether – and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Suddenly I woke up covered in sweat and absolutely terrified. The dream had come back but this time it was different – this time… I was terrified. I picked up my phone and dialed the number of the only person I knew who might have the answers I needed.

“Fury,” I could hear Nick’s voice on the other side of the line.

“Nick. We need to meet – it’s…. it’s about my parents,” I stumbled through the words. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing.

“I’m sending a jet to Stark’s to pick you up.”


“Y/N,” I could hear Steve say from behind me as I pressed the elevator button. I turned to look at him – ready to explain why I had to do this alone. I stopped suddenly as I noticed he had both of our tactical bags, and his shield. “I’m going with you,” he added.

“Steve… I need to do this alone… I… This isn’t really about Bucky,” I finally managed to say.

“It doesn’t matter – wherever you’re going – I’m going with you. That’s what being part of a team is all about.”

I sighed. I needed to do this on my own, but a part of me was glad he had caught up to me. In all honesty – the last thing I wanted was to be alone. There was no point in arguing because it was clear that he had made up his mind. I hastily grabbed my bag from him and we both entered the elevator.

“So, where are we going?” he asked as we reached the roof where we were to meet the jet that Fury had sent.

“We’re going to meet Fury – I’m assuming D.C. but we didn’t get into the logistics,” I said shortly. I wasn’t in a talking mood, and Steve must have sensed that. We boarded the jet and flew in silence to D.C.

When we arrived Fury was waiting. Steve excused himself to get settled. I knew he was really trying to give me the privacy I needed. I looked at the man across the table from me – I still wasn’t sure that I trusted Fury. I would be a fool to trust him fully – that I knew for certain. But I needed to know – and he was the only person with the ability to help me.

“So?” he asked with a shrug. “What exactly were you wanting to talk about.”

“I’ve been having this dream since Bucky left. I have bits and pieces of it every night. Sometimes it’s a little clearer than others, and lately I have been noticing details that make me wonder if it’s really a dream…” I realized as I was saying all of this it sounded like I had totally lost my mind. Fury nodded for me to continue. “Fury – what do you know about my parents? ….What do you really know?”

His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at me. “Kid, your story is one of the few in my career that I haven’t ever been able to piece together – and it hasn’t been for lack of trying. We know that your parents were murdered – presumably by associates or members of H.Y.D.R.A. but no one knows why. You are a complete mystery – there are no official records for you until around the time you turned eight. Not even so much as a doctor’s note. It’s like you were a ghost that magically appeared into the world suddenly,” he paused and looked at me. “What is this about? You’ve never wanted to know any of this before.”

“Nick… I… I don’t think my parents were killed by H.Y.D.R.A.” I paused for a moment and swallowed the bile that was rising in my throat.  “I think they were part of H.Y.D.R.A.,” I whispered softly as I looked up at him. I hadn’t said it out loud before this – I had always had this gnawing feeling about my past which is why I had never looked into it – but now I couldn’t ignore it.

“What makes you say that?” he asked as he shifted in his seat and leaned forward.

“In this dream or this memory… whatever it is… for the longest time I couldn’t tell where it was, but I’m pretty sure it’s a H.Y.D.R.A. facility; it’s some type of underground bunker or something. Every time I have the dream I see a little girl there and she has always seemed so out of place. Why would a child be there? She’s always scared by someone screaming in the distance and is told something by someone else that makes her leave. Every time I have turned to see who it is that’s talking to her I’ve woken up…. Except for today… Today I turned and I saw my mother…. It was my mom, Nick.” The panic was swelling in my chest. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Fury was quiet for a moment as he digested all the things I had just told him. “Do you think you would recognize this place if you saw it?” he asked.

“I think I could…” I added hesitantly.

“I’ll start pulling intel on all H.Y.D.R.A. facilities that were active during the early 90s. Now go get some rest – you look like shit,” he said as he pushed himself out of his chair and strolled out of the room.

As I walked down the hallway to my room I felt paralyzed with fear. If this was true – how could I not remember until now?

If this was true… How could Bucky ever trust me again?


