(idk but i fee like this speaks for a lot of us rn)

anonymous asked:

fee i need autistic reyna pls ud be good at this

i just had a fucking RAGER of a shutdown like the worst one ever and i’m trying to pull myself out of it so really what better of a time than this

  • she uses the exact same communication methods when she’s commanding a crowd as she does in every day conversation. it’s a little offputting and perplexing to everyone else, and she struggles very hard to communicate one on one.
  • she always thought she’d be a terrible leader because she really just doesn’t seem to be very good at talking to people and making people like her, but she’s stunned to find that 1. giving uninterrupted speeches where she gets very passionate about her topic go over quite well in front of a crowd 2. being very Intense and Focused when making a point in front of an audience is perceived as a sign of strength and wisdom, rather than aggressive or a turn off like it is when making small talk
  • her movements seem kind of mechanical or stuttered to most people. the only time her body seems to work the way she needs it to is when she’s fighting.
  • her lending her strength out to other people is genuinely the most selfless and compassionate act she’s capable of making, because it depletes nearly all of her spoons and makes her enormously vulnerable until she has time to recharge
  • she has such a difficult time with sarcasm. she ends up being grateful for her reputation as a super intense and slightly terrifying leader because this is the facade she uses to disguise that she literally cannot understand other people’s senses of humor sometimes.
  • she’s actually a super sweet and sensitive person but she often panics and feels so uncomfortable when other people start making jokes or using heavy sarcasm or excessively dry humor that she doesn’t understand, so she’ll leave the room.
  • it’s really sad and makes her feel sort of helpless because she can’t quite make friends and everyone seems to think she hates them, but she doesn’t realize that she has a resting bitch face and she just really truly genuinely forgets to say basic greetings sometimes.
  • she h h h h aa a a t e s showering, the water pellets feel like they’re attacking her and bar soap is hopelessly dry and starchy feeling and scented shampoos or shower gels feel nice but are so strongly scented that it sends her into sensory hell
  • she is absolutely floating on cloud nine when she discovers the roman baths.
  • sometimes she’ll be doing okay and everything will be cool but she just. needs a second. so she’ll quick find a door to lock herself behind and FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP….”phew.” and then go resume whatever she was doing.
  • she has a playlist of instrumental music (her faves are strings) and after a hard day of praetor work, she’ll put her headphones in and slowly rock back and forth to unwind. that’s like her favorite activity to do she could sit like that for hours.
  • she doesn’t really have meltdowns or shutdowns in the traditional sense but she DOES dissociate when she gets like really agitated. it’s a fairly new symptom (or it used to happen rather a bit when she was younger but she seems to have blocked it out, because it stopped when she arrived at camp jupiter and only starts up again once the war is over.) it’s more connected to her emotional state than anything else.
  • she looks very outwardly chill when she’s dissociating and it tends to be the “my body is moving on autopilot but i actually have literally no control of what i’m doing rn and i feel like i’m watching myself from outside my body” kind. if it gets REALLY bad though (like as in she’s very very agitated and emotionally distressed) it’s the “who’s fucking hand is this” kind
  • her dogs act like therapy dogs, really. she’s such a lucky bastard to have them i swear
  • she can usually sense when she’s going nonverbal before it actually happens (Luck y BASTARD) so she’ll start communicating in grunts and one word answers on purpose to like, charge up, or store energy or whatever.
  • she’s really good at keeping several spoons on reserve for important moments. she unfortunately had a lot of time to practice this with a childhood as rough and awful as her’s was.
  • if she says “i don’t want to talk about this” she really fucking means i literally do not—cannot talk about this right now and if you do not drop it i am literally going to fucking lose it. she usually leaves the room before it gets that bad.
  • cc’s spa is such a nice place for her because she can just braid people’s hair for hours and hours and she doesn’t have to talk to them or look at them she can just like use their hair and it feels so stimmy and nice
  • she is a hu m m e r she does a steady monotone hum when she’s happy or content or relaxed. circe’s customers used to gossip about it and she got really embarrassed so she made herself stop, and she doesn’t pick up the habit again until she’s at camp jupiter.
  • jason always thought it was really cute and he wisely never commented on it because he had a feeling it would make her self conscious (he was right). he always felt strangely honored that she felt comfortable enough that she would do it in front of him (even if he didn’t understand that it was a stim, he clearly knew it was something she did when she was happy and relaxed and only when she was alone or alone with him).
  • she was selectively mute (partially nonverbal??? idk what the terminology is for this is actually but It’s A Thing) as a child and so that was how she got diagnosed, because her teachers were always like “um HELLO sir your daughter doesn’t speak to us?? literally ever???” and her dad was like a total deadbeat, so he probably just punished her for it or called her stupid or whatever, but hylla exhausted all her resources researching it and was the best most supportive big sister any autistic kid could ask for.
  • eye contact is super bad in one on one or small scale situations but once again she looks a lot more comfortable in a crowd because she can just stare at everyone’s forehead or scan faces without really seeing
  • she’s super hyperempathetic towards animals!!!! (don’t fucking make me think about scipio!!!!!!! there was no fucking reason he needed to die!!!!!!!!!!!)
  • also animals really like her. this is a helpful skill when meeting lupa, understandably. she’s very good at wolf language, considering she doesn’t use words as her like most primary kind of communication (and sometimes feels like verbal speech is impossible)