(i):-films

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for verabrittain on her name day.

We started alone, dear child, and here we are alone again; you find me changed. I expect, more than I find you; that is perhaps the way of life. But we share a memory which is worth all the rest of the world, and the sun of that memory never sets. And you know that I love you, that I would do anything in the world in my power if you should ask it, and that I am your servant as well as your brother. Edward.” 

Once, in the 5th grade, I remember telling my mom that I felt sad when the other kids in the class had birthdays because sometimes their parents would send them balloons and there would be treats.

I obviously wasn’t allowed to have any treats or participate in any festivities (at the beginning of the year JW kids have to bring in a pamphlet to give to their teachers explaining the faith and why we can’t do normal things.)

Anyway, a week or so later- an office lady walks into the classroom with balloons and a beanie-baby (my favorite), walks over to my desk and sets them down. Signed “Love Mom, Just Because”

I’m not sure why, but remembering this has resulted in me being in complete tears. 

There are so many people, just like me, having to sort through this, mourning the loss of their families, their childhoods… I just want people to understand how damaging the cult is. And yes- it IS a cult. 

Family, if you read this (i’m positive you do) I just miss you. I just want everything to be normal. This is not unconditional love. 


Photo: Self Portrait, the last time I went home, 2014

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like fuck spike jonze and every other great director who has ever directed a product ad this visually exhilarating and intoxicating just so we can be sold some random commodity at the end, but also like thank you spike jonze for existing and creating All This Amazingness!!!