Tags: (Please let me know if you would like to be tagged/untagged)
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these days // moonbin, eunwoo; platonic!jinwoo, eunwoo;
or alternatively they meet five times and neither of them remembers;

3k-ish; ages altered to fit story line (what i’m saying is they’re the same age and also the story transcends time and space and goes into the future); beta-ing is for losers; #revive the astro fandom day

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2

OKie, so I don't obviously like talking about this but since this bs came up, I'm gonna talk about it. I had the same reaction to probably the majority of you, but soon I calmed myself down and got all the details behind this so I can understand everything and make this post which will hopefully help you calm down as well <3. 

1.) First of all, A LOT of people have been saying that this was taken today but it wasn't because Calum met a fan today wearing a different color shirt and also this looks exactly like the picture of them waiting in line for the museum that we got a few weeks ago which is this one: 

2.) SataNia looks like she’s kissing his cheek but really isn’t, she’s just really close to his face with her clingy self and basically acts likes this around others as well not to mention Calums own bandmates do it so it’s just a friend thing. They aren’t kissing, it’s like a normal thing she could even be whispering something to him you never know. So when I type “kissing” I’m just basically saying SataNia being close to his face. 

3.) Now I find it REALLY odd that somehow the pictures of SataNia “kissing” Calums cheek  got leaked now instead of then and how the Jingle Ball is soon to come and Bye Purple will be performing. We ALWAYS get Calum and SataNia stuff before Bye Purple has something big to do like, for example, a music video, late show with James Corden, Jingle Ball, and the list goes on. SataNia needs the publicity for her band to unflop it so they are going to probably do more Calum and SataNia sightings, I guess you can call it. This is basically PR which you can go to @calum-hood-could or @5sosdramarama for more. 

4.) Now I know this is very stressful and annoying but we are going to have to go through this and its tough but don't let this control you, especially don’t let this make you leave the fandom. I know a bunch of people who left the fandom because of this and just drama in general but again don’t let drama control you, try to think positive and if you need someone to talk to then I’m always up especially @calum-hood-could and @5sosdramarama . Here’s a breathing exercise that can help when you’re stressed out, anxiety, when there’s drama, etc.

Originally posted by fuzzyourself

Originally posted by thewhitewitchofdevon

Originally posted by beatingbinging

 5.) You can see in both pictures and all pictures that we get of them that are “close” that Nia is always the one to be clingy. She’s always clingy while Calum looks uninterested, and in this photo, you can see that pretty well. Calum is looking ahead while Nia is close to his face while holding onto his neck. Also, there’s a phone in Calums hand I believe and so there are also other rumours to this which one of them being Calum is taking a photo of Nia “kissing” his cheek. That’s not true because the screen is black and if he was to take a picture you would see Calum and Nia on the phone and basically the screen wouldn’t be black. This also shows that Calum is uninterested since he’s holding his phone in front of his face.  Not only that but again pictures can’t tell us everything perfectly. This can be taken at where all of this probably was fast paced but the photo makes it look like it was longer and has more effect on it. So SataNia having his arm around him and being close could’ve been for a couple of seconds. Nia is clingy in general and I’m surprised that there aren’t as that many Nia and Casey/ Nia and Ashton rumours as there is for Calum and Nia because she’s clingy to him too, and hangs out with him as much as Calum.

6.)  Also Nia is a tag along with Cashton and Cashtons the real couple SooOOOO.

7.)  I’ve also have been seeing a lot of people telling others to just get over it and to just stop hating calum and Nia, basically telling others to ship them or like them or to believe that they are dating. First of all, you can’t tell anybody to like someone or dislike someone nor to believe something. It’s their decision to like/dislike someone and to believe something or not, not yours. The last thing I want right now is someone telling me to get over Calum and Nia or just accept the fact that they are “dating” (their belief). You can ship them or you can believe that they are dating and I won’t mind but don't tell me or anyone to believe or like them together. Same goes with Luke and Arzaylea and Michael and Crystal (which I have different opinions for each). So if you don't agree with this post then it’s fine, just scroll past. AnYWAys, If you wanna talk to me about it, you can always message me or send me an ask ❤️ - A❤️🌹   

Imagine: Kurt being the only person who can calm you down during a panic attack

Kurt Wagner x Mutant!Reader

Word Count: 2,110

Mutation: Electricity Manipulation

Warning: Anxiety, Panic Attack

————————————————

Professor Xavier swiveled around in his wheelchair upon hearing Hank McCoy clear his throat from behind him. Charles looked at Hank, who raised his eyebrows and gave the professor a stiff jerk of the head to indicate that Hank needed him promptly. Probably had something to do with the X-Men, the elite group of mutants you had been recruited to fight for. Ever since Apocalypse, you’ve been training with all your friends to save the world. 

Charles turned back to the class, most of which was still writing madly on sheets of notebook paper, trying to keep up the professor’s detailed lessons. He began to speak. “Alright, your assignment tonight will be to read all of chapters fifteen and sixteen and to do a detailed write up on them”–he didn’t wait to hear the disappointed groans ring through the room–”Due tomorrow. Class dismissed.” 

You stood, picking up your large and very overwhelming stack of about four binders and two textbooks. You held the stack tightly to your chest due to fear of the loose-leaf sheets of paper getting free and fluttering to the ground. Class with Charles, where he taught basic genetics over time, was your last class of the day, which meant it was time to begin homework. 

You almost groaned, when the sound of pounding footsteps registered. Jubilee, one of your best and first friends you’d made at the mansion, shouted from behind you. “Hey, Y/N! Wait up!”–Jubilee was by your side in a moment–”Hey, are you going to the movies with us tonight?”

“Um, who’s us?” You replied without thinking, mentally cursing yourself for doing so. You had no intentions of going. The amount of homework you had just from Professor Xavier’s class alone was enough to keep you busy for at least two hours, not to mention all of your other classes. 

Hank McCoy, who had just recently become a teacher, didn’t exactly know how to take it easy on you either. You felt like you were drowning, a symptom you often felt when your anxiety kicked in, which it liked to do when things piled on top of you, figuratively and, as you recently discovered during the fight with Apocalypse, literally. You also knew Kurt Wagner had a special gift when it came to calming you down; he was the only one who could.

“Me, Scott, Jean, Peter, Kurt, and, hopefully, you!” Jubilee said, listing off all the people that had agreed to go to her movie outing. You had sort of begun to zone out when the last name caught your attention. Kurt said he was going. You felt confused and couldn’t help feeling a little betrayed. Kurt had promised to help you study for your anatomy course taught by Miss Schrink. You both had a test on Friday and it was already Wednesday. You’d, in your opinion, wasted enough time as it was. 

“Wait, Kurt’s going?”–you mused under your breath–“He told me he was going to help me study,” you didn’t know what to think and, frankly, it was help your anxiety much. You were already stressed about your anatomy test, genetics homework, chemistry project. You couldn’t afford to be worrying about Kurt trying to be in multiple places at once, but there you were, making a big fuss about nothing. You didn’t want to read too much into it, but you did, against your will. You had been hurt enough times. But Kurt isn’t like them, you always told yourself. And it always worked.  

“Oh. Maybe he forgot?”–apparently, Jubilee had heard you–“Don’t read too much into it. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it,” Jubilee did her best to comfort you, which actually did some good. You agreed with her word. The German boy you had grown to care so much wouldn’t hurt anyone, not on purpose. His compassion and kindness ran deep and naturally, unlike you, who had to make a conscious effort to be half as nice as Kurt was. That was one of the things you so loved about him and the list was very, very long. Jubilee, yet again, pulled you out of your thoughts. “So, you gonna come?”

“I’m sorry, Jubi, I really can’t. I am drowning in homework and not just Professor Xavier’s assignment,” you replied in as soft a voice as you could, laughing slightly at the end of your phrase. It wasn’t necessarily an excuse, considering excuses are typically lies. You were drowning in homework and you’d just found out you would be studying for the anatomy test alone, so you also had to make flash cards and things so it would be easier to quiz yourself. Jubilee frowned, realized she was frowning, and smiled slightly.  

“No, no, it’s fine. I totally get it,” Jubilee shrugged. You couldn’t tell if she was doing an extremely good job keeping the disappointment out of her voice, or if she was actually cool with you skipping out on the movie. You’d totally forgotten all about it and sort of wondered how long it had been planned. But, then you remembered that Jubilee was involved and almost all of her plans are spontaneous. She smiles. “Good luck with your homework.”

“Thanks, Jubi,” you replied, returning her gracious smile. You both turned in different directions and started to walk away when a thought occurred to you. You had to talk to Kurt. You didn’t even feel mad that he told you he would study and told Jubilee that he would go to the group movie. You just wanted to clear it up to get a better understand of what exactly it was he planned on doing tonight. Whatever he wound up choosing was fine by you. You turned back and called after the girl in the yellow jacket. “Hey, if you see Kurt, will you send him my way?”

“Sure,” Jubilee answer your question and turned back around to walk. You watched her for a moment before turning back around, hoisting you books back up to a more comfortable position, and started making your way back to your room. You had already begun running through the list of things you had to do tonight when Jubilee’s voice rang through the hallway again, causing you to turn back around to listen. “Will you help me on my write up tomorrow morning?”

You were confused. Professor Xavier assigned the project for tonight, making it due tomorrow. And it was a lot of work to do as well. It wasn’t like you could skim the pages and write a few sentences on the very little you did read. That wasn’t at all how this assignment was going to go down. You tilted your head at the flamboyant mutant who was living life almost the same way Peter was; second to second with no regard for the future. You began. “Tomorrow morning? It’s due tomorrow!”

“I know. I’m going to the movies instead”–Jubilee’s shoulders bobbed up and down and her voice was nonchalant–“I’ll tell your boyfriend to go to your room if I see him,” she winked at your rosy cheeks and tossed her hair over her shoulder, leaving you in the hallway at last. You laughed a little bit and turned to finally make your way to your dorm, as you’d been attempting to for a while now. 

You kicked the door open to your room after struggling for a while to get the thing open. You closed your eyes, channeling your mutation through your veins and, once you opened your eyes, the light was on, along with the lamp on your desk. You tossed your books, which seemed to get heavier the longer you held them, on your bed and watched them as they spread and slid around, no longer bound to each other by your arms. Looking at all the work you had to do made your heartbeat increase. 

“Oh my God”–you clapped a hand to your forehead–“I’m never gonna get done and then I’m going to fail and then I won’t be able to be in the X-Men anymore. Oh my God,” you mumbled quickly. That’s when you felt the contraction in your chest and the lack of air flowing. Dear God, please not right now. The lights around you began to flicker and the noise of electricity accompanied them. You felt as it became increasingly harder to breathe. You tried to stop it, but your efforts were futile. 

You were prone to anxiety and had been having panic attacks since you were young. Many people thought that is was the stress that you felt when you had to tell your parents about your mutation. That was your first, of many, panic attacks. Your parents didn’t react well, which just made t worse for you too. Charles says that childhood trauma can often lead to the development of mental diseases you wouldn’t otherwise have. You think the confrontation with your parents was what contributed to your anxiety. 

You struggled to move air and walk back, back, back until you hit the wall. You slid down the wall, struggling to breathe and trying to regain control of your body and your emotions. It was hard because your emotions were always so electric that it was hard to keep them under control. One of your palms laid flat on you chest and the other arm was wrapped around your knees, which were curled into your stomach. You focused on breathing, but it was no use. You needed Kurt. 

“Y/N? Jubilee said you ver looking for–,” the door clicked open and, as if on cue, Kurt began to enter your room. You were flooded with relief and you knew that you could not yell out to him, but he would find you. That you knew. He would always find you. His voice cut short when he saw you against the wall and his face dropped. His body sprang into action and he was on his knees in a second, gathering you into his arms. “Oh, Y/N! It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here now. Hush, hush.”

Kurt then began to sing a German lullaby that he knew from when he was a child. His prehensile tail wrapped around your waist and his arms cradled you as he sang. It always worked. Slowly, but surely, you began to calm down, regain control of your breath and body. Everything reset like none of it had ever happened and you were grateful for that fact. But most of all, you were grateful for the blue, German boy that was by your side every time it happened and didn’t leave until it was over. Kurt began babbling. “I’m sorry for not being here sooner. If I had known then I would’ve–.”

You had the idea that his apology came more from the fact that he had been on his way here to tell you that he was sorry for the mix up about the movie and studying for anatomy. He didn’t know you weren’t mad at him and that saddened you. That’s when you realized that Kurt my have thought that that minor issue was the source of your panic attack. You cut him off with soft, gravelly words. “No, Kurt, you’re here. You came when I needed you. Thank you for being here when I needed you.”

Kurt just studied you. Stared at you. His yellow eyes flitted over every part of your face, taking in every detail line he was seeing you for the first time. Every time he looked at you, it was like the first time. Your heart raced and not because you were about to have a panic attack. You were gazing into the face, the eyes, of a man you loved so much, not even Charles could dig it out of your head. Nobody understood except the two of you, and you and Kurt were both very okay with that. Kurt’s voice was like music. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Kurt,” you replied. Everything with him felt like the first time. Looking at him, touching him, hugging him. Everything. Not a day went by when a thought occurred to you that someday, your love would grow old and you would both be tired. You never could be. Your love was new and fresh every day and you felt alive when you were with him. Kurt bent down and his lips met yours in a sweet, gentle kiss. And it felt like the first time.

————————————————

Imagine requested by @browncoatforever

Originally posted by protectbuckybarnesatallcosts

Spoken for- Pt 2 - CEO!Luke: I

Originally posted by lipringsandsnapbacks


A/n: wohoo finally part 2, ok this is hella long, like the longest thing I have ever written so I’m putting a read under sorry about that. and I’d like to say sorry before hand, I mean if it’s not exactly that goodd compared to the first one or if it’s not really that… you know. eh. enjoy anyways

word count: 7 005 

part one


“Are you ready?”

Your father walked into the small room, his eyes looking at your reflexion in the large mirror you stood in front of. You took one last look at yourself, taking in the expensive and fancy dress you were forced into and the extravagant updo your hair was fixed into. Your eyes shyed away from the mirror as you nodded a yes to your father, taking in a painfully deep breath in a futile attempt to swallow your nerves. Your father held his hand for you, making you wrap your arm around his as he walked you out and led you towards the collosal stairs.

All of the guests turned towards you, their eyes never leaving your figure as they watched you walk down the stairs hand in hand with your father. Some were looking at you with complete adoration, whilst some were eyeing you with hidden malice. Your father’s hand only detached from yours to hand you over to the man you couldn’t even bare to look at.

“Happy birthday sweetheart,” His whispering words made you grid your teeth, lifting your eyes to meet his amuzed ones. You knew he was taunting you, as he was sure you wouldn’t do anything in front of the guests.

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I wasn't gonna post this... But I feel something needs to be thought about

Okay lovelies! Lets talk, shall we? Lets have a little shared thought about something that has been driving me up the wall for the last few months. I’m ready to talk about it. I was going to ignore it. I was going to just move on and ignore it.. But I don’t feel I can anymore. And so I’m going to open my pie hole, and get me some things out. And it’s gonna piss some people off. And that’s fine. But I truly feel like this needs to be put out in the open.

So! Whether you ship it or not, lets talk about Septiplier below the tab here! I am sharing this with everyone willing to read because it needs to be said – or so I feel – and it’s a pretty interesting thing to talk/think about.

So! Click below! (And please keep the guys outta this shit, they’ve had enough of this drama for awhile now. Lets try to be grown ups here. Try?)

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a bimonthly fic rec list to celebrate the seriously staggering number of talented authors we have in this fandom. go read their stuff, love on them and send them cute anons via their tumblrs and don’t forget to leave kudos & comments on their fics for all their beautiful, wonderful work.

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anonymous asked:

why are you anti john green?

before i jump into all this, these are my opinions. don’t jump down my throat for them. thanks. also, i haven’t thought about john green in a while or read his books for at least a year, so sorry if i mix a few things up.

there’s a few things in this handy tag here, but tbh you could also go to the blog fishinboatsproceedsnerdfighterfighter, and ihatejohngreen and get a lot more reasons if you look hard enough bc even though there’s a lot of posts there that are just making fun of him, they have a lot of posts that genuinely give good reasons on why they don’t like him. you could also go through quaffels anti john green tag, here, as well. i also really liked this video, but that’s just for tfios. aaaand there’s also this, but this is more entertainment-pointed, but does include some legitimate points in regards to tfios. i’ll talk more extensively on why i am, personally, but since i’m sick, have hw, and rly have no patience rn, i do apologize if it’s not the most eloquent. as i said, i’m sick and hopped up on cold medicine tbh. not the best state of mind to rant in, but here i go, anyway, since you asked. (under the cut because it got rly long)

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Im Sorry - Part Twelve

A/N: Soo I don’t really like this, i wrote it within an hour or less while i was watching my dads baseball game, so its not edited or read through either(Like always) Please if you have any, send in ideas or suggestions :) Other than that, enjoy xx


P.S if you wanna be tagged in all my fics let me know, I had a list of people who asked to be tagged but i lost it, so please re let me know!!!

Characters: Dean, Sam, Reader, Crowley, Lisa

Warning: Language 

Word count: 1764






Black was all you could see, hate was all you could feel. The memories of being torn apart by hellhounds were still fresh in your memory but honestly you didn’t care. You felt like a new you, a better you. This, what you were… a demon, you sure the hell were liking it.

You still had no clue where you popped up, and how the hell you still had your own body even after being torn to shreds by hellhounds, but once again you did not give a single fuck. You were admiring yourself in the mirror, something the old you would have never done, this new wave of confidence you had was amazing, taking your hair out of the ponytail it was in and wiping it back and forth till it fell naturally in place “Damn, i’m hot” you laughed out. Turning around swaying your hips back and forth out the motels bathroom.

You flopped back down onto the bed, your mind wandering to Dean and Sam, trying to find the emotions, any old feeling you once had for either of the brothers but you didn’t find a single one, with a shrug you jumped up, leaving the hotel room, making your way to the front desk to find out where the hell you were. You flew the door open without even touching it, seductively working your way to the guy at the front desk “By chance, could you tell me where we are?”

He gave you a dumbfounded look “A motel” he scoffed

You adjusted all your weight to your right foot, crossing your arms over your chest “What state” you spoke gritting your teeth.

He placed the magazine he was reading on the desk, standing up “Look lady, i don’t have time for these games”

You took a step closer “Looks like you have lots of time..”  You paused taking a closer look at his name tag “Bill, now let’s not have this get messy, we wouldn’t want that now would we?”

“Are you threatening me?”

Twirling a strand of hair between your fingers “That depends if you prolong what i asked you any longer”

“Im calling the cops” He spat out, reaching towards the phone a smirk taking over you face, just what you wanted to test this demon juice out, using your fingers to motion towards the wall behind him you flung him over, gesturing towards the blinds, they closed and then the lock on the door, locking it shut.

“W-what are you” He stammered out

You took long slow paces towards him before getting close, placing your hand on his chest and slowly dragging it down slowly, standing on your tippy toes, leaning in towards closer till you were face to face, flashing your now gorgeous black eyes “You worst nightmare hunny” watching a looking of shock and fear take over his face before snapping his neck.

Spinning on your heel making your way towards the front desk, looking through stuff before finding a piece of paper with the location, starting to laugh when you realised you were in Kansas “There’s no place like home” you chuckled out before deciding who was going to be your next play toy, and only one name came to mind, Lisa.


Flashback

“Y/n!!!” Dean yelled, banging on the bunker’s door trying to get to budge, which was hard considering there was a vehicle and not just any vehicle but baby in front of it, Dean knew there was no way the door was going to open, there was too much pressure on it from baby being driven down the stairs of the front on a slant, but he still kept trying, praying for a miracle, something else he knew wasn’t going to happen.

“Dean, it’s not gonna open!” Sam yelled in frustration

Dean wiped around, throwing his hands up “Well, what the hell do you suppose we do? Just sit here playing with our thumbs, well y/n is out there about to get ripped to shreds by freaking hellhounds?!”

Sam hung his head after his brother’s outburst knowing he was right, they couldn’t just sit here while you were out there, they lost way too many people as it is. Sam jump out of his thoughts when he heard a loud bang, roaming the area trying to find where it came from, finally landing on the source, seeing Dean throwing and smashing chairs on the door. Pausing when they could start to hear your screams, Dean yelled out your name one last time before Sam yelled “The garage!”

Dean and Sam ran as fast as they could towards the garage, Sam could hear Dean cursing under his breath to why the hell he didn’t think of this before. Reaching the garage they ran to the overhead door, Dean hitting the button to open it repeatedly, until it finally did. It was barely open when Dean ducked under, followed by Sam. The both of them pulling their guns out of there hollisters, removing the safety than cocking them. Turning the last corner before reaching you, you were on the ground whimpering, Sam and Dean started to shot aimlessly around you, hearing a few cries from the hellhound, before hearing them retreat. Dean threw his gun on the ground, and slid on his knees towards you.

“Y/n…” Dean sobbed out, holding your bloody, torn apart, lifeless body in his arms “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault”

“Dean..” Sam softly spoke placing his hands on his brother’s shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Cas!!!!! You son of a bitch, Cas please!!!!” Dean screamed towards the sky “p-please..”

Hearing footsteps making it  their way towards them, Dean questioned “Cas?” before turning his head around, still holding you in his arms.

“Not quite, Hello boys”

“Crowley” Sam spat “What are you doing here!?”

Crowley circled around so he was now the opposite from Sam and Dean, on the other side of your body “I’ve come to take what is mine”

“This wasn’t part of your deal!” Sam yelled, Dean was too broken to speak.

“Well all’s fair in love and war, now if you don’t mind” Crowley spoke reaching down to collect your body.

“Back off” Dean seethed through his gritted teeth, taking Sam’s gun and raising it to the king of hell.

Crowley snickered “What are you gonna do shoot me?” He continued to reach down, taking your dead cold hand in his, when Dean pulled the trigger causing Crowley to let go “Bloody hell you shot me!” Crowley using his powers through both the brothers back against some tree’s “Always making me do things the hard way” he spoke under his breath. Taking your limp body in his arms “No hard feelings right boys?” not waiting for an answer Crowley poofed out. Leaving a sobbing Dean on his knees, and an angry Sam trying his best to comfort his older broken brother.





Taking a few days off to master your now found powers to the best of theirs and your ability before finding the number one person on your hit list, Lisa.

Finding where she lived wasn’t hard, it was still the same place it was last time when you were suppose to watch her only to get jumped by demons. Your combat boots made loud thuds walking up her front steps, straightening your clothes out before knocking three loud times. A minute or two passed by before that ever so familiar face was in front of yours “Lisa!” You exclaimed putting on your best nice girl act to try and seem like the old you, you pulled her into a hug but when she didn’t hug back you pulled back. She had an awkward smile on her face “Uh, do i know you?” She questioned, a little to bitchy for your liking.

“Its me, y/n? Dean’s friend?”

You seen her face twist trying to think of whatever the hell you were talking about, “Im sorry, i don’t know who you or Dean is..” She spoke giving you a sad smile

“Of course he would have your memory erased” You chuckled, letting your eyes flash black for a moment. Shock and confusion took over her face before she gave you a fake polite smile “Well, I hope you find who your looking for, goodbye!”

You stuck your foot in the door, letting your eyes stay black “Not so fast, Lisa” you seethed, letting yourself in her house. She was slowly backing up, reaching for her phone “Nuh huh uhhh” You laughed, throwing her against the wall

“What are you!” She cried out

You shrugged your shoulders “A demon, you know you are the reason im like this”

“I dont even know you!” She screamed

Taking a step towards her “Well maybe we should fix that” You spoke, placing your hand on her head, refreshing her memories. Once you pulled back you could see her pupils dilate.

Sorrow and guilt took over her face “Y/n…”

“Thats my name dont wear it out” You laughed

“What happen to you…?”

“Well you see, Dean was in love with you and i loved Dean, but Dean hated me so i knew i had to do something, so i made a deal, brought your stupid little ass back, had a week to be human, tie lose ends, before becoming the king of hell’s new bitch, and well here we are”

“Dean wouldn’t want this y/n, this isnt you!”

“Oh hunny, this is me, just new and improved” Laughing you looked at the pictures on the desk in the hallway, before throwing them everywhere picking up one of the pieces of shattered glass, taking it to the side of Lisa’s cheek sliding it down as you spoke “Now, your gonna do everything i say or im gonna slit your little throat but not before i snap your sons in front of your eyes, okay?”

She nodded, tears forming in her eyes, you reached down grabbing her home phone, telling her what you wanted her to say, than handing it to her to dial his number “Put it on speaker” she did as she was told, it rang three times before he answered “Lisa…?”

“Dean…” She cried out

“How, you weren’t suppose to? Whats going on?” He stuttered out

“Is Sam there?” Lisa steadied her voice

“Yeah” He softly spoke

“Get him and put me on speaker”

You could hear shuffling and two voices quietly conversing before Deans came in loud and clear “Okay, done. Now whats wrong Lisa?”

You smirked ripping the phone out of her hands “Hello boys”


There are a couple of things about Cullen I rarely see mentioned that I’ve been thinking about, so I’m going to mention them here.

1. At Adamant, when he looks up and sees the Shade on the wall.

Think for a second how horrifying that must be for him. 

This is someone who survived abuse and torture at the hands of blood mages and demons. Someone who witnessed his friends he tortured and taken one-by-one into the Harrowing chamber to become abominations. For him, I imagine seeing the demons there, alive and moving and free must be like a nightmare come to life. He’s seeing it all again, replaying everything from Kinloch Hold and it’s real. It’s happening and he’s sending not only the Inquisitor into the fray but the soldiers too. 

And Cullen cares about the welfare of the soldiers. He’s probably terrified for them as much as he is for the Inquisitor. Because what if the Inquisitor dies? There’s no way to seal the Rifts if they die. [And I’m thinking of this in a friend/potential LI point of view because I never romance Cullen until after Adamant, which I do before Halamshiral].

There’s a little blink and you’ll miss it moment between him looking up at the fortress walls, at the Shade, and talking to the Inquisitor. It’s such a subtle thing but he gulps. I’m pretty sure he gulps. And I think that’s him swallowing his fear, or at least trying to. He has to focus. He can’t loose his head in such a dangerous situation. Too many people rely on him and are relying on him. If he fucks up, he will never be able to forgive himself.

I think the whole siege of Adamant can be compared to facing his fears. Like, I don’t think he will ever be over what happened to him at Kinloch Hold. It changed him, and has scarred him for life. Even if he’s happy and contented, it will always linger at the back of his mind. But believe that him being able to successfully orchestrate the siege KNOWING he will be facing blood mages and demons is actually a testament to how far he’s come and how much stronger he is.

2. Approaching Cassandra about his ability to lead.

HO. LEE. FUCK. This matters to me so much.

Cullen was offered the position by Cassandra, and he clearly respects her and her position. He is probably grateful to her too, for offering him the position of Commander and giving him an option, a direction in his life when he was floundering.

He wants to prove her faith was well founded, that she hasn’t made a mistake.
So imagine how fucking awful he must feel going to her with the lyrium withdrawal and telling her that she needs to replace him. He must feel like the smallest person on the planet. Not only must he feel he is letting himself down, but he’s letting Cassandra down - the woman who gave him this chance. He’s letting down Leliana, Josephine, the Inquisitor and the soldiers in his command. The ones who turn to him for guidance and orders who look up to him.

It takes so much internal strength to swallow one’s pride and go: “fuck. I am fucked up/I fucked up/I need help”. But he’s not just going and asking for help. He doesn’t go to Cassandra and say: “look the withdrawal is getting bad, I need help dealing with it.”
No.

Cullen SKIPS OVER THE ASKING FOR HELP PART. He is so sure the withdrawal will destroy him, he straight away asks Cassandra to find a replacement for him. 

That must tear him up inside. I don’t think it something he would have considered lightly either. I imagine he would have done his utmost to hide the symptoms for weeks, MONTHS even trying to distract himself until they became too bad that he had to do something. Because his ability to lead, his ability to think, was compromised.

And when she says “no”. When she says “you give yourself too little credit” he doesn’t want to believe her. It’s not that he shirking his responsibility, its a lack of faith in himself. He is so concerned that the withdrawal will make him a poor leader, will impinge on his clarity, on his ability to make sound choices and decisions, he cannot even fathom the idea that he is doing well and that he can get through it.

I’m having some serious Cullen feels atm. And given all the hate and “Cullen is an abuser” bullshit that’s been going down in his tag lately, I wanted to try and (poorly) articulate them